The CIA are aliens! It's (alledgedly) true that the CIA are responsible for the evolution of man some 12 thousand years previously. Director General Lance Bull Henrikson had only this to comment: "That's ridiculous! I mean, we did the dinosaurs first!"
The state of Tennessee, USA, officially ceased to exist on March 4, 1953. In a legal loophole brought about by new legislation from the justice department, Governor William T. Hickson completely failed to notice a typing error which claimed the state would be dissolved by the aforementioned date. Successive governors have blatantly overlooked the mistake and it was played down in the local press, who were threatened with closure should the story break.
The matter is only now coming to light, much to the shock and amazement of the rest of the world. Tennessee inhabitants are maintaining a stiff upper lip, however. "I guess you just have to get on with things, as best you can," one woman remarked. "Yeah," agreed a man. "These things happen. So what if we've been officially declared non-existant? You muddle on as best you can."
The Internet is in fact propaganda formulated by the CIS and the USA. In a recent
unofficial survey, 96% of Internet sites and users admitted to existing only on one of three giant
supercomputers at hidden locations in the world, on which all the internet sites and email addresses you
could hope to find reside on false home PCs and servers. After all, no one can actually claim to have
met any or all of the makers of the sites they visit, therefore conceding quite obviously the highly likely
possibilty that the internet is just one great plot to trick and exploit the average citizen of an enemy power.
The remaining 4% of the internet which does not actually exist on the computer hard disk of a major
power are statistical flukes who stumbled on the whole thing by chance, and as such can't possibly
exist. If you are reading this page from anywhere other than one of the three hidden supercomputers then
you yourself must be part of this 4% and consequently don't exist. Do not be unduly concerned by this.
Many people have been proven not to have existed (the whole state of Tennessee, for instance), but have
bravely decided not let it rule their lives.
It has recently been discovered that the cult film Star Wars (© George Lucas and Lucasfilm 1996 - no attempt to plagiarize their work intended) is a strange link in the ongoing search for the origins of humanity. As the prologue of the film details, Star Wars is set "A Long Time Ago...". This has lead top scientists and novelty journalists to ask - did we come before the dinosaurs? Well, a theory put forward by Professor Howard Howardson of the Professional Institute for the Existence of Life, the Universe and Everything (Bradford branch) outlines occurences we had not made the connection with before.
(From Howardson's theorum) "The pattern of man's evolution over the past sixty billion years has been spasmodic. If we go back to the time of the Star Wars Universe, which existed many years before our current civilisation, we see that they were much more complex and advanced beings than we are now. This leads me to believe that the evolution of man follows a pattern - Advanced, Primitive, Advanced, Primitive and so on, again and again. If these points were plotted on a graph we see the pattern as a rising and falling line. This means that in a few hundred years man will reach the pinnacle of evolution (with technology at a Star Wars standard), and then start to travel downwards. However, what is most amazing about the graph and pattern we have created is that it resembles some kind of complex wavelength pattern akin to that of normal radiowaves and sound waves that bounce around our airspace continuously throughout the day. It is therefore my belief that the whole universe (and, coincidentally, the evolution of man) is actually a raidowave carrying messages to aliens on other planets in an entirely different plane of reality."Professor Howardson's exhaustive theory has been written up into a 2,000 page essay, and after an in depth analysis by staff here at CONSPIRACY.NET, was found to be amazingly insightful and accurate. However, whether Howardson has in fact solved the mystery of creation remains to be seen - if our universe is a radiowave in another dimension, what is it playing? CONSPIRACY.NET will strive to bring you these answers just as soon we know what we're talking about.