The Hugh Jampton Experience
The special column for people that just don't care any more...
Yes, despite your best efforts (and mine - ED) I am still here with more merriment and japes a plenty to help pass the time. Plus of course my usual collection of urine extraction technology which will be aimed squarely at the RISC OS world. Well when I say world, perhaps country would be better? If not how about Town? Village? Hamlet? No, even that's too big. Perhaps outside privy might fit the bill.
There is actually a serious point in that previous paragraph. It's estimated that there are some 2 billion (2,000,000,000) PCs (personal computers) in the world. Of these 90%+ run RISC OS, sorry that was a typo, 90%+ run Windows, around 5% run Mac OS X, leaving another 5% (or a bit less) to cover everything else (Linux, AmigaOS, RISC OS etc). If we assume there are some 10,000 RISC OS users then that means that only one computer in 200,000 is a RISC OS machine. Or to put it in percentage terms it's 0.0005%.
That might not sound too bad, but what exactly are the odds of 200,000 to 1? Perhaps being hit and killed by lightning? No that's a mere 1 in 83,900. OK then, how about being killed in an earthquake? That's a mere 131,890 to 1. So what exactly does a figure of 200,000 to one come nearest to. Well according to a number of sources, including the US office of national statistics, 200,000 to 1 is exactly the chance of being struck and killed by a meteorite.
Of course if there are less that 10,0000 RISC OS Users then statistically you are more likely to get walloped on the head by a chunk of space rock than bump into one on the hightstreet. Makes you think doesn't it? Mind you, what's the chance of a RISC OS user being killed by a meteorite? And if one was would any of their relatives want their RiscPC?
The caption competition
Now it's time for our extremely (un - ED) popular caption competition. I'm quite sure you recall the following photo, but what did our dear readers think was the most appropriate caption?
Well where there should be a pile of captions, there is an empty space. So I've asked the Foundation RISCWorld staff writers to come up with some (sad isn't it).
Paul Brett
Dave Holden
Aaron Timbrell
So we've decided to keep the prize for ourselves instead of rolling it over. I'm not sure what I'm going to use my £1.50 share of the £10 prize for yet, perhaps readers would like to offer some suggestions (I've got one... - ED).
Anyway, despite the complete apathy we are going to have one final try with the caption competition. So for a chance of a valuable £10 APDL voucher, what do you make of this?
Send me your entries by the 14th of November and don't forget to read the following naughty small print...
The Small Print: The Foundation RISCWorld caption competition is open to all Foundation RISCWorld subscribers. The prize for each issue is a £10 software voucher. This voucher be used to purchase any product, from the APDL, ProAction or iSV Products software ranges, up to a value of £10. or can be used as part payment towards an item of greater worth cost. Decisions are made at the discretion of the Foundation RISCWorld editorial staff and are final. If the voucher is not won then it can roll over to the next issue entirely at the discretion of APDL.
Hugh's Customer Service Award
There's been no suggestions for the Customer Service Award for this issue. Perhaps that's because there aren't any RISC OS companies with customers any more? Is anyone still buying anything? Anyway why not e-mail me at Hugh's Customer Service Award if you've had a particularly bad (or good) experience. I'm happy to name and shame bad practice, but just as happy to acknowledge companies that get things right!
So with that bit over with lets get to the closing bit, the silly photos...
Hugh's photo corner
Leopard swallows woman, police baffled...
Company launched new internet keyboard...
What can I say?...
An entry for "great error messages of all time"...
The latest extreme sport...hopscotch...
New keyboard for RISC OS users...
And finally Chris Newman supplied this great new light switch design...
All complaints about the Hugh Jampton column should be sent to Hugh Jampton's Complaint Service...