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Team Rocket Frequently Asked Questions

By Team Rocket and Slimu

1. You guys are always talking about how evil you are, but lots of times it seems like you don't act very evil. What's up?

   Jessie: How dare you! We're just as evil as we say! And anyone who says differently will get KNOCKED IN THE HEAD with this paper fan!!

   James: That's right! And believe me, it hurts! *whimper*

2. You're always trying to catch Pikachu. Why don't you just forget about it and move on? I'm sure there are lots of other PokΘmon you could catch that would be stronger than Pikachu.

   Meowth: That may be true, but maybe you should think about this old saying for a while: Do not meddle in the affairs of bandits; for they are subtle and quick to anger!

   Besides, Pikachu's really CUTE.

   Not as cute as Meowth!

3. Why are you guys bandits, anyway?

   *sigh* You see, several years ago, Jessie and I tested at the PokΘmon Tech school. We studied all night but still ended up with the lowest score in the school's history! We later found out that it was because our teacher had given us THE WRONG REVIEW SHEET--and as a result, we studied up on meteorology instead of PokΘmon! Of course we noticed that the study sheet had more information on the Stratosphere than it did on Starmie, but we asked the teacher about it, and he told us it was the right one. Naturally we failed the test and were drummed out of the academy. Jessie, who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder anyway, fell into a deep depression. The doctor suggested PokΘmon thieving as a possible cure, and here we are.

   You won't find that on any so-called OFFICIAL page because they're trying to withhold the truth from you just like any good media source... but.... that's it. And we should know. MEOWTH!

4. Uh-huh. And where exactly does Meowth fit into that little story?

   Meowth was the Top Cat at the Boss's establishment! You see, when we decided to become PokΘmon thieves, we HAD to find an existing company since we were beginners. The Boss was there, and he and Meowth helped us form Team Rocket.

5. Why does Jessie's shirt have a slit up the middle?

   Because one day Jessie and James were making paper chains, and Jessie got a little overzealous with the scissors. Then she thought it looked cool and left it that way...

6. www.pokemon.com says Jessie and James are 12 years old. Is that true?

   Those poor little www.pokemon.com people. I suppose they're nice enough, but they have their years a little mixed up.

   Let me put it this way-- we're old enough to drink and drive! Wait... no... that's not right. We're old enough to drive and drink. No... wait... Ah HA! We're both old enough so that one of us could drive while the other drinks.

   Slimu: Quit lying! You and Jessie both know that you're both 17!

   This is OUR FAQ! Not yours!

   Out of our way, slime! ::Hits Slimu with a paper fan::

   Looks like Slimu's blasting off again!

   THAT'S OUR LINE!!!

7. Lots of people spell it "Jesse" instead of "Jessie." What say ye?

   Jessie is short for Jessica. Besides, Jessie is a boy's name. It's an I-E and don't you forgot it!

8. How did you guys learn to speak in rhyme?

   We used to watch Pee-Wee's Playhouse a lot.

9. Umm... so, are James and Jessie siblings?

   No... why?

10. Because you have the same face.... and stuff...

    Untrue! First of all, let me point out that my eyes do not go into my hair. Secondly, let me point out that I am much more beautiful than James. Thirdly, let me point out that James' mouth is much WIDER than my own.

    Just because Jessie and I are the ONLY people with faces that don't look exactly like the faces of everyone else in the PokΘmon world, you think we look alike! WELL!

    Nah, they're not related. Two DIFFERENT families ended up with the shallow end of the gene pool. Sad, ain't it?

11. Hey, baby, what's your sign?

    "No Loitering."

12. What would happen if I put this thing in the toaster?

    Why don't you find out?

13. How does Jessie get her hair to stay like that?

    You know that type of hair spray that lets hair keep its style but still move freely? Well, Jessie doesn't use that kind.

    We think she uses starch.

    WHY YOU! *ththwap*

    *ulk* See... what'd I tell you about the paper fan...uhhh...

14. Who wrote the motto?

    We collaborated. Jessie and I alternated writing lines, and we were a little stuck on the third line-- we were thinking about "To always stare at a wandering dove," but it just didn't seem right. Then Meowth..

    ...suggested putting in the "To denounce the evils of truth and love" bit because it pefectly captures our essence of pure evil!!

15. ARE you guys going to get a theme song?

    We are, and we already finished writing and singing the Japanese version! Whether the American producers are going to let us sing the English version on the American cartoon remains to be seen. Most people have NO idea how tiring it is to do everything TWICE-- once in Japanese and once in English. Monolingual people have it too easy.

16. Are your names the same in Japan?

    Our names are the same ANYWHERE, weirdo! But in Japan I like to go by Musashi.

    And I'm kind of fond of calling myself Kojiro...

    Meowth goes by Nyasu! But no matter what my name is, I'M STILL THE TOP CAT!

    We know, Meowth, we know!!

    Wait a second! Isn't Persian the Top Cat?

    DON'T MENTION THAT NAME! *skritch*

    OW!! Forget paper fans, CLAWS are it....

    Ha!  *thwap*

    ULPH!! This just isn't my day.

17. Why does James always carry that rose?

    Because I'm a romantic at heart. *sigh*

18. Who designs your clothing?

    A guy named Joe who lives in Pittsburgh.

19. No, seriously. I want that outfit! They're so COOOOL!

    Ooh...well, if you promise not to impersonate us during Halloween, we'll be glad to tell you ::smiles:: ACTUALLY, I designed THESE particular outfits. You know, those ordinary black Rocket outfits are so drab.

20. Why can Meowth talk?

    The question is, why won't he shut up?

21. No, really, I'm serious.

    Meowth is a very smart cat. He's the only trilingual PokΘmon in the WORLD! He can understand what other PokΘmon are saying (even though it just sounds like their name to US), and he can speak English and Japanese!

22. Eh heh... I KNOW that. I want to know WHY he can do that.

    Maybe we just didn't feel like telling you that. What, you think that just because you ask us something means we're going to answer you? EGOMANIAC!

    Slimu: Actually Meowth was trying to impress a female Meowth! *Ooh!!!*

    WHO ASKED YOU TO BUTT IN?!? *skritch!*

    *Ulp!* Now I know how James feels...