INTERVIEW WITH GOD

                       An interview with God ..

                      (By Brainz of Armalyte Inc.)

When I was walking in nature, and smelled the great smell of flowers 
and shit, I thought "I should contact the guy who made all this!". So 
I did ... A realtime story ...



Brainz: "Hello, with Brainz, I would ..."



Answeringmachine: "Hello, dear fellow beings! I'm not a home at the 
moment, probably creating some waterproof wings for my angels, or 
looking at one of my female creations. You can leave a message with 
your telephone number after the lame choir, saying "Gooohoood!". 
Thank you ... (little pause) ... Gooohoood! Oh yeah oh yeaheh, 
Gooohoood!"



B: "Well, er, I'm  Brainz, and I would like to have ..."



???: "Hello!? Hello? Who's there!? Hello?"



B: "I ..."



And the connection was terminated. I was kind of shocked by it all, 
but I intended to call back later, when He has come to his senses ...



Later:



I called again:



B.: "He ..."



Petrus: "Yeah, yeah, quit the crap! What's up? Got some dead 
relatives up here? Say it, boy."



B.: "Ah, finally response. I am Brainz, and I would like to have an 
interview with the master of all shit here, God himself. Or Jezus, 
doesn't matter much, does it? Only God was smart, he got his son down 
there to be pinned to a cross."



P.: "Well, he is away, probably to hell."



B.: "What does he do in hell?"



P.: "Playing poker with the devil and some other suckers."



B.: "Can't he play poker upthere, with you?"



P.: "No, coz we always see it when he cheats. He cheats nice, though. 
He just wishes for new cards."



B.: "Oh, didn't know that."



P.: "Well now you know."



(long silence)



B.: "But, eh, when is he coming back? This phonecall costs me a 
fortune, you know!"



P.: "Yeah, I'll call him."



B.: "IN HELL?!"



P.: "No, you fool! He has a beeper! You know, the thing you carry 
with you and which creates awful noises."



B.: "Ah, that kind of thing ... Well, okay, I'll call you back in 
about one hour, does that suit fine?"



P.: "Well, erm, look, eh .."



B.: "Come to the point, or I will throw you down when I arrive at the 
heavenly port."



P.: "How!? I am 1.60 tall!!!"



B.: "Eh, well, so what? I'm much taller ..."



P.: "Oh ... Shit ... Anyway, I was the tallest 1.4 million years 
ago!"



B.: "Yeah, yeah, cool down, when can I phone back?"



P.: "You can't. But you can go to a dying fellow, and tell him that 
he should tell me about you, I'll give you a ring, then."



B.: "Okay, that's no prob. See you in about 80 years!"



P.: "Fine with me, bye!"



beep-Gooohoood-beep-Gooohoood-beep-oh yeah!-beep ...



A couple of hours later, I thought it was time to call back Petrus, 
on the described manner. I didn't like the prospect of looking on the 
wattery streets (it rained; fucking God) for a fellow to die, so I 
decided to take the right in my own hands: I parked a car behind a 
old lady, got out of it, and got it off the manual brake ... Just 
before the women sighed her last sigh, I managed to get my message 
through.



Half an hour later Petrus calls:



P.: "Hi! Just received your message, and God is ready. He can be 
interviewed whenever you like!"



B.: "In that case, tell him to zap over here!"



ZAP!



In a large cloud of smoke I saw a large figure walking over to me, in 
the meanwhile coughing my lungs out.



B.: "Gouchuchuchuchuchuch ..."



?.: "Coughcoughcoughcoughcough!"



B.: "Gouchd I presume?"



?.: "No, Livingstone, dickhead! Ofcourse I am God! Ever saw anybody 
else that could create such a mess? Look at the Earth! Also my 
creation .."



B.: "Well <cough>, okay, get rid of all that smoke, then! You should 
be able to do so when you're God!"



G.: "Wait ..."



With a loud !PAZ the smoke disappeared.



B.: "Good, much better. Now to the first question: Why did you choose 
to become 'God'? And who was the first ever to come up with the 
concept of being a God?"



G.: "Well, you see, you don't get chosen, you know? It just happens. I 
remember myself playing with my toes, when suddenly daddy disappeared. I 
pressed my large left toe and he appeared again. That's how I found out I 
wasn't like the other boys in my neighbourhood. From there on it all went 
very fast. I could do more, and more, and more, and finally I created a 
Solar System. Since I created it, I was the local God. It never was sure 
who did it at first. Some say it was Achmed I, I personally say that it 
was Achmed 1 1/2 (it was the lunatic son of Achmed I)."



B.: "Does God mean anything special? I mean, the word?"



G.: "No."



A plane crashed 4 streets ahead.



B.: "How is it like, being supernatural?"



The firemen who tried to get control over the burning airplane, got 
another crashing plane on their heads.



G.: "Noisy neighbourhood ... But your question ... Ah well, I guess it's 
just fun. Compare it with having an Amiga."



Some guys that tried to help the firemen, sufficated.



B.: "I beg your pardon?"



G.: "Compare it with having an ST."



B.: "Ah."



A house that was very badly constructed, couldn't handle the stress of two 
airplanes crashing in to it, and it molested the house next to it, 
effectivly destroying coffeeshop "In a nutshell".



G.: "But anyway, let's get on."



B.: "Yeah. Some people sa ... (Some terrible noise, as Rambo came on the 
scene. He shot some people, looked around, said sorry and left.) ... you 
don't exist."



G.: "Yeah, I know, they are already on my blacklist. You're number 34."



B.: "Nice to know. How are you going to kill me?"



G.: "Dunno. By the way, thanks to the Rambo guy you're number 30 now."



B.: "Ah."



G.: "Or was it 29?"



B.: "Forget it. Next question: how do you come in heaven?"



G.: "That's simple. Follow the instructions on the card."



The cops were stunned for a few moment, but with a loudly screaming sirene 
they went after the Rambo guy.



B.: "What card?"



A plane crashed on top of the cops.



G.: "How do you mean: 'What card?'. I gave everyone one this earth one 3.4 
million years ago!"



B.: "And you suspect us, humans, to still have such a card?!"



A big tragedy. A plane nearly crashed a few minutes ago, but the pilot 
managed to lift off for some hundreds of meters. Then, 30 meters further 
it crashed into a large building, and the top of the building just crashed 
on the cops.



G.: "No, but that's why I did it. It should remain a secret."



B.: "Nice trick."



G.: "Yeah, thought so too. Wanna play a game of poker?"



B.: "No, thanks. I think I'll ..."



G.: "You're number 13 now."



B.: "quit this interview. Too much interf .."



A deltaflyer crashed as a result of an overload. Some of the passengers 
jumped out of their crashing airplanes in midair, and clamped on to the 
first thing they touched (the deltaflyer).



G.: "8. Please continue."



B.: "erence."



G.: "Great, I also should leave by now. It was nice meeting you. Bye!"



B.: "Okay, see ya!"



ZAP!

And God was gone. I walked around my house, shivering from the experience. 
I noticed my goldfishbowl to be empty. Then I looked good ... Maybe God 
left a message? I indeed found something. A note. It said: "So long, and 
thanks for all the fish."



                        Brainzzzzzzzzzzzzz.