And Cuba's will be called a C....well, it hasn't actually been decided on a currency name for this country yet.
Scientist's in America have recently crossed a hedgehog with a rhinoceros, and since doing this there have been more wrecked cars on the road.
Also, Scientist's in a Welsh laboratory have recently been feeding their sheep on a new food diet which is a made up of very small amounts of rubber and metal dust, the Scientist's were all astounded 4 months later when then first lambs were born, not only had their hind legs grown pouched similar in looks to Wellington Boots, but their coats also had a metal seam down the back of them, so now after further experiments, the new sheep have built-in Wellington boots which has made a lot of Welsh farmers jump for joy, and with the sheep's coats having metal seams in the back which have now been turned into zips, anyone can strip a sheep off in a few minutes.
A mister Ernest Bugworthy of Middlesbrough went down in the Guinness Book of Records last week for mountaineering. He is now the only single-handed person in Britain to climb the north- face of his 47-stone wife Edith in just one effort. Neither Mr or Mrs Bugworthy was harmed by the ordeal, however, half-way up and 10 minutes into the climb Ernest had to have a good snort of oxygen due to his wife farting, but other than that the climb went without a hitch.
Last Monday at about 9.15pm two burglars broke into the home of ex all- England Karate grandmother Doris. A. Highkick and who now owns her own horse riding school. None of the neighbours new exactly what happened next, but the two burglars are said to be in on the mend and are both in a "Stable" condition.
3 days ago, whilst alone at his home in Ballygobackwards 13 year old Shaun Firebottom swallowed a bottle of turps, a box of matches and then topped that off with a grade 5 Vindaloo curry. Police have since warned local residents not to stand to close behind him.
6 months ago in Sheepstown in Australia an Irish chicken farmer by the name of Dungy 'O' Hare had a large amount of cardboard boxes to try to get rid of. Due to the dry climate he dare not burn then in case he started a mega-bush fire, so he ripped the boxes up, fed them through a machine in order to turn then into a fine dust which he mixed with the chuck food.
3 months later his average sale of eggs were almost quadrupled due to the chickens now laying eggs which were already boxed.
And finally, last Tuesday, Danny O'keath who is supposedly hoping to be the very first Irish wind-surfing champion took a severe step-backwards in his so- called "Strict Training" regime, when after booking up with a cowboy outfit of a holiday booking office of which he was offered a 3 week sun and sand holiday with a promise of person-free beach's actually turned out to be a 3 week hell-holiday in the Sahara desert. On asking Danny why he had cut short his holiday Danny supposedly had said that it was due to all the sand, but he sure wasn't going to wait no bloody longer for the tide and waves to come in.
And that is the news from THE CRYPT Newsnight desk, until tomorrow morning I bid you a good afternoon.
