Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "Well, shoot, I want to hang out with God!"
So St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of the woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
And finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went over to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
Secretary: "Pastor, we've got a problem in the computer lab where you met with the confirmation class last week. Some of the boys in the class started messing with the mouse."
Pastor: "What?!?" (thinking: we've got mice in there!?)
Secretary: "Yeah, it seems some of the boys removed their balls."
Pastor (incredulously...): "Th..th...they did what??? How in the world did they do that???"
Secretary: "They must have used a screwdriver or something."
Pastor: "We've got some pretty sick boys... I... I... didn't even realize mice had balls...!"
Secretary: "Yeah, they roll around on 'em all the time!"
Pastor: "What???" (still thinking of the little furry real animals) "Well, what can *we* do?"
Secretary: "I guess we'll have to put 'em back on..."
Pastor: "WHAT?!?"
Secretary: "Hmmm....Pastor, are we talking about the same thing?!"
A guy was walking along the beach one day and came across a lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it, and a genie popped out.
The genie told him he would grant him three wishes. "First," the guy began, "I'd like a million dollars."
"Second," he continued, "I'd like a new Mercedes."
"Third," the guy smirked, "I'd like to be irresistible to women."