AMIGA MISTAKES The following is a humourous look at some of the Commodore mistakes or improvements that we think they should have made. It is in no way intended to offend Commodore or discredit there products. Commodore products are among the best in the world (Ha Ha Ha Ha!), ok now for some fun... [A note from Effead, this file is not intended to slag off at the Amiga, after all Atari has done some hum dingers itself - mouse/joystick port for one. But it does give you an opportunity to prepare your self for the next "My computer is better than your compuer" type arguments that seem to abound in the computer scene.] [THE DRIVE LIGHTS On the Amiga 500 the drive access light is green, on the 1020 drive they are both red. Why does the 1010 only have one red light. What happened to the green light on the 1020. What happened to the Green light on the 1010, it only has one red light. Maybe there was a sale on red lights, and there was a shortage of green lights? DF0: DH0: Why is the drive called DF1, it's a FLOPPY DRIVE, not a DRIVE FLOPPY, maybe they did it because D and F are beside each other on the keyboard. If that's the reason then why is a Hard Drive DH, its a HARD DRIVE, not a DRIVE HARD. I only DRIVE HARD in my CAR!. [INSERT WORKBENCH SCREEN Why is the picture of the hand inserting the workbench straight up when on the 500 you insert it from the side. On the Amiga 1000, its straight ahead. Have you tried inserting it while keeping your hand in the same position that they ask you to. [COMMODORE AND AMIGA Why do some 500's have one COMMODORE KEY and one AMIGA KEY, and other 500's have two AMIGA KEYS. Maybe there was a sale on those too?. [POWER SUPPLY SWITCH Why is the power supply switch on the power supply, I guess its ok if you happen to be very agile with your big toe, or if you leave it on 24hrs a day. [COMPUTER PORTS Why are some ports on the 500 the opposite gender of the ports on the AMIGA 1000. What happened... another sale?. [CHECKMARK // Why is there the Amiga Logo \X/ on every piece of Amiga hardware except the Amiga 500? [THE DRIVE CABLE Why is the 1010 and 1020 drive cable so short, maybe they wanted us to buy those small, cheap, commodore desks. The cable isn't long enough to put it anywhere else. [THE 1080 MODEM Why doesn't the 1080 Modem have a Volume Control!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [THE MONITORS Why are ther so many different Commodore monitors available for the Amiga, why don't they just build a good one instead!. [THE 1010 DRIVE Why is it that most 1010 drives cannot find a 1020 plugged into it, they say in the books that you can hook up more than one drive. If that's true then why can't the 1010 find a 1020?. [THE MOUSE Why aren't there ball bearings under my mouse, I have them on my IBM mouse, and it's alot better. [INTERLACE Why does interlace have to shake all the time..., were they drinking too much coffee at the time they worked on that part of the system? [THE INSERT WORKBENCH SCREEN With the graphic capabilities of the Amiga being so good, why did they put such a bad screen at powerup. [60 COLUMS Why did they put the default width of the screen at 60 columns when the rest of the world is in 80 columns! AMIGA ERRORS/COMMANDS AND REQUESTORS NOT A DOS DISK: This is supposed to mean that the disk in the drive is not formatted, what it really means is that the drive SCREWED UP and you have now lost all the information that you had saved onto that disk!. [SOFTWARE TASK HELD This is the stupidest of all requestors on the AMIGA, no matter where you click the computer is going to reset, and you loose everything in RAM, if that's the case then why have a RETRY or CANCEL option, they should just put a message on the screen saying "HA HA HA YOU LOOSE EVERYTHING!". [KEY 880 ERROR VALIDATING DISK This is the phrase that the drive uses when it screws up, it blames its error on the disk validator, after all, how are you going to know anyway. I Think the guy who wrote DiskDoctor invented this bug just so we would use his program. [NO DISK IN DRIVE A polite way for the computer to say to you, "LOOK AT THE DRIVE STUPID, DO YOU SEE A DISK, I DON'T" [NO DISK IN DRIVE (part2) There is a disk, but the computer wants you to look at the drive because while you do that, it takes a break. [CAN'T OPEN RE-DIRECTION FILE This means the computer is just as lost as you are, you don't know what's happening, and neither does it!. [CAN'T OPEN SERIAL DEVICE This is the computers way of telling you it doesn't feel like talking to another computer. [PLEASE INSERT WORKBENCH 1.2 IN ANY [DRIVE This is just a test to see if you still happen to own the workbench 1.2 disk, and make you search through hundreds of game disks. [VOLUME RAM: IS FULL This is the computers way of telling you that its time to buy a ram expansion module or start deleting the garbage you have in there at the moment. [FILE IS NOT AN OBJECT MODULE This is the computers way of telling you, Stop fooling arround in the CLI and load the workbench. [INSERT VOLUME L IN ANY DRIVE How many disks do you have named "L"? [DISK IS WRITE PROTECTED This is the computers way of telling you that it can't write the VIRUS on the disk until you remove the write protect tab!. [UNKNOWN COMMAND The computer is telling you that you have assigned your C directory to some forgotten place, or you typed wrong again. [FAILED RETURN CODE 20 The computer displays this error just so you will have to go through 50 pages of the AMIGA book to try and find out what it means. Meanwhile the CPU goes for a coffee. [DISKCHANGE This is used on the 1020 because the drive is too stupid to know when a disk has been removed or inserted. To see how stupid the 1020 really is, remove the disk and do a diskchange without having one in the drive. You will see that the drive doesn't even do anything or display anything. Stupid eh. [DISKCOPY This tells the computer to copy the same errors onto the other disk!. [WHY Gives you an unexplainable detailed uncomprihensible explanation of a situation you already don't understand. [VOLUME DF0: IS FULL The computer tell you that there is no more room on disk, it doesn't tell you that this is due to all the garbage you have to have on disk just to make the computer run.. ex. LIBS, DEVS,L,C,S, directorys.