Dallas
00/00/86
Cute
Radio


           What is old, wrinkled, and hangs out your underwear?


                           Your mother.............









Amarillo
00/00/84
Mexican
Ricky

          What do you get if you get forty Mexicans to hold hands?


                          A Spicket Fence..........










Stamford
00/00/78
Queer
Guy from Richmond
These three queers were sitting around discussing their favorite sport.  The
first queer said, "My favorite sport is Basketball."  The other two asked
him why?  "Because you can watch those guys run up and down the court in
those short little shorts."  The second queer said, "My favorite sport is
Football."  The other two asked him why, it was so rough.  "Because when you
pile on, you can feel anything you want, and nobody thinks anything of it."
The third queer said, "Well I like Baseball.  Center field."  The other two
asked him why, you can't feel or see anything out there.  The third queer
said, "That's true.  What I like to do is let a long fly ball bounce once in
front of me, then I catch it and hold it.  Sooner or later someone in the
        stands is going to yell "Throw The Ball You Cocksucker!"
                 That's what I like, that recognition!!!"



Unknown
00/00/00
Queer
Unknown


         What do you do if you drop your keys in San Francisco?

             Kick them to San Jose and pick them up..........










Houston
00/00/83
Aggie
Ty

 These two Aggies were standing on a corner next to an old stray dog.
 All of a sudden, the dog started licking his balls.

 One Aggie looked down and said, "Boy, I sure wish I could do that."

 The other Aggie leaned around and said, "Go ahead, he looks friendly..."








Dallas
00/00/85
Sexist
Danny


  This guy goes into a bar one night drunk.  I mean this guy was so drunk
  that he could hardly stand up holding on to the bar.  He looks at the
  bartender and says in a very drunken voice, "Give me two drinks to go."
  The bartender looked at him and replied, "Buddy, you don't look like you
  need anymore to drink."  The guy says, "What?!  You think I'm drunk?!
  Shit, if you think I'm drunk you should see my wife out in the car.
  She's got a stocking on this arm (running his hand up his left arm) and
  She's got a stocking on this arm (running his hand up his right arm)
  and every time I kiss her She goes Pooohhhfffff.........."

            Now that guy was really drunk!


Atlanta
00/00/85
Religious
Girl from Mobile

This Nun and Priest were crossing the dessert on a camel one day, when all
of a sudden, the camel dropped dead.  They didn't have enough food and
water to get to where they were going, or where they came from, so they sat
down in the sand to meet their maker.  After about 30 minutes, the old
Priest says, "You know, I have been a Priest all my life and have never
seen a grown woman naked."  The Nun thought about it for a little while and
decided that the Lord would understand.  So, she took off all her cloths.
After a while, the Nun said, "You know, I have been a Nun all my life and
have never seen a grown man naked."  So the old Priest took his cloths off.
After a while, the priest said, "You know, if I take this (pointing to his
prick) and stick it in that (pointing at her pussy) it creates life!"
The Nun said, "It does?  Well Shit!  Stick that son of a bitch in that
camel and lets get going.!!!!!"

Dallas
00/00/86
Cute
Radio

  This bear was sitting on a log in the woods, taking a shit.  Along came a
  rabbit.  The rabbit asked, "Do you mind if I join you?"  The bear replied
  "Suit yourself."  So there they both sat, taking a shit.  After they
  were finished, the bear asked the rabbit, "Do you ever have a problem
  with shit sticking to your fur?"  The rabbit said, "No".  The bear says,
  "Good!"  Then he grabs the rabbit and with a long sweeping motion wipes
  his ass..........







Atlanta
07/00/86
Black
Ray


    What is the difference between a black's head and a bowling ball?


    Along about the seventh frame, the black's head starts to get soft...









Atlanta
00/00/85
Religious
Book


  This old drunk wandered into a Catholic church.  He weaved up between
  the pews and went into the confessional booth.  The old Priest sees
  this and thinks to himself, poor soul, he wants to give confession.  So
  the old Priest goes into his side of the booth and opens the little
  door.  The old drunk leaned over and said in a very drunken voice,
                     "You got any paper in there?"







Ft. Worth
08/22/86
Sexist
Roger

   What is the definition of the perfect wife?
      A mute nymphomaniac that owns a liquor store.......

   What is the definition of the perfect husband?
      A guy with a seven inch tongue that can breath through his ears.....









Unknown
08/85/86
Black
Unknown


   What do blacks and pussies have in common?

     They both have curly hair...
     They both have big lips...
     And no matter how hard you scrub them, five minutes later
        they still stink...............







Atlanta
00/00/85
White
Sidney


         Why don't black men eat pussy?


            They don't have to.  They don't have little dicks......









Houston
00/00/81
Aggie
Ty


      How do you tell the difference between a dead Aggie and a dead
               Armadillo in the middle of the street?

            By the skid marks in front of the Armadillo.......









San Antonio
08/28/86
Aggie
Mike


   What do you get if you mix a Japanese and an Aggie?

     A guy that attacks the Pearl brewery every December seventh.......










Ft. Worth
08/00/85
Ethiopian
Christy


         How are an Ethiopian and a pair of jeans different?


               A pair of jeans only has one fly on it..............









Ft. Worth
00/00/86
Queer
Charlie


     Did you hear about the Rock Hudson designer jeans?

         They have knee pads in the front and a zipper in the rear....










Atlanta
00/00/84
White
Sidney


      What is white and this long, (hands held about nine inches apart).

                NOTHING.......










Unknown
00/00/80
Mexican
Unknown


       What do you get if you mix a Pollack and a Mexican?

          A guy that spray paints his name on a chain link fence.......










Ft. Worth
04/00/86
Sexist
Jim

  This big time salesman went to several conferences a year.  Every time
  he would take a $1000.00 bill with him.  One day his wife came home and
  announced that she was going to the National Housewives Convention and
  she would need a thousand dollars.  The salesman asked her, "Why?"  She
  said, "You take a thousand dollars with you every time you go to a
  convention."  He said, " Yea, but, you don't drink.  You don't gamble,
  and you have your own pussy.  What do you need a thousand dollars for?"







Atlanta
00/00/83
Bar
John

 This guy walks into a bar and throws an octopus up on the bar.  He says
 to the bartender, "I'll bet you double or nothing on my drink, that this
 octopus can play any instrument you got."  The bartender figures what the
 hell, I'll take that bet.  So he throws a clarinet up on the bar.  Sure
 enough, the octopus played it.  The next night the guy came back in.  This
 time, the bartender threw a trumpet up on the bar.  Sure enough the
 octopus played the trumpet.  This went on for about two weeks.  Finally,
 one night the bartender threw a set of bagpipes on the bar.  The octopus
 got on top of the bagpipes and start wiggling all over them.  This went
 on for several minutes.  Finally, the bartender yelled, "Ah-ha, your going
 to have to pay double for your drink tonight!"  The guy replied, " Give him
 a few minutes.  As soon as he figures out that he can't fuck it, he'll
 play it!"

Dallas
00/00/86
Black
Jim

  This old black lady calls her friend one day and asks, "Mabel, hows it
  going?"  Mable replies, "Jesamine, you won't believe it.  I went to the
  zoo yesterday.  As I was walking past the gorilla cage, one of them
  grabbed me, pulled me through the bars, and fucked my eyeballs out!"
  Jesamine says, "Mable, did it hurt?"  She says, "Hurt!?, Hurt!?.  He
  don't write!  He don't call!!"








Unknown
00/00/84
Black
Unknown


          Why do black people keep chickens in the back yard?

                To teach their kids how to walk..........










Unknown
00/00/00
Black
Unknown


       What do get if you put odor eaters in a blacks shoes?


        Half mile down the road you get a gold tooth, a radio, and
              a pair of tennis shoes........








Dallas
00/00/83
Cute
Radio


     What do you get if you mix a rooster and a telephone pole?

        A forty foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone....










San Antonio
00/00/83
Mexican
Tom


         Why did Santa Ana only have 2,000 Mexicans at the Alamo?

      They only had two station wagons....   They had a pickup truck,
                        but it wouldn't start..........









Stamford
00/00/82
Italian
Tony

               Why do Italians wear mustaches?

                   So they can look like their mothers........











Unknown
00/00/85
Queer
Unknown

               Why can't they find a cure for A.I.D.S.?

                   They can't get two rats to butt fuck.......











Dallas
00/00/85
Texan
Radio

             What does "N" stand for at the University of Texas?

                             Knowledge











Dallas
00/00/86
Aggie
Radio

  This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.  As the bartender serves
  the drink, the guy asks, "Hey, I heard a good Aggie joke the other day.
  Do you want to hear it?"  The bartender says, "Well before you tell it,
  I should warn you that I'm an Aggie.  See those two guys at the end of
  the bar?  They're Aggies.  And see those guys over at that table.
  They're Aggies too.  Are you sure you want to tell that joke?"  The guy
  replied, "Hell no!  I don't want to explain it five times......."







Dallas
00/00/85
Religious
Radio


        What does Billy Grahm and the Houston Oilers have in common?

        They both can fill up the Astrodome, and in fifteen minutes,
             they both can have the crowd yelling Jesus Christ!!









Denver
00/00/85
Cute
Brian
This elephant was walking through the jungle one day when she got a thorn in
her foot.  The further she walked, the more sore it got.  After a while she
started to limp.  After a while, this ant walks up and asks, "Hey, what's
the matter?"  The elephant answers, "I've got this thorn in my foot and I
would do anything to get it out."  The ant says, "Anything?  Would you let
me butt fuck you?"  The elephant thought about it for a minute and decided
what the hell.  How bad could an ant be?  So she agreed.  The ant started
pulling on the thorn and sure enough, he got it out.  True to her word, the
elephant laid down on her side and moved her tail out of the way.  The ant
crawled up on her and started going to town.  This monkey was up in a tree
watching this.  He couldn't quite believe his eyes.  He started laughing and
rolling around in the tree.  Then he knocked a coconut out of the tree that
went down and hit the elephant right between the ears.  The elephant moaned
loudly in pain, "Awwoooohhhhh!"  The ant yelled at the top of his voice,
   "Take it all bitch, take it all !!!!!!"
St. Louis
00/00/84
Cute
Galager

  Ever notice that when a politician is running for public office they
  always show a family portrait.  In this picture, there is always at
  least three kids.  One as big as he is and at least one little one.


                    Big deal, his dick works.............








Dallas
00/00/83
Jewish
Jim

                   Do you know how a jew says Fuck You!

                         Trust me, Trust me.........











Dallas
00/00/86
Queer
Karen

         The Priest's benediction at Rock Hudson's funeral........

       Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if you'd stuck with pussy, you'd
             still be with us.........










New Orleans
00/00/86
Pollack
Tim

    Did you hear about the Pollack that thought his wife was trying
       to kill him?

                            _
      He found a bottle of polish remover in the medicine cabinet.....









Unknown
00/00/85
Mexican
Unknown

  How can you tell that a family of Pink Flamingos has moved in next door?

         By all of the plastic Mexicans in the front yard..........











Unknown
00/00/85
Religious
Hustler

  This evangelist was standing at podium holding a Bible up high in his
  right hand.  The caption said,

   "I take thousands and thousands of tax free dollars from guilt
      ridden people every year.  That's why I carry one of these....."









Unknown
00/00/84
Sexist
Unknown

  This guy goes to the doctor and gets a complete examination.  A few
  weeks later he returns to get the results of the test.  The doctor
  says, "I've got good news, and I've got bad news."  The guy says,
  "Hell, give me the bad news first."  The doc says, "Well, you have
  cancer and it's terminal.  You've got about three weeks to live.."
  The guy says, "Geezz, what's the good news?"  The doctor says,
  "Did you see the blonde in the waiting room with the big tits?  Boy
  I'm fucking that regular !!!!!!!!"






Unknown
00/00/84
Airline
Unknown

  This airline captain came on the intercom one day, "Good afternoon
  ladies and gentlemen.  Our cruising altitude will be 33,000 feet, our
  E.T.A. is three o'clock.  The weather in Chicago is clear and sunny,
  about 77 degrees.  I want to thank you for your patronage.  We know you
  have a choice."  Then you hear a clunk as he sets the microphone down,
  and he says, "Well, I think I'll go take a shit and fuck the stewardess."
  The stewardess hears this and goes running forward to tell the captain
  that the mic is still on.  About halfway up the isle, she trips and
  falls flat on her face.  A little old lady leans over and says, "Take it
  easy honey, take it easy.  He said he was going to take a shit first..."




Atlanta
00/00/84
Bar
Unknown

  This guy walks into a bar and orders five shots of tequila.  The
  bartender sets the five shots up in front of five different stools.  The
  guy says, "No, they're all for me.  I'm celebrating my first blow job."
  The bartender says, "Well in that case, let the house buy you one too."
  The guy says, "No.  If five don't get the taste out of my mouth, one
  more won't help.........."








Atlanta
00/00/83
Black
Unknown

       How do you keep little black kids from jumping on the bed?

             Put velcro on the ceiling.......

       How do you get rid of them?

         Tell a bunch of little Mexican kids it's Christmas, blindfold
         them, give them baseball bats, and send them in there........






Ft. Worth
00/00/84
Queer
James

 A guy walks into a bar and sets an alligator up on the bar.  He betsthe
 bartender a free drink that he will open the alligator's mouth, stickhis
 dick in it, and count to ten very slowly.  The bartender says, "Yea, I'll
 take that bet."  So the guy unzips his pants, pulls out his dick, and
 lays it in the alligator's mouth.  "1, 2, 3, - 10"  The bartender says,
 "I can't believe that.  Hell, if there is anyone else in the bar who will
 do that, I'll buy them a drink too."  A little guy in the back says,
 "I'll do it, but, I don't know if I can keep my mouth open that long."






Unknown
00/00/00
Queer
Unknown


   This old drunk was weaving down the street backwards, with his dick
   hanging out.  A cop walks up and says, "What the hell are you doing?"

     The old drunk says in a very drunken voice, "Trolling for queers..."









Atlanta
00/00/84
Religious
Unknown

 God and St. Peter were playing golf one day.  St. Peter teed his ball up
 and hit it.  It was a real nice shot about three hundred yards down the
 fairway.  Then God teed his ball up.  He took a big swing and hit it.
 At first it looked like a real nice shot.  Then all of a sudden, it hooked
 and started for the woods.  Just before it went into the woods, a bird
 flew out and grabbed the ball and flew over the water trap and let it go.
 Just before it went into the water, a turtle surfaced.  The ball landed on
 it's back as he swam to the shore.  Just as the turtle got to the shore,
 a squirrel ran out of the woods and grabbed the ball.  Then the squirrel
 ran up on the green and dropped the ball in the cup.  St. Peter turned to
 God and said, "Are we gonna play golf, or are you gonna fuck around!!"



Unknown
00/00/00
Black
Unknown

  Everyday this French guy gets on the bus smelling his finger and saying,
  "Me oui, mon sheri." over and over.  A black guy has been watching this
  for several days and finally gets the nerve to ask the guy what he is
  doing.  The French guy says, "Everyday, I finger my wife before leaving
  for work.  That way I can smell her all day long."  The black guy says,
  "Yea, that's a hell of a good idea!"  The next day, the French guy gets
  on the bus doing his usual thing.  The black guy sees this and loudly
  snorts through his nose, as he smells his arm from the shoulder to the
  wrist, yelling, "Saphire......"





Denver
00/00/85
Cute
Brian
This guy gets his genitals shot off in Vietnam.  One day at home he is
reading the T.V. guide and sees an ad for a doctor that says he can fix
this.  When he gets to the doctor, he asks, "What do you use."  The doctor
says, "Baby elephant trunks."  So the guy decides to have the surgery.
About six months go by and the guy finally gets the nerve up to ask a lady
out to dinner.  As they are eating dinner, this thing comes out from under
the table, grabs a biscuit, and darts back underneath the table.  The girl
sees this and thinks to herself, "If that happens again, I'm going to have
to say something."  A few minutes later, this thing comes out from under the
table and grabs another biscuit.  The lady says, "Buddy, I don't know what
that is, but, if it happens again, I'm going to get mad!"  The guy says,
"Your going to get mad.  Hell, if that thing stuffs another biscuit up my
ass, I'm going to get mad!!!!"


Baton Rouge
00/00/86
Jewish
Wayne

    Why did God's chosen children wander in the desert for forty years?


                One of them dropped a quarter............










Ft. Worth
09/02/86
Sexist
Gary


          How are a woman and a cow patty alike?

            The older they get, the easier they are to pick up......










New York
00/00/84
Jewish
Girl on Airplane

     How do you tell that a Jewish American Princess has had an orgasm?

            She quits reading her magazine.....











New York
00/00/84
Jewish
Girl on Airplane

           How can you tell if a dirty old man is Jewish?

               He says, "Wanna buy a piece of candy little girl?"











Lubbock
00/00/85
Little Johnny
Dennis

Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a bottle of liquid back
and forth, watching the bubbles.  The Priest walked up and asked him what
he was doing?  Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful
liquid in the world."  The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most
powerful liquid in the world.  Did you know that if you put Holy Water on
a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a boy!"  Little Johnny said, "Big
deal!  This is turpentine.  If you put this on a cat's ass, he'll pass a
Harley Davidson......."






Lubbock
00/00/04
Mexican
Dennis

                  How are a Mexican and a cue ball alike?

       The harder you hit them, the more english you get out of them..











Dallas
00/00/86
Religious
Radio

 This couple was crossing the desert with a camel.  The lady was pregnant
 and riding the camel.  All of a sudden, they were stopped by an Israeli
 patrol.  The soldiers asked for some identification.  The soldiers looked
 at the I.D.s and saw that the man was Joseph, and the lady was Mary.  So
 they asked the couple where they were going.  They replied "Jerusalem."
 The two soldiers looked at each other and grinned, "Yea, and I guess your
 going to name the baby Jesus?"  The couple replied, " What!?  We look
 Puerto Rican?!?!?!"






Ft. Worth
00/00/85
Black
Gary

This black guy sent his wife out to get him a Halloween costume.  So she
went to the store and got him a Superman outfit.  The black guy says, "You
dumb bitch, there is no such thing as a black Superman.  Go back and get me
a good costume."  So the lady went and got a Spiderman costume.  When the
black guy saw this he said, "You are about the dumbest black bitch I have
ever seen.  You know that there is no such thing as a black Spiderman.  Now
damnit, go back and get me a good costume this time."  So the lady went back
out and came back.  She laid two cotton balls, a white belt, and a four foot
2 x 4 in front of the guy.  The black guy says, "What the hell is this?  I
thought you were going to get me a costume."  She said, "I did.  You can put
these cotton balls on your chest and go as a domino.  Or, you can put this
white belt on and go as an Oreo cookie, or, you can shove the 2 x 4 up your
ass and go as a fudgecicle you son of a bitch.........."

Houston
00/00/85
Black
Earl
This guy was driving down the highway weaving from side to side.  A cop
pulled him over and asked him if he was drunk?  The guy said, "What?  You
think I'm drunk?  The cop said, "Yea, I think you might be.  Why don't you
get out of that car and walk down the center line here in the street.  The
guy said, "Hell, I'll do better than that.  I'll walk down the top of that
barbed wire fence!"  Suit yourself the cop said.  So the guy got out of the
car, walked over to the fence, and started walking down the fence.  At first
he did all right.  Then he started to stumble and eventually fell off into
the pasture.  This bull was in the pasture and saw this.  The bull dropped
his head and headed toward the guy running faster and faster.  The guy got
up and as the bull got to him, he grabbed the bull by the horns and wrestled
him from side to side for a full minute.  Then he threw the bull down to the
ground real hard, stood up and jumped over the fence. The cop said, "I don't
believe it!!  I've never seen a guy wrestle a bull like that!"  The guy
said, "Bull!?, Hell, I thought that was nigger on a Honda!!!!!"
Lubbock
00/00/86
Sick
Dennis

 This cop was walking down the street one day when he noticed two bums
 sitting in an alley.  As he walked down the alley to roust these two guys
 he noticed that one bum had his thumb up the other bum's ass.  "What the
 hell is going on here!?"  The bum looked up and said in a very drunken
 voice, "I'm trying to make him throw up.."  The cop said, "You dumb ass,
 your supposed to stick your finger in his throat, not up his ass!"  The
 bum said, "I was just getting ready to do that when you walked up.!"







Dallas
00/00/86
Libyan
Radio

    What do you call an old, worn out, cotton Kadafi doll with rocks in
         it's mouth?

                 A no good cotton rock sucker.......










Dallas
00/00/86
Libyan
Radio


          Did you hear about Kadafi's latest retaliatory move?

              He recalled all of the 7-11 managers............










Dallas
00/00/86
Cute
Radio

       What do you get when you mix a Wurlitzer and a bag of M&M's?

             An organ that melts in your mouth.........











Dallas
00/00/86
Cute
Radio

 This truck driver sits down in a diner and orders dinner.  When the
 waitress brings his plate, he notices that she has got her thumb in his
 mashed potatoes.  He says, "Hey, you've got your thumb in my mashed
 potatoes."  The waitress replies, "The doctor said I have arthritis and I
 should keep my thumb warm."  The truck driver says, "Well you dumb bitch,
 why don't you stick your thumb up your ass!"  She says, "I do when I'm in
 the kitchen......"







Dallas
00/00/86
Queer
Karen

                     How does a Queer spell relief?

                             N.O.A.I.D.S.....











Salt Lake City
00/00/85
Religious
Shell

 Oral Roberts dies and goes to heaven.  As he gets to the pearly gates,
 St. Peter says, "Next."  He replies, "Oral Roberts."  "The Oral Roberts?"
 "Yes St Peter, the Oral Roberts."  St. Peter says, "Wait here a minute.  I
 know someone anxious to meet you."  He goes away for a few minutes and
 comes back with a guy on his arm.  "Jesus, this is Oral Roberts."  "The
 Oral Roberts?"  Oral says, "Yes Lord, the Oral Roberts!"  Jesus says, "Boy
 come with me.  I know someone that has been waiting to see you for years."
 So Jesus leads him into a small room.  Over in the corner is an old man
 sitting in a rocking chair.  Jesus says, "Hey dad, this is Oral Roberts."
 "The Oral Roberts?"  Oral says in a very humble voice, "Yes my Lord.  The
 Oral Roberts.."  God says, "Boy I've been waiting years to see you.  Could
 you come over here and take a look at my knee.  It's been bothering me for
 years......."

Dallas
00/00/85
Sexist
Radio

      Did you hear how Larry Flint got the idea for Hustler magazine?

       He was sitting in a dentist chair reading a Playboy when the
          dentist said, "Could you open a little wider please.."










San Antonio
00/00/84
Cute
Unknown
This zoo had a female gorilla, but no male gorilla.  This female gorilla was
really getting horny and the zoo had no one to take care of her.  One day
they decided to advertise in the paper for someone who would "take care of"
this female gorilla.  They started at $200.00 but got no response.  Finally,
at $1000.00 a guy answered the ad.  The guy looked at the gorilla and told
the zoo keeper that he would do it, if, they would put a bag over the
gorilla's head.  The zoo keeper agreed.  So they put a bag over the gorillas
head and this guy got into the cage.  Well this gorilla was extremely horny.
She grabbed this guy and started fucking him every way you could imagine.
They were bouncing off the walls, up and down the cage, making love wildly.
All of a sudden the guy started yelling at the top of his voice, "Get it
off!  Get it off!"  So the attendants jumped in the cage and pulled the
gorilla off.  The guy yelled, "What the hell are you doing?!"  "You said to
get it off."  The guy says, "Hell, I meant the bag, I wanna kiss the bitch!"

Houston
00/00/83
Texan
Unknown

 This Texan goes to Hawaii for vacation.  The first place they go is a
 beach.  The Texan says, "Well yaknow, this is really a pretty beach, but
 it aint no big deal.  Hell, we got beaches just as pretty on South Padre
 Island."  The next place they go is Honolulu.  The Texan says, "Well, yea
 this is alright.  But we got more buildings, and taller buildings than
 this in both Houston and Dallas.  This aint no big deal."  Well this goes
 on all day.  Everywhere they go, there is something in Texas just as good.
 The tour guide is getting tired of this.  Finally he takes the group up
 to the top of a live volcano.  As they are standing around this, the tour
 guide looked at the Texan and asked, "Well you son of a bitch, you got
 anything like this in Texas?"  The Texan thought about it for a minute and
 replied, "Well no.  But I'll tell you what.  We got a fire department in
 Waco that will put that son of a bitch out in about fifteen minutes....."

Dallas
00/00/84
Texan
Radio

   What's the difference between a Texas fairy tale and a regular
        fairy tale?

      A regular fairy tale starts with,  "Once upon a time....."

      A Texas fairy tale starts with,  "You sons a beetches aint never
                gonna believe this......"







Ft. Worth
00/00/86
Texan
Radio

             What do you get if you mix L.S.D. with a cowchip?

                     A trip to Ft. Worth..........











Dallas
00/00/85
Yankee
Sid

              How are hemorrhoids and yankees alike?

                If they come down and go back, it's all right.....
                If they come down and stay, it's a bitch......










Ft. Worth
00/00/84
Aggie
Charlie

           Why does California have queers and Texas has Aggies?

                     California had first choice.........











Houston
00/00/83
Cute
Radio

        What's the difference between a male flea and a female flea?

                     A female flea has a tiny hiney....

                      A male flea has a teeny weeny....









Ft. Worth
09/05/86
Texan
Radio

 These two ladies were walking down the street when they came across this
 frog.  The frog said, "Kiss me and I will turn into a handsome Texas oil
 man."  One lady reached down, grabbed the frog and put it in her purse.
 The other looked at her and said, "Aren't you going to kiss that frog?"
 She replied, "Hell no!  A talking frog is worth a lot more money than a
 Texas oil man......"








Ft. Worth
09/05/86
Sexist
Radio

              How are an old man and a bumper sticker alike?

            The older they get, the harder it is to get them off......











Ft. Worth
09/05/86
Queer
Radio

 This guy goes into a bar and says, "Hey bartender!  I wanna buy the whole
 house a drink, except that queer down at the end of the bar!"  The
 bartender set up drinks for everyone.  A few minutes later, the guy says
 "Hey bartender!  I wanna buy another drink for the whole bar, except that
 queer at the end of the bar!"  So the bartender started setting up another
 round.  As he got down at the end of the bar the guy says, "Give me a
 glass with some ice in it."  The bartender says, "What for?"  The guy
 answers, "If that son of a bitch calls me a queer one more time, I'm going
 to cold cock him...."





Dallas
00/00/85
Cute
Sid

                What's Smoreplay?

                    It's what Smurfs do before they Smuck......











Houston
00/00/83
Mexican
Unknown

            Why do Chicanos have those little steering wheels.

                 So they can drive with hand cuffs on........











New York
00/00/84
Jewish
Girl on Airplane


            What is a Jewish American Princess's favorite wine?

                        (In a very Jewish accent.)

                          I wanna go to Miami.....








San Antonio
00/00/86
Mexican
Unknown


            Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic swimming team?

                         They're all over here.......










Houston
00/00/83
Religious
David
This Priest went fishing out of Freeport for the first time.  This guy on
the deck caught a large fish and yelled, "look at that son of a bitch!"  The
Priest says, "Son, you shouldn't talk like that."  "But father, that is what
that is, A 'son of a bitch fish'."  "I don't believe it." "Wait till we get
back to the dock."  When they got back to the dock the guy held the fish up
and sure enough, some guy on the dock says, "Look at that son of a bitch!"
The Priest took the fish home and told the Nun, "Cook that son of a bitch
up." "Father!?!?" "No, no sister, that is what that is.  A son of a bitch
fish." "OK father."  This new Priest was coming to stay with them.  As they
sat down to the table, the old Priest said, "Pass that son of a bitch fish
down here."  As the Nun took a bite, she said, "Boy, this sure is a good son
of a bitch."  This went on all through dinner.  After dinner the old and new
Priest went to the parlor for a glass of sherry.  The old Priest asked the
new Priest how he thought he would get along here.  The new Priest thought,
and then said, "Ya know, I think I'll get along with you motherfuckers fine!
Houston
00/00/82
Black
Greg

                  Why do Blacks make good Gynecologists?

             There used to big lips, curly hair, and bad breath......











Atlanta
00/00/83
Airline
Drunk Guy

  (This is a true story..)

   This guy got on the airplane in Dallas already drunk.  As we flew to
   Atlanta, he had a few more drinks and got louder and louder.  When we
   landed in Atlanta, the airplane hit the runway real hard.  This guy
   yells, "God damn!  That runway must be four foot higher than it was
   last time I was here........"







St. Louis
00/00/85
Black
Pat

  A Mexican, Pollack, and a Black fell off a building at the same time.
  Do you know which one hit the pavement first?

     The Black...

      The Mexican stopped to paint his name on the side of the building..

      The Pollack got lost.......






Dallas
00/00/83
Black
Jim

    Do you know who the three most famous black women in history are?


        Dianna Ross, Barbara Jordan, and Aunt Jemima.......










Dallas
00/00/84
Cute
Radio

 This kid's parents were getting a divorce.  The judge asked the kid if he
 wanted to live with his mother?  He said, "Heck no, She beats me!."  So
 the judge asks the kid if he wants to go live with his father?  "Heck no,
 he beats me too!"  So the judge says, "Well Ok.  Go live with the Texas
 Rangers.  The never beat anybody......"









Denver
00/00/85
Cute
Brian
This guy goes to the doctor for a sore throat.  The doc says, "You've got
throat cancer.  We can fix it with an operation but there is one little
problem.  You will be able to breath and talk like you do now, but you won't
be able to eat like you do now." "What do you mean?" "I'll show you."  So he
takes out a small sandwich, drops his pants, and sits on the sandwich.
After some scooting, he goes, "Uummmmmph!  That's all there is to it."  The
guy says, "Hell, I can't do that." "Sure you can.  Take this potato chip and
try it."  So the guy drops his pants and goes through the motion.  After a
few minutes, "Uummmmph!  Well that's not so bad.  At least I won't die from
the cancer."  So he has the operation.  After a week, the guy comes back for
a checkup.  As he walks into the office, he is wiggling his ass wildly back
and forth.  The doctor sees him and says, "Oh my God.  What's the matter?!"
The guy replies, "Oh nothing....    Just chewing gum......"


Dallas
00/00/86
Sexist
Karen

 This old couple were sitting on the front porch in their rocking chairs.
 All of a sudden, the old woman leaned over and knocked the shit out of the
 old man.  The old man, laying on the ground, asked, "What was that for?"
 The old woman answered, "That's for having such a small sex organ all
 these years..."  So the old man got back in his rocker and started to rock
 again.  After a few minutes, the old man leaned over and knocked the shit
 out of the old lady.  The old lady said, "What the heck was that for?"
 The old man replied, "For knowing the damn difference......."






Ft. Worth
00/00/85
Ethiopian
Bob

               How many Ethiopians can you get in a bathtub?

                 None.  They keep slipping down the drain.....











Denver
00/00/86
Ethiopian
Joe

              How many Ethiopians can you get in a phone booth?

                             All of them.........











Dallas
00/00/84
Jewish
Radio


        How does a Jewish American Princess and her husband have sex
               doggy style?

         He gets on all fours and say, "Please, please, please....."









Souix Falls
00/00/85
Norwegian
Doug

 Elga and Ollie were riding down the road one day when they came across
 some skunks.  Elga said, "Ollie, don't hit the skunks!"  Then you heard
 a loud thump as the truck hit one of the skunks.  So Elga and Ollie
 stopped to see what had happened.  When they got out of the truck, they
 saw that the mother skunk had been killed.  Elga said, "Ollie, what are
 we going to do?" He replied, "We'll take the little skunks to town.  They
 can ride between your legs."  "But Ollie, what about the smell?"  Ollie
 replied, "Oh Elga, it's only a little way, they won't mind....."






Ft. Worth
00/00/84
Queer
Charlie

                  What do you call two queers named Bob?

                               Oral Roberts.....











Ft. Worth
00/00/85
Cute
George
This kid walks into a general store one day and asks for a job.  The owner
tells him that he doesn't need any help.  The kid is persistent so the guy
tells him to watch him when the next customer comes in.  If he can do what
he does, he'll give him a job.  A few minutes later a customer comes in.
"Good afternoon sir.  What can I do for you?"  The guy says, "I need some
grass seed."  So the owner goes and gets it.  When he gets back he says,
"How about a lawn mower to go with this."  "What do I need a lawnmower for?"
"Well when the grass grows your going to need something to cut it with."
"Yea, OK, I'll take a lawnmower too."  After the customer was gone, the
owner turned to the kid and said, "That's how it's done.  Can you do that?"
The kid said, "Sure."  So the next customer comes in and says, "I need some
Tampax."  The kid says, "Yes sir.", and goes after them.  When he gets back
he says, "Would you like a lawnmower to go with that?"  The guy says, "What
the hell do I need a lawnmower for?"  The kid replies, "You might as well
cut the grass.  Your weekend is fucked, that's for sure....."
Dallas
00/00/85
Religious
Springer
Did you hear how Moses got the ten commandments?  God was coming down the
mountain and the first person he came across was not Moses.  It was a Roman.
He asked the Roman if he wanted any commandments?  The Roman replied,
What's a commandment?"  God said, "Thou shalt not kill."  The Roman replied,
"Hell no!  We're a waring nation.  That's how we make our living."  So God
went on down the mountain.  The next guy he came across was a nomadic
tribesman.  He asked this guy if he wanted a commandment.  The guy replied,
"What's a commandment?"  God said, "Thou shalt not steal."  The guy said,
"Hell no!  That's how we make our living."  So God went on down the
mountain.  The next guy he came across was Moses with a bunch of little
Jews following him.  God asked Moses, "Do you want any commandments?"
Moses asked, "How much are they?"  God said, "They're free."  Moses replied
"Yea sure, we'll take ten....."


Dallas
00/00/84
Sexist
Radio


                        Why did God invent women?

                           Sheep can't cook......










San Antonio
00/00/83
Sexist
Wade

      Why do women have an ass hole and pussy right where they do?

        So when they get drunk, you can carry them like a six pack......











Houston
00/00/86
Sick
Earl
This old black guy was out duck hunting one day.  An old hick marshal
happened by and decided to mess with the guy.  So the marshal went over and
said, "How's it going?  It looks like you've got quite a haul there."  The
old black guy replies, "Yea, pretty good."  So the marshal picks up one of
the ducks, sticks his finger up the ducks ass and then smells it.  He goes,
"That's a Nebraska duck.  You got a Nebraska permit?"  The black guy goes,
"Yep, I do."  So he takes the permit out and shows it to the marshal.  Then
the marshal picks up another duck and does the same thing.  "That's a Kansas
duck.  You got a Kansas permit?"  The old black guy goes, "Yep, I do.", and
shows it to him.  So the hick marshal picks up another duck and goes through
the same ritual.  "That's a Canadian duck.  You got a Canadian permit?"  The
old black guy goes, "Yep, I do."  The marshal is starting to get pissed.
Every time he asks the guy for a permit, he's got it.  Finally, he asked the
guy, "Where the hell are you from?"  The old black man dropped his pants,
turned around, bent over and said, "You tell me......"
Dallas
09/09/86
Cute
Radio

     Did you hear about the flasher that was being sued by Budweiser?

            He was going around saying, "This puds for you....."











Dallas
09/10/86
Sexist
Tiffany

         How many animals can you get into a pair of panty hose?

    Fifteen.  Ten little piggies, two calves, one ass, one beaver and
                   a fish that you can never find......










Dallas
09/10/86
Queer
Tiffany

  This queer goes walking into a bar and sees this big black guy.  He
  thinks to himself, that guy must be hung like a horse.  I've got to have
  some of that.  So the queer walks up to the guy and asks him, "Hey how
  about you and I getting together?"  The black guy goes, "Sure, but it's
  going to cost you."  "How much?"  "Five bucks an inch."   The queer
  goes, "How big is it?"  The black guy says, "Twenty inches."  The queer
  gets so excited he can't hardly stand it.  "OK, but I've only got forty
  bucks."  The black guy says, "That will buy eight inches."  So these two
  guys go to the bath room.  While they are in there the bar gets raided.
  As the cops storm in to the bath room, the black guy is startled.  He
  looks up and shoves his hips forward.  The queer looks back and says,
  "God damn!  You take Master Charge?!"


Austin
09/18/86
Sexist
Grahm

             What's the difference between a cunt and a pussy?

         A pussy is that nice warm thing you cuddle up to at night...

                    A cunt is what it is attached to.......









Austin
09/18/86
Sexist
Rob

                   What's the definition of a woman?

                   A life support system for a pussy......











Dallas
09/19/86
Mexican
Television

                    Why do Mexicans drive low riders?

           So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time......











Tulsa
09/12/86
Cute
Les

                         Why was golf invented?

               So white people could dress like black people.....











Dallas
09/19/86
Mexican
Television

            What do you call a Mexican who has had a vasectomy?


                             A dry Martinez......










Dallas
09/19/86
Jewish
Television

   What's a Jewish American Princess's definition of natural childbirth?


                               No makeup........










Houston
00/00/83
Aggie
Radio
This Aggie, East Indian and a Jew were riding through the country when their
car broke down.  They walked up to a farm house and asked if they could
spend the night?  The farmer said, "Well yea, but one of you will have to
sleep out in the barn.  I've only got room for two of you in the house."
So the Indian agreed to sleep in the barn.  A couple of minutes later there
was a knock at the door.  The Indian says, "I can't sleep out there.  There
is a cow out there and that is sacred."  So the Jewish guy volunteered to
sleep in the barn.  A few minutes after everyone has gone to bed, there is
another knock at the door.  The Jewish guy says, "I can't sleep out there!
There is a pig out there and that just isn't kosher."  So the Aggie says,
"All right, all right.  I'll sleep in the barn."  So everyone goes to bed
one more time.  A few minutes later, again, there is a knock at the door.
When they opened the door, there stood the pig and the cow........


Ft. Worth
00/00/83
Aggie
Radio

      What's the difference between an Aggie coed and a Rolls Royce?

                Not everyone has been in a Rolls Royce.....


     What's the difference between an Aggie coed and a bag of garbage?

            A bag of garbage gets picked up once in a while.....






Dallas
00/00/82
Black
Unknown

          Why do black women eat watermelon with their panties off?

                  To keep the flys off the watermelon.....











Denver
00/00/83
Black
Joe


          Did you hear about the scholarship program set up by
                  Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor?

                       The Ignited Negro Fund......









Oklahoma
00/00/84
Black
Unknown

             What do you get if you mix an Arab and a Black?


                     A car thief that can't drive.....










Albuquerque
00/00/83
Mexican
Lynn


                Why don't Mexicans have checking accounts?

          Because you can't sign a check, with a can spray paint...










Houston
00/00/83
Queer
Greg


            What's the difference between Herpes and A.I.D.S. ?

            One is a love story and the other is a fairy tale....










St. Louis
00/00/84
Sick
Pat

                   Why do Blacks walk the way they do?

      Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging
                     a coat hanger..........










Houston
00/00/86
Black
John

                 Do you know how break dancing got started?

          Black kids trying to steal hub caps off of moving cars.......











Dallas
00/00/85
Cute
Radio


          Do you know what you get if you mix a pickle and a deer?


                                  A dildo......









Houston
00/00/82
Cute
Radio

  This guy was walking through the desert when he found a magic lamp.
  He picked the lamp up and rubbed the side of it.  Sure enough, a
  genie popped out.  The genie said, "Thank you for getting me out of
  that lamp.  In return, I will grant you one wish."  So the guy thought
  about it and said, "I want a foreign car dealership in a major
  metropolitan city."  Pooof, he had a Chrysler dealership in Tokyo...








Denver
00/00/85
Cute
Brian

  This guy goes to the doctor and tells him, "Doc, when I was twenty, and
  I got a hard on, I could push down on it and it wouldn't budge.  When
  I was thirty, I could push it down about an inch.  Now that I am forty,
  hell, I can push that son of a bitch down thirty degrees!  I just got
  one question.  How fucking strong am I going to get?????"









Denver
00/00/84
Ethiopian
Brian

                What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?

                         You know she'll swallow.......











New York
00/00/82
Jewish
Girl on Airplane

              How do you get a Jewish American Princess off?

                      Paste sale ads on the ceiling......











Dallas
00/00/85
Libyan
Radio

          How many Libyans does it take to change a light bulb?

       Five.  One to shoot out the old one and four to hold the new
               one hostage.....










Dallas
00/00/85
Libyan
Radio

                      Why isn't Kadafi circumcised?

                  So he'll have a place to put his gum....

                               --  or  --

                 Because there is no end to the big dick....







Ft. Worth
00/00/86
Queer
Charlie

            What do you call a sleeping bag in San Francisco?

                            A fruit roll up.....











Atlanta
00/00/84
Religious
Unknown

This Catholic Priest, Methodist Preacher, and a Jewish Rabbi were sitting
around discussing how they divide the take from each Sabbath.  The Priest
said, "What I do is I draw a line down the center of the room and then
throw the money up in the air.  Whatever lands on the left is God's,
whatever lands on the right is mine."  The Preacher said, "Well I do almost
the same thing only I draw a circle in the middle of the room.  Whatever
lands in the circle is mine and the rest belongs to God."  The Rabbi says,
"No, you both are doing it wrong.  I take the money and throw it up in the
air.  Then I yell, God, Take what you want!.  Whatever comes back down is
mine......"




Lubbock
00/00/83
Religious
Dennis

 This old Rabbi and old Priest were sitting around discussing their
 respective religions and the careers they had enjoyed as men of the church.
 All of a sudden the Rabbi says, "You know, we have been able to convert
 some very famous people to our religion."  The Priest says, "Yea?  Like
 who?"  "Well, Sammy Davis Jr. and Elizabeth Taylor just to name a couple."
 The old Priest thought about it for a minute and then said, "Well yes,
 that's true, but we never really though to much about loosing a one eyed
 nigger and a whore...."






Denver
00/00/85
Sexist
Brian

 This guy comes home from work and finds his wife sitting in a chair with
 her feet up watching T.V..  Everywhere he looked, there was a mess.  Every
 space that was horizontal had dirt on it.  He asked his wife, "What have
 you been doing all day long?"  She replied, "Nothing, watching soap operas
 and fucking off!"  He says, "How would you like not to see me for a couple
 of days?"  The next week he was telling some of his friends about this
 episode.  They asked him where he went?  "What do you mean?"  Well you said
 you asked her how she would like not seeing you for a couple of days.  The
 guy says, "Well yea. But I didn't go anywhere.  After about two days the
 left eye opened up just a little bit so she could see me again....."




Dallas
00/00/84
Sexist
Radio

  The geography of a woman.....

   From 13 - 18 she is like Africa.  Virgin and unexplored.  From 18 - 35
   she is like Asia.  Wild and exotic.  From 35 - 45 she is like the
   United States.  Fully developed and free with here resources.  From
   45 - 55 she is like Europe.  Well explored and just about worn out, but,
   still has points of interest.  From 55 on, she is like Australia.
   Everybody knows it's down there, but, nobody gives a damn......






Houston
00/00/86
Sick
Randy

This guy was driving down the highway one day when he noticed an old farmer
plowing a field.  Each time the guy got to the end of a row, he would stick
his finger up the mule's ass and then wipe his lips with it.  The guy
watched this for six or seven rows and finally he just couldn't stand it
anymore.  He had to ask the guy, "What the hell are you doing?"  The old
farmer replied, "Plowing my field."  The guy goes, "Yea, I can see that.
But why are you sticking your finger up that mule's ass and then wiping your
lips?"  The old farmer says, "Oh, that.  Well you see, I've got chapped
lips."  The guy asks "Chapped lips?  How the hell does that help chapped
lips?"  The farmer replies, "Well it sure keeps me from licking them....."




Atlanta
00/00/82
Bar
John

  This guy goes walking into a bar with an alligator.  He sets the
  the alligator up on the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you serve niggers
  in this bar?"  The bartender replies, "Yes sir.  We have to by federal
  law."  The guy goes, "Good!  Bring me a scotch and water and a nigger
  for my alligator...."









Unknown
00/00/00
Black
Unknown

        How do you keep five black guys from raping a white woman?

                         Throw them a basketball......











Atlanta
00/00/83
Black
Sidney

       This black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
          Some guy in the bar asks, "Hey, Where did you get that?"

                        (In a high, shrill voice.)

                                AFRICA!!!!








Phoenix
00/00/84
Black
The Phantom


             What do you get if you mix a Black and a Pollack?

                     A Nigger hat eats watermelon rind......










Houston
00/00/82
Black
Mark

 These three little Black kids were sitting around discussing what they
 wanted to be when they grew up.  The first kid said, "I want to be a
 Doctor.  My Uncle is a Doctor and he has a Cadillac."  The second kid
 says, "Well I want to be a Lawyer.  I know this guy who's a Lawyer and he
 has two Cadillacs!"  The third kid goes, "I want to have hair all over my
 body."  The other two asked him why the heck does he want to have hair
 all over his body?  He answered, "Well, my sister has three Cadillacs and
 she only has a patch of hair this big......."






Atlanta
00/00/84
Mexican
Unknown

                      Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico?

               They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin......











Atlanta
00/00/84
Pollack
Sidney

                  Do you know what N.A.A.C.P stands for?

                           ---------------------
                           No, that's not right.
                           ---------------------

            It stands for Niggers Are Actually Colored Pollacks...







Houston
00/00/84
White
Radio
This guy looses his dick in an auto accident.  He goes to the Doctor to get
it replaced and the Doctor pulls out a drawer with replacement dicks in it.
The guy goes, "Well yea, Doc.  But as long as we are going to have to do
this, I want something to really talk about."  The Doctor says "OK." and
pulls out the second drawer.  The guy says, "Yea Doc.  That's more of what
I had in mind but hell, as long as we have to do this, I want something that
will really be spectacular!"  The Doctor begrudgingly says, "OK." and pulls
out the third drawer.  The guy says, "Now your talking Doc.  That's exactly
what I had in mind.  But let me ask you a question, Do you have any in
white??"





Ft. Worth
00/00/85
Queer
Charlie

  This queer goes to the Doctor for an examination.  The Doctor does his
  normal examination.  The queer really enjoys the rectal exam.  A week
  goes by and the queer shows up again.  He says, "All I want is the
  rectal exam."  The Doctor thinks, what the hell.  Twenty bucks is
  twenty bucks.  So he gave the guy the exam.  Another week goes by and
  here comes the queer again.  This goes on for about a month.  One day
  the queer comes in and as the Doctor is giving the guy the rectal exam,
  he finds a twig hanging out of the guy's butt.  As he pulls it out, he
  realizes that the damn thing is a long stem rose.  The Doctor says,
  "What the hell is this?!"  The queer says, "Read the card! Read the card!"




Dallas
00/00/86
Cute
Radio


                 What goes in hard, and comes out soft?

                             Bubble gum......










Dallas
00/00/86
Sexist
Radio


                 How are a woman and a screen door alike?

                   After a few bangs, they both loosen up.......










Danbury
00/00/85
Texan
Robert

                  What's a Texan?

                      A Mexican on his way to Oklahoma....

                  What's an Oklahoman?

                      A Texan that made it......







Atlanta
00/00/84
Black
Unknown

   These two old Black ladies were having their picture taken.  As the
   photographer leaned over the camera to adjust it, one lady looked at
   the other and said, "Mabel, what's that man doing?"  The other looked
   back and said, "I think he's going to focus."  "Boff us??"










Ft. Worth
09/29/86
Texan
Norm

   Did you hear about the Texas oil men ordering Cadillacs with no seats?

     Hell, they didn't need them after loosing their asses.......











Unknown
00/00/00
Black
Unknown


      What's the difference between a Black pussy and a bowling ball?

                You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.......










Baton Rouge
10/09/86
Sexist
Clay
This guy goes out to play a round of golf with his wife.  They get to the
twelfth hole and this guy's shot hooks badly and lands right behind a small
pump house.  When they get to the ball, the pump house is between the ball
and the green.  The guy says, "Shit, I'm going to have to take a stroke to
move this ball."  The guy's wife says, "No you won't.  We'll open this door
and you can hit the ball through the door, through that window, and straight
to the green."  So the guy lines his shot up and swings.  The ball hits the
pump, ricochets back, hits his wife right in the head, and kills her dead,
on the spot....   The next day, this guy was out playing the same course
with a good buddy.  On the twelfth hole, once again he hooks the ball and
it ends up behind the same pump house.  As they get to the ball, the guy
says, "Shit, I'm going to have to take a stroke again."  The guy's buddy
says, "No you won't.  We can open this door and this window and you can hit
right through the pump house."  The guy says, "No, I can't do that.  I tried
that yesterday and I had to take a six on this hole........."
Baton Rouge
10/09/86
Black
Clay
These two Black guys were traveling through north Louisiana on their way
from Chicago to Mardi Gras.  This old hick sheriff sees them and pulls them
over.  The driver says, "Officer, what did I do?"  The cop answers, "Boy,
get out of that car and let me see your license."  The Black guy gets out of
the car and says "But officer, what did I do?"  Wham!  The old cop hits him
on the side of his head and says, "Boy, don't give me none of that Nigger
back talk!"  So the black guy gives him his license.  Then the cop asks
where they are going.  The Black guy hesitates for a minute and again, Wham!
The cop hits him again and says, "Boy, when I ask you a question, you answer
me!"  So the Black guy replied, "We're on our way to New Orleans for Mardi
Gras."  So the cop gives the license back and walks around to the other side
of the car.  When he gets there, he reaches in and slaps the shit out of the
other Black guy.  The Black guy says, "What was that for?"  The cop replies,
"I was just granting your wish.  I know that as soon as you two got out of
sight you were going to say, I wish that bastard had hit me like that."
El Paso
00/00/85
Mexican
Don

    This guy was going to take his car across the border to get some
    body work done.  This guy asked him why?  He said because he could
    get one hell of a deal.  The guy replied, "Well yea, but shit, they
    can't even cook beans right the first time......."










Unknown
00/00/00
Sick
Unknown

   This o'boy was telling his friends about the last time he had a cheap
   whore.  He says, "It was only ten dollars, but, when she dropped her
   panties, that was the nastiest pussy I've ever seen.  It had yellow
   puss and green puss, and was about as sickening as you can get!!
   That was the closest I've ever come to NOT getting a piece of pussy."









Oklahoma City
10/15/86
Mexican
Janet


                   What do you call a Mexican baptismal?


                              A bean dip........









Oklahoma City
10/15/86
Sales
Larry


                 Why won't a rattlesnake bite a salesman?


                          Professional courtesy.......









Houston
10/30/86
Cajun
George

            Do you know how to get rid of a bunch of Libyans?

       Tell a bunch of Cajuns they're good eating, and out of season..











Ft. Worth
00/00/85
Black
Bill

 Mable and Rastus were getting a divorce.  The Judge asked Mable what were
 the grounds for the divorce?  Mable said, "Judge, Rastus just can't cut
 it."  The Judge says, "Why?  Is his dick too small?"  Mable says, "Hell
 no!  Rastus, show the Judge your dick."  So Rastus lays his dick out on
 the table.  Sure enough, it's at least eight inches long.  The Judge says,
 "Well then why can't Rastus cut it?"  Mable says, "Turn around and show
 the Judge your ass Rastus.  See that little ass?  Hell, that's like
 driving a railroad spike with a tack hammer...."






Denver
00/00/85
Cute
Brian

              What does a Walrus and Tupperware have in common?

                    Their both looking for a tight seal...











El Paso
00/00/85
Mexican
John

    Did you hear about the two atom bombs they dropped on Mexico City?

       One slid off...The other did a hundred bucks worth of damage...











Albuquerque
00/00/85
Cute
Ricky

              How are a toilet seat and a waitress different?

          A waitress has to wait on more than one asshole at a time..











Houston
00/00/84
Texan
Radio
This Texan goes to England and orders a cup of tea.  The waitress asks him
what kind of tea he wants.  The Texan asks, "How many kinds of tea have you
got?"  She answers, "Well, We have three.  There's Bavarian tea which is
90% substance and 10% aroma.  Then we have Swedish tea which is 10%
substance and 90% aroma.  Then there is English tea which, well, everybody
enjoys."  The Texan says, "Well we got three kinds of tea in Texas too.
We got s h i (T), which is 90% substance and 10% aroma, and we got f a r (T)
which is 10% substance and 90% aroma, and, we got c u n (T) which everybody
enjoys......"






Denver
11/03/86
Mexican
Joe


           What do you get when you mix a Mexican and a squirrel?

                      A tree full of hubcaps.........










Denver
11/03/86
Sexist
Dennis

           How are a sorority girl and a toilet seat different?

         After you use a toilet seat, it doesn't follow you around....











Atlanta
11/27/85
Mexican
Tom
This low budget oil producer had an oil well that was on fire.  He called
every oil well fire fighter in the phone book.  All of them were very
expensive.  Red Adair wanted $25,000 just to come look at the fire.  There
was no way he could afford this.  Finally, he noticed an ad for Jose's Fire
Fighting Service.  He called Jose and asked how much he charged?  Jose said,
"Senor, I only charge $1,000."  The producer thought, Great! "Well OK Jose,
come on out and look at my oil well fire."  The producer was standing on a
hill looking at his oil well fire when a pickup truck with Jose's Fire
Fighting on the door and ten Mexicans in the back came across the hill and
drove straight into the fire.  All of the Mexicans got out of the truck and
started stomping their feet and waiving their serapes screaming, "Ariba!
Ariba!"  After about fifteen minutes, the fire was out.  The producer
couldn't believe it.  The fire was out!  The producer yelled, "Congratula-
tions Jose!  What are you going to do with the $1,000?"  Jose answered,
"Well senor, the first thing I do is feex the brakes on this truck..."
Unknown
00/00/85
Cute
Unknown

Jack and Jill were working for this company.  The company had run into some
bad times and the guy that owned the company was going to have to lay either
Jack or Jill off.  He really couldn't decide which one to lay off because
they were both really good workers.  One day, he decided which ever one of
them came back from lunch first, he was going to lay off.  Sure enough, here
came Jill up the front stairs.  As she entered the front door, he walked up
to her and said, "Listen Jill, I'm really sorry but I'm going to have to
either lay you or Jack off."  Jill replied, "Well you're going to have to
jack off cause I got a headache........"





Wichita
11/20/86
Queer
Mike

            Have you heard about the Faggot Patch Dolls?

              They come with A.I.D.s and a death certificate....











Ft. Worth
09/23/86
Queer
Gary

             What does Len Bias and Rock Hudson have in common?

                They both got a hold of some bad crack......











Houston
11/27/86
Black
Clint

 Do you know why the palms and the bottom of Black peoples feet are white?

      Cause God didn't trust them either.  When he painted them black,
                    he made them assume the position......










Dallas
12/08/86
Cute
Greg

    This guy was saying, "Now that I have taken the Dallas Cowboys

       bumper sticker off my car, it's passing and running better..."











Austin
12/11/86
Aggie
Rob

This Aggie pilot and a friend were out flying one day.  As they came in for
a landing, the Aggie had to really hit the brakes to stop.  I mean this guy
set this plane up on it's nose to stop in time.  The Aggie says, "God Damn!
That runway is short!"  His friend says, "Yea, but look how wide it is...."










Ft. Worth
12/31/86
Black
Brad

            How are a white wall tire and a black man different?

          White wall tires don't sing when you put chains on them....











Ft. Worth
01/01/86
Black
BBS


     Did you hear that Buckwheat, of Little Rascals fame, joined the
                             Black Muslims?

                  He's now known as "Kareem A'Wheat".....









Ft. Worth
01/01/86
Cute
BBS

  Did you hear that the Dallas Cowboys are changing their name to Tampons?

   They're only good for one period and they don't have a second string...











Ft. Worth
01/01/87
Sexist
BBS

     Do you know why men shake their pecker after they take a piss?

         Cause they can't teach it to go "SSNNIIFFFFFFFFF....".











Ft. Worth
01/01/87
Sexist
BBS

  This man comes home unexpectedly to find his wife laying in bed naked,
  and a strange man in the act of taking his pants off. "For the last time
  Madam," says the stranger, rising to the occasion, "if you do not pay
  your gas bill immediately, I WILL shit on the floor........"










Ft. Worth
01/11/86
Aggie
Burt

     Did you hear that Texas A&M had to cancel their drivers education,

                    and, their sex education classes?

                            Their mule died.....









Ft. Worth
01/06/87
Cowboys
Gary

   Did you hear who the new coach of the Dallas Cowboys was going to be?

        Linda Lovelace...   She's blown a few but, she's never choked
                                   on the big one...........










Student's BBS
01/12/86
Aggie
Sharon

              Do you know why Aggies don't eat M&Ms?

                 They can't figure out how to peel them........











Ft. Worth
01/19/87
Jewish
BBS

       What's the difference between a Jewish American Princess and
                    a Catholic American Princess?

     A Catholic American Princess has fake jewelry and real orgasms....

     A Jewish American Princess has real jewelry and fake orgasms......








Dallas
01/28/86
Cute
Radio

      How are a rattlesnake and a rubber with a hole in it the same?


            You don't want to screw with either one of them......










Dallas
01/28/87
Religious
Radio

                Did you hear about Oral Roberts' accident?

       He was walking down the street and got hit by a giant boat.....











Dallas
02/23/87
Sexist
Flea Market BBS

   Have you ever noticed that single men, as a general rule are slender
    and married men are chunky...  You know why?

      Cause when a single man gets home, he looks in the refrigerator
              and then goes to bed......

       When a married man gets home, he looks in the bed, then goes
                 to the refrigerator.........






Dallas
02/23/87
Sexist
Radio


    Did you hear about the new magazine Hugh Hefner is coming out with?
         It's kind of like Play Boy only it's for married men....

 It's going to have the same centerfold month, after month, after month....









Dallas
03/01/87
Religious
BBS

Moses and Jesus were playing golf one day when they came up to a long hole
with a water trap right in the middle of the fairway.  Jesus teed his ball
up and pulled out a two iron.  Moses saw this and said, "You can't make it
over that trap with a two iron."  Jesus replied, "Jack Nicklaus does it all
the time.  Sure I can."  So Jesus hit the ball and sure enough, the ball
fell right into the trap.  Moses walked down, parted the water and retrieved
Jesus's ball.  As he brought it back up to Jesus he said, "See, I told you
you would never make it over that trap.  Your going to need at least a four
wood."  Jesus said, "No!  If Jack Nicklaus can do this with a two iron, I
can!"  So he hit the ball again.  Right into the trap it went.  As Jesus
was walking around on the top of the water, looking for his ball, a golfer
walked by and asked Moses, "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?"
Moses replied, "No, he thinks he's Jack Nicklaus......"

Dallas
03/01/87
Sexist
BBS


          What do fat girls and mopeds have in common?

            They're fun to ride... Until your friends find out......










Dallas
03/01/87
Sexist
BBS


              How are your wife and your job different?

                After ten years, your job still sucks......










Dallas
03/01/87
Queer
BBS


          How can you tell you have walked into a Gay church?

              Only half the congregation is on their knees......










Dallas
03/01/87
Religious
BBS


        Why doesn't Jesus eat M&Ms?

             They keep falling through the holes in his hands.....










Dallas
03/01/87
Cute
BBS

  This carrot and dick were sitting around comparing their days.  The
  carrot said, "Shit, I almost ended up in a stew today.."  The dick says,
  "Big deal!  They woke me up early this morning.  Made me stand at
  attention.  Put a bag over my head, then shoved me in a dark hole.  If
  that wasn't bad enough, then they made me do pushups until I puked!"









Dallas
03/01/87
Cute
BBS

  Letter to Dear Abby;

    Dear Abby,
      My new girl friend and I are very much in love.  The only problem
      is, the other night, she told me she had a disease.  I can't
      remember if it was TB or VD.  What should I do?
                                               Signed,
                                                 Lovelorn
    Dear Lovelorn,
      If she coughs, fuck her.....




Dallas
03/01/87
Sick
BBS

  These two plastic surgeons were out playing golf the other day.  One of
  them said, "About the most interesting thing I have ever done, was graft
  tits onto the back of a sailor."  The other asked, "Was it a success?"
  The first one says, "Hell yes!  If his asshole holds out, we'll both be
  millionaires in another month or so...."









Dallas
03/01/87
Sick
BBS


                What does an elephant use for a vibrator?

                          An epileptic pygmy....










Dallas
03/25/87
Queer
Radio

     What was the last thing Rock Hudson said to his last girlfriend?

               Bend over honey, and take it like a man......











Dallas
03/25/87
Sexist
Radio

  These two guys and a girl were stranded on a deserted island.  After a
  week, the girl just couldn't take what these two guys were doing to her
  anymore, so she killed herself.....  After about two weeks, the guys
  couldn't take what they were doing to her either, so they buried her...




       Yes, this one is really sick......





Dallas
04/14/87
Cute
Flea Market BBS
These two space men landed on earth.  They walked up to a fence pole and
said, "Take us to your leader!"  When the pole did not respond, they blew it
away leaving it in flames.  Next they walked up to a cow.  "Take us to your
leader or we will blow you away too!"  The cow just sat there chewing her
grass.  The space men blew her away too.  Next they walked into a small
town.  The first thing they came up to was a gas station.  Again they said,
"Take us to your leader or we will blow you away!"  When the gas pump didn't
respond the space man raised his gun and started to fire.  The second said,
"Wait a minute.  Maybe we shouldn't."  The second pulled the trigger.  There
was this giant explosion with flames all over the place.  The first space
man asked, "How did you know?"  The second responded, "Any guy that can take
his dick, wrap it around his head and stick it in his ear, you don't fuck
with......"