Under modern law, as long as the father is co-habiting with the mother, the duties of guardianship, custody and maintenance of the children rest firmly with him. He is ultimately responsible for religious, educational and disciplinary decisions. He is head of the family.
But where there is a choice of parent, such as in divorce or illegitimacy cases, the law usually swings sharply in favour of the mother.
If the parents seek a divorce, the custody of the child or children, up to the age of 16, is normally awarded to the mother. The duty to maintain the child financially up to the age of 16, however, almost always falls on the father; and if higher education is pursued, the maintenance order may be extended for several years. Except in very rare circumstances, the father is granted some access.
At present, the unmarried father has virtually no rights so far as his child is concerned. The mother automatically assumes custody and the responsibility to maintain the child or have it adopted, as she thinks best. If an affiliation order is taken out, the unmarried father has to pay whatever maintenance the court orders. In most cases he manages to avoid the financial burden: out of the 63,340 illegitimate births in 1964, only 7,167 affiliation orders were granted.
In 1959 a clause was introduced to the Illegitimacy Act making it possible for the father to go to court asking for custody of and/or access to the child. Custody is very rarely granted; but if the father is making some contribution, there is a reasonable likelihood of his gaining access. If adoption proceedings are started, a father paying maintenance would be informed and have a chance to express his views.
The large majority of fathers in this country are of course neither divorced nor unmarried. They live at home with their families and assume whatever responsibilities they think fit-or have time for.
In Patterns of Infant Care by John and Elizabeth Newson (Pelican), first published by George Allen & Unwin, 1963, under the title Infant Care in an Urban Community, a survey in Nottingham revealed that 52 per cent of fathers were highly participant, 27 per cent moderately participant, leaving only 21 per cent non-participant, in helping to care for their children.
There are many different answers to the question "What is a father?". Here we quote some opinions from wives, husbands and children. Perhaps they will provoke discussion - even help to define what now seems a shadowy role.
June H. is a housewife, her husband an executive in a publishing company. They have a son of nearly two. "Paul's idea is to keep well away from John and go out and play golf as often as possible. He won't do anything in the house. Even when I was ill, I still did the cooking and looked after the baby-and got very bad tempered. I don't want him to help. I don't think it is his place to do so. The mother should bring up the child and have all the bother. I hope that he will take over the discipline. I expect, when John gets older, I shall be left in the house, while they go off and enjoy themselves."
Maureen and Mark L. have two small daughters. He is a barrister. As they do not have living-in help, Maureen spends most of her time with the children. "Mark doesn't have anything to do with the chores. I think it is my role. But he takes over the children at weekends and almost entirely gives up his time to them. I like it that way. I want Daddy to be a treat. You see I had a very strained relationship with my father-he was mainly the discipline figure. Mark and I both deal with discipline on the spot and never save it up for each other. We share the educational decisions entirely, and both answer any questions as they come up. When I asked questions, my mother would tell me to ask my father; but she knew I wouldn't because I was frightened of doing so. Mark is a marvellous father! He never ceases to impress me."
Annette L., 30, is a sociologist who hopes to continue working. Her husband is an accountant who is currently writing a book. They have just had their first baby. "A father should be a constant support and encouragement to the mother. This involves an enormous amount of practical help: holding the baby, cooking a meal - somebody who can cope with you and the baby so that you can rest. The father should never be a disciplinary threat. He and the mother should be partners in most matters affecting the child: education, discipline and so on.
Maureen Jones does daily cleaning. She and her husband have one son, aged 10. "Dad's very good to us. He wants his tea when he gets in but he's marvellous in the house. Does lots of little jobs for me. Course a man ought to. I mean, he's part of the family, isn't he? But when Johnny was small, he couldn't do enough: changing his nappies and all that sort of thing. Good as a woman, any day, our Dad!"
Roger is a computer analyst, his wife Jane is in advertising. They have been married a year. Now they are expecting a baby. It was not planned. It is not wanted. Jane is earning a very good salary. The loss of income, if she stops working, will make a substantial difference to their standard of living. Jane feels rather sentimental about the baby but views its arrival with a certain apprehension.
Roger is furious: "What a nuisance having a baby! I know what it will be like - always screaming for food and waking us up in the middle of the night. We shall have to get a nanny."
Clive L. is a publisher. He has a son and a daughter. His wife, Penny, has written a book in between the cooking and the children and is working on a second one. "I feel that a father should steer without influencing the child. He should respect it as a person and not as an extension of himself. The father will probably tend to be the stronger disciplinarian but it is ridiculous for him to be a policeman! I didn't anticipate the sordid side of fatherhood: nappy changing for example; but if the wife works, there are certain distasteful jobs which have to be done and it is really a question of whoever is available. Education is a joint decision. It is very easy because Penny and I happen to agree. I was and am fairly romantic about being a father. I thought that there would be great emotional pleasure - and there is.
"The most important thing that a father can do is to make children aware of the responsibilities they have to other people; to stimulate their curiosity; show them what is possible and give them every chance of developing."
Anthony S. is a barrister, his wife, Carolyn, an educational psychologist. They have a small son. "I am continuing to live my life exactly as it was before except that there is a third member. He is just one more person at home. Before you have a child, you think what hell having a child. Then he arrives and becomes part of your life and you can't imagine it any different. Parents must be adjustable so their life isn't bogged down. It is largely a question of money. If we didn't have a living-in girl, life would be pretty unbearable.
Sid G. is a window cleaner. He has four children aged between seven and 15. "I don't see all that much of the kids. They are always out - playing or something. It's expensive being a father. Always asking for money - that's what they are! Where do they think it comes from, that's what I want to know!"
Hugo is two and a half, "Daddy is the man that loves Mummy."
James is seven, an only child. "I think a Daddy is someone who ought to play games. Daddy doesn't do it very often. He is just too busy and too lazy. No, I wouldn't specially want to see him more."
David, 10, has a stepfather. "Our father helps us. He explains words we don't understand. He teaches us about stamps and coins. When there is a big job like painting the house, we help him."
Nicholas is 11, one of six children. "He is responsible for you. He works and keeps you living. He helps me a lot with my homework. He takes me out and explains things; he is very interesting. I learn a lot of things from him."
Claudia is 13. "Daddy is head of the family. He guides you and if you don't know something you can ask him. I would go to my father on things that happen in school: what O levels I should take, for example. A father should be a knowledgeable person. I think it is much nicer if you have a father to do things with."
Brian, 15, is a hairdresser's assistant. "The only things I discuss with my father are money questions. I never go to him about ordinary advice. I talk to my mother instead. I don't really know why. I just prefer it like that."
Georgina is 24. She is a secretary and shares a flat with a friend in London. "My father is very canny about money. He is a little bit incredulous about the things I wear and the life I lead. He can't really interfere because he is so far away. I discuss strictly business matters with him: if I were overdrawn, for example, I would go to him. Never anything emotional. If my father objected to one of my boyfriends, I should definitely try to see his point of view but I am much more likely to discuss anything personal with my flatmate. I was in mortal terror of my father until I was 17. He never had anything to do with the actual taking care of us. He thought that looking after children was a woman's business. If I get married, I would like my husband to know his children better."
