We are orbiting a newly discovered earthlike planet off the Arcturan system, investigating the disappearance of the Federation exploration ship ΓÇÿBeagleΓÇÖ.
Scene: The bridge of the USS Enterprise, Kirk sitting on his throne. Planet visible on viewscreen, crewmembers busily adjusting instruments.
Kirk: ΓÇ£Open all hailing frequencies, lieutenant Uhura.ΓÇ¥
Uhura holds her ear/phone.
Uhura: ΓÇ£All hailing frequencies open, Sir. No messages.ΓÇ¥
Kirk: ΓÇ£Mr. Spock ?ΓÇ¥
Spock looks into his peep show machine.
Spock: ΓÇ£Our instruments show some energy readings from the planet. It would seem logical that they are connected with the disappearance of the ΓÇÿBeagleΓÇÖ.ΓÇ¥
Spock activates his noise-making instrument.
Spock: ΓÇ£There are no life form readings, though.ΓÇ¥
Kirk: ΓÇ£WeΓÇÖll form a landing party. Myself, Mr. Spock, Bones and two security guards, since we donΓÇÖt know whatΓÇÖs down there.ΓÇ¥
Scene: Transporter room. Mr. Scott at the controls, second crewmember standing by. Enter Kirk, Spock, McCoy and two red_shirts. They step up to the transporter plates.
Kirk: ΓÇ£Ready, Scotty ?ΓÇ¥
Scott: ΓÇ£Aye, aye, Serr.ΓÇ¥
Kirk: ΓÇ£Energize!ΓÇ¥
Mr. Scott uses his light fader, and they disappear from view in the usual shimmer.
Scene: The standard styrofoam set of ΓÇÿreddish planet.ΓÇÖ The landing party comes into view in the transporter shimmer. As they look around, a sudden splotch of light appears, and sends out two beams of light to the red_shirts, which both collapse.
McCoy uses his little twiddly device on the fallen men.
McCoy: ΓÇ£TheyΓÇÖre dead, Jim.ΓÇ¥
Kirk opens his communicator.
Kirk: ΓÇ£This is Captain Kirk, come in Enterprise.ΓÇ¥
Uhura on communicator: ΓÇ£This is Enterprise, lieutenant Uhura.ΓÇ¥
Kirk: ΓÇ£We have lost both security officers. Beam their bodies up for investigation, while we proceed towards the source of the energy readings.ΓÇ¥
Uhura: ΓÇ£Yes, Sir.ΓÇ¥
Uhura: "Sir, the transporter crew reports it malfunctioning. We cannot beam anything upΓÇôΓÇ¥
Communicator makes funny static sounds.
Kirk: ΓÇ£Enterprise.ΓÇ¥
Kirk adjusts his communicator.
Kirk: ΓÇ£This is Kirk, COME IN Enterprise.ΓÇ¥
Kirk: ΓÇ£Also our communicators seem to be malfunctioning. Set weapons for stun with extreme predjudice.ΓÇ¥
Kirk, Spock and McCoy adjust their weapons.
Spock: ΓÇ£The source of the energy readings is 243.4 meters in that direction.ΓÇ¥
Spock points towards the background-painting cliffs.
They move in that direction walking in a crouched-over fashion, leaving the two fallen men behind.
Scene: Enterprise bridge, Mr. Scott sitting on the throne, Sulu at the weapons position and Chekov at the navigation console.
Scott: ΓÇ£Lieutenant Uhura, can ye raise the landing party?ΓÇ¥
Uhura: ΓÇ£No, Sir, the communicators seem to be malfunctioning.ΓÇ¥
Scott: ΓÇ£Sound red alert.ΓÇ¥
Uhura presses small buttons on her console, the alert sound is heard and the red light beside the turbolift door starts blinking.
Uhura: ΓÇ£All decks, this is RED ALERT, I repeat, this is RED ALERT.ΓÇ¥
Scott: ΓÇ£Shields up, Mr. Sulu.ΓÇ¥
Sulu presses buttons on his console.
Sulu: ΓÇ£Sir, the shield generators seem to be malfunctioning.ΓÇ¥
One of the consoles for which no function is ever ascribed to on the port side of the bridge suddenly sparks and smokes. Mr. SpockΓÇÖs computer lights up, and starts blinking information slides on itΓÇÖs screen.
Uhura: ΓÇ£Sir, someoneΓÇÖs tapping all our computer records. I cannot shut it off.ΓÇ¥
Chekov: ΓÇ£Ser, ve havv lost vorp powerr.ΓÇ¥
ChekovΓÇÖs console smokes and blows up. Chekov screams and collapses.
Crewmembers rush over to tend to him. SpockΓÇÖs computer keeps on blinking.
Scene: Styrofoam planet set. A large splotch of light is visible over the rocks. The landing party enters.
Spock: ΓÇ£This is the orignating point for those energy readings, but there is only this light to be seen. Fascinating.ΓÇ¥
Kirk: ΓÇ£Whatever it is, it seems to be deadly. I am responsible for the lives of 420 crewmen on the Enterprise. Open fire.ΓÇ¥
All three point their phasers at the light, but nothing happens.
Suddenly, three aliens dressed in silvery robes appear, complete with bulbuous veined heads and small saucer ears.
Kirk steps forward and drop kicks the first alien. A poorly fought fight ensues. Kirk and McCoy use their fists and Spock uses the Vulcan nerve pinch, resulting in three unconcious aliens. They suddenly disappear as quickly as they first appeared.
Kirk points his phaser at the light. This time it works, and the splotch of light winks out as if someone had switched off a special effect (in fact, that is excactly what happens).
KirkΓÇÖs communicator bleeps. He flips it open.
Kirk: ΓÇ£Enterprise, this is Kirk.ΓÇ¥
Uhura on communicator: ΓÇ£Sir, we were under attack and all our equipment was malfunctioning, but we are now all right.ΓÇ¥
Kirk: ΓÇ£We have destroyed what was attacking the ship and what probably destroyed the ΓÇÿBeagleΓÇÖ.ΓÇ¥
Scotty on communicator: ΓÇ£Eym mighty glad to hear that, Serr.ΓÇ¥
Kirk: ΓÇ£Beam me up, Scotty.ΓÇ¥
Scene: Bridge of Enterprise. McCoy and Scott standing by Kirk, Spock tending his beloved computer. Sulu, Chekov and other crewmembers are fixing circuitry at their positions.
McCoy: ΓÇ£The next time you want crew for a landing party, pick someone else. IΓÇÖm a doctor, Jim, not a prize fighter!ΓÇ¥
Everyone except Spock chuckles.
(Thanks to the ΓÇÿStar Trek Drinking GameΓÇÖ, author unknown)
