I'm tired of getting up early to deliver newspapers, so I thought I'd try something different.
I'm good at waiting on tables; at least, my wife never complains.
Yes, you will have seen me in the newspapers. Until recently I was on the list of the richest men in the country; and then one day I gambled it all away. (Sob!)
Right after that, my wife left me, and took the kangaroo with her; now I need cash urgently. I could advise you in financial matters; for example, horse racing is a foolproof way to make money.
Are you looking for a waiter? Great, I'm your man! I said to my girlfriend yesterday, they're really lucky I'm still free.
I used to be a farmer, but there's not much money in farming these days. I used to look after cattle, and I'm sure I can learn about meat when I'm working here.
I'm not keen on work actually, but we've all got to earn a crust somehow - and there's worse jobs than being a waiter in a pizzeria like this.
My wife told me to tell you I'm looking for work, that I'm looking for a job.
So, I want to work, serve people their meals and stuff. If you have any questions, you'd better talk to my wife.
Here we go then. Where's the oven? Now, let's get to work. I don't want anything to get burned.
Don't you wear a tie? The decor looks very shabby. You don't seem to have many customers at the moment. As long as the money's right, I'll start work, and all your problems will be solved in no time at all.
I've been studying ecology for 10 years, specialising in plant psychology. Now I want to take a break from studying so I can relax a bit; I thought I might try being a waiter.
I could take care of your plants as well, and get rid of their... tendencies. Most plants that are kept indoors suffer from some behavioural dysfunction, you know.
The kids have left home, my husband sits in front of the television all day in his vest, and I'm not as young as I used to be. I need a change in my life. Do you need a good worker in the kitchen?
Allow me to introduce my unworthy self. For many years I have faithfully served my great lord and master Saralus Abudal,
and was allowed to prepare his meals for which I am eternally grateful to him. You may be sure of my gratitude if you take me into your service.
References? How do you mean? Certificates? No, I haven't got none. Papers? No, I never read 'em.
Cooking? Is that that heat thing?
Would you like to see a photo of my girlfriend? We met two weeks ago at a party, and we're going to go away together in the summer.
It won't be cheap. I'd like to work here in the holidays. I've worked on a hot dog stall, so I know a bit about cooking.
I'm through with childhood dreams; now it's time for pizza dreams. I've been around on my travels, and I've got contacts all over the world. I can help you make it right to the top.
I don't know why I even bothered coming. No one's going to em-ploy me; I'm bo-ring, and I've got flat feet from wai-ting on ta-bles for so long.
I'm aller-gic to straw-berr-ies, and I come out in hot flushes. Honest, would you em-ploy some-body like me?
You're lucky I managed to get here; when the women see me in the street, there's no holding them!
It's no wonder, with my charisma. I just need to raise my eyebrow and the chicks go wild. I bet you could use a guy like me as your personnel manager.
Heard the one about the guy who goes to the psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains!", and the doctor says, "Pity, I specialize in blinds!" Ha, ha! No, but seriously, the patient -
Oops, I mean the customer - is king! Listen, heard the one about the chimp who goes into a bar...
I'm sure I don't need to introduce myself, I'm always in the business supplements.
I can't remember how many companies I've been managing director of - I stopped counting ages ago. When do I start?
Hi, boss! Can I have a beer? I was sacked from the wine store last week when they caught me testing the alcohol content of the stock.
But what can I do if I'm thirsty? I could help you in the kitchen. Have you got anything stronger than cola?
Bon jorno! I've just spent a year in Italia, and have gained a lot of experience. The Italians are great!
My friend had a pizzeria there, so I picked up a lot of tips about making pizzas. When I earn enough money, I'm going back to Italy next year.