$ Landfill sites have been discovered underneath all Dutch tomato fields. As a result, all Dutch tomatoes have been contaminated by dioxin. Tomatoes are expected to shoot up in price.
º Portugal: Cucumbers poisoned !
$ Following an oil tanker crash, oil has seeped into the ground water used to water the cucumber fields of Portugal, and all the cucumbers have been contaminated by the oily water. The price of cucumbers is expected to rise.
º Netherlands: Tomatoes decontaminated !
$ The contaminated tomatoes have now been disposed of, and the new tomatoes are edible. We expect the price of tomatoes to fall again.
º Ground water clear !
$ The ground water in the cucumber fields in Portugal has been cleaned up, and experts say that the new harvest is fit for consumption. The price of cucumbers is already falling and the situation is stabilizing.
º New oven developed !
$ French scientists have developed a new, super-fast oven which is 70 percent faster than standard ovens. These new ovens will bring about a revolution in cooking.
º HEAT WAVE !
$ Because of the extreme heat this summer, food is rotting much quicker. You are advised to store food only in air conditioned warehouses.
º COLD SNAP !
$ According to a survey carried out by the University of Behavioral Sciences, cucumbers are in great demand.
º Import halted !
$ Following the breakdown of the Agriculture Conference, a three month ban on vegetable imports has been announced. Every import or export of any vegetables into or out of our town is prohibited.
º Import stopped !
$ Our ministers have failed to reach agreement on the lifting of subsidies on pineapples and import quotas of fresh vegetables. As a compromise, a one month ban on the export of meat from our town has been announced. Congratulations!
º Trade embargo !
$ After long discussions the Union of Fruit Traders has agreed that only native fruits should be offered for sale. A two month ban on imports and exports has been announced.
º Trade embargo !
$ For the next three months, the import and export of cheese and spices is to be prohibited, our Mayor announced in an interview, and referred to the social consolidation plan.
º Interest rates rising !
$ The President of the National Bank has announced that interest rates are rising rapidly. As a result, very few people will be able to afford to borrow money.
º Interest rates falling !
$ The President of the National Bank has announced that interest rates are falling rapidly. More and more people are asking for loans. This means that people are able to buy more goods.
º New health consciousness !
$ Consumers are demanding healthier food, and meat and high-calorie foods are out. Wholemeal and vegetarian meals are the hit of the season. Should a new pizza be developed?
º Pizza coming up !
$ All types of pizza are equally in demand.
º Land prices rising !
$ Prices of plots of land in the town are rising. This seems to be a result of the enormous boom in construction. Experts think that the boom will continue for the next six months.
º Land prices falling !
$ Prices of plots of land in the town are falling. This seems to be a result of the depression in the construction industry. This depression will affect prices for the next few months.
º Pizzeria blown up !
$ A pizzeria was blown up last night. Nobody was hurt. It is not yet known if this was an accident or a criminal act.
º Netherlands stop trade !
$ The Netherlands has ceased all trade with Europe, resulting in enormous price rises for vegetables. It is not clear why the Netherlands do not wish to trade with Europe.
º The Netherlands resume trade !
$ The Netherlands have resumed trade with Europe. Vegetable prices are expected to stabilize in the next few days. It is still not known why the Netherlands ceased trading with Europe.
º Music while you dine !
$ A survey has shown that more and more people are requesting music while they have their meal. The type of music depends on the social standing of the individual.
º Gambling after dinner !
$ A survey has shown that more and more people want to be able to gamble after their meal. Favourites are easy to understand action and strategy games.
º Pizza robbery !
$ Thefts of food from pizza restaurants is increasing. The reason for this is not known.
º The sick men of Europe !
$ More then 100 million Europeans are allergic to red peppers. It is not yet known if the new insecticides are responsible for this state of affairs.
º Garlic blacklisted !
$ More and more people are falling ill after eating garlic. This could be the fault of the new types of garlic which have been grown in the last few months.
º Salami out of favour !
$ Sales of salami have fallen; this could be the result of the growing health consciousness.
º Pizzeria contaminated !
$ Last night an unknown person contaminated a pizza restaurant with a highly toxic insecticide. It is not known who carried out the attack or what the motive for the crime was.
º Pizzeria blown up !
$ Last night an unknown person dropped a bomb at a pizzeria in our town. A local police spokesman said it is believed the mafia is involved.
º Europe sick again !
$ A new allergy is spreading through Europe. Many people are breaking out in spots while eating red peppers. The new highly toxic insecticides may be responsible, as the red pepper plants absorb them from the ground into their leaves and the fruit itself.
º Spanish salad contaminated !
$ An accident in a Spanish nuclear reactor has contaminated the salad harvest. A team of specialists are trying to decontaminate the ground. The price of salad is increasing dramatically.
º Apples coming up !
$ A survey has shown that apples are the success story of the year. Children and young people, in particular, prefer to have an apple with their meal.
º No demand for pineapples !
$ Pineapples are becoming more and more unpopular, claims behavioral scientist Dr. F. N. Furter.
º Peaches are healthy !
$ The Committee of Nutritional Medicine has discovered that peaches contain most of the vitamins and minerals needed by human beings.
º New trend in nutrition !
$ A survey has shown that grapes are not very popular. Spicy food is in greater demand.
º Kiwi mega-in !
$ The little fruit with the funny name is popular with people of all ages, a survey carried out by Prof. Hotcake has shown.
º Chillies out !
$ Nobody is asking for chillies. This may explain the low demand for spicy meals.
º Potatoes very healthy !
$ According to Prof. Finebone, potatoes contain all the important vitamins and minerals that are needed by human beings.
º Corn is out !
$ A survey has shown that corn is not a popular vegetable. It seems that most people prefer spicy food, and find corn too sweet.
º Asparagus improves your looks !
$ This sensational news has been announced by Dr. S. Windle, who said that he had discovered the beneficial properties of asparagus by eating a lot of it himself.
º Edible mushrooms contaminated !
$ Edible mushrooms have been seriously contaminated by pollution. Meals containing these mushrooms are a danger to health.
º Salmon is healthy !
$ Salmon is still a very healthy food, low in calories, and very popular with consumers.
º Trout contaminated !
$ As a result of increasing pollution, trout is becoming increasingly contaminated by different poisons. Eating trout may cause serious problems to everybody.
º Caviare is mega-out !
$ Dealers can hardly give caviar away. It seems the consumer does not like the idea of eggs being taken out of live fish. The product is being boycotted because of the cruel methods used to kill the fish.
º Lobster boycotted !
$ Consumers are boycotting all lobster products because the poor creature is put into boiling water to prevent the shell being damaged.
º Beef rising in popularity !
$ More and more consumers are rediscovering beef. A great advantage of beef is that it is very lean.
º No demand for eggs !
$ There is absolutely no demand for eggs. It seems that this is because of the high percentage of cholesterol and the danger of SALMONELLA poisoning.
º Ginger in great demand !
$ Ginger is a very popular spice with the consumer. It is tasty and makes any meal special.
º Gorgonzola is fantastic !
$ Gorgonzola has been declared cheese of the year. In second place was Mozzarella, and in third place Pamerino.
º Change of mind !
$ Up to now, children have always preferred sweet pizzas; but now for some reason it seems they only want hot, spicy food!
º Elderly people keen on sweets !
$ It's strange, but the older generation has suddenly gone wild about the pizza restaurants in our town; they used to be very conservative in their choice of meals, but now they are mad about fruit pizzas and any other sweet meals!
º Elderly people keen on sweets !
$ It's strange, but the older generation has suddenly gone wild about the pizza restaurants in our town; they used to be very conservative in their choice of meals, but now they are mad about fruit pizzas and any other sweet meals!
