No Fragments Archive 10: Diskmags/nf_archive_10.iso/MAGS/ARGANOID/ARG_ST2.MSA/AUSTRALI.DOC

Text File | 1995-02-25 | 16KB | 378 lines

                          SATURDAY 12TH NOVEMBER 1994

                           THE AUSTRALIAN GRAND PRIX

                              ADELAIDE, AUSTRALIA


4:41pm (and it's already dark...)


The big one. Two men. Two teams. One title...


One former champion on pole position...


        1) MANSELL (Williams)
                                2) SCHUMACHER (Benetton)
        3) HILL (Williams)
                                4) HAKKINEN (McLaren)
        5) BARRICHELLO (Jordan)
                                6) IRVINE (Jordan)
        7) HERBERT (Benetton)
                                8) ALESI (Ferrari)
        9) BRUNDLE (McLaren)
                                10) FRENTZEN (Sauber)
        11) BERGER (Ferrari)
                                12) PANIS (Ligier)
        13) BLUNDELL (Tyrrell)
                                14) ZANARDI (Lotus)
        15) KATAYAMA (Tyrrell)
                                16) ALBORETO (Minardi)
        17) LEHTO (Sauber)
                                18) MARTINI (Minardi)
        19) FITTIPALDI (Arrows)
                                20) LAGORCE (Ligier)
        21) MORBIDELLI (Arrows)
                                22) SALO (Lotus)
        23) NODA (Larrousse)
                                24) BRABHAM (Simtek)
        25) DELETRAZ (Larrousse)
                                26) SCHIATTARELLA (Simtek)
        NQ) BELMONDO (Pacific)
                                NQ) GACHOT (Pacific)


Larrousse continue with their policy of introducing drivers no-one has ever
heard of by giving us Jean-Denis Deletraz, who replaces Erik Comas for this
final race. Simtek have brought back 'the journalists' nightmare', with
Domenico 'Mimmo' Schiattarella at the back of the grid. Pacific continue with
their policy of not qualifying, although this may be because Gachot didn't
actually manage to set a qualifying time (at least, not one under 7 minutes).
This means that, in their first season, Pacific have only ONCE qualified ahead
of another car, that being Gachot ahead of Brabham in Brazil... Next season,
they are likely to have their new chassis, the PRO2, which might put them back
onto the grid...

It looks like Simtek will also be finishing the season with no points, and
Lotus probably aren't jumping with joy at the prospect of having the above
apply to them as well - although Zanardi's 14th position is the best since
Italy.

This may well be the last race of Michele Alboreto, and Lehto is probably not
going to be on the big shopping list when the time comes for teams to choose
their drivers...


Anyway, now onto the important stuff. Hill must get two points more than
Schumacher to win the championship. If both drivers end up with the same number
of points, Schumacher will have won, because he has won more races.
Alternatively, Schumacher could ram Hill off at the first corner, taking both
cars out and ensuring that Schumi has the championship. But that would be a
dead stupid thing for Schumacher to do, and everybody would hate him for the
rest of eternity - in years to come, little children will ask their fathers
about Micheal Schumacher and their fathers will spit on the floor and say "He
was the champion who rammed his rival off the track". So he probably won't do
that...
We have Nigel Mansell in the pit lane with Tony Jar... no, wait a minute, no we
don't... We have Nigel Mansell on pole position in Adelaide. Hopefully, he
won't do what a lot of teams probably tell their drivers to do, which is to
block the driver behind to give some help to the team mate. Don't do this,
Nigel, it would be silly...


Another early (probably not) night for me - the race is live at 3:15am, I'll be
up here quicker than you can read 'The Lord of the Rings'... So give me a few
months...




Sunday 13th November, 5:49am...


A 1994 race. Not the normal kind of 1994 race, where Schumacher laps everyone a
million times, but a 1994 race in that it wasn't very good. From a personal
point of view, it was nearly a disaster. I set the alarm clocks for 3:05, and
went to sleep on the settee. At 3:05, they went off, I switched the light on,
switched them off, and then lay down again, extremely tired and not having
bothered to remember that the coverage was starting in 10 minutes. At around
3:30, I realised that there was a race on in Australia, so I switched the telly
on just in time to see the cars finishing the parade lap...


At the start, Nigel Mansell did the same as he did at Jerez, loads of
wheelspin, and Schumacher took the lead with Hill in second. Mansell then
continued with the same skill and precision by going off the track (although
staying in one piece). Then followed a very long time in which Schumacher and
Hill stayed about a second apart, pulling away from third place Mika Hakkinen.
Lots of time later, they pitted at the same time. It looked as if Schumacher
had a faster stop, he left the pits quite a bit ahead of Hill, although not a
very big bit. Then they got held up by millions of backmarkers, not least Jean-
Denis Deletraz in the Larrousse, who will probably collect the trophy for worst
driver of all time.

Then...

As Murray Walker said, the cars were right on the limit - there had been loads
of spins. We saw something that is rarely seen - Schumacher went off the track
right ahead of Hill. Schumi was slowed right down, as they came to the next
corner, Hill went for the lead, Schumacher should have let him through, but...
he tried, despite being much slower than Hill into the corner, to stay in the
lead. And we all know what happens when two people want the same position...
Schumacher went over Hill's tyre and the right hand side of his car flew into
the air and hit the wall. As Micheal Schumacher got out of the car, Hill was
going off into the distance EXTREMELY SLOWLY. So, the possible outcomes: Hill
has irrepairable damage to the car - Schumacher is champion. Hill manages to
finish 5th or higher - Hill is champion...

Hill limped back to the pits, where he sat in his car for ages as the Williams
pit crew looked at the broken wishbone on the front left of the car. The
wishbone is the bit which sort of connects the wheel to the car. This
particular one was buggered up in the middle and probably would have snapped
under pressure. Replacing it quickly would have been impossible. Hill climbed
out of the car, Schumacher was told by a marshal that he was champion. But it
was the worst possible way to be champion - what's the use of being a champion
if you can't spray everyone with champagne?

Williams-Renault won the constructors championship as well, with Johnny Herbert
having been out of the race for ages. Benetton were not the most popular team
this season and I think most people will be pleased with this result.


Meanwhile, there was still a race on, and Mansell was leading it, with Berger
second, Hakkinen third, Barrichello fourth and Panis fifth. Berger led when
Mansell went into the pits.

It seems a lot of drivers were a bit desperate in Adelaide. Jean-Crapis
Deletraz had already destroyed any chances of every having a career in racing
by getting himself a 10 second penalty (I would guess that this was for holding
everyone up). Then, Rubens Barrichello was given a 10 second penalty, for
speeding in the pits. The same then happened to Hakkinen... This wobbled the
order round a bit.

Then Berger had his pit stop. He was still in the lead when he came out, but
Mansell was right behind him. We then saw a repeat of the first half of the
race, but without the crashing, with Berger leading Mansell by around a second.
This ended when Berger mistook a corner for a large inflatable walrus.. no,
wait a minute, no he didn't... But the result of whatever happened was that
Berger went very wide and nearly hit the wall, and Mansell took the lead. A few
laps later, Frentzen destroyed all of Berger's chances by holding him up for
several laps.

The final major happening of the race was by Hakkinen, or more precisely, his
brakes. It was suspected that he had a brake problem, and this was seen to be
true when, as he slowed down at the end of the straight, the car spun out of
control and slid into a tyre barrier.



I expect Mansell was very happy to have avoided the prospect of his first
winless season since 1988... Competetion for the seats at Williams will be very
fierce now...


        1) Nigel Mansell (Williams)             10 Points
        2) Gerhard Berger (Ferrari)             6 Points
        3) Martin Brundle (McLaren)             4 Points
        4) Rubens Barrichello (Jordan)          3 Points
        5) Olivier Panis (Ligier)               2 Points
        6) Jean Alesi (Ferrari)                 1 Point
        7) Heinz-Harald Frentzen (Sauber)
        8) Christian Fittipaldi (Arrows)
        10) JJ Lehto (Sauber)
        11) Franck Lagorce (Ligier)


Here we go, here we go... (Thank god, it's the last one for a long time...)

(Nationalities included, just for a change)

        1994 FIA FORMULA ONE WORLD DRIVERS CHAMPIONSHIP:

        1) MICHEAL SCHUMACHER   (German)        92 Points
        2) Damon Hill           (English)       91 Points
        3) Gerhard Berger       (Austrian)      41 Points
        4) Mika Hakkinen        (Finnish)       26 Points
        5) Jean Alesi           (French)        24 Points
        6) Rubens Barrichello   (Brazillian)    19 Points
        7) Martin Brundle       (English)       16 Points
        8) David Coulthard      (Scottish)      14 Points
        9) Nigel Mansell        (English)       13 Points
        10) Jos Verstappen      (Dutch)         10 Points
        11) Olivier Panis       (French)        9 Points
        12) Mark Blundell       (English)       8 Points
        13) Heinz-Harald Frentzen (German)      7 Points
        14) Nicola Larini       (Italian)       6 Points
            Christian Fittipaldi (Brazillian)   6 Points
            Eddie Irvine        (Irish)         6 Points
        17) Ukyo Katayama       (Japanese)      5 Points
        18) Karl Wendlinger     (Austrian)      4 Points
            Pierluigi Martini   (Italian)       4 Points
            Andrea de Cesaris   (Italian)       4 Points
            Eric Bernard        (French)        4 Points
        22) Gianni Morbidelli   (Italian)       3 Points
        23) Erik Comas          (French)        2 Points
        24) Michele Alboreto    (Italian)       1 Point
            JJ Lehto            (Finnish)       1 Point



        1994 FIA FORMULA ONE CONSTRUCTORS CHAMPIONSHIP:

        1) WILLIAMS-RENAULT     (English)       118 Points
        2) Benetton-Ford        (English)       103 Points
        3) Ferrari              (Italian)       71 Points
        4) McLaren-Peugeot      (English)       42 Points
        5) Jordan-Hart          (Irish)         28 Points
        6) Tyrrell-Yamaha       (English)       13 Points
           Ligier-Renault       (French)        13 Points
        8) Sauber-Mercedes      (Swiss)         12 Points
        9) Arrows-Ford          (English)       9 Points
        10) Minardi-Ford        (Italian)       5 Points
        11) Larrousse-Ford      (French)        2 Points


Williams take the constructors championship for the third season in a row.
Lotus, Simtek and Pacific score no points.



Retirements: Herbert, Irvine, Morbidelli, Noda, Katayama, Schiattarella, Hill,
Schumacher, Zanardi, Brabham, Salo, Deletraz, Blundell and Alboreto.

I don't actually know whether Jean-Denis Deletraz retired or not. You see, the
last time we knew (about halfway through the race), he had been lapped 10 times
by the leaders - and if a driver is lapped more than 6 times at the end of a
race, he is unclassified... So it may well be that he stayed on the track but
was extremely unclassified...



Wahey, let's have some really pointless made up championships now...


        ENGINE CHAMPIONSHIP:

        1) Renault                      131 Points
        2) Ford Zetec                   103 Points
        3) Ferrari                      71 Points
        4) Peugeot                      42 Points
        5) Hart                         28 Points
        6) Ford HB                      16 Points
        7) Yamaha                       13 Points
        8) Mercedes                     12 Points
        9) Ilmor                        0 Points


        INTERNATIONAL DRIVERS CHAMPIONSHIP:

        1) England                      128 Points
        2) Germany                      99 Points
        3) Austria                      45 Points
        4) France                       39 Points
        5) Finland                      27 Points
        6) Brazil                       25 Points
        7) Italy                        18 Points
        8) Scotland                     14 Points
        9) Netherlands                  10 Points
        10) Ireland                     6 Points
        11) Japan                       5 Points


        INTERNATIONAL CONSTRUCTORS CHAMPIONSHIP:

        1) England                      285 Points
        2) Italy                        76 Points
        3) Ireland                      28 Points
        4) France                       15 Points
        5) Switzerland                  12 Points


        COMBINED INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP:

        1) England                      413 Points
        2) Germany                      99 Points
        3) Italy                        94 Points
        4) France                       54 Points
        5) Austria                      45 Points
        6) Ireland                      34 Points
        7) Finland                      27 Points
        8) Brazil                       25 Points
        9) Scotland                     14 Points
        10) Switzerland                 12 Points
        11) Netherlands                 10 Points
        12) Japan                       5 Points


Finally, the most ridiculously pointless championship of all...

        FIRST LETTER OF DRIVERS' SURNAMES CHAMPIONSHIP:

        1) H                            117 Points
        2) S                            92 Points
        3) B                            88 Points
        4) A                            25 Points
        5) M                            20 Points
        6) C                            16 Points
        7) F                            13 Points
        8) V                            10 Points
        9) P                            9 Points
        10) L                           7 Points
        11) I                           6 Points
        12) K                           5 Points
        13) W                           4 Points
            d                           4 Points

I must say, I think the above must have been one of the weirdest things I have
ever done...



Well, sod off 1994, hello 1995, your lordship, we are not worthy, etc... This
season has put me off Formula One more than a kipper on a ten foot stick. If
the next season is as bad as this one, expect to see more cuts in the F1
section than in Tory voters. I suppose I'll have to write a review of this
thoroughly crap season, I don't know when I'll do it (probably after Autosport
comes out).

While Micheal Schumacher, the first German world champion, was talking about
how the championship really belonged to his family, Ayrton Senna, Flavio
Briatore (Benetton boss), the Benetton pit crew, Jean-Denis Deletraz
(whoops...), Damon Hill must have been feeling pretty annoyed. But as he said,
there's always the next season... And in that season, Hill said,


                       " W E ' L L    B E    B A C K ! "

- End of Season -

@e