No Fragments Archive 10: Diskmags/nf_archive_10.iso/MAGS/POWERMAG/POWER121.MSA/POWER_12.DK1_AMIGA2.PWR

Text File | 2010-04-21 | 8KB | 160 lines

                       ***  DIARY OF AN AMIGA  ***


                                   by

                                  GARY


Since  I last wrote to you nothing much has happened as BloodyAtariman  has
not been to visit Ohyeah with any of the PeeDee I told you about last time.
However, he did pop in during the week as Ohyeah was ill, but didn't use me
like last time.

Anyway, let me tell you about my week.


                                 MONDAY

Ohyeah woke and called his mum.  He was thrashing about on his bed with his
face in the pillow.  When his mum came in she said "Oh! you poor thing, not
again",  and then went downstairs to fetch a bowl of warm water.  Now  this
was something new so I watched with interest.  As you may remember,  Ohyeah
is my owner and is a typical Amiga owner, he has an attention span of about
20 minutes (good for an Amiga owner), grunts every third breath and has the
usual runny nose which pumps out huge amounts of goo.  It was this that was
causing all the fuss. Ohyeah had a cold. During the night his nose had been
working  overtime  and had soaked the pillow but as it dried his  face  had
stuck to the pillow.  His mum was bathing his face with the warm water  and
peeling the pillow off.  "No school for you today", said his mum, "The last
time  you went to school with a cold they made you walk around with a  fire
bucket tied under your chin,  those horrible teachers said you were  making
the corridors too slippery". Ohyeah grunted and grinned.


                                  TUESDAY


Ohyeah  was still in bed.  He had asked his mum to buy a load of comics  to
keep  him  occupied.  His mum called out that she was home and  started  to
tramp up the stairs. She came in with a pile of comics which she dropped on
the  bed and another magazine which she handed to  Ohyeah.  She  said,"I've
bought  you this computer magazine to read because I want you to  do  learn
how  to use your computer properly instead of playing Streetfighter  on  it
all  the  time.  I don't know if it's the right one for  your  Amiga,  it's
called PC World". Ohyeah grunted and grabbed the Beano.

After  Ohyeah  had struggled through all the hard words in  the  comics  he
picked up PC World,  "Wots dis",  he said,and looked at the cover,  he  had
already  forgotten what his mother had told him.  "PC World,  why  has  the
soppy cow bought me a magazine about the police". He threw it down and went
to sleep.


                                WEDNESDAY


Ohyeah  must have felt better because he loaded up Sreetfighter.  He  tried
playing for a while but he seemed more vacant and slower than usual.  After
a  few minutes he gave up and went back to bed without turning me  off.  He
sat there looking at the sprites on my friend Monitor with the goo from his
nose  making pretty patterns on his quilt.  He reached over to his  bedside
table  and  picked up an elastic band,  then he grabbed one of  the  toilet
rolls his mum had left him to mop up with,  tore of a sheet and stuffed  it
into his mouth. After he had chewed it for a while he took it out rolled it
into  a  ball  and  fired it at Monitors screen  which  was  still  showing
Streetfighter.  The soggy wad of tissue hit with a splat. "OHYEAH", he said
and both Monitor and I knew we were in for a very soggy time. When Monitor,
the  wall and I were covered in globs of gooey toilet tissue he got fed  up
and started reading yesterdays comics again.


                                THURSDAY


This was the day BloodyAtariman came to visit.  He came in with a couple of
disks and said,"I've brought you some PeeDee Software".

"Wot game is dat den", said Ohyeah.

"It's not a game it's just software. I'll show you", said BloodyAtariman.

He  took  one  step towards me and then saw that both Monitor  and  I  were
covered in crusty,  soggy and yukky toilet paper. He went white dropped the
disks and said,  "Perhaps you had better sort it out yourself", then he ran
out.  Ohyeah picked up the disks and looked at them.  They had no labels on
them and I heard him mumble, "How you s'posed ta know wot way ta put dem in
da machine if there's no writin on dem". He then bit the disk and said,"Dis
aint software it's as hard as me Fighter disk, dat BloodyAtariman is trying
ta make me look like a mug by givin me a disk wiv no writin on and  telling
me it's soft". He threw it over his shoulder and loaded Streetfighter.


                                   FRIDAY


Two  of Ohyeah's friend's came to visit,  Ohshit and Miturn.  They came  in
just  as  a  huge bubble was forming at  Ohyeah's  nose.  They  ran  around
laughing,  shouting "Gross" and making throwing up signs and  noises.  When
they  calmed down they scraped the lumps of tissue off Monitor  and  loaded
Streetfighter. Ohshit and Miturn started fighting over the joystick pulling
and tugging at it.  After a while Monitor started playing a little tune and
Ohshit and Miturn stopped tugging at the joystick.  Without them  realising
it  they  had completed the first level,  something none of them  had  done
before.  They all stood there looking at Monitor with their eyes glassy and
their  mouths open.  Just then Ohyeah sneezed and Monitor  suddenly  looked
like  he had been covered in cling film.  Ohshit and Miturn ran out  making
throwing up noises but this time I don't think they were joking.


                                 SATURDAY


Ohyeah felt much better today and his mum made him clean up Monitor. He set
to  work with a bucket of water and a wallpaper scraper and after  half  an
hour of swearing,  scraping and washing Monitor looked better.  Because  he
had done such a good job his mum gave him a present, it was a disk box with
a capacity of 40 disks. Ohyeah proudly put his Streetfighter disk in it (it
was the only disk he had),  and put it in the wardrobe.  By this time Oyeah
was fed up with computers so he got out his trained spider (remember them).
Just  then  Ohshit came holding a matchbox,  "Look at  dis",  he  said,"Ive
trained a spider not to run away as well.  Now we can play with our trained
spiders together".

"OHYEAH", said Ohyeah, "Let's ava look den".

Ohshit  proudly  and  carefully opened the matchbox and  they  both  looked
inside.  There inside the matchbox were eight spiders legs.  "OHSHIT", said
Ohshit, "I've chucked the wrong bit away".

Ohyeah laughed and said,"It takes practise to train a spider mate, it takes
loadsa practise".


                                   SUNDAY


Ohyeah turned me on and reached for Streetfighter,  but it wasn't where  he
normally  kept  it.  He  looked everywhere but could'nt  find  it,  he  had
forgotten  about the diskbox his mother had given him.  He came across  the
disks BloobyAtariman had given him a few days earlier.  Somehow he  managed
to  get it in the drive the right way even though there were no  labels  on
it.  It  was  a  word  processing  package,  I  knew  this  from  the  time
BloodyAtariman tried out that stuff called PeeDee on me.  Ohyeah sat  there
looking  at  Monitor in a daze but he fiddled about and more  through  luck
than  judgement managed to get into it.  He sat there for an  hour,  I  was
quite proud of him as I didn't realise Amiga owners could concentrate  that
long,  while he typed out his name and address.  When he finished his  name
and  address was clearly shown on the screen.  "Dat's  it",  he  said,  "If
anyone  nicks me Amiga der coppers have only got ta turn it on and me  name
and address is on da screen.  Well I aint gonna need dis disk anymore,  its
too much like hard work anyway".

The  poor slob then turned me off and threw the disk in the bin  thinking
his address was safe forever.

The end of another usual week in the life of an Amiga.