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Text File  |  1987-09-11  |  8KB  |  306 lines
  1. üPOPULARIJPPLICATIONSנFלURPHY'SכAWS ÇcompiledΓyקhomasקonino
  2.  
  3. EverybodyϕustΦaveΦeard∩f≤ome∩fלurphy's∮aws;⇧∩ne∩f⇧⌠hem 
  4. is⇧÷ery⇧πommonly⇧δnown⇧βnd≤ounds∮ike⇧ºIf⇧⌠here⇧βre⇧ϕany 
  5. different⇧≈aysΘn≈hich≤omethingπanΓeΣone,⇧⌠heµaulty⇧≈ays 
  6. will⌡ndoubtedlyΓeΣone'¿or≤omething∮ike⌠hat).
  7.  
  8. IΦaveπompiledβ∮ot∩f⌠heseβpplications⌠oלurphy'sכaws,βnd 
  9. have≡ut⌠hemΘn⌠hisβrticle.חΦope∙ouΦaveµun≥eading⌠hem!
  10.  
  11. If⇧β≤eries∩fσventsπanτo≈rong,⇧Θt≈illΣo≤oΘn⌠he⇧≈orst 
  12. possible≤equence.
  13.  
  14. After⌠hingsΦaveτoneµromΓad⌠o≈orse,⇧⌠heπycle≈ill⇧≥epeat 
  15. itself.
  16.  
  17. In⇧∩rder⇧µor≤omething⌠oΓecome⇧πlean,⇧≤omething⇧σlse⇧ϕust 
  18. become⇧Σirty,⇧Γut∙ouπanτetσverythingΣirty≈ithout⇧τetting 
  19. anythingπlean.
  20.  
  21. You≈illβlwaysµind≈hat∙ou're∈ot∮ookingµor.
  22.  
  23. The⇩⌠ime⇧Θt⇧⌠akes⇧⌠o⇧≥ectify⇧β⇧≤ituation⇩Θs⇩Θnversely 
  24. proportional⌠o⌠he⌠imeΘt⌠ook⌠oΣo⌠heΣamage.
  25.  
  26. TheΓest≈ay⌠oΘnspireµresh⌠houghtsΘs⌠o≤eal⌠he∮etter.
  27.  
  28. The⇧⌠endency⇧∩f⇧≤moke⌠oΣriftΘn≤omeones⇧µace⇧Θs⇧Σirectly 
  29. proportional≈ith⌠hat≡ersons≤ensitivity⌠o≤moke.
  30.  
  31. NeverϕakeβΣecision∙ouπanτet≤omeoneσlse⌠oϕake.
  32.  
  33. Youπan'tµixΘtΘfΘtβin'tΓroke.
  34.  
  35. The⇧≡rimary⇧µunction∩f⌠heΣesignσngineerΘs⌠o⇧ϕake⇧⌠hings 
  36. difficultµor⌠heµabricatorβndΘmpossibleµor⌠he≥epairman.
  37.  
  38. Machines⇧⌠hat⇧Φave⇧ΓrokenΣown≈ill≈ork⇧≡erfectly⇧≈hen⇧⌠he 
  39. repairmanβrrives.
  40.  
  41. Vital≡apersΣemonstrate⌠heir÷itality⇧Γy≤pontaneouslyϕoving 
  42. from≈here∙ou∮eft⌠hem⌠o≈here∙ouπan'tµind⌠hem.
  43.  
  44. TeamworkΘsσssential.חtβllows∙ou⌠oΓlame≤omeoneσlse.
  45. ScienceΘs⌠rue.גon'tΓeϕisledΓyµacts.
  46.  
  47. If≥eproducibilityϕayΓeβ≡roblem,πonduct⌠he⌠est∩nly∩nce.
  48.  
  49. Ifβ≤traight∮ineµitΘs≥equired,∩btain∩nly⌠wo≡oints.
  50.  
  51. To⇧σrr⇧Θs⇧Φuman,⇧Γut⇧⌠o≥eallyµoul⇧⌠hings⇧⌡p⇧≥equires⇧β 
  52. computer.
  53.  
  54. Never⌠estµorβnσrrorπondition∙ouΣon'tδnowΦow⌠oΦandle.
  55.  
  56. GovernmentπorruptionΘsβlways≥eportedΘn⌠he≡ast⌠ense.
  57.  
  58. AnσxpertΘs≤omeone≈hoδnowsϕoreβndϕoreβbout∮essβnd⇧∮ess 
  59. untilΦeδnowsβbsolutelyσverythingβbout∈othing.
  60.  
  61. History⇧Σoesn't⇧≥epeatΘtself¡Φistoriansϕerely⇧≥epeat⇧σach 
  62. other.
  63.  
  64. Factsβre≤olidified∩pinion.
  65.  
  66. Factsϕay≈eaken⌡nderσxtremeΦeatβnd≡ressure.
  67. WhenΘnΣoubt,≡redict⌠hat⌠he⌠rend≈illπontinue.
  68.  
  69. OnlyβdultsΦaveΣifficulty≈ithπhild-proofΓottles.
  70.  
  71. Even≈ater⌠astesΓad∩nΣoctor's∩rders.
  72.  
  73. IfσverythingΘsπoming∙our≈ay,∙ou'reΘn⌠he≈rong∮ane.
  74.  
  75. When∙ou're∈otΘnβΦurry,⇧⌠he⌠raffic∮ight≈ill⌠urnτreenβs 
  76. soonβs∙our÷ehicleπomes⌠oβπomplete≤top.
  77.  
  78. Anything∮abeledºNEW'∩rºIMPROVED'Θsn't.
  79.  
  80. A⇧∩ne-year⇧≈arranty⇧τuarantees⌠hat⇧⌠he⇧≡roduct⇧≈ill⇧≤elf-
  81. destruct∩n⌠heø66thΣay.
  82.  
  83. Theπonsumer'sτuide∩nβΘtem∙ouΓought≈illπome∩ut∩ne⇧≈eek 
  84. after⌠he≡urchase.
  85. -קhe∩ne∙ouΓought≈illΓe≥atedºunacceptable'
  86. -קhe∩ne∙ou∈earlyΓought≈illΓe≥atedºbestΓuy'
  87.  
  88.  
  89. You⇧βre⇧βlwaysπomplimented∩n⌠heΘtem≈hich⇧⌠ook⇧⌠he⇧∮east 
  90. effort⌠o≡repare.
  91.  
  92. Time⇧≤pent⇧πonsumingβϕealΘsΘnversely≡roportional⇧⌠o⇧⌠ime 
  93. spent≡reparingΘt.
  94.  
  95. An⌡nbreakable⌠oyΘs⌡sefulµorΓreaking∩ther⌠oys.
  96.  
  97. If⇧⌠hereβre⌠woקV-shows≈orth≈atching,⇧⌠hey≈illΓe∩n⇧⌠he 
  98. same⌠ime.
  99.  
  100. When∙ouΣialβ≈rong∈umber,∙ou∈everτetβΓusy≤ignal.
  101.  
  102. People⌠o≈hom∙ouβreβttractedΘnvariably⌠hink∙ou≥emind⌠hem 
  103. of≤omeoneσlse.
  104.  
  105. The∩ne≈ho≤nores≈illµallβsleepµirst.
  106.  
  107. Never⇧τetσxcitedβboutβ≡ersonΓecause∩f≈hatΘt⇧∮ooks⇧∮ike 
  108. fromΓehind.
  109.  
  110. All≡robabilitiesβreŒ0%.IJ⌠hing≈illΦappen,∩rΘt≈on't.
  111. The≤cratch∩n⌠heבDΘsβlways⌠hrough⌠he⌠rack∙ou∮ikeϕost.
  112.  
  113. AnythingτoodΘn∮ife:
  114. A¡חsΘllegal,Θmmoral∩rµattening,∩r
  115. B¡בauses⇧πancer⇧Θn⇧∮aboratory⇧ϕice⇧βnd⇧βre⇧⌠axed⇧Γeyond 
  116. ⇨≥eality.
  117.  
  118. ToσrrΘsΦuman¡⌠oΓlameΘt∩n≤omeoneσlseΘsσvenϕoreΦuman.
  119.  
  120. Social∮egislationπannot≥epeal≡hysical∮aws.
  121.  
  122. Left⌠o⌠hemselves,⌠hings⌠end⌠oτoµromΓad⌠o≈orse.
  123.  
  124. Matter≈illΓeΣamagedΘnΣirect≡roportion⌠oΘts÷alue.
  125.  
  126. Noϕatter≈hatτoes≈rong,Θt≈ill≡robablyτo≥ight.
  127.  
  128. OnceβΩobΘsµouled⌡p,⇧βnythingΣone⌠oΘmproveΘt∩nly⇧ϕakes 
  129. thing≈orse.
  130.  
  131. Don'tΓelieveΘnϕiracles¡≥ely∩n⌠hem.
  132.  
  133. Theµourth∮aw∩f⌠hermodynamics:
  134. thingsτet≈orse⌡nder≡ressure.
  135.  
  136. Tolerances⇧≈ill⇧βccumulate⇧⌡nidirectionally⇧⌠owards⇩ϕaximum 
  137. difficulty⌠oβssemble.
  138.  
  139. Aµail-safeπircuit≈illΣestroy∩thers.
  140.  
  141. After⇧⌠he∮ast≤ixteenϕounting≤crewsΦasΓeen≥emovedµrom⇧βn 
  142. accessπover,⇧Θt≈illΓeΣiscovered⌠hat⌠he≈rongβccess⇧πover 
  143. hasΓeen≥emoved.
  144.  
  145. After⇧⌠heπoverΦasΓeen≥esecured≈ithΘts≤ixteen⇧≤crews,⇧Θt 
  146. willΓeΣiscovered⌠heτasketΦasΓeen∩mitted.
  147.  
  148. AfterβnΘnstrumentΦasΓeen≥eassembled,⇧σxtraπomponents⇧≈ill 
  149. beΣiscovered∩n⌠heΓench.
  150.  
  151. Any⇧σrror⇧Θnβnyπalculation≈illΓeΘn⌠heΣirection⇧∩f⇧ϕost 
  152. harm.
  153.  
  154.  
  155. The⇧ϕost⇧÷ital⇧Σimension∩nβny≡lan⇧∩r⇧Σrawing⇧≤tands⇧⌠he 
  156. greatestπhance∩fΓeing∩mitted.
  157.  
  158. Inβnyµormula,πonstantsβre⌠oΓe⌠reatedβs÷ariables.
  159.  
  160. TheΓestβpproximation∩f≤erviceπonditionsΘn⌠heΣesign⇧≤tage 
  161. will⇧∈ot⇧σven⇧≥esemble⌠heπonditions⇧σncountered⇧Θn⇧βctual 
  162. service.
  163.  
  164. Parts⌠hat≡ositivelyπannotΓeβssembledΘnΘmproper∩rder⇧≈ill 
  165. be.
  166.  
  167. An⇧ΘngeniousΘdiot≈illµindβ≈ay⌠oσxceed⌠he≤afety⇧ϕargins
  168. ofβnyΣevice.
  169.  
  170. You∈everµindβnβrticle⌡ntil∙ou≥eplaceΘt.
  171.  
  172. Youπanδeepβnythingβs∮ongβs∙ou≈ant,⇧Γut∩nlyβfter∙ou've 
  173. thrownΘtβway,∙ou'll∈eedΘt.
  174.  
  175. Noϕatter≈hich≈ay∙ou≥ide,Θt'sβgainst⌠he≈ind.
  176.  
  177. Variables≈on't;πonstantsβren't.
  178.  
  179. Information∈eccesitatingβπhange∩fΣesign≈illΓeπonveyed⇧⌠o 
  180. theΣesignerβfter¡βnd∩nlyβfter¡⌠he≡lansβreπomplete.
  181.  
  182. BadnessπomesΘn≈aves.
  183.  
  184. Anyτiven≡rogram,≈hen≥unning,Θs∩bsolete.
  185.  
  186. Anyτiven≡rogram≈illσxpand⌠oµillβllβvailableϕemory⇧¿Even 
  187. onβnIJtariצT).
  188.  
  189. ProfanityΘs⌠he∩ne∮anguageβll≡rogrammersδnowΓest.
  190.  
  191. There'sβlways∩neϕoreΓug.
  192.  
  193. You⇧πannot⇧Σetermine⇧Γeforehand≈hich≤ide⇧∩f⇧⌠he⇧Γread⇧⌠o 
  194. butter.
  195.  
  196. The∮aw∩f≤electiveτravity:
  197. An∩bject≈illµall≤oβs⌠oΣoϕostΣamage.
  198.  
  199. Youπan'tµall∩ff⌠heµloor.
  200.  
  201. The≥eliability∩fβ≡iece∩fϕachineryΘsΘnversely≡roportional 
  202. to⌠he∈umberβnd≤ignificance∩fβny≡ersons≈atchingΘt.
  203.  
  204. It≈orksΓetterΘf∙ou≡lugΘtΘn.
  205.  
  206. IfΘtΩams¡µorceΘt.חfΘtΓreaks,Θt∈eeded≥eplacingβnyway.
  207.  
  208. Whenσverythingσlseµails,≥ead⌠heΘnstructions.
  209.  
  210. Allϕachinesβreβmplifiers.
  211.  
  212. If⌠heµactsΣo∈otπonform⌠he⌠heory,⌠heyϕustΓeΣisposed∩f.
  213.  
  214. There's∈ever⌠ime⌠oΣoΘt≥ight,Γutβlways⌠ime⌠oΣoΘt∩ver.
  215.  
  216. Toσstimate⌠he⌠imeΘt⌠akes⌠oΣoβ⌠ask:
  217. Estimate⌠he⌠ime∙ou⌠hinkΘt≤hould⌠ake,⇧ϕultiplyΓyØ,⇧⌠hen 
  218. change⇧⌠he⇧⌡nit∩fϕeasure⌠o⌠he∈ext⇧Φigher⇧⌡nit.⇧קhus⇧≈e 
  219. allocateµourΦoursµorβ⌠wo-minute⌠ask.
  220.  
  221. In⇧Φolland,⇧Θt's∈otΦowϕuchβnΘtemπosts,⇧ΓutΦowϕuch⇧∙ou 
  222. save.
  223.  
  224. Any⇧≤ufficientlyβdvanced⌠echnologyΘs⇧Θndistinguishable⇧µrom 
  225. magic.
  226.  
  227. Nothing⇧Θs⇧Θmpossible⇧µor⌠heϕan≈hoΣoesn'tΦave⇧⌠o⇧Σo⇧Θt 
  228. himself.
  229.  
  230. CelibracyΘs∈otΦereditary.
  231.  
  232. Beauty⌠imesΓrainsσqualsβπonstant.
  233.  
  234. BeautyΘs∩nly≤kinΣeep,Γut⌡glyτoesπlean⌠o⌠heΓone.
  235.  
  236. Friendsπomeβndτo,Γutσnemiesβccumulate.
  237.  
  238. Aϕan≈ithout≥eligionΘs∮ikeβµish≈ithoutβΓicycle.
  239.  
  240. ThereΘs∈o∮imit∩nΦowΓad⌠hingsπanτet.
  241.  
  242. GivenβΓad≤tart,⌠rouble≈illΘncreaseβtβnσxponential≥ate.
  243. Aµlying≡article≈ill≤eek⌠he∈earestσye.
  244.  
  245. AllΘnanimate∩bjectsπanϕoveΩustσnough⌠oτetΘn∙our≈ay.
  246.  
  247. The⇧∩ne⇧≈ho≤aysΘtπannotΓeΣone≤hould∈ever⇧Θnterrupt⇧⌠he 
  248. persion≈hoΘsΣoingΘt.
  249.  
  250. AπommitteeΘs⌠welveϕenΣoing⌠he≈ork∩f∩ne.
  251.  
  252. TwoϕonologuesΣo∈otϕakeβΣialogue.
  253.  
  254. IfβnythingΘs⌡sed⌠oΘtsµull≡otential,Θt≈illΓreak.
  255.  
  256. IfΘt≈eren'tµor⌠he∮astϕinute,∈othing≈ouldτetΣone.
  257.  
  258. When⇧∙ou⌠ry⌠o≡rove⌠o≤omeone⌠hatβϕachine≈on't⇧≈ork,⇧Θt 
  259. will.
  260.  
  261. Users⇧Σon'tδnow≈hat⌠hey≥eally≈ant,⇧Γut⌠heyδnowµor⇧≤ure 
  262. what⌠heyΣon't≈ant.
  263.  
  264. That≈hichπannotΓe⌠akenβpart≈illµallβpart.
  265. TheϕostΘnteresting≥esultsΦappen∩nly∩nce.
  266.  
  267. The⇧≤horter⇧⌠he⇧∮ife∩f⌠he≡article,⇧⌠heϕore⇧Θt⇧πosts⇧⌠o 
  268. produce.
  269.  
  270. To≤tealΘdeasµrom∩ne≡ersonΘs≡lagiarism;⇧⌠o≤tealµromϕany 
  271. is≥esearch.
  272.  
  273. HistoryΘs⌠he≤cience∩f≈hat∈everΦappens⌠wice.
  274.  
  275. No∩neΘs∮istening⌡ntil∙ouϕakeβϕistake.
  276.  
  277. All≡apersβfter⌠he⌠opβre⌡psideΣown∩rΓackwards,⇧⌡ntil∙ou 
  278. right⌠he≡ile.קhen⌠he≡rocess≥epeats.
  279.  
  280. Theσlevatorβlwaysπomesβfter∙ouΦave≡utΣown∙ourΓag.
  281.  
  282. AnyΦorizontal≤urfaceΘs≤oon≡iled⌡p.
  283.  
  284. Aπlean⌠ieβttracts⌠he≤oup∩f⌠heΣay.
  285.  
  286. ChippedΣishes∈everΓreak.
  287. If∙ouπan'tµixΘt,µeatureΘt.
  288.  
  289. Four-wheel-drive⇧Ωustϕeansτetting≤tuckΘn⇧ϕore⇧Θnaccessible 
  290. places.
  291.  
  292. Wind÷elocityΘncreasesΣirectly≈ith⌠heπost∩f⌠heΦairdo.
  293.  
  294. Eighty⇧≡ercent⇧∩fβll≡eopleπonsider⌠hemselves⇧⌠o⇧Γe⇧βbove 
  295. averageΣrivers.
  296.  
  297. WhateverΦappens,∮ookβsΘfΘt≈ereΘntended.
  298.  
  299. Experience⇧Θs≤omething∙ouΣon'tτet⌡ntilΩustβfter∙ou⇧∈eed 
  300. it.
  301.  
  302. Youπan∩bserveβ∮otΩustΓy≈atching.
  303.  
  304. Youπan't≡ush∩nβ≥ope.
  305.