Oakland CPM Archive/oakcpm.iso/cpmug/cpmug013.ark/ZOSO.2

Text File | 1984-04-29 | 23KB | 440 lines

            ZOSO'S HOLIDAY VISIT
            --------------------


    SINCE LAST WE MET, I HAVE GROWN GLOOMY. IT IS CERTAIN THAT MY LIFE
AS A BASIC-E ARCHIVIST PRESENTS [THANKS TO YOU] THE SAME REWARDS AND CHALLENGES
AS THOSE THAT CAN BE DERIVED FROM TOLL-COLLECTION [AFTER YOU PASS THE CIVIL-
SERVICE EXAM].

    TONY TELLS ME THAT SOME OF YOU WITH TTY'S HAVE COMPLAINED THAT MY
MAUNDERINGS TAKE TOO LONG TO PRINT. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO USE SUCH DEVICES
AS A CONSOLE, WE COULD HAVE HAD A NICE DEBATE FIVE YEARS AGO. I DON'T MEAN
TO ACT OVERLY SENSITIVE TO CRITICISM, BUT UNLESS YOU TTY PEOPLE ARE WRITING
THIS SLANDER FROM THE BOWELS OF AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER, AND THE DATE ON YOUR
CRUDELY LIMNED POISON-PEN LETTERS IS PRIOR TO 'VE DAY' THEN ALL I CAN SAY
IS, "MAY YOU LEARN TO 'SPEED-READ' AT 10-C.P.S.".

    THE MERE MENTION OF THIS HAS SO UPSET ME, THAT I SHALL HAVE TO DIGRESS
FURTHER... ONE COMPUTER-CLUB MEETING WAS TOO MUCH FOR ME... ALL THOSE 'GEEKS'
ARGUING RELATIVE MERITS OF THEIR RESPECTIVE SYSTEMS (HARDWARE AND SOFTWARE).
I'M NOT A PAID ADVERTISER, SO WHAT THE HELL... I LIKE THE Z-80... SOFTWARE IS
QUITE ANOTHER ISSUE; I HAVE EXHAUSTIVELY EXAMINED ALL THE 'BASICS' AVAILABLE
FOR THE 8080//Z-80, AT PRESENT. IN THIS AREA, I HAVE SOME FIRM [AND PERHAPS
HELPFUL] OPINIONS WHICH I WISH TO SHARE... (DON'T ARGUE; I OWE YOU NOTHING) !

THERE ARE ONLY THREE REALLY GOOD BASICS FOR THESE PROCESSORS (S-100 BUS ONLY):

    1 - MITS/MICROSOFT
    2 - TDL
    3 - BASIC-E//C-BASIC

IT IS NO ACCIDENT THAT I LISTED THEM IN THIS ORDER. IF ANY OF YOU HAVE SEEN OR
USED TDL'S 12K BASIC, I'M SURE YOU WISH (AS I DO) THAT THEY HAD ISSUED A CP/M
DISK BASIC. MICROSOFT DISK BASIC IS [THOUGH NOT PERFECT] BY FAR THE 'STATE OF
THE ART'. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO RUN SUCH EXCELLENT SOFTWARE ON ALTAIR DISKS, IT
IS RUMORED THAT THE VOLTAGE MINISTER FROM THE UGANDAN-REPUBLIC WILL VISIT YOUR
VERY TOWN, AND OFFER YOU BIG BUCKS FOR YOUR EQUIPMENT... YOU SEE, THEY NEED
MACHINERY LIKE YOURS TO MAINTAIN THEIR S--T LISTS, (AND YOU MUST KNOW WHY)...

    THE MAIN ISSUE I WANTED TO RAISE WAS: HOW DO I STAND ON BASIC-E...?

I HAVE WRITTEN A SHORT DRAMA FOR YOU, IN WHICH I PLAY MYSELF... AND FOR YOU
SOFTWARE PIRATES; I ONLY STOLE MR. DICKENS' TITLE, NOT HIS ENTIRE WORK.

            =================
            A CHRISTMAS CAROL
            =================


            DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

BE: ADVOCATE OF BASIC-E    --  AND HIS RETINUE OF 'WRONGOS'
ZO: YOUR HUMBLE REVIEWER   --  WONDER WHY THE ALIAS ?
AN: ANNOUNCER              --  SO FAR, AN HONEST JOURNEYMAN
CH: THE CHORUS             --  FROM THOSE QUAALUDE-LIKE GREEK PLAYS


            ACT I


BE: BASIC-E IS A COMPILER.
ZO: I SEE; BUT THERE ARE OINTMENTS TO RELIEVE THAT.

BE: YOU CAN 'SECURE' YOUR PROGRAMS BY ONLY GIVING A CLIENT THE 'INT' FILE OF
    YOUR 'PAYROLL' OR WHATEVER.
ZO: NO DOUBT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SELL YOUR PAYROLL PROGRAM TO SOME ESKIMO IN
    POINT BARROW ALASKA, WHOSE 100 EMPLOYEES SELL FREEZERS. OF COURSE EACH
    TIME HE NEEDS A MINOR CHANGE TO THE 'INT' FILE YOU GAVE HIM, YOU CAN
    DISPATCH YOUR HELICOPTER WITH A FRESHLY COMPILED VERSION. IN MOST CASES
    SMALL BUSINESSES ARE TOO CONCERNED WITH THEIR REGULAR AFFAIRS TO RIP-
    OFF YOUR PROGRAM; ADDITIONALLY, SOME INDIVIDUALS HAVE MADE REMARKABLE
    PROGRESS IN 'SECURING' PROGRAMS WRITTEN FOR INTERPRETER BASICS.

    (*)  -  << !!! URGENT BULLETIN - CHECK UPDATE BELOW !!! >>

BE: BASIC-E IS MORE MEMORY EFFICIENT.
ZO: TRUE, BUT TIME IS MONEY, AND MEMORY IS GETTING CHEAP.

BE: BASIC-E IS A PUBLIC-DOMAIN ITEM. ANYONE CAN IMPROVE IT FOR THE BENEFIT
    OF ALL OF US.
CH: GET US OUR SHOVELS !
ZO: YOU'RE RIGHT! THAT IS WHY THERE ARE SO MANY TOTALLY INCOMPATIBLE VERSIONS
    FLOATING AROUND NOW. DID YOU KNOW THAT ONE VENDOR HAS SEPARATE RUN PACKAGES
    FOR DISK AND NON-DISK FILES? IF THE AUTHOR OF BASIC-E OFFERED IT FOR THE
    "GOOD OF THE COMPUTER COMMUNITY", WHY HAVE SO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE TAKEN
    IT UPON THEMSELVES TO FIX ONE OR TWO MINOR 'BUGS' AND THEN RELEASED SUCH
    ENHANCEMENTS AS PROPRIETARY PROJECTS, WORTH THE [FILL IN THE BLANK] DOL-
    LARS, YOU PAID FOR THEM. THE LATEST [$100.00] VERSION PROVED TO ME, BEYOND
    ANY DOUBT, THAT BY THE TIME BASIC-E IS PERFECTED, ITS ADHERENTS WILL HAVE
    PAID LIKE A DRUG ADDICT FOR THEIR PARTICULAR SENSE OF PARTICIPATION, AND
    WILL HAVE 'MISSED THE BOAT' IN THE INTERIM.

BE: THERE ARE MORE ERROR MESSAGES (PROGRAM DIAGNOSTICS) IN BASIC-E. IT'S EASIER
    TO GET MY SECOND [OH SURE !] TRY RIGHT.
ZO: UH-HUH... I REMEMBER THE WAY THAT WORKS. HERE'S AN EXAMPLE:
    100:IF NOT TM<>DC THEN GY=GY+YOUR.BUCKS
        CH                     ^   [HONEST, THEY LOOK LIKE THIS] !
    HOW OBVIOUS...!! 'TM' IS YOUR LADY'S 'TIME-OF-MONTH'. 'DC' IS THE MINOR
    SURGERY SHE NEEDS [<IF LAST.TM+ABS(LAST.TM+(28*3)) LE NEW.TM>] SIMPLE, EH?
    OF COURSE, 'GY' IS THE 'SURGEON' IN THE DRAMA, AND 'YOUR.BUCKS' IS THE
    REASON YOU GOT A 'CH' ERROR... DIG OUT YOUR MANUAL (IF YOU EVEN HAVE THE
    LATEST ONE), AND YOU WILL SEE THAT 'CH' IS THE 'CAN'T HAPPEN' ERROR WHICH
    IS CERTAINLY TRUE, SINCE YOUR LADY HAS NOT LET YOU TOUCH HER FOR THE LAST
    TWO YEARS...

BE: WE CAN USE LONG SIGNIFICANT VARIABLE NAMES TO MAKE OUR SOURCE CODE MORE
    READABLE; FOR EXAMPLE:
    TAKEHOME.PAY=HOURLY.RATE.PAY+OVERTIME.PAY+XMAS.BONUS-TAXES.WITHELD
ZO: IT DOES LOOK GOOD ON THOSE SOUPED UP CRT'S WITH HALF-INTENSITY, REVERSE
    VIDEO ETC. BUT WHATS WRONG WITH: TP=HR+OP+XB-TW ? I HAVE FOUND NO SPECIAL
    HARDSHIP IN USING THE 2 CHARACTER VARIABLE NOR ANY SPECIAL BENEFIT IN
    USING THE LONGER ONES... ALSO THE INTERPRETER BASICS I MENTIONED HAVE A
    [HARDCOPY/PAPER EFFICIENT] TRACE MODE. EVEN THE MOST LOGICALLY CONVOLUTED
    PROGRAMS CAN EASILY BE SO UNENTANGLED; THOSE PRETENSIONS [ OF BASIC-E ]
    ARE ONLY USEFUL IF THE PROGRAMMER CAN MAINTAIN THE SEMBLANCE OF AN EIGHTH
    GRADE EDUCATION WHEN GIVEN THE 'POWER' OF LONG VARIABLE NAMES... YOU WOULD
    SUFFOCATE IN SELF-DOUBT IF YOU SAW HOW OFTEN SUCH AN ENHANCEMENT WAS USED
    THUSLY: 'ON ENTPRIZE.FUEL+LOSTIME.SPC.WRPS*(INT(SPOCK)) GO TO...' FACE THIS
    FACT OF LIFE!!! SOME CAN SPELL; AND SOME CAN PROGRAM. NEVER, (WELL ALMOST
    NEVER), THE TWAIN SHALL MEET...

BE: WELL THERE REALLY ARE A LOT! MORE SPECIFIC ERROR MESSAGES.
ZO: YES, I'M ESPECIALLY FOND OF THE 'NP' ('NO SUCH ANIMAL') ONE... BUT I REALLY
    DISLIKE THE WAY IN WHICH ANY RUN-TIME ERRORS RETURN ME TO CP/M COMMAND
    LEVEL (AS DO THOSE ERROR TRAPS WHICH YOU HAVEN'T BOTHERED TO WRITE !).

BE: I PERSONALLY PREFER PREPARING PROGRAMS WITH A TEXT EDITOR. THE 'MACRO'
    COMMAND IS REALLY POWERFUL.
ZO: YOU HORSE'S [BODY PART], IF YOU USE AN INTERPRETER BASIC WITH 'ASCII-SAVE',
    YOU CAN USE THE TEXT EDITOR OR THE [BETTER] BASIC'S LINE EDITOR, WHICH
    I FEEL IS A FAR MORE POTENT TOOL. THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS IF YOU WILL...

CH: WE SEE THE CROCODILE TEARS WELLING IN THE EYES OF THAT SENSITIVE YOUNG
    'ARTISTE', BE:...

AN: 'THE STARS BELONG TO EVERYONE, THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE...'
CH: YES, AND YOU CATCH YOU KNOW WHAT FROM PUBLIC W.C.'S; JUST ASK GRANDPA...

            ACT II

ZO: PERHAPS I WAS A BIT HARSH ON HIM. I THINK I'LL HAVE A FEW BEERS, AND
    ENROLL IN CHARM SCHOOL TOMORROW. I NEVER DID GET TO POINT OUT THAT TO
    CORRECT A SINGLE 'TYPO' IN A LARGE BASIC-E SOURCE CAN CONSUME THE BETTER
    PART OF TWENTY MINUTES AND THAT'S ABOUT 100 TIMES SLOWER THAN DOING THE
    SAME THING WITH THOSE INTERPRETER BASICS [WHICH I PREFER].

CH: MEANWHILE IN A TINY ATTIC OF A RATTY OLD HOUSE, DOWNWIND FROM THE SMOKE-
    STACKS OF A LARGE PESTICIDE FACTORY... SLOW THINKING FOLKS, WITH ACCENTS
    ONE IS HARD-PRESSED NOT TO LAUGH AT; SEXUAL HANG-UPS GALORE; A WRETCHED
    ENVIRONMENT FROM WHICH ONLY THE MOST GIFTED ESCAPE... (SORRY, BE:)

BE: HEAVENS TO BETSY ! MY 34K STARTREK IS PERFECT, EXCEPT IT SIGNS ON AS,
    'STARDREK'... I'LL HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE EDITOR AND THEN THE COMPILER,
    I'M GOING CRAZY...

    A SHORT WHILE LATER...

AN: AND SO 'BE:', A NOVICE PROGRAMMER, WAS ARRESTED BY GOVERNMENT AGENTS FOR
    ALLEGEDLY EXPOSING HIMSELF TO THE [UNIDENTIFIED] ESTRANGED WIFE OF CANADA'S
    PRIME MINISTER [I DREAM ABOUT YOU A LOT M.T., HEH, HEH...].

CH: DON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU...

            EPILOGUE

ZO: THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR(S) OF BASIC-E ARE DESERVING OF PRAISE FOR HAVING
    RELEASED A GOOD PRODUCT TO THE PUBLIC. THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE
    WRITTEN WONDERFUL AND WELL DOCUMENTED MATERIAL IN BASIC-E. THE ABOVE-
    MENTIONED ARE ASSURED THAT I SPECIFICALLY EXEMPT THEM FROM ANYTHING
    OF A CRITICAL NATURE THAT I MAY HAVE SAID. I ONLY LAMENT THE FACT THAT
    TOO MANY PEOPLE HAVE GONE TOO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS WITH BASIC/E, AND
    WHEN CODE IS LAZILY PREPARED (FOR BASIC/E), IT BECOMES UNWIELDY AS
    ONE COULD EVER, EVER IMAGINE.

(*):IMPORTANT BULLETIN !!! IT HAS BEEN WIDELY REPORTED THAT SOME GULLIBLE
    HOBBYISTS HAVE BEEN 'EUCHRED' INTO PURCHASING ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS
    'INT' FILES OF PROGRAMS FOR WHICH THEY SINCERELY FELT THE SOURCE WAS
    FOR SALE. IF YOU ARE NOT PROMISED THE ORIGINAL & ENTIRE SOURCE IN
    WRITING, PAY NOT CENT-ONE FOR ANYTHING YOU MAY SEE ADVERTISED IN EITHER
    BASIC-E, OR C-BASIC. BY THIS, I MEAN SPECIFICALLY THAT YOU [FEW] HYPER-
    SECRETIVE SORTS WHO DARE CHARGE FOR RAW MACHINE-CODE [UNLESS SO ADVERTISED,
    AND I MEAN EXPLICITLY] WILL HAVE ABOUT 60 DAYS BEFORE YOUR BUSINESS CON-
    FORMS TO REALITY, OR WORD-OF-MOUTH [PERHAPS MINE] KILLS IT.

            FINIS

    NOW UNDERSTAND THIS PLEASE, I ONLY DO 'PASSION-PLAYS' FOR THE
        HOLIDAYS.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

AND NOW ON TO THE SOFTWARE REVIEW...


BIORYME.BAS
APPEARS TO BE A SINE WAVE SIMULATOR CAPABLE OF CONTROLLING THREE OF THE
LITTLE MONSTERS... THERE APPEARS TO BE SOME LINES SUGGESTING INPUT/OUTPUT.
MIGHT BE INTERFACEABLE TO A CONSOLE OR LIST DEVICE. THIS IS NOT THAT WONDERFUL
IMPROVEMENT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN EXPECTING. WOE BE UNTO THOSE WHO TRY TO FEED
THIS TO ANY OF YOUR COMPILER-BASICS; [TRY MITS BASIC... IF YOU MUST].
    (P.S. THIS APPEARS TO BE A MITS BASIC PROGRAM AFTER FAULTY
    RECOVERY THROUGH A LIST32 PROGRAM OF SOME ILK.  AFTER ADDING
    A FEW MISSING PARENTHESES, THIS PROGRAM PERFORMS QUITE WELL
    AS A MICROSOFT [I.E. TYPE.ASC] PROGRAM AND HAS BEEN RE-
    NAMED AS SUCH.  SHAME ON ZOSO FOR NOT PERSEVERING!!! A.R.G)
SHAME ON ZOSO, INDEED !!! RUN THIS TURKEY AND DECIDE FOR YOURSELVES !!! Z.

BAGELS3.BAS
IF YOU RECALL, LAST TIME THERE WERE TWO VERSIONS OF THIS GAME, AND I REALLY
LIKED THEM BOTH. SAME APPLIES HERE!!! KEEP ALL THREE VERSIONS! USE THEM ALL!
THEY ARE ALL GOOD, AND EACH HAS ITS OWN SPECIAL 'STYLE'. REALLY GOOD !!

BLACKJAC.BAS
I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT THIS ONE. IT IS AN EXCELLENT!!!! BLACKJACK
SIMULATOR, HOWEVER THE GRAPHIC OUTPUT IS AWKWARD AND CONFUSING. TIED
FOR WINNER THIS TIME AROUND. WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE GET THIS TO 'PRETTY-PRINT'
AND SEND IT TO TONY.

DICE.BAS
THIS IS A VERY GOOD CRAPS SIMULATOR. THE IDENTICAL COMMENTS APPLY TO THIS
AS TO BLACKJAC.BAS EXCEPT THIS ONE ISN'T TIED FOR WINNER. SEND THOSE
GRAPHIC UPGRADES TO TONY.

ROCKET.BAS [NAMED SOMETHING ELSE FOR LAST RELEASE]
YOU'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE, BELIEVE ME ! THIS ISN'T AS GOOD AS THE EARLIER ONE
(FROM FIRST DISTRIBUTION), AND FURTHERMORE IT EXHIBITS THE ALARMING TREND
OF BEING ACCEPTABLE ONLY TO CERTAIN SPECIAL COMPILER/RUN VERSIONS. SELL THIS,
AND THEN SELL THE PURCHASER THE EARLIER ONE AS A COSTLY UPGRADE.

CONVERT.BAS
THE SUSPENSE IS OVER !! THIS IS THE CO-WINNER. THIS ALLOWS C-BASIC USERS TO
TAKE A FULLY LINE-NUMBERED PROGRAM, AND GET RID OF ALL THE UNNECESSARY LINE
NUMBERS. AS YOU C-BASIC SORTS MAY HAVE INFERRED, I AM NOT REALLY YOUR MOST
ARDENT DISCIPLE; YET THIS IS A POWERFUL SOFTWARE ITEM FOR YOU, IT WORKS,
AND IT IS CLEVER !
    (P.S. DON'T BOTHER TO TRY IT ON A BASIC-E SET OF COMPILER AND
    RUN-TIME INTERPRETER.  IN FACT, SINCE C-BASIC DOES'T ACTUALLY
    OBJECT TO EXTRA LINE NUMBERS, WHY TRY IT AT ALL???. A.R.G)
ANSWER - TO FURTHER OBFUSCATE PROGRAMS WRITTEN IN THAT LANGUAGE... Z.

WUMPAS.BAS
LAST TIME ROUND I URGED THE GUILLOTINING OF THE PERPETRATOR OF SOME PROGRAM
CALLED WUMPUS.BAS... TO THE CONTRIBUTER: IF IT LOOKS LIKE A DOG, SMELLS LIKE
A DOG AND BARKS LIKE A DOG...WHAT NEXT ? WUMPIS.BAS, WUMPOS.BAS...OH GOD !!!
DON'T ANYONE DARE SEND ME ANY WUMPES.BAS EITHER. THIS DOES HAVE ONE MAJOR
ENHANCEMENT OVER THE LAST 'WUMPUS' I DIDN'T LIKE: THIS ONE DOESN'T WORK RIGHT.
A GOOD PROJECT FOR THE TIME YOU HAVE TO SPEND IN RENO WAITING FOR YOUR DIVORCE
TO FINALLY HAPPEN.

KINGDOM.BAS
I'VE TRIED THIS COMPILER-SENSITIVE ITEM A FEW TIMES. MERCIFULLY THE GAMES
HAVE BEEN SHORT. YOU HOLD TOTAL SWAY OVER [LOYAL] SUBJECTS, ALLOCATE YOUR
RESOURCES, AND DECIDE HOW TO BEST SPEND THE COIN OF THE REALM, 'RALLODS',
[FIGURE THAT ONE OUT YOU CRYPTOGRAPHIC-WHIZZES]. THE APPARENT MASTERY OF THIS
GAME INVOLVES EMBEZZLING ALL THE 'RALLODS' YOU CAN, AND ALLOWING ALL OF YOUR
SUBJECTS TO PERISH BEFORE THEY CAN DISCOVER YOUR AVARICE.

SWARMS.BAS
THE ATTACK OF THE KILLER BEES... GET ME MY HEART MEDICINE... I GROW FAINT...!!
THIS ONE DIDN'T WORK EITHER, BUT IT LOOKED LIKE IT MIGHT BE GOOD, SO I REWROTE
IT A BIT FOR MICROSOFT DISK BASIC. MAYBE, IF YOU SEE A FILE SWARMS2.ASC, I'LL
HAVE DECIDED TO INCLUDE IT. THIS IS A VERY!! COMPREHENSIVE GAME WITH A LOT OF
OPTIONS. IT QUICKLY BECOMES CONFUSING AND BORING !!!  THE PSYCHOLOGISTS
AMONGST YOU WILL FIND THIS GAME A MOST INTERESTING DIAGNOSTIC TOOL!! WHEN I GOT
THIS ONE RUNNING, ABOUT A DOZEN PEOPLE TRIED IT... EVERY SINGLE ONE, BY THE
SECOND ATTEMPT, DID NOTHING BUT 'NUKE' UNEVACUATED AMERICAN CITIES, MYSELF IN-
CLUDED. I THINK, IN FAIRNESS, HUMAN NATURE IS LESS AT FAULT THAN THIS MONUMENT
TO FUTILITY... REMEMBER THAT PINBALL MACHINE WHICH YIELDED A FREE GAME EVERY
THOUSAND TRIES...?  THIS GAME OFFERS THE SAME LIKELIHOOD OF VICTORY AS THAT
VERY SAME MACHINE WITH ONLY 2 BALLS AND INOPERATIVE FLIPPERS... THE 'STING' ?

RUSSIAN.BAS
WHEN WILL YOU PARENTAL TYPES LEARN... UNLESS YOU TEACH YOUR 'RETARDATE' TO
SIGN HIS PROGRAMS WITH SOMETHING CUTE LIKE 'LITTLE JOHNNY DOE AGE 7 1/2',
SOMEBODY MAY MISTAKENLY THINK THAT YOU SUBMITTED THEM. YOU WOULDN'T WANT
THAT TO HAPPEN, WOULD YOU ?  FOR THE RECORD, THIS IS RUSSIAN-ROULETTE: THE ONE
YOU'VE ALWAYS AVOIDED.  THE OUTPUT OF THIS OPUS-MAGNUS CONSISTS OF THE WORDS,
'CLICK' AND 'POW'. THE LATTER INDICATES THAT YOUR BRAINS HAVE BEEN SPATTERED
ACROSS THAT PAYROLL PROGRAM YOU WERE PREPARING FOR THE ESKIMO FREEZER SALESMAN.
I AM WRITING THIS A WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS, BUT I CANNOT REFRAIN FROM WISHING
THAT THE AUTHOR HAD DEBUGGED THIS ITEM WITH A [REAL] .357 MAGNUM. BY THE WAY,
IF YOU MUST PLAY THIS (AND I EARNESTLY HOPE YOU DON'T), YOU WILL MOST LIKELY BE
RISKING YOUR LIFE WITH A SINGLE-SHOT ANTIQUE OR A SEVEN SHOT 'HYBRID' GUN. IT
SEEMS THAT THE CALL TO RND (RANDOM-NUMBER) SEVERELY AFFECTS THE OTHER MISTAKES
IN THIS PROGRAM. I'M NEW AT THIS BUSINESS, BUT I HOPE TO GAIN YOUR CONFIDENCE
BY CALLING THEM AS I SEE THEM,... THIS IS THE VERY WORST PROGRAM THAT I HAVE
EVER SEEN !!! I HAVE NEVER ELIMINATED ALL COPIES OF A FILE FROM MY ARCHIVES
BEFORE. THIS TIME, I JUST MIGHT...CLICK-CLICK-POW !!!

TRAP.BAS
THE OBJECT OF THIS GAME IS TO TRAP A [RANDOM] NUMBER FROM 1 TO 100 BETWEEN
TWO ADJOINING NUMBERS IN SIX OR LESS TRYS. FOR EXAMPLE, IF THE SECRET NUMBER
IS 46 THEN THE WINNING 'MOVE' WOULD BE: 45,47. THIS GAME IS SIMPLE, BUT AN
HONEST EFFORT WHICH IS FUN TO PLAY. ALSO, IT COMPILED WITHOUT ERRORS WHICH
MAKES IT A 'RARA AVIS' FOR THIS GROUP OF PROGRAMS.

CHECKERS.BAS
THIS PLAYS CHECKERS MINUS THE MULTIPLE JUMPS. IT'S A NICE PROGRAM, WELL WRITTEN
ETC... THIS ONE COULD ALSO USE A GRAPHIC TOUCH-UP (SEND 'EM TO TONY).

CHIEF.BAS
REMEMBER THIS...?  YOU THINK OF A NUMBER, PERFORM SOME DUMB ARITHMETIC, AND YOU
ARRIVE AT ANOTHER NUMBER, WHICH YOU REVEAL TO THE CRASHING BORE WHO'S DOING
THIS TO YOU, AND THAT PERSON WILL DEDUCE THE NUMBER YOU STARTED WITH...; WELL
SOMEONE HAS COMPUTERIZED IT ALL AND BLAMED THE POOR INDIANS. I MUST CONFESS
THAT I REFUSED TO RUN THIS OFTEN ENOUGH TO DETERMINE IF IT WORKS OR NOT. THE
GAME(?) ENDS WITH A BIG LIGHTNING BOLT!! PERHAPS IT WOULD BE BEST FOR SOMEONE
TO REMOVE THE ARITHMETIC AND THE INDIAN CHIEF, THEN TO TAKE WHAT'S LEFT AND
RENAME IT 'LITENING.BAS'... BE HONEST, ANONYMOUS AUTHOR, ARE WE EXPECTED TO
USE ANY NUMBER OTHER THAN 22 ONCE WE MASTER THE TRIBAL RULES ?
    (P.S. I TRIED IT, AND IT DOES WORK.  NOT SURE THAT YOU NATIVE
    AMERICANS WILL APPRECIATE THE STEREOTYPE.  I HEAR THAT THIS WAS
    THE MAJOR FUNDING PROJECT BY B.I.A. IN 1977.  A.R.G)

23MATCH.BAS
THIS ONE PLAYS '23-MATCH NIM'. YOU ALWAYS GO FIRST. THE SLY COMPUTER ALWAYS
GOES SECOND. GUESS WHO (OR WHAT) WINS... YAWN !
    (P.S. I DIDN'T EXPERIENCE ZOSO'S PROBLEM, AND FOUND I COULD BEAT
    THE MACHINE 10 TIMES OUT OF TEN.  FOR YOU MATHS TYPES, THE CORRECT
    STRATEGY IS TO LEAVE THE MACHINE TO DEAL WITH A QUANTITY ONE
    GREATER THAT A MULTIPLE OF FOUR - IE START BY TAKING TWO AND
    LEAVING 21 (5*4+1).  A.R.G)

NFL.BAS
AFTER SOME CONSIDERABLE 'TWEAKING', I GOT THIS ONE TO RUN. THIS IS WHAT I GOT:
AN NFL FOOTBALL SIMULATOR. THIS IS HOW IT WORKS... 1) ONE TEAM KICKS OFF.
2) IT'S 'HALFTIME' (YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS !!!). 3) THE OTHER TEAM KICKS OFF
(AN 'ON-SIDES' KICK AT THAT). 4) THE GAME IS OVER. SINCE NEITHER KICK WAS RUN
BACK, THE SCORE IS (CORRECTLY) REPORTED AS A 0-0 TIE. MAYBE THIS WON'T ANNOY
SOME OF YOU, BUT IT SURE AS HELL MAKES IT HARD TO ESTABLISH A POINT SPREAD.

BULLSEYE.BAS
EXAMINE THE SOURCE CODE... IF ANY AMONGST YOU GET THIS ONE TO WORK (AS IS)
WITH ANY EXISTING COMPUTER LANGUAGE, YOU ARE NO DOUBT THE 'MESSIAH' SO MANY
HAVE AWAITED. RECALL MY COMMENTS IN-RE 'RUSSIAN ROULETTE'. DILUTE THAT SEN-
TIMENT BY 1/10 OF 1 PERCENT, SO AS TO SPARE ME WRITING MORE ABOUT SUCH TRIVIA.
    (P.S. LOOKS LIKE WE'VE LOST MOST OF THE SOURCE OF THIS ONE.  CAN
    ANYONE LET US SEE WHAT'S MISSING?  A.R.G.)


            ------------
            RANDOM NOTES
            ------------

THE QUALITY (OR LACK THEREOF) THAT GENERALLY DESCRIBES THE SUBMITTALS THIS
TIME DICTATES SOME CHANGES IN POLICY:

1) DO NOT SUBMIT AS BASIC-E PROGRAMS ONES THAT YOU HAVE NOT PERSONALLY SEEN
WORK PROPERLY. ENCLOSE IN YOUR NOTES OR REMARKS THE COMPILER/RUN VERSION(S)
WITH WHICH YOUR PROGRAM HAS RUN. DON'T WORRY, WE'VE GOT THEM ALL.

2) IF YOU ARE SUBMITTING SOMETHING THAT WAS PUBLISHED ELSEWHERE, EITHER TAKE
THE TIME TO TYPE IN THE INSTRUCTIONS AND REMARKS, OR AT VERY LEAST INCLUDE
A MENTION OF WHERE SUCH THINGS MAY BE FOUND. TO UNDERSCORE THE IMPORTANCE OF
THIS POINT (AND TO GET YOU TO DO IT RIGHT), COMPARE THE SUBMITTED VERSION OF
SWARMS.BAS AND THE ORIGINAL (CREATIVE COMPUTING, MAY-JUNE, 1977).

3) A FILETYPE '.BAS' WILL INDICATE A BASIC-E OR C-BASIC PROGRAM ONLY !! MY VERY
FAVORITE DISK BASIC ALSO HAS A DEFAULT TYPE '.BAS', AND THIS CAN MAKE THINGS
MOST CONFUSING. IN SUCH CASES (ANYTHING OTHER THAN A WORKING!!! BASIC-E/C-BASIC
PROGRAM), SUBMIT WHATEVER AS AN '.ASC' FILETYPE, I.E. AN 'ASCII' FILE. MANY OF
YOUR COLLEAGUES TYPE IN SHORT PROGRAMS WRITTEN FOR 6800 BASIC OR EVEN FOCAL,
AND SUBMIT THEM AS '.BAS' FILES. IT MAKES FOR A LOT OF WORK, AND I WILL NEVER
SAY ANYTHING REMOTELY NICE ABOUT SUCH SLOPPINESS!!! NOTE...FOR THOSE OF YOU
WITH MICROSOFT DISK BASIC VERSION 4.3, IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE DEFAULT
FILETYPE OF '.BAS' (AND WELL YOU SHOULD), THE OFFENDING BYTES ARE LOCATED AT:
    32BB (HEX) 'B'
    32BE (HEX) 'A'
    32C1 (HEX) 'S'
FOR THOSE WITH LATER VERSIONS, FIND A VERSION 4.3, CHECK OUT THE BYTES BETWEEN
32BB & 32C1 (HEX), AND LOOK FOR THE SAME BYTE STRING SLIGHTLY HIGHER IN MEMORY.

P.S. THE ABOVE 'MICKEY-MOUSE' RULES EXIST FOR THE PURPOSE OF KEEPING THIS WHOLE
PROJECT REASONABLE. IF YOU ARE ONE OF THE CREATORS OF THE REALLY GOOD BASIC-E
STUFF WE SOMETIMES GET, NOTABLY MESSRS. BOGDANOWICZ, CHRISTENSEN AND RATOFF,
THEN THIS IS OBVIOUSLY NOT DIRECTED AT YOU.


                        HAVE A GOOD NEW YEAR
                        [WITH A FEW EXCEPTIONS];

                            ZOSO


P.S.
IT IS NOT MY JOB TO REVIEW ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE '????????.BAS' PROGRAMS I AM
GIVEN, HOWEVER I MUST NOT NEGLECT TO MENTION THAT THE 'OTHELLO' WHICH ARRIVED
TOO LATE FOR LAST TIME, AND TOO EARLY FOR THIS TIME, IS MAYBE THE BEST OF THE
LOT,(TRY IT !)(*).  IN AN ATTEMPT TO BROWN-NOSE THE BOSS, IN HOPES OF GETTING
TO BE REVIEWER FOR THAT OTHER 'BASIC', I WILL INCLUDE A GRATUITOUS REVIEW OF
TWO SUCH LAST-MINUTE ITEMS...

1500.ASC
A NICE LITTLE GAME THAT IS RELIABLE ENOUGH TO SERVE AS AN ACTUAL GAMBLING
DEVICE FOR SOME OF US DECADENT NEW-YORKERS. A WINNER !!! THIS GAME (AND THE
OTHER ONE) INCLUDE IN SEVERAL PLACES THE COMMAND:, 'WAIT 0,1,1', IF YOUR
HARDWARE DOES NOT SUPPORT THIS CONSTRUCT, BEST CHANGE THESE, OR NOTHING WILL
WORK... SOME OF YOUR CRT'S WILL NOT BLANK WITH THE COMMAND: 'PRINT CHR$(26)';
THE MOST COMMON FIX IS: 'PRINT CHR$(12)'. A GAME ESSENTIALLY FOR THOSE 4800 +
BAUD CRT'S ONLY.

15/PUZ.ASC
THE FAMOUS '15 PUZZLE', BORING AS EVER, BUT QUITE NICELY WRITTEN. ALL OF THE
TECHNICAL STUFF FROM ABOVE PROGRAM APPLIES HERE ALSO (EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE,
4800 BAUD WOULD BE TOO SLOW)

(*) NOTE: OTHELLO.BAS AND THE COMPREHENSIVE INSTRUCTIONS FOR SAID GAME CAN BE
          FOUND AS FILES 5.14 AND 5.15 RESPECTIVELY, ON VOLUME 5.

            *** CONTEST ***

I HOPE THAT BY NOW AT LEAST A FEW OF YOU WOULD GLADLY SEEK A CONTRACT ON
MY LIFE. TO ASSIST YOU IN ASCERTAINING MY REAL IDENTITY I WILL AWARD AN HONEST
TO GOODNESS SIGNED PHOTO OF MYSELF TO THAT PERSON WHO SUBMITS THE BEST (AND
MOST UNIVERSALLY ADAPTABLE) ALGORITHM FOR 'RANDOMIZING' MICROSOFT BASIC. IF
YOUR ENTRY IS REALLY GOOD, I MAY THROW IN A SPECIAL BONUS (WOULD YOU BELIEVE
A BINARY/UNARY TRANSLATER)... VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW !

FINALLY...
AS TONY HAS LAMENTED, THERE SEEMS TO BE MORE THAN A TAD OF COINCIDENCE THAT
ALTHOUGH WE DISTRIBUTE NATIONWIDE, [METROPOLITAN] NEW YORK CITY AND CHIGAGO ARE
GENERALLY THE ONLY PLACES FROM WHICH MAJOR DONATIONS ARRIVE. IF YOU RECALL
FROM LAST TIME, WE NOW POSSESS A PROGRAM WHICH CAN SORT YOU BY ZIP-CODE. YOU
PEOPLE WHOSE ZIPS ARE [9????] (*), YOU ARE THE'INT-MONGERS' WE HEAR ABOUT
IN THE CONSUMER COMPLAINT DEPT...; TIME RUNS SHORT FOR YOU; GIVE AND YE SHALL
RECEIVE ETC... ANYWAY, YOU WOULDN'T WANT EVERYONE WITH YOUR APPROXIMATE ZIP-
CODE TO BE ON MY 'STINGY-WITH-SOME-JUST-O.K.-SOFTWARE' LIST.

    (*): FINAL FOOTNOTE - DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT THOSE QUESTION MARKS
    WILL NOT BE REPLACED BY INTEGERS (THAT MAY WELL ISOLATE THE CULPRITS
    SOMEWHERE IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA), WHEN NEXT WE MEET ? ALSO SOME
        MUCH BETTER STUFF CAME IN TOO LATE FOR INCLUSION OR COMMENT. BE OF
        GOOD CHEER, FROM WHAT WE'VE SEEN, A VAST IMPROVEMENT.


                            Z.