Parenting - Prenatal to preschool/Parenting_PrenatalToPreschool.bin/dp/0020/00203.txt

Text File | 1993-06-14 | 24KB | 412 lines

$Unique_ID{PAR00203}
$Pretitle{}
$Title{Birth to 6 Months:  Understanding Your Child's Behavior}
$Subtitle{}
$Author{
Editors of Consumer Guide
Mendelson, Robert A
Mendelson, Lottie M
Meyerhoff, Michael K
Ames, Louise Bates}
$Subject{Birth to 6 Months Understanding Child Behavior Behaviors sleeps sleep
sleeping sense senses sensitive mood moods cries cry calm calming Sucking
temperament temperaments personality personalities abrupt jerky movement
movements reflex reflexes interested interacting alert explore explores
exploring explorations interesting interest object permanence memory
exercising arms exercise legs quiet unresponsive play unresponsiveness suck
feet sucks toes talking vocal baby sounds television commercial commercials
stare stares staring roll rolls rolling patience patient startle startles
startled frightened frightens frightening sociability ADULTOMORPHISM
ADULTOMORPHISMs babies children}
$Log{
Most newborns sleep most of the time--the average is about 17 hours*0060001.tif}

The New Parents' Question & Answer Book


Birth to 6 Months:  Understanding Your Child's Behavior


     My newborn sleeps almost all day.  Is this normal?

     In the beginning, most babies sleep most of the time.  Although some
babies sleep only ten hours a day, and some as many as 23, the average is
about 17 hours, equally divided between day and night.  What's more, periods
of wakefulness and alertness are very brief and irregular at first.  They
usually last no more than a few minutes at a time.  By three months of age,
babies typically sleep 15 hours--ten at night and five during the day.  By six
months of age, the average is about 14 hours--11 during the night and three
during the day.  However, it is important to remember that there is great
variability in sleep patterns among individual babies.  So don't be alarmed if
your baby is awake and alert more or less than these averages during the early
months.  Also, keep in mind that babies tire rather easily.  Even if your baby
is sleeping many hours each night, he still may not be able to go more than a
few hours without a nap during the day.


     When can I expect my baby to start sleeping through the night?

     There is no set age at which all babies routinely begin sleeping through
the night.  At first, sleeping is tied closely to feeding; babies will tend to
fall asleep when they're full and wake up as soon as they're hungry.  It is
not until about three or four months of age that being tired generally takes
priority over being hungry.  It is also at about three or four months that
babies can stay awake for relatively long stretches.  They become considerably
more active during the day, so they are likely to remain asleep throughout the
night.  Therefore, although your baby may start sleeping through the night
somewhat earlier or later, you can reasonably expect to see this beginning to
happen somewhere between three and four months on average.


     How can my baby be so totally calm one minute and so totally upset the
next?

     You have to realize that babies perceive things differently than we do.
In the beginning, their senses are very sensitive.  Bright lights, loud
noises, sudden movements, etc. are likely to alarm them.  Furthermore, they
have little or no experience to help put things into perspective.  They also
have no sense of relative intensity or duration.  As a result, they have very
few "moods."  When they get upset, they are enraged, and when they are
comfortable, they are as content as can be.  And as far as they're concerned,
whatever state they're in may last forever.  It will be a few months before
your baby's physical and mental capacities have developed to the point where
he can better cope with the world and the way it works.  Only then will his
moods swing less widely and abruptly.


     My newborn's cries vary widely in tone and intensity.  Do different cries
mean different things?

     When a newborn cries, it is strictly a reflexive response to physical
discomfort.  So even if his cries vary in tone and intensity, it is not
because he has any real control over what he is doing or is intentionally
giving meaning to his vocalizations.  Some researchers claim that by using
sophisticated equipment to analyze pitch and decibel level, they can
distinguish "hunger" cries from "pain" cries or whatever.  The subtle
differences they can detect, however, certainly are not apparent to the naked
ear.  It is not until about three or four months of age that babies realize
they can use the cry intentionally as a true communication device.  From that
point on until they become capable of speech, they gradually develop cries of
varying types in an attempt to express their needs and desires more
effectively.  Therefore, for most of this period, you are better off looking
to see what's wrong with your baby rather than trying to tell by the nature of
his cry.


     Sometimes when my baby cries, I can't find anything wrong, but he stops
soon after I pick him up.  Why is that?

     One of the maddening things about little babies is that they often
experience discomfort of a sort that is not readily apparent to their parents.
Most of the time, you will notice that your baby has not been fed for a while,
that he is cold, that his diaper is soiled, etc., and as soon as you take care
of the problem, his crying stops.  But there inevitably will be times when you
won't be able to find out what's wrong, and of course, your baby won't be able
to tell you.  However, one of the nice things about little babies is that they
can be soothed easily on occasion simply by being picked up, rocked, and moved
gently through space.  By the way, as they get to the end of this period,
babies begin to suffer new sorts of discomfort from time to time--namely
loneliness and boredom.  They will use the cry to alleviate these conditions
as well.  In such cases, being picked up and held by their parents is exactly
what they are looking for.


     Is it possible for my baby to calm himself?

     Although he won't really know what he's doing at first, your baby may be
capable of calming himself from time to time if he is fortunate enough to have
one of his hands come in contact with his mouth.  Sucking, even if it is not
followed by nourishment, is a very, soothing activity for babies.  That is why
pacifiers are so popular with babies and such a blessing to their parents.  By
three or four months of age, your baby will have developed sufficient control
and coordination to bring his hand to his mouth purposefully and regularly.
So when he is moderately distressed, he may attempt to calm himself by
bringing his hand to his mouth and sucking on it.  However, even at this
point, he will be counting on you to take care of most of his
needs--particularly, the major ones.


     What is meant by the term "temperament"?

     Temperament is a term used to refer to a baby's personality.  As is the
case with adults, babies come in all different kinds.  Some are jumpy, fussy,
easily irritated, and difficult to comfort, while others tend to be relaxed,
calm, slow to be bothered, and quick to be soothed.  The term "temperament"
is used rather than "personality" because while it is clear that babies come
into the world with various character traits, there is little evidence to
suggest that these traits are in any way permanent, In other words, at two
days of age, your baby may very well display a distinctly difficult or easy
type of temperament.  However, he may or may not display an entirely different
type at two weeks of age or two months of age.  What's more, even if his
temperament stays fairly consistent during this period, it's not a reliable
guide to what his personality will be like when he gets older.


     How will my behavior affect my baby's temperament?

     For the most part, your baby's temperament is independent from your
behavior.  You should not feel that you did anything that caused him to be
especially difficult or easy.  However, how you cope with your baby's
temperament is largely within your control.  Pediatricians and psychologists
can analyze your baby's behavior and come up with an objective reading of how
difficult or easy he is.  But "difficult" and "easy" are subjective terms.
Parents who are naturally laid-back may find a certain type of baby easy to
handle, whereas naturally high-strung parents may find the same baby
impossible.  Parents who had an extremely easy baby the first time around may
feel that their second child is a terror, even though most other parents would
consider him a piece of cake.  Therefore, to the extent that you can remain
patient and calm despite some trying displays of temperament, the more likely
it is that the situation will remain within tolerable limits, and the quicker
it will seem to pass.


     My newborn's movements are very abrupt and jerky.  Is that normal?

     It certainly is.  In the beginning, a baby's behavior is very fragmented
in nature.  His innate reflexes allow him to "do" things, but the things he
does are totally controlled by stimulation from outside his mind.  What's
more, they are all done independently from one another.  For example, as
mentioned before, if his random movements bring his hand in contact with his
mouth, he will suck on his hand.  But as yet, he is unable to bring his hand
to his mouth on purpose.  As the weeks go by, however, your baby will begin to
realize that he can control his movements to a greater and greater extent, and
he will gradually learn to start coordinating his various activities.
Although he still will be a long way from smooth and graceful, by the end of
this period you can expect your baby's movements to be much more deliberate
and efficient.


     Even when he is awake and alert, my newborn doesn't seem very interested
in doing anything.  Should I try to get him "involved"?

     In making the transition from the womb to the outside world, babies
require a two or three week "adjustment" period.  For the bulk of the first
month, they are primarily concerned with their own comfort.  They have no
desire to interact to any great extent with their surroundings.  Moreover,
they have very few capacities with which to do much interacting.  Therefore,
attempts to stimulate your baby at this point will be largely futile.  In
addition, he is likely to find them intrusive and irritating.  By the end of
the first month, he will be ready to start exploring his environment, and at
that point, you won't need to do any coaxing.


     Since he can't get around on his own, how can my baby begin to explore
his world?

     Your baby's early explorations will consist of soaking up his immediate
environment through his senses.  Although he was born with an abundant amount
of curiosity, and it would appear that he has few capacities with which to
satisfy it, bear in mind that everything is brand new to your baby.  For the
first couple of months or so, he will be fascinated by everything from his
bedclothes to his crib rails, and he will be totally entranced by your face
and the sound of your voice.  He also will spend hours just trying to figure
out what various parts of his own body are and how they work.  While he may
appear to be a largely passive creature, in reality, your baby will be very
busy.  He will be getting familiar with the sights, sounds, smells, tastes,
and textures to which he will be exposed simply by being in the world.


     How will my baby's explorations change as the months go by?

     After a while, your baby's senses--especially his vision--will improve
considerably, so he will be widening his sensory horizons with each passing
week.  He also will be paying closer attention to small details of nearby
objects.  Once he starts putting together the activities of his eyes and
hands, his explorations will become much more active in character.  This will
be especially true sometime after four months of age, when he develops the
capacity for visually directed reaching.  Anytime something comes within his
range, he will attempt to get hold of it.  Once he does, he will spend a lot
of time investigating every aspect of it with his hands, eyes, ears, and
mouth.


     My baby often will be intensely interested in some object, but as soon as
he drops it, he seems as if he could care less.  Why is that?

     Throughout this period, your baby will be interested only in things that
are directly evident to his senses.  He is not yet able to "picture" an object
in his mind once it is removed from his hands or his line of vision.  It will
be a few months before your baby has developed this ability--referred to as
"object permanence"--which signals the beginning of memory.  For the time
being, as far as your baby is concerned, anything that is out of sight is out
of mind as well.  Therefore, no matter how curious he may be about an object,
once it is gone, he has nothing to which he can apply that interest.


     Many times my baby moves his arms and legs around a lot, but without any
apparent purpose.  Does this mean he's bored?

     On the contrary.  What he is doing is simply exercising his body, and
babies enjoy doing that almost as much as they enjoy exploring.  Again, you
have to realize that each ability your baby achieves is brand new, and using
that ability is going to be very exciting for him.  Remember when you first
got your driver's license and couldn't get enough of driving around, even if
you didn't really go anywhere in particular?  It's a similar experience for
your baby.  Once he figures out how to thrust his legs, how to work his eyes
and hands together, how to turn over by himself, etc., the mere act of doing
so will thrill him to no end and he won't be able to get enough of repeating
the processes over and over again.


     Even when I talk to and play with my baby, he remains very quiet and
unresponsive.  Should I just leave him alone?

     That would be inadvisable.  It is difficult for some parents not to take
the unresponsiveness of their babies personally.  But the fact of the matter
is that for the first two or three months, babies simply do not have the
social awareness that is necessary for all the giggling, squealing, tickling,
and other fun interactions that parents may be expecting.  That doesn't mean
that your baby is not interested in you.  On the contrary, he will be
entranced by your face and the sound of your voice.  For a while, however, he
will be interested in you in the same way that he is interested in inanimate
objects.  Therefore, you can expect him to exhibit the same quiet demeanor and
sober expression that are elicited by these other things.  However, once
smiling and social awareness set in, interacting with your baby will not only
be more enjoyable, it will become absolutely irresistible.


     Lately my baby has been trying to suck his feet and toes like he sucks
his hands and fingers.  Is this unusual?

     At first, your baby didn't even know he had feet, as they were outside
the range in which his eyes could focus clearly.  Even though his vision may
have improved sufficiently to see them a while ago, he probably was
preoccupied with his first major discovery--his hands.  However, starting near
the end of the third month, armed with better vision and ever-increasing
curiosity, babies broaden their horizons.  One of the first new things they
discover are their feet.  The feet make for fascinating visual targets.  In
addition, thanks to the flexibility of their bodies at this point, babies can
also bring their feet and toes to their mouths for further exploration by
other senses.  Thus, your baby's fascination with his feet may seem bizarre on
the surface, but it is a healthy sign that his interests and abilities are
expanding.


     Sometimes it seems as if my baby is talking to himself.  What's going on?

     Other than crying, your baby will be able to produce a variety of sounds
right from the beginning.  At first, he won't even realize that these
delightful little "baby sounds" are coming from his own mouth, although he
will enjoy listening to them.  As the months go by, he will develop the
awareness that he is producing these sounds, and he will learn how to control
his vocal output to a certain extent.  Once he has achieved these capacities,
your baby will spend hours playing with his own saliva, making squeaking
sounds, babbling, and otherwise entertaining himself with his own
vocalizations.  He will not as yet be at the point where true language
learning can begin, and he therefore won't really be "talking" to himself.
But this repeated practicing and appreciation of his own noise-making ability
does set the stage for the emergence of genuine language skills a few months
later.


     When I'm watching television, my baby will look up at the screen from
time to time.  Is he interested in what's going on?

     Not at all.  Throughout this period, your baby simply will not have the
capacity to understand the words and images that are being presented, so there
is nothing on television that will be able to hold his attention.  On the
other hand, the television will be able to get his attention periodically.  By
the fourth month, your baby will be tuning in to sounds of all kinds, and he
will be able to orient quickly and accurately to the source of any loud,
sudden, unusual, or familiar sound.  Therefore, what you are seeing in your
baby's behavior is not an interest in what's going on, but rather a reaction
to what's coming out of the television.  You may notice that he looks up more
often at the start of a commercial than at any other time.  That's because
commercials are designed to be slightly louder and have more abrupt sound
changes than regular programming.  It is precisely these characteristics that
are most appealing to your baby at this point.


     Occasionally my baby will simply stare at something for a very long
period of time.  Is this normal?

     This is another case where an apparently bizarre behavior is actually a
sign that your baby is developing normally.  Throughout life, but especially
during the first months, the eyes are the primary means of exploring and
investigating the world.  This fact, added to the notion that each day your
baby is seeing many things for the very first time, results in a considerable
amount of what is referred to as "steady staring."  For an adult, such
behavior often is an indication of limited awareness--steady staring usually
means that a lot may be going on in the mind, but not much attention is being
paid to the object of the fixed stare.  However, for a baby, the opposite is
true.  Since the baby's mind works only with material that is being fed
directly into the senses, a steady stare reveals that the baby has found a
wealth of new information in what his eyes are perceiving, and he is actively
taking in as much of it as he can.  Once your baby's focusing ability becomes
fully mature at about three months of age, you can expect to see more and more
of this behavior in the course of a day.


     Lately, my baby has begun rolling over and pushing himself across the
floor.  Does this mean he's trying to crawl?

     Not necessarily.  Clearly, he is trying to get himself from one place to
another, but that doesn't mean he is specifically attempting to perform a new
ability.  Quite often, a baby's interests will go a little further than what
his abilities enable him to handle at the moment.  Toward the end of this
period, your baby will be able to see and hear many things that are some
distance away from him.  What's more, he may be starting to get bored with
exploring and investigating the things that are in his immediate surroundings.
Consequently, driven by his ever-increasing curiosity, he may try anything and
everything he can do in an attempt to expand his environment.  Unfortunately,
at this point, his body probably won't be quite ready for crawling, so you may
see a variety of strange strategies for self-propulsion.  Of course, none of
them will be as effective as crawling.  So once his physical growth catches up
with his intellectual interests, he will spend a lot of time perfecting the
crawling process and will quickly abandon these less efficient forms of
transporting himself.


PATIENCE SOLVES A LOT OF PROBLEMS

     Perhaps the best tool that parents can have for coping with their babies
during the first months of life is patience.  As delightful as babies can be,
they also can do a lot of strange, inconvenient, annoying, and alarming
things.  Fortunately, because babies are developing at a rate that is faster
than at any other time of life, many of the problems they pose require only
that you wait a little while for them to go away.  For instance, the tendency
of newborns to startle violently at loud sounds, bright lights, or sometimes
for no apparent reason at all is pretty scary.  However, just when you reach
the point where you think you can't stand it any more, their nervous systems
become less sensitive and this frightening behavior simply disappears.
Another good example is their emerging sociability.  At first, the total
helplessness of newborns almost forces their mothers and fathers to fall in
love with them.  Then, after a few weeks of constantly caring for a largely
unresponsive newborn, the attraction starts to fade a little and some
resentment begins to creep in.  All of a sudden, the first smiles appear, and
the baby quickly becomes dearly beloved again.  A few weeks later, just when
those smiles are becoming old hat and the parents begin wondering if they'll
ever establish a real relationship with their baby, true social awareness
kicks in, and giggling, tickling, and various other irresistible forms of
interaction become possible.  Therefore, if you find yourself anxious about
something that your baby is doing or is not doing, be patient.  Chances are
that very soon he will grow out of or into whatever the behavior in question
may be.


BEWARE OF "ADULTOMORPHISM"

     One of the more common problems to which new parents fall prey is the
tendency to lapse into what is called "adultomorphism"--ascribing adult
motivations to the behavior of their little ones.  This is a very natural
thing to do.  After all, we more-than-halfheartedly believe that the dog is
"in misery" when we leave him at the kennel before going on vacation, and even
more incredibly, that the vending machine is "out to get us" when it takes our
money but won't give us any candy in return.  So is it that unreasonable to
give mature emotional and mental powers to a baby who is considerably more
beloved and often more exasperating?  Moreover, it is virtually impossible to
think or talk about a baby's behavior without using some standard language for
emotional states and mental activities.  For instance, it would be awkward to
say anything other than "he's so happy you came home early" or "he's
determined to get out of eating his beets" when describing what's happening
with your baby at certain times and in certain situations.  However, it is
important for mothers and fathers to remember that babies do not perceive,
comprehend, or react in any way resembling the manner in which adults or even
slightly older children do.  When things are going well, indulging in a little
adultomorphism is probably harmless.  The real potential for trouble comes
when your baby does something annoying or intolerable, or when you
accidentally do something that causes him discomfort or harm.  If you forget
that what's happening does not have the same meaning or long-term significance
to your baby that it has for you, the levels of anger or guilt that you feel
will be inappropriate and may even become dangerous on occasion.