Parenting - Prenatal to preschool/Parenting_PrenatalToPreschool.bin/dp/0021/00211.txt

Text File | 1993-06-14 | 24KB | 399 lines

$Unique_ID{PAR00211}
$Pretitle{}
$Title{6 Months to 1 Year:  Understanding Your Child's Behavior}
$Subtitle{}
$Author{
Editors of Consumer Guide
Mendelson, Robert A
Mendelson, Lottie M
Meyerhoff, Michael K
Ames, Louise Bates}
$Subject{6 Months to 1 Year Child Children Behavior Behaviors awake alert
sleep sleeping patterns nap naps sleeps crawl crawls crawling curious
curiosity investigate investigates investigating interest interests interested
toilet flushing outside anxiety attachment behavior explore explores exploring
exploration explorations insecure separation sibling hostility throwing
banging studying steady staring repeat repeats repetition repetitions
communicate communicates communicating communication mimics mimic mimicking
imitate imitates voice imitation misbehaving BIRTH ORDER firstborns siblings
verbal STRENGTH SPEED}
$Log{}

The New Parents' Question & Answer Book


6 Months to 1 Year:  Understanding Your Child's Behavior


     Will my baby now be awake and alert for virtually the entire day?

     Maybe she will and maybe she won't.  During the second half of the first
year, the sleeping needs and patterns of babies become even more variable.  On
average, babies tend to sleep about 13 hours a day during this period.  The
normal range, however, can be anywhere from as few as nine hours to as many as
18.  Typically, babies will sleep approximately ten to 12 hours during the
night and will supplement that with two naps during the day.  The naps may
last as little as 20 minutes or as long as two to three hours.  If your baby's
sleep requirements were on the high end of the range during the first six
months, you probably can expect her to remain on the high end, and vice versa.
Beyond that, you will just have to wait and see what your baby's own
individual sleep requirements will be as time goes by.


     Once my baby starts to crawl, will I have to entice her to begin
exploring beyond her immediate environment?

     On the contrary--you may find it impossible to stop her.  The innate
curiosity that all babies have is a powerful force.  For the couple of months
prior to the onset of crawling, it builds up to almost uncomfortable levels.
Babies can see and hear all sorts of things that are some distance away, but
they can't get to them on their own, so frustration tends to set in.
Consequently, as soon as they achieve the capacity for locomotion, they're off
and running--or crawling, as the case may be.  And you certainly don't have to
worry about your baby being afraid at this point.  While curiosity is
inherent, fear is something that has to be learned.  As long as your baby has
been made to feel safe and secure so far, there is no reason why she won't
venture out into her wider world eagerly.


     Will my baby's curiosity be limited to "places," or will she still
be interested in "things," too?

     Your baby will be interested in everything.  Of course, she will spend a
lot of time scooting around to every area of the house to which she has
access.  However, she also will spend a great deal of time investigating
anything and everything she finds in those areas.  First of all, with her new
capacity for locomotion, she is likely to encounter an enormous number of
items that she never came across before.  Each one will be totally fascinating
to her.  Furthermore, now that she is more adept at using her body--and
particularly her hands and fingers--she will be investigating all items she
encounters much more thoroughly than before, even those with which she
previously had a fair amount of experience.  By the way, your baby also will
begin to develop a strong interest in how things work, so simple gadgets will
be a favorite target of her curiosity.


     My baby is fascinated by a flushing toilet.  Is this strange?

     This is perfectly normal and quite common.  We tend to take the toilet
for granted.  To a baby who is being exposed to it for the very first time,
however, it is an irresistibly intriguing and exciting thing.  The seat, the
base, the water, and all the other parts present a variety, of textures and
temperatures to the touch.  The flush creates a flurry of sights and sounds
that are extraordinarily rich and varied.  And the flush handle is so simple
to use that even the baby herself may be able to operate it, yet it produces
results that are spectacular.  Consequently, it really is no surprise that
almost all babies fall in love with the toilet especially if they are given
opportunities to flush it themselves.  But keep in mind that toilets are
dangerous--a baby is capable of crawling in and could drown--so these
activities must always be closely supervised at this point.


     Will my baby's curiosity also include people to a great extent?

     Yes and no.  During this period, your baby will become intensely curious
about the key people in her life--her parents.  Virtually everything you do
will be of interest to her.  She also will be interested in your physical
features (a fascination with earlobes, for instance, is common).  On the other
hand, this intense interest in the primary caregivers often comes at the
expense of everyone else.  You may discover that your baby is no longer as
"friendly" toward outsiders as she used to be.  However, although you will
continue to be a favorite object of her curiosity for a long time to come,
this reluctance to include other people will diminish gradually.  It may even
disappear entirely by the end of the first year.


     My baby ordinarily is very happy when she's exploring around the house,
but when I take her out, she usually gets anxious and clingy.  What's she
afraid of?

     She really isn't afraid of anything; she's probably just a little
insecure--and that's perfectly normal.  What you are seeing is generally
referred to as "attachment behavior."  As noted earlier, in order to explore
and investigate her world, your baby needs to know that you are there for her
in case she needs you.  Since she is reasonably familiar with and therefore
very comfortable in her own home, she probably will exhibit such behavior only
occasionally in the house.  However, going out involves the introduction of a
whole new set of items and experiences.  Before she can go about absorbing
them, she may feel the need to double-check her emotional base.  Despite its
often unpleasant nature, this sort of behavior actually is a healthy sign at
this point.  And although it may get fairly intense on occasion, you can
expect it to start diminishing by the end of this period.


     Would my baby rather explore than spend time with me?

     As far as she's concerned, your baby is spending time with you as she
explores.  Your general presence constitutes a significant part of her
experience at all times.  She will rarely venture very far away from you for
very long.  In addition, when she goes off to explore and investigate her
wider environment, she will repeatedly return to you in the course of her
activities and try to initiate a more direct kind of interaction.  Therefore,
you should not interpret her increasing independence as a sign that she's
losing interest in you.  In fact, there still will be plenty of times when
your baby will prefer to interact with you exclusively.  A good balance
between social and nonsocial interests, with a lot of easy flow between the
two, is a sign of healthy progress during this period.


     If my baby loves to explore, why will she sometimes stop her explorations
and seek me out?

     Occasionally, your baby will simply tire of her explorations and will
seek you out for a change of pace.  However, her approaches to you more often
will be for one of three major reasons.  The first is that she is hurt and
needs comforting; for example, she may get her finger caught in a doorjamb and
want you to kiss it and make it better.  The second is that she is stuck and
requires adult assistance; for example, she may be pushing together and
pulling apart a panty-hose container, and the sixth time she pushes it
together she can't get it apart again.  And the third is that she has made a
new discovery and would like to share her joy and excitement with someone; for
example, she may find an old piece of chewing gum covered with dust balls
under the sofa, and she may simply be overwhelmed with the wonder of it all.
By the way, once she gets whatever it was she needed or wanted from you, you
can expect your baby to go on her merry way.  As a result, most of these
exchanges will be relatively brief


     My baby goes off on her own without problem, but when I leave her, she
tends to get very upset.  Does this mean she's insecure?

     Yes, but probably only a little.  Remember, although your baby's sense of
attachment to you is very strong during this period, it is not totally
complete.  Whenever she's feeling confident about that attachment, she will
not hesitate to initiate a separation.  However, when you initiate a
separation, there's a chance that you will catch her off guard and cause her
some concern.  Despite the fact that her concern may be expressed as something
resembling minor panic, you can be assured that this is probably only a
temporary reaction.  Day-care personnel and baby-sitters routinely report that
within a few minutes after a separation that has left both the parents and the
baby severely distraught, the child usually recovers quite nicely.  The
parents, on the other hand, generally continue to suffer until everyone is
reunited later.  Therefore, this is not something about which you should worry
a great deal.  As time goes by and your baby repeatedly sees that while you
may leave her on occasion you will always return to her, this will become less
and less of a problem.


     My baby usually approaches her three-year-old brother easily, but when he
approaches her, she often cries.  Why is that?

     Although your baby's intense interest in people will be largely
restricted to her parents during this period, it will include other members of
the household to a significant extent.  You can expect her, therefore, to be
curious about her brother's activities and to approach him fairly often.
However, because a slightly older sibling is likely to feel a lot of jealousy
and hostility toward a baby and has probably expressed his resentment in
somewhat violent fashion for several months, your baby has learned to be wary
when she is approached by her brother.  She also has learned that her cries
will bring you to rescue her in case of trouble.  Consequently, what you are
seeing now is a sign of her increasing intelligence.  On a simple level she
has figured out that it is better to cry before her older brother gets close
enough to do any harm than to wait until the damage has been done.  By the
way, while this self-protection mechanism is usually very effective, it can
cause problems sometimes.  If you're not aware of it and don't keep a close
eye on the situation when they are together, there is a good chance that your
son will be unjustly accused of harming his little sister on occasion.


     My baby still puts almost everything into her mouth.  Is this normal?

     It certainly is.  Although your baby is becoming more adept at using her
hands and fingers every day, her mouth will still be her primary tool for
sensory exploration during this period.  You may notice that she will first
manipulate an item and then suck on it, gum it, and perhaps even try to eat
it.  On occasion, you also may see her put something into her mouth directly,
almost as if by force of habit.  Furthermore, you should be aware that when
your baby is hungry or thirsty, she will eat or drink almost anything she
comes across--no matter how horrible it smells or tastes.  Babies simply are
not very discriminating at this point, so you have to be careful about what
they have access to.  This tendency to put everything in the mouth may
diminish somewhat as the months go by, but it probably will linger at least a
little for quite some time.


     My baby spends almost as much time throwing and banging objects as she
does studying them.  Is something wrong with her?

     Not at all.  When your baby throws and bangs objects, she is studying
them just as much as when she is looking at them or feeling them.  Previously,
her interest in various items was limited to their basic sensory
characteristics; but now, her interests have expanded to include both what
these items can do and what she can do with them.  For instance, before, she
may have been content to investigate the look and feel of a key ring.  Now,
however, she is compelled to find out what happens to a key ring when it is
dropped, what kind of sound it makes when it is shaken, and how you will react
when she throws it, In other words, your baby is every bit as studious as she
was previously, only now her studies have taken on a far more active quality
in many cases.


     When she's in her high chair, my baby likes to drop a lot of her food on
the floor.  Is she trying to make me crazy or what?

     She may very well make you crazy with such activities, but that certainly
is not her intention at this point.  She simply doesn't yet have the mental
capacity to be malicious, so don't take it personally when she makes a mess at
mealtime.  This is just another instance of her healthy curiosity exploding
all over the place.  The food in front of her not only has nutritional value,
it provides a number of opportunities for learning experiences.  For example,
she will be fascinated by the way a piece of gelatin wobbles when she touches
it, she will be thrilled by the sensation she gets when she squishes it
through her fingers, and she will be delighted by what she sees and hears when
it goes "splat" on the floor.  Consequently, this is a time when parents have
to exercise a little patience and understanding.  You may be in a hurry to get
through the feeding, but your baby won't be able to resist studying her food
in all sorts of ways before she eats it.


     Although she can become intensely interested in an object or an activity,
my baby rarely stays interested in it for very long.  Is she hyperactive?

     Only to the extent that all babies could be characterized as hyperactive
at this point.  Although babies are intensely curious, their attention spans
are not very long.  Remember, all of their thinking is still
sensorimotor--that is, they are processing everything through their physical
movements and senses.  They have yet to develop the ability to really work
with mental images.  Consequently, once they have absorbed a bunch of
information from one object or activity, they quickly will move on to the
next.  Furthermore, you have to keep in mind that so many things around your
baby are brand new and irresistibly intriguing to her.  As captivating as any
single item may be, it is constantly surrounded by high-powered competition,
so your baby will be easily distracted from even the most fascinating ones.


     Every once in a while, my baby will stop her explorations and appear to
be just staring into space.  What's happening?

     This is just a continuation of the "steady staring" she has been doing
for several months.  Because she tends to be so active so much of the time, it
may be a lot more noticeable and somewhat more alarming at this point, but it
still is perfectly normal.  While your baby is going places, doing things, and
otherwise exploring and investigating her environment, there will be times
when she is inclined to just sit and soak up the sights, sounds, and
sensations that surround her.  It may not be as impressive as her other
activities, but this steady staring remains an important part of the way in
which your baby learns about and comes to understand her world.


     Once my baby achieves a new physical ability, like pulling herself to a
standing position, she tends to do it over and over.  Why is that?

     Once your baby achieves a new physical ability, it takes time for her to
achieve confidence in that ability, so she will do it several times just to
make sure she's got it down pat.  From that point on, she will continue to
repeat the process for the pure pleasure she gets from exercising her body.
In other words, these new skills are not only useful to your baby, they are
exciting and enjoyable for her as well.  Consequently, as part of and in
addition to her explorations and investigations, you can expect your baby to
spend a lot of time simply "working out."  Naturally, she will continually be
seeking out and conquering new physical challenges as the months go by, but
she will constantly be taking opportunities to practice those physical skills
that she's already mastered.


     Since my baby still can't communicate by talking, why is it that she's
doing a lot less crying now?

     Although she may as yet be unable to put a lot of things into words, your
baby is becoming increasingly effective in her nonverbal forms of
communication.  She is realizing that she is more likely to get what she wants
through specific sounds and actions than through a general wail.  Since you
probably are anxiously awaiting her first words, it is easy to overlook how
far your baby has come in this regard.  If you think about it, however, the
two of you have had some fairly full "conversations" recently.  For example,
when your baby came to you holding her empty cup, then gave it to you and
uttered "uh, uh" or something similar, the result was pretty much the same as
if she had come right out and said, "Pardon me, but I seem to be running low
on this stuff, and I understand that you are someone who can get more of it
for me."


     Lately, even though she isn't saying anything intelligible, my baby seems
to be mimicking my voice tones and inflections.  Is this possible?

     It certainly is.  It is during this period that your baby will first
become capable of truly imitative behavior.  Given her strong interest in you
and her strong interest in sounds, one of her favorite things to imitate will
be your voice.  This activity not only is very entertaining for her, it is
also an important part of language learning.  By the way, you probably notice
that your baby is mimicking a lot more than just your voice.  Because her body
movements are not yet perfectly coordinated and graceful all the time, it may
be difficult to pick up on occasion.  However, if you watch her while she is
watching you do something, you'll be able to see her attempting to do
something similar herself.  Toward the end of this period, you may even see a
complete combination of voice and action imitation as your baby picks up a toy
telephone and mimics the way you hold and dial it as well as the way you speak
into it.


     Obviously, my baby sometimes does things I wish she wouldn't, but is she
truly capable of "misbehaving" at this point?

     Although she has developed some capacity for intentional action, your
baby's mental processes are still pretty much limited to dealing with the
here and now.  What's more, her own wants and needs are pretty much the only
things that influence her behavior to a significant extent.  This means that
she is not really capable of either "premeditation" or "self-control."
Therefore, she cannot be considered to be deliberately "misbehaving" in the
standard sense of the word.  However, her tremendous curiosity combined with
her increasing physical skills certainly give her the ability to get herself
into a lot of trouble and otherwise do things that can be considered "wrong"
or "bad."  Since she will not be able to comprehend such concepts on anything
but an extremely fundamental level for several months, it is incumbent upon
you to channel and set limits upon her behavior.  In other words, at this
point, your baby should not be condemned for misbehaving, but that doesn't
mean you should ignore or tolerate the things she does that you wish she
wouldn't do.


DOES BIRTH ORDER AFFECT BEHAVIOR?

     Over the years, research has consistently shown that birth order is
routinely related to various behavioral traits.  For instance, firstborns tend
to be more verbal than their siblings, but their siblings tend to be more
independent.  Also, firstborns tend to be more "successful" in the
conventional sense, but their siblings tend to suffer less stress and be
generally more content.  Of course, these traits are by no means
universal--there are always numerous exceptions.  It is clear, however, that
one's position in the family is usually a fairly influential factor.  Again,
it appears that these phenomena are not inevitable, but rather that they are
the result of distinctly different child-rearing styles.  Most parents will
swear that they treated all their children exactly the same, but studies have
revealed that this usually is not the case.  Parents typically spend almost
three times as many minutes each day in direct interaction with their first
baby as they do with later babies.  This could account for the greater verbal
skills of firstborns and the greater independence of the younger siblings.
Also, parents tend to be extremely anxious about the achievements of their
firstborn, whereas by the time subsequent children come along, they've learned
to be a lot more relaxed.  This could account for the striving for success by
firstborns and the relatively laid-back attitude of subsequent children.
Therefore, if you see your child developing a trait of which you are not
particularly fond, and someone attributes it to the fact that she is the
firstborn, the middle child, or the baby of the family, keep in mind that it
may be the result of something in your own behavior that may be easily
altered.


THE SURPRISING STRENGTH AND SPEED OF BABIES

     Just when parents finally feel that they have recovered from the
exhaustion that comes from staying up with their newly arrived infant, they
find that they are beginning to suffer from a new kind of exhaustion--that
which comes from trying to keep up with their newly crawling baby.  Most
first-time parents are absolutely amazed by the speed and strength displayed
by their little babies during the second half of the first year.  There's a
story about Jim Thorpe--Olympic champion, professional football player, and
one of the greatest athletes in American history.  It seems that one day he
volunteered to baby-sit for his neighbors who had a newly crawling baby.
Thorpe decided that the easiest thing to do would be to get down on the floor
and just follow the baby wherever she went and do whatever she did.  Several
hours later, when they returned home, the neighbors found Thorpe fast asleep
on the floor and their baby still going about her explorations with full vigor
and enthusiasm.  This story may fall into the "legend" category, but it
probably contains more fact than fiction.  Don't be fooled by your baby's tiny
stature and innocuous appearance--she's going to be a real tiger during this
period.  So now that she probably will be sleeping through the night for the
most part, make sure you take advantage of that fact and get a good night's
sleep yourself--you're really going to need it the next day.