Parenting - Prenatal to preschool/Parenting_PrenatalToPreschool.bin/dp/0021/00219.txt

Text File | 1993-06-21 | 24KB | 403 lines

$Unique_ID{PAR00219}
$Pretitle{}
$Title{1 Year to 2 1/2 Years:  Understanding Your Child's Behavior}
$Subtitle{}
$Author{
Editors of Consumer Guide
Mendelson, Robert A
Mendelson, Lottie M
Meyerhoff, Michael K
Ames, Louise Bates}
$Subject{1 Year to 2 1/2 Years Behavior Behaviors sleeping napping sleep nap
naps explore explores exploring interest interests exploration explorations
investigation investigations running eat drink rebellion phase negativism no
possessiveness mine independence talking imitation imitations conversation
pointing-and-naming role-play fantasy imaginative imagination ritual rituals
confrontation confrontations sibling siblings parallel play peer peers}
$Log{
Your toddler will imitate basic routines, such as "pretend" meals*0060104.tif
Toddlers show interest in peers, but their capacity to interact is limited*0060102.tif
A toddler's contentment in playing by himself will increase after 2 years*0050801.tif
Toddlers get a real kick out of running, stopping, and running around again*0054401.tif
Toddlers have a strong need to assert their independence*0054501.tif
Toddlers will investigate their world, and should explore outside your home*0059901.tif}

The New Parents' Question & Answer Book


1 Year to 2 1/2 Years:  Understanding Your Child's Behavior


     How much will my toddler's sleeping and napping patterns change during
this period?

     Your toddler's overall sleep needs probably will decline very little and
very gradually.  By the end of this period, he may be sleeping only an hour or
two less during any 24-hour period than he was sleeping at the beginning.
Most toddlers manage to continue sleeping through for 11 to 12 hours a night,
so the reduction in sleep time most likely will come at the expense of daytime
naps.  At one year of age, most toddlers still will require two naps a day,
but by two and a half, many get by with only one.  The transition is not
always smooth, and your toddler may experience an awkward period at around 18
months of age.  Two naps will be too much, yet one won't be enough.  He may
suffer from chronic crankiness, and your regular schedules may get thrown off
for a while, but this should be a fairly temporary problem.


     Now that he's been doing it for a few months, will my toddler's interest
in exploring and investigating his surroundings start to decline?

     On the contrary.  As long as your toddler has not been subjected to long
periods of restriction, you can expect his explorations and investigations to
continually grow in scope and intensity throughout this period.  Now that he
has begun experimenting as well as exploring and investigating, he will find
an infinite number of fascinating ways to learn about his world using his
ever-expanding physical skills.  One thing to keep in mind is that as his
ability to explore and investigate becomes more efficient and effective,
boredom becomes a greater danger.  An infant needs several weeks to soak up
his immediate surroundings, and a baby may require several days to take
advantage of everything a single room has to offer.  However, toddlers are
incredibly active in this regard, so make sure your toddler's horizons are
stretched at a pace that will keep up with his skills.  Although this probably
doesn't have to involve anything extraordinary or unusual, it may very well
mean opening up his world to include places outside your home on occasion.


     My toddler gets a real kick out of running around, stopping, then running
around again without really going anywhere.  Is this normal?

     Believe it or not, it is.  As toddlers gain greater control over their
bodies, they often enjoy exercising their new skills simply for the sheer
delight of doing so.  Some parents become alarmed when their toddlers engage
in an activity that doesn't have an immediately apparent purpose.  Keep in
mind the fact that this sort of behavior is very important to toddlers--it's
one of the few ways that such young children have to feel good all by
themselves.  Many years from now, when your child gets his driver's license,
it won't seem strange to you if he wants to just drive around some afternoon
even though he has no particular place to go.  So, at this point, understand
that your toddler--who has just become able to walk and run comfortably and
confidently--is getting a great deal of pleasure from "spreading his wings."


     My toddler seems to be constantly underfoot.  How can he learn anything
on his own if he's always with me?

     The key word in this question is "seems."  Attachment behavior tends to
increase in intensity at the beginning of this period.  Due to a toddler's
increasing physical abilities and communication skills, it also tends to
increase in effectiveness.  Consequently, many parents feel as if their
toddler has become something like a second layer of skin.  Fortunately, this
should be only a temporary condition.  Within a couple of months, your toddler
will be spending much more time away from you.  In fact, by the end of this
period, you may be surprised to find that you miss having him around during
much of the day.  By the way, keep in mind that interactions with you are part
of your toddler's learning "on his own."  He will learn a great deal by
watching and imitating you, and he will need you for periodic "consultations"
in the course of his activities.  So despite his capacity to be somewhat
annoying at times, be careful not to make yourself unapproachable to your
toddler.


     My toddler will eat or drink anything--even stuff out of the dog's dish!
Is this unusual?

     It is a common misconception that a toddler's sense of smell and sense of
taste serve as self-protection mechanisms, and that he will not eat or drink
things that clearly are not fit for human consumption.  As your toddler has
demonstrated this definitely is not so.  As long as a toddler is hungry or
thirsty, he will eat or drink just about anything.  Therefore, it is up to you
to make sure that your toddler is completely protected in this regard.  Eating
out of the dog's dish probably won't cause your toddler serious harm; but if
you've been lax about something like a bottle of ammonia, a package of plant
fertilizer or anything else that is poisonous because you couldn't imagine
your toddler getting close to it, much less ingesting it, he could be in
serious danger.


     How will I know my toddler is entering his "rebellion" phase, and how
long will it last?

     This phase will hit you like a brick between the eyes.  Starting at about
16 or 18 months of age, you will discover that your toddler's favorite word
has become "no."  This signals the onset of "negativism," which is a key
component of this phase.  Every instruction you give to him and every request
you make of your toddler from this point on is likely to be met with strong
resistance and even downright refusal.  Your toddler will constantly challenge
your authority and pit his will against yours.  Remember, this is a perfectly
normal part of the developmental process, and you must try not to take your
toddler's defiant and uncooperative behavior personally.  It would be nice if
this phase simply passed all by itself within a short space of time, but the
fact of the matter is that personal power and control are at issue, and your
toddler will not complete this phase until those issues are resolved.  If you
treat him with understanding, respect, and fairness, yet never let him get the
impression that he is the boss, you can reasonably expect him to return to
general civility sometime around his second birthday, or a little before that
time if you're lucky.


     In what other ways will my toddler assert his independence?

     One characteristic of toddlers going through this phase is extreme
possessiveness.  Next to "no," "mine" is their favorite word, and they
actively seek to establish domain over anything and everything they can.  In
addition, once they have established something to be their private property,
they tend to hold onto it and protect it at all costs.  Toddlers in this phase
also tend to develop very strong preferences.  Previously, it probably didn't
matter much to him whether vanilla or chocolate ice cream was being served.
Now all of a sudden, the particular flavor offered becomes a major issue.
And, once he has made his choice, it will be very difficult to persuade him to
change--even for very legitimate and logical reasons, such as the fact that
you've just run out of that flavor.  Again, as long as such behavior is
understood and respected but is not allowed to get out of hand and become
intolerable, you can expect your toddler to return to a less intense mode of
existence within a few months.


     Although he's been talking for only a short time, my toddler sometimes
says incredible things.  Where do these words and phrases come from?

     Probably from you.  A large portion of your toddler's early utterances
will be direct imitations of things he hears.  As a result, he often will come
out with something that seems far beyond his capacity to comprehend--and, in
many cases, it probably is.  Toward the end of this period, your toddler also
will be developing a rather active imagination, and some of the outlandish
things he says may come from the strange and new ideas he is starting to put
together in his own mind.  By the way, your toddler will be imitating everyone
and everything he hears, so if you don't remember saving something he is now
repeating, chances are that he picked it up from a neighbor, the television,
or some other source.


     My toddler really enjoys carrying on a conversation with me but he
doesn't always seem to understand or remember much of it.  Is this strange?

     Not at all.  Especially toward the end of this period, your toddler often
will be delighted to engage in "conversation" with you, but there's a good
chance that, in many instances, his agenda and yours will be distinctly
different during the interaction.  While you will be concerned with talking
about something, your toddler probably will be focusing primarily on the words
themselves.  If you listen closely, you may notice that he is doing a lot of
simple imitation, merely repeating what you have just said to him.  You may
also notice that he uses the same few words over and over again, either
enjoying their sounds or practicing and perfecting his pronunciation of them.
Consequently, a toddler's "conversation" usually appears to be a lot more
sophisticated than it actually is.  Keep in mind that your toddler is likely
to be more interested in the form rather than the content of conversation and
that his comprehension and memory skills are still some distance behind what
his verbal skills may seem to indicate.


     My toddler loves pointing-and-naming games with picture books, but he
won't sit still for stories.  Is he hyperactive?

     Probably not--he's just too young for stories at this point.  Somewhere
between 14 and 18 months of age, toddlers typically do become very interested
in pointing-and-naming games with picture books.  Such activities fit in
perfectly with your toddler's relatively short memory and attention span, as
well as with his strong interest and growing ability in the use of language.
However, to really appreciate a story, his memory and attention span needs to
be longer and his ability to comprehend needs to be much greater.  Therefore,
it may not be until the end of this period that your toddler has the patience
to sit still for the length of time needed to listen to a full story and the
mental abilities needed to recognize characters, understand plots, and follow
story lines.  However, even at the beginning of this period, your toddler
probably will enjoy listening to the gentle rhythm and tone of your voice as
you read a story at bedtime or nap time, so don't give up this practice
completely.


     When can I expect my toddler to be content to play by himself for long
periods of time?

     Throughout this period, as your toddler adds experimentation to his
explorations, you will notice that his activities are becoming more complex
and time-consuming and his attention span is growing.  As a result, especially
once his attachment behavior becomes less intense, he will be approaching you
to a somewhat lesser extent throughout the course of the day.  However, his
ability to be content playing by himself for really significant stretches will
increase dramatically after his second birthday.  That's when his capacity for
imaginative activities will kick in.  Once he can create a variety of people,
places, and things in his own mind, he'll be able to keep himself occupied for
quite a while by "playing" with his thoughts and mental images.


     How complex will my toddler's role-play and fantasy behavior become
during this period?

     In the beginning, your toddler will simply be imitating a few basic
routines that he has witnessed often and with which he has a fair amount of
experience.  Typically, pretend telephone conversations, imitations of
household chores, and pretend eating and drinking episodes are the first such
activities to surface.  However, by the end of this period, your toddler will
be picking up raw materials for his imaginative activities from a wide variety
of experiences both inside and outside your home.  He probably will also be
collecting "fuel" for his imagination from stories he hears and programs or
movies he sees on television.  Not only will he be repeating what he sees,
he'll be attempting to put together his own combinations of characters and
events.  Consequently, while you probably recognize the essence of his
role-play and fantasy activities, you also will notice that your toddler is
adding his own distinct flavor and flair at this point.


     Lately, my toddler appears to be going through little "rituals" at
bedtime, bathtime, mealtime, etc.  He gets very upset if "standard procedure"
isn't followed.  Is this normal?

     It certainly is.  As toddlers progress through this period, they become
increasingly capable of actively participating in and exercising some control
over daily routines.  However, you have to keep in mind that this sort of
stuff is still new to them, and their capacity to handle everything involved
is still somewhat limited.  Therefore, toddlers have a need for these routines
to be very familiar, stable, and consistent.  If something is placed in a
different spot, if something is done out of usual order, or if something new
is introduced, it is no big deal to you, but it can throw your toddler
significantly out of whack.  Once your toddler has a chance to become
thoroughly comfortable with and confident in his capacity to manage these
affairs, he will become much more amenable to change and variations.


     My toddler still has regular confrontations with his four-year-old
sister, but lately, she often claims that he started it.  Is this possible?

     It certainly is.  At the beginning of this period, your toddler probably
was able only to protect himself from his sister's hostile advances by crying
for help as soon as she approached him.  However, as his physical capacities
have increased, he has become able to return the abuse; and thanks to his
growing imitative capacities, he knows precisely what to do.  Since his sister
is still bigger, stronger, and smarter, it is natural to assume that she is
still in control of the situation.  But keep in mind that prior to this point,
whenever a confrontation took place between the siblings, the older one got
chastised and the younger one got comforted.  Consequently, at this point, it
is very likely that his sister is trying to avoid such episodes.  Your
toddler, on the other hand, may be eagerly seeking to initiate them.  Of
course, that won't be the case at all times, so you'll have to keep a close
eye on them to be sure who the troublemaker is in each instance.


     I just had another baby, and my toddler seems to be intent on terrorizing
her.  Why doesn't he love his little sister?

     Why should he?  Remember, your toddler is still in the process of working
out the fundamentals of his attachment relationship with you.  As his
"consultant," you are a very important component of his explorations and
investigations.  You are still a primary target of much of his interest,
particularly when it comes to learning about social rules and language.
Consequently, your attention is your toddler's most precious commodity, and
his sister is taking it away from him.  To make matters worse, your toddler
simply does not have the mental capacity as yet to deal with complex
explanations about the nature of love and family.  As far as he is concerned,
attention equals love, and his new sister is taking you away from him.  To
expect your toddler to love his baby sister at this point would be like your
husband bringing home another woman, announcing that she is going to be "our
second wife," and expecting you to love her just as much as he does.


     Will my toddler eventually lighten up on his little sister as he gets
used to her?

     After the fuss and bother of the initial few weeks is over and you have
settled down into a routine with the new baby, your toddler probably will
lighten up a little.  After all, his sister will be sleeping a lot in a crib
in another room and won't require as much of your time in the course of the
day.  Therefore, she won't be as much of a threat to his relationship with
you.  However, be careful not to convince yourself that your troubles are
over.  A few months later, when the little one begins to crawl, she will once
again require more of your attention, and she will require it immediately on
many occasions.  That attention is likely to come at the expense of your
toddler.  Therefore, after a brief period of peace, you can expect a renewal
of hostilities, and the situation is likely to be more intense and stressful
than it was before.


     While my toddler appears to play nicely with my neighbor's toddler, up
close it's clear they're each doing their own thing.  Why is that?

     What you are seeing is referred to as "parallel play."  As they near the
end of this period, toddlers begin to show an interest in being with peers.
At first, however, their capacity to interact with other children is very
limited.  As long as your toddler is not overwhelmed by more than one or two
playmates, and as long as his playmates do not attack him or take away his
toys, he will enjoy their company.  However, as you have noticed, at this
point, his playmates are merely a prop for his own activities.  He may involve
another child in his play in the same way he would involve a doll or some
other toy, but he won't be inclined to engage in truly mutual endeavors.  He
also is likely to do a lot of talking, but for the most part he will be
talking at rather than with the other child.  As he becomes increasingly
comfortable with the presence of peers, and as his mental capacities increase,
you will start to see more genuine peer interaction.  By the end of this
period, your toddler may begin to engage in true sharing, cooperating, taking
turns, and other appropriate peer-oriented behavior.


     I tried putting my toddler in a play group, but I saw more hitting and
biting than sharing and getting along.  Is this unusual?

     Not at all.  It isn't until the latter part of this period that toddlers
begin to show an interest in peers, and not until the very end that they begin
to become capable of understanding and putting into practice various concepts
of cooperation that are necessary for pleasant peer interactions.  Prior to
this point, a toddler is likely to treat another child almost like an
inanimate object rather than as another person, and he probably will treat her
just as roughly as he treats his toys.  During the second half of the second
year, as a toddler goes through a phase of self-assertiveness and negativism,
it is even more unlikely that he will be in the mood to treat other children
with anything resembling civility.  This does not mean that placing a toddler
less than two years of age in any kind of group situation should be avoided
completely.  It does mean, however, that parents should not have unreasonable
expectations about what will happen and that they must be sure that adequate
supervision is available at all times.


DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY

     The middle part of this period can be a really tough time for parents.
After many months of enjoying a sweet, innocent, loving baby, they now find
themselves saddled with an annoying, willful, unmanageable monster.  Of
course, not all parents have it perfectly easy in the beginning, and not all
parents have it so rough at this point.  However, this is the typical
scenario.  If you do find yourself in this situation, it is important to
remember not to take your toddler's behavior personally.  For the most part,
he is not reacting directly to you or anything you've done, but rather to
powerful forces created by his rapid progress in various areas of development.
For example, when your negativistic toddler says "no" in response to one of
your requests, he isn't doing so because he no longer likes you or because you
have failed to anticipate and analyze the circumstances properly.  Rather, he
is simply responding to a strong need to assert himself and challenge any
authority with which he is confronted.  When your ritualistic toddler screams
in response to some simple act you've unconsciously performed, again, he is
not doing so because you are mean or incompetent, but rather because he has a
strong need to maintain a rigid sense of order.  This does not mean that you
should tolerate your toddler's unacceptable activities, nor does it mean that
you can't feel bad on occasion.  It will be impossible to completely avoid the
feeling that your toddler has rejected or turned against you.  However, to the
extent that you can understand what he's going through and respect his
behavior for the developmental progress it represents, you will be able to
prevent such feelings from overwhelming you and overshadowing the many
accomplishments and positive behaviors your toddler also will be exhibiting
during this period.


DO AS I DO--NOT AS I SAY

     Especially toward the end of this period, many parents are occasionally
alarmed by the things that their toddler says and does.  Often, they find
themselves spending a lot of time telling their toddler what to do and what
not to do in certain situations.  Unfortunately, they fail to realize that, at
this point, a toddler's capacity to understand and follow instructions and
explanations is extremely limited compared to his capacity to imitate the
behavior he sees.  Consequently, if your toddler is behaving in a manner that
you feel is inappropriate, before you attempt to correct him directly, make
sure that he isn't simply mimicking something he has seen you do.  Some
parents are shocked when they see their toddler hitting his dolls in the
course of his role-play activities; they scold him rather than acknowledging
that their toddler may have seen them spanking his older brothers and sisters
on occasion.  Some parents recoil in horror and reprimand their toddler
severely when he turns to them and says, "You dummy!" or something similar
rather than acknowledging that their toddler may have heard such epithets
being hurled back and forth when his parents were arguing with each other.  Of
course, you can't be afraid to be human, and you can't premeditate every word
and action you present to your toddler.  At this stage, however, it is
important to remember that telling your toddler to do one thing while you do
the opposite will often be largely ineffective and may result in very
unrealistic expectations.