Parenting - Prenatal to preschool/Parenting_PrenatalToPreschool.bin/dp/0022/00228.txt

Text File | 1993-06-14 | 18KB | 304 lines

$Unique_ID{PAR00228}
$Pretitle{}
$Title{2 1/2 Years to 5 Years:  Daily Care Basics}
$Subtitle{}
$Author{
Editors of Consumer Guide
Mendelson, Robert A
Mendelson, Lottie M
Meyerhoff, Michael K
Ames, Louise Bates}
$Subject{2 1/2 Years to 5 Years Daily Care toilet training potty chair
problems flush flushing separation sibling arrival medical regression wetting
accidents washing teeth brushing hygienic uncircumcised bathe tub baths sponge
bath shower showering bathing shampoo shampooing Dry scalp wash washing naps
sleep HYGIENE preschooler preschoolers}
$Log{
Preschoolers are usually adept at getting the sleep their bodies need*0055701.tif}

The New Parents' Question & Answer Book


2 1/2 Years to 5 Years:  Daily Care Basics


     How can I tell if my preschooler is ready to start toilet training?

     It is very important to understand that children are ready to begin
toilet training at different times.  Some begin to show signs of readiness as
early as 20 months, while others are not ready until three years of age or
later.  Until certain specific signs of readiness (see accompanying list at
bottom) are apparent, attempts to toilet train your child will be both
frustrating and futile.  This normal physiologic maturation process should not
become a battleground.  If training is attempted too early, it often results
in an inappropriate focus on the issue and actually may delay the time when
the child uses the toilet independently.  Once your child demonstrates these
signs of readiness, you can begin the process; remember, however, not to rush
it.


     What do I need to do to get ready as well?

     Your preliminary tasks fall into two categories--behavioral and
mechanical.  With regard to the former, it is helpful to allow your
preschooler to accompany you when you use the toilet so he will have an
appropriate model.  Also, start using specific terms for the body parts and
functions involved regularly, so your preschooler will know exactly what you
are talking about.  Finally, talk to your preschooler about the advantages of
being toilet trained in a positive, upbeat manner every now and then.  With
regard to the mechanics of toilet training, you probably will want to purchase
a potty chair or adapter seat.  A potty chair allows your preschooler to be
largely independent, since he will not need you to lift him onto the seat.
The fact that it is easily portable can mean a lot in terms of convenience.
Make sure that the potty chair is simple to use and clean and that it is
stable and has nonskid features to keep it from slipping on a tile floor.  An
adapter seat, on the other hand, has the advantage of direct flushing, but it
may create inconvenience for other family members who will have to remove and
replace it.  If you purchase one, make sure it fits your toilet securely.  You
may want to consider purchasing a sturdy footstool as well so that your
preschooler can climb up more easily.  If your preschooler is older and
larger, you may want to train him directly on the regular toilet; but for
most, this is problematic.


     How should I begin the process of toilet training my preschooler?

     The first thing to do is to inform your preschooler of what will be
happening.  Then, give him several opportunities to practice the various steps
involved--removing his clothing, sitting on the potty chair, etc.  Once your
preschooler is aware of the process, pick a time of day when he usually
eliminates, and take him to the toilet.  Tell him in a pleasant and reassuring
tone using words he can understand and say ("pee" and "BM," for example) that
from now on, his waste products will begin going into the toilet instead of
into his diapers.  Then place him or help him onto the potty chair, and ask
him to try eliminating.  Never strap him in or in any way make the process
seem like punishment, and be sure to stay with him at all times.  While he is
trying, talk to him, read to him, or in other ways keep him entertained and
comfortable.  Don't force him to sit on the potty if he is unwilling; keep the
time to a minimum (less than five minutes).  Praise every bit of progress
lavishly--even if it's something as simple as sitting quietly on the potty
chair for more than a few seconds.  And be patient.  Toilet training rarely is
accomplished completely in one session; and if things aren't going well, just
forgetting about it for the moment and attempting it again later often is the
best solution to whatever problems are arising.


     What kinds of problems can I typically expect when toilet training my
preschooler?

     Quite commonly, preschoolers resist the first attempts at toilet
training.  If they are pushed, the bathroom becomes a battleground, and the
whole experience becomes extraordinarily unpleasant for everyone involved.
Therefore, if your preschooler demonstrates that he is not inclined to
approach this process with a positive attitude, the easiest thing to do is
just wait a couple of weeks and try again.  Some preschoolers manage to do
very well up to the point where flushing comes in--they may get very upset
that something that was a part of them is considered "dirty" and must be
gotten rid of.  If this occurs with your preschooler, it helps to explain that
this is "extra" that he doesn't need.  He may feel better if you wait until he
leaves the bathroom before you flush, or he may prefer to flush and wave
"bye-bye."


     Once he is toilet trained, what do I do when my toddler has an accident?

     Most accidents of this kind are truly accidents--that is, it is likely
that your preschooler will feel worse about them than you will.  It therefore
is a good idea to just clean up in a matter-of-fact manner, console him as
necessary, and encourage him to use the toilet "just to see if there's
anything left."  Never shame or scold him.  If your preschooler has a
"deliberate accident" in order to punish you or express his anger over
something, be careful not to overreact and give him what he was looking for.
Clean up calmly; you may want to take your time so that your preschooler
remains uncomfortably wet for a while.  It is suggested that you also have him
help in or take responsibility for cleaning up so he can realize that
accidents are not in his best interest.  If accidents start occurring
frequently, a medical problem may be involved (see "Safety and Health:  2 1/2
Years to 5 Years" for more on frequent fecal soiling).  On the other hand,
your preschooler may be genuinely "regressing" in response to a separation,
the arrival of a sibling, or some other emotional disturbance.  If you suspect
it is a medical problem, consult your pediatrician.  If it is a case of
regression, again, don't scold or shame, but have your preschooler help in the
clean up, and possibly suspend some of his "big boy" privileges for a while as
well.  Do what you can to help him work through whatever the real problem is,
and let him know that you will be happy to start all over again with him as
soon as he is ready.


     Although he does fine when he's in the house, my four year old has
frequent wetting accidents when he's outside playing.  How can I get him to be
more careful?

     What you are describing is a very common occurrence in children of this
age, and although it can be disappointing to you, it will pass in time.  To
help the situation, you'll need to use positive measures.  Start by asking him
to take time to go potty before he goes out to play.  When he doesn't have
accidents, tell him what a big, responsible boy he's getting to be.  When an
accident does happen, don't get overly upset, but do make him responsible for
changing his clothes, cleaning himself up, and putting the soiled garments in
the laundry.  Peer pressure does wonders in this regard, and usually the
embarrassment will motivate him to become more careful.  If the problem
continues or increases, consult your pediatrician.  It may be advisable to
have your preschooler screened to make certain everything is normal with his
urinary tract.


     My preschooler is capable of washing himself and brushing his teeth, but
can I trust him to do these jobs properly?

     By the end of this period, most preschoolers have mastered most such
hygienic activities.  However, it is probably not a good idea to let your
preschooler carry them out unsupervised too often.  While he will understand
and appreciate the importance of keeping himself clean, you simply can't count
on your preschooler keeping this concern in the forefront of his mind and at
the top of his priority list all the time.  Quite often, he may become
fascinated by a particular act or a particular feeling, and as a result, he
will wash or brush the same area over and over again and neglect everything
else almost completely.  Also, he may be in a hurry to hear a special bedtime
story, go on a special trip, etc., and as a result, he may "go through the
motions" in a big hurry without really doing a very good job.  Your trust in
him in this regard will gradually become total, but even by five years of age,
it is unrealistic to expect that it can be complete.


     My three and a half year old has been potty trained for a year.  Besides
using too much toilet paper, he doesn't get himself clean, but he refuses to
let me help.  Should I insist?

     You don't want to discourage him from doing it all by himself.  You can
offer to help wipe.  If he refuses, you might try giving him a sponge bath on
days when he's not going to have a full bath to make sure he isn't irritating
his bottom by not wiping it clean.  To help with the toilet paper, you could
put the roll out of his reach and leave him a few sections (be careful not to
inconvenience other family members by putting it too far out of their reach).
Explain how much he should use and how too much can clog the plumbing.
Emphasize that big boys don't want to clog the plumbing.


     My uncircumcised son is now three years old.  On two occasions, I've had
trouble pulling back the foreskin to clean beneath it.  What should I do?

     Never force the foreskin back if it is not totally separated from the
glans.  Natural separation will occur over time.  Although in many boys the
foreskin may separate completely by age five, in some boys separation is not
complete until puberty.  If the foreskin has separated from the glans, gently
retract it at bath time, and clean whatever portion of the glans is exposed.
Do not force it back.  Retracting the foreskin should never cause pain; if it
does, you are forcing it.  As early as possible, teach your son to gently
retract the foreskin when he urinates and during baths and showers.


     How often does my preschooler need to bathe?

     The recommendation is two to three times a week.  More frequent bathing
can cause dry skin.  To keep your preschooler's hands, arms, and face clean
between tub baths, you can give him a sponge bath.  His bottom may also need a
frequent sponge bath, since at this age he may not be adept at wiping himself.
Tub baths don't have to be long; a short "in-wash-out" for youngsters is fine.
Avoid using bubble bath since it can be drying and irritating to his bottom.
If your preschooler prefers to take a shower, that's fine, too.  When he gets
out of the tub or shower, you can lightly spread a little lotion over his skin
before you towel him off to help prevent dryness.  Avoid lotions with
perfumes, however, as they can cause irritation.


     My preschooler suddenly stopped enjoying bath time.  What can I do?

     Most preschoolers love to take baths and splash around in the water.  If
your child resists bathing, find out why.  It could be that you scrub too hard
when you wash him; in that case, ease up.  It may be that he doesn't want you
to wash him at all and would prefer to do it himself; if so, let him wash
himself, and then just lend a hand for the hard-to-reach places.  Sometimes
the temperature of the bathwater is the problem; let him choose whether the
temperature should be warmer or cooler.  Shampoo in the eyes or tangled hair
is uncomfortable and often the reason a child wants to skip the bathing
process (see the next question for tips on making shampooing easier).  Do
whatever you can to make bathing or showering a more pleasant and comfortable
experience for him.


     How often should I shampoo my preschooler's hair?

     Unless your child rolls in dirt every day, daily shampooing is not
necessary and not recommended; once or twice a week--or whenever it looks and
smells grimy--should do it.  Dry scalp and dry or damaged hair can result from
too much shampooing.  On in-between days, you can rinse his hair without
washing it if necessary.  Even if you wash his hair only once or twice a week,
use a mild shampoo, and only shampoo once.  Many shampoo instructions say to
shampoo twice, but this is unnecessary, especially for children.  Be sure to
rinse his hair and scalp thoroughly.  Use clean water for rinsing, since using
bathwater won't get his hair clean enough.  If you don't have a shower or if
you prefer to bathe your child, there are shower attachments available (the
shower head is attached to a rubber hose that fits over the tub faucet) that
are ideal for rinsing your preschooler's hair and body.  Make certain that the
water temperature is comfortable for your child, and avoid rinsing shampoo or
water into his eyes.  If his hair is very tangled after shampooing, you can
use a creme rinse to make combing easier.


     How many naps should my preschooler be taking each day?  Should I insist
that he take them?

     Each child is an individual with individual needs.  Some children require
more sleep than others.  In addition, children go through periods when they
need increased rest due to growth spurts, increased physical activity, or
increased environmental stimulation (such as going on a vacation).  Many four
year olds still require an afternoon nap, while others have given naps up
completely.  Preschoolers usually sleep or rest between eight and 11 hours a
day.  If your child is fatigued in the afternoon, he should be given a chance
to take a nap.  If he doesn't want a nap, a quiet period with quiet play may
suffice.  If napping becomes lengthy and pushes back bedtime at night, you'll
want to cut down the nap time and probably eliminate it.  Still, on occasion,
a child will need a nap, and if it's accepted gracefully, fine.  If not, try
to opt for an earlier bedtime that night.  Although parenting should be
flexible, children do better with a fairly structured routine.  If bedtime is
about eight-thirty or nine each night, you should avoid pushing it back an
hour or more for special occasions.  If you prefer to sleep later in the
morning, you can try to manipulate his bedtime, but it may not always work.
Like adults, some preschoolers are early to bed and early to rise, some are
late to bed and early to rise, and others are late to bed and late to rise.
All in all, they're usually adept at getting the necessary amount of sleep
that their bodies require.  If your child often seems overly tired and cranky,
you'll want to try to encourage more rest.  Help him avoid activity and
excitement just before bedtime.  If he doesn't seem to catch up on his sleep,
you may want to consult your pediatrician.


SIGNS OF READINESS TO TOILET TRAIN

     When these signs of readiness appear, you can begin toilet training.
Keep in mind that trying to toilet train your child before he demonstrates the
necessary signs may very well delay the process.  Your preschooler is probably
ready to begin toilet training if he:

  -  Has a dry diaper for increasingly long time periods, which indicates that
     his bladder is able to store increasing amounts of urine.
  -  Has bowel movements on a fairly regular schedule.
  -  Shows a desire and ability to follow instructions.
  -  Is anxious to be changed from a wet or dirty diaper.
  -  Tries to copy bathroom activities of other family members.
  -  Demonstrates to you in a recognizable way (by facial expression; by
     squatting or running to a particular place, such as his changing table;
     by actually telling you so; etc.) that urination or a bowel movement is
     about to occur.
  -  Has the motor skills to remove and at least partially replace the
     clothing that must be removed to use the toilet.
  -  Has the ability to get to the toilet or potty when he needs to "go"


MAKING HYGIENE FUN

     Helping your child to develop good hygiene habits now will help ensure
that he'll continue them later on.  For your preschooler, hygiene is fun when:

  -  The time allotted is always an important part of the everyday schedule.
  -  He is praised by you for having clean teeth, hair, hands, and nails.
  -  He gets to choose his own new products for hygiene, such as a toothbrush,
     comb, nail brush, soap dispenser, and cup--all in his favorite colors.
  -  He has a mirror at his height to watch himself get his face and teeth
     clean and comb his hair.
  -  He has a nonskid stool or set of little steps so that he can reach the
     sink with ease.
  -  He and his parents can be hygiene pals--washing hands together, brushing
     teeth together, and combing hair together.