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- 12-Jul-83 09:14:32-PDT,4930;000000000001
- Return-path: <@LBL-CSAM:vortex!lauren@LBL-CSAM>
- Received: from LBL-CSAM by USC-ECLB; Tue 12 Jul 83 09:12:46-PDT
- Date: Tuesday, 12-Jul-83 01:18:19-PDT
- From: Lauren Weinstein <vortex!lauren@LBL-CSAM>
- Subject: "The Day Bell System Died"
- Return-Path: <vortex!lauren@LBL-CSAM>
- Message-Id: <8307121614.AA17341@LBL-CSAM.ARPA>
- Received: by LBL-CSAM.ARPA (3.327/3.21)
- id AA17341; 12 Jul 83 09:14:35 PDT (Tue)
- To: TELECOM@ECLB
-
- Greetings. With the massive changes now taking place in the
- telecommunications industry, we're all being inundated with
- seemingly endless news items and points of information regarding
- the various effects now beginning to take place. However, one
- important element has been missing: a song! Since the great
- Tom Lehrer has retired from the composing world, I will now
- attempt to fill this void with my own light-hearted, non-serious
- look at a possible future of telecommunications. This work is
- entirely satirical, and none of its lyrics are meant to be
- interpreted in a non-satirical manner. The song should be sung
- to the tune of Don Mclean's classic "American Pie".
- I call my version "The Day Bell System Died"...
-
- --Lauren--
-
- **************************************************************************
-
- *==================================*
- * Notice: This is a satirical work *
- *==================================*
-
-
- "The Day Bell System Died"
-
-
- Lyrics Copyright (C) 1983 by Lauren Weinstein
-
- (To the tune of "American Pie")
-
- (With apologies to Don McLean)
-
-
- ARPA: vortex!lauren@LBL-CSAM
- UUCP: {decvax, ihnp4, harpo, ucbvax!lbl-csam, randvax}!vortex!lauren
-
- **************************************************************************
-
- Long, long, time ago,
- I can still remember,
- When the local calls were "free".
- And I knew if I paid my bill,
- And never wished them any ill,
- That the phone company would let me be...
-
- But Uncle Sam said he knew better,
- Split 'em up, for all and ever!
- We'll foster competition:
- It's good capital-ism!
-
- I can't remember if I cried,
- When my phone bill first tripled in size.
- But something touched me deep inside,
- The day... Bell System... died.
-
- And we were singing...
-
- Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
- We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
- "Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
- Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
- Ma Bell why did you have to die?
-
- Is your office Step by Step,
- Or have you gotten some Crossbar yet?
- Everybody used to ask...
- Oh, is TSPS coming soon?
- IDDD will be a boon!
- And, I hope to get a Touch-Tone phone, real soon...
-
- The color phones are really neat,
- And direct dialing can't be beat!
- My area code is "low":
- The prestige way to go!
-
- Oh, they just raised phone booths to a dime!
- Well, I suppose it's about time.
- I remember how the payphones chimed,
- The day... Bell System... died.
-
- And we were singing...
-
- Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
- We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
- "Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
- Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
- Ma Bell why did you have to die?
-
- Back then we were all at one rate,
- Phone installs didn't cause debate,
- About who'd put which wire where...
- Installers came right out to you,
- No "phone stores" with their ballyhoo,
- And 411 was free, seemed very fair!
-
- But FCC wanted it seems,
- To let others skim long-distance creams,
- No matter 'bout the locals,
- They're mostly all just yokels!
-
- And so one day it came to pass,
- That the great Bell System did collapse,
- In rubble now, we all do mass,
- The day... Bell System... died.
-
- So bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
- We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
- "Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
- Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
- Ma Bell why did you have to die?
-
- I drove on out to Murray Hill,
- To see Bell Labs, some time to kill,
- But the sign there said the Labs were gone.
- I went back to my old CO,
- Where I'd had my phone lines, years ago,
- But it was empty, dark, and ever so forlorn...
-
- No relays pulsed,
- No data crooned,
- No MF tones did play their tunes,
- There wasn't a word spoken,
- All carrier paths were broken...
-
- And so that's how it all occurred,
- Microwave horns just nests for birds,
- Everything became so absurd,
- The day... Bell System... died.
-
- So bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
- We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
- "Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
- Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
- Ma Bell why did you have to die?
-
- We were singing:
-
- Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
- We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
- "Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
- Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
-
- <End>
-
-
-