ARM Club 1/ARM_CLUB_CD.iso/contents/sillies/silly8/B/BathSoap

Text File | 1994-02-10 | 6KB | 130 lines

The Hotel Soap saga.
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Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized soap. Please remove the
six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and
another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.  Thank you.
S. Berman

Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid.  She will be back tomorrow, Thursday,
from her day off.  I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish
as you requested.  The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and
put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your
mind.  This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which are my standing
instructions from the management. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid,
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning
the little bars of soap.  When I got back to my room this evening I
found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine
cabinet.  I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have
brought my own bath-size soap so I won't need those 6 little Camays
which are on the shelf.  They are in my way when shaving, brushing
teeth, etc.  Please remove them.
S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps
which we are instructed by the management.  I took the 6 soaps which
were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your
soap was.  I put the soap in the medicine cabinet for your convenience.
I did not remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed
inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not
object to when you checked in last Monday.  Please let me know if I can
be of further assistance.
Your regular maid, Dotty

Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder informed me this A.M. that you
called ham last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
service.  I have assigned a new girl to your room.  I hope you will
accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future
complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
Call extension 1108 between 8 A.M. and 5 P.M.  Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel
for business at 7:45 A.M. and don' t get back before 5:30 P.M.  That's
the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night - you were already off
duty.  I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those
little bars of soap.  The new maid you assigned me must have thought I
was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap
in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
bathroom shelf.  In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars
of soap.  Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to
your room and remove the extra soaps.  If I can be of further
assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8:00 A.M. and 5:00 P.M.
Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size soap is missing.  Every bar of soap was taken from my
room including my own bath-size soap.  I came in last last night and
had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our
maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service
a room.  The situation will be rectified immediately.  Please accept
my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder, Asst. Manager

Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?  I came in
last night and found 54 little bars of soap.  I don't want 54 little
bars of Camay.  I want my one damn bar of bath-size soap.  Do you
realize I have 54 bars of soap in here.  All I want is my bath-size
soap.  Please give me back my bath-size soap.
S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.
Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing
so I personally returned them - the 24 Camays which had been taken and
the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily.  I don't know anything
about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.  Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not
know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the
3 daily Camays.  I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues
bath-size soap.  I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left
in your room.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap
inventory.  As of today I possess:
On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4
and 1 stack of 2.
On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 3.
On bedroom dresser - 7 Cashmere Bouquet in 1 stack of 3 & 1
stack of 4, 1 hotel-size bath-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2
stacks of 4.
Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 2.
In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly
used.
On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks
are neatly piled and dusted.  Also, please advise her that stacks of
more than 4 have a tendency to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom
window sill, which is not in use, will make an excellent spot for
future soap deliveries.  One more item, I have purchased another bar
of bath-size soap which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to
avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman

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