ARM Club 1/ARM_CLUB_CD.iso/contents/sillies/silly8/D/Dark

Text File | 1994-02-11 | 9KB | 139 lines

       DARK CONSPIRACY INVOLVING ELECTRICAL POWER COMPANIES SURFACES
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For  years  the  electrical utility companies have led the public to believe
they  were in business to  supply  electricity  to  the consumer, a  service
for which they charge a substantial rate. The recent accidental  acquisition
of  secret  records  from a well known power company has led  to  a  massive
research  campaign which positively explodes several myths and  exposes  the
massive  hoax  which  has  been perpetrated upon the  public  by  the  power
companies.

The   most common hoax promoted the false concept that light  bulbs  emitted
light;  in actuality, these 'light' bulbs actually  absorb DARK   which   is then transported back to the power generation stations via wire networks.  A
more  descriptive  name  has  now  been coined; the new scientific name  for
the device is DARKSUCKER. This newsletter introduces a brief synopsis of the
darksucker  theory, which  proves the existence of dark and establishes  the
fact that dark has great mass, and further, that dark particle  (the   anti-
photon)   is  the fastest known particle in the universe.  Apparently,  even
the celebrated Dr. Albert Einstein did  not  suspect  the truth..  that just
as  COLD  is the absence of HEAT, LIGHT is actually the ABSENCE  of  DARK...
scientists have now proven  that  light does not really exist!

The  basis of the darksucker theory is that electric light bulbs suck  dark.
Take  for  example, the darksuckers in the room where  you are   right  now.
There  is  much  less  dark right next to  the  darksuckers  than  there  is
elsewhere, demonstrating their  limited  range. The  larger the  darksucker,
the greater its capacity to suck dark. Darksuckers in a parking lot or on  a
football  field have a  much greater capacity than the ones in used  in  the
home, for example.

It  may  come  as a surprise to learn that darksuckers  also  operate  on  a
celestial scale; witness the Sun. Our Sun makes use of  dense dark,  sucking
it   in from all the planets and intervening dark space. Naturally, the  Sun
is  better able to  suck  dark  from  the planets which are situated  closer
to it, thus explaining why those planets appear brighter than do those which
are far distant from the Sun.

Occasionally, the Sun actually oversucks; under those conditions, dark spots
appear  on  the  surface of the Sun. Scientists  have  long  studied   these
'sunspots'   and are only recently beginning to realise that the dark  spots
represent leaks of  high  pressure  dark because the Sun has oversucked dark
to  such  an  extent that some dark actually leaks  back  into  space.  This
leakage  of  high   pressure  dark frequently  causes  problems  with  radio
communications here on Earth due to collisions between the dark particles as
they  stream  out into space at high velocity via the black 'holes'  in  the
surface of the Sun.

As  with all manmade devices, darksuckers have a finite lifetime  caused  by
the  fact  that they are not 100% efficient at transmitting  collected  dark
back  to  the power company via the wires from your home,  causing  dark  to
build  up  slowly within the device. Once they are   full   of   accumulated
dark, they can no longer suck. This condition can be observed by looking for
the black spot  on  a  full darksucker  when it has reached maximum capacity
of  untransmitted  dark...  you have surely  noticed  that  dark  completely
surrounds   a full darksucker because it no longer has the capacity to  suck
any dark at all.

A  candle is a primitive darksucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will
notice that after the first use the wick turns  black, representing all  the
dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of
an operating candle, the tip will turn  black  because  it got in the way of
the dark flowing into the candle. It is of no use to plug a candle  into  an
electrical  outlet;   it   can  only collect dark.. it  has  no  ransmission
capabilities.  Unfortunately,  these primitive darksuckers   have   a   very
limited  range  and  are hazardous to operate because of  the  intense  heat
produced.

There  are also portable darksuckers called flashlights. The bulbs in  these
devices  collect  dark  which is passed to a dark  storage  unit   called  a
battery.  When the dark storage unit is full, it must be either  emptied  (a
process called 'recharging')  or  replaced before  the  portable  darksucker
can  continue to operate. If you break open a battery, you will find   dense
black   dark  inside, evidence  that  it is actually a compact dark  storage
unit.  The  darksuckers  on your automobile are high  capacity  units   with
great  range,  thus  they  require  much larger dark storage  units  mounted
under the hood of the vehicle. Since there  is  far  more  dark available in
the  winter  season,  automobile  dark storage  units  reach  capacity  more
frequently than they do in the summer,  requiring 'recharging', or in severe
cases, total replacement.

Dark  has  great mass. When dark is drawn into a darksucker, friction caused
by  the  speed  and  mass of the   dark   particles   (called  anti-photons)
actually generates substantial heat, thus it is unwise to touch an operating
dark  sucker. Candles represent a special problem, as the dark  must  travel
into  a  solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates  a  great
amount of heat, making it very dangerous to touch an operating candle.

Because  dark has such great mass, it is very heavy. If you swim just  below
the surface of a lake, you see a lot of 'light' (absence of dark, to be more
precise).  As you go deeper and deeper beneath the surface, you will  notice
that  it  gets darker and darker. When you  reach a depth  of  approximately
fifty  feet,  you are in total darkness. This is because  the  heavier  dark
sinks  to  the  bottom  of the lake, making it  appear  'lighter'  near  the
surface.

The   power  companies  have  learned to use the dark which has  settled  to
the  bottom of lakes and  rivers  by  pushing  it  through turbines,   which
generates  the electricity used to pump the dark toward the ocean  where  it
may be safely stored for  their  devious purposes. Prior to the  development
of turbines, it was much more difficult to get the dark from the rivers  and
lakes  to  the  ocean. The  Indians recognised this problem,  and  developed
means to assist the flow of dark on it's long journey to the ocean. When  on
a  river  in a canoe travelling in the same direction as the flow  of  dark,
they  paddled slowly, so as not to impede the flow of  dark; but  when  they
travelled  against the flow of dark, they paddled vigorously to help  propel
the dark along its way.

Scientists  are working feverishly to develop exotic new instumentation with
which  to  measure the actual speed and energy level  of dark.   While  such
instumentation  is  beyond the capabilities of the average layman,  you  can
actually  perform a test  to  demonstrate the  unbelievable speed  of  dark,
right in your own home. All that is required for the simple test is a closed
desk drawer  situated in  a bright room. You know from past experience  that
the  tightly  shut drawer is FULL of dark. Now, place your hand  firmly   on
the  drawer's  handle. Quickly yank the drawer open.. the  dark  immediately
disappears,  demonstrating the blinding speed with  which  the dark  travels
to the nearest darksucker!

The  secrets of dark are at present known only to the power companies.  Dark
must be very valuable, since they go to such lengths  to collect  it in vast
quantities.  By  some  well hidden method, more  modern  power  'generation'
facilities have devised methods to  hide their collection of dark. The older
facilities,  however,  usually have gargantuan piles of solidified  dark  in
huge  fenced in  areas. Visitors to these facilities are told that the  huge
black piles of material are supplies of coal, but such is not the case.

The  power  companies  have  long used secret  acronyms  to  disguise  their
activities; 'D.C.' stands for 'Dark Conspiracy', while  'A.C.' is  suspected
to   represent  the 'Alternate Conspiracy' which will most  likely  be  used
exclusively once the  secrets  of  D.C.  are totally  understood.  D.C.   is
rapidly yielding it's secrets to the probing eyes and instruments of  honest
scientists   around  the world.  The  U.S. Attorney General  is  considering
action  to  be  taken  against  the  power  companies  for  the  theft   and
stockpiling   of  dark   from  'consumers'.  New   developments   are  being
announced every day and we promise to keep  the  public  informed  of  these
announcements as they occur via this newsletter.

Les Dark, Editor