ARM Club 1/ARM_CLUB_CD.iso/contents/sillies/silly8/S/SanityTest

Text File | 1994-03-04 | 22KB | 438 lines

                        The Sanity Test(tm)

                            version 1.0

Remember:  while taking the Sanity Test(tm), answers need not be
true for you to answer them yes.  You only have to THINK that thay
may be true.  If you have no recollection, take your best guess
based on any physical scars and your current surroundings.

Have you ever answered this question before?
Have you ever answered the previous question incorrectly?
Have you ever at any given time ever used the word "golly"?
Have you ever worn diapers so that you don't have to get up and go
to the bathroom?
Have you ever found a strange object and immediately put it in
your mouth?
Have you ever found a strange animal and immediately put it in
your mouth?
Have you ever found a strange mouth and immediately put it in your
object?
Have you ever tried to see how far you could fit something up your
nose?
Have you ever forgotten your name?
Have you ever forgotten something that you just read?
Have you ever forgotten your name?
Have you ever painted your body in solid colors/stripes?
Have you ever painted your body with pictures of small, furry animals?
Have you ever painted your body so that your internal organs are showing?
Have you ever answered yes or no on a multiple-choice question?
Have you ever answered A, B, C, or D on a yes or no question?
Have you ever answered mu to a yes or no question?
Have you ever answered mu to a multiple-choice question?
Have you ever willingly written long explanations to a question?
Have you ever taken one of these personality type tests willingly?
Have you ever written one of these personality type tests willingly?
Have you ever pondered the existence of Cheez-Wiz?
Have you ever disproved any of the established laws of physics?
Have you ever disproved any of the established laws of physics and
created your own?
Have you ever done a shoebox diorama for elementary school
involving non-Euclidean geometry?
Have you ever slipped into a wormhole that transported you to an
alternate dimension, waged a battle against the gods of twelve
universes, enslaved several alien races, decimated countless
lives, achieved omnipotence, and finally used your vast abilites
to teleport back to your original position mere picoseconds after
you fell into the wormhole?
Have you ever invented your own language?
Have you ever said something that nobody around you could
comprehend [due to the words themselves, not bad speech habits]?
Have you ever said something that you couldn't comprehend?
Have you ever spoken in tongues?
Have you ever spoken in somebody else's tongue?
Have you ever stolen somebody else's tongue?
Have you ever abandoned all your worldly possessions and retreated
Have you ever some desolate area?
Have you ever cultivated fungus in your belly button?
Have you ever cloned yourself?
Have you ever had your clone rebel against you?
Have you ever enslaved your clone?
Have you ever held meaningful conversations with animals?
Have you ever had the animals respond?
Have you ever held meaningful conversations with inanimate objects?
Have you ever had the inanimate objects respond?
Have you ever multiplied six by nine?
Have you ever thought that the world would be a better place if
everybody had flamethrowers?
Have you ever nuked a continent?
Have you ever promised not to raise taxes?
Have you ever created a crop circle?
Have you ever been a crop circle?
Have you ever had the forces of nature conspire against you?
Have you ever noticed that natural disasters seem to coincide with
something you do?
Have you ever seen the fnords?
Have you ever eaten head cheese?
Have you ever built a building out of straw?
Have you ever thought in another language?
Have you ever thought in a computer language?
Have you ever spoken in a computer language?
Have you ever thought that 30 frames per second is a bit too slow
and jerky for most movies?
Have you ever stared at a really bright object for extended
periods of time?
Have you ever had the really bright object stare back?
Have you ever hallucinated?
Have you ever hallucinated without the use of drugs?
Have you ever hallucinated without stopping?
Have you ever had all of your molecules phase out of synch,
rendering you intangible?
Have you ever met your antimatter clone?
Have you ever drank anything just because it was a liquid?
Have you ever pronounced "xyzzy" aloud?
Have you ever pronounced "xyzzy" aloud and had something happen?
Have you ever found yourself in a maze of twisty little passages,
all of them alike?
Have you ever freed the cheese?
Have you ever wondered that if God exists, why did he allow
mankind to create Friday night sitcoms?
Have you ever survived in the vacuum of space without protective
Have you ever 71.   spontaneously combusted?
Have you ever misplaced a vital organ?
Have you ever borrowed a pen from somebody, noticed that the cap
had teeth marks on it, but chewed it anyway?
Have you ever walked up to somebody that you don't know and licked
his/her kneecaps?
Have you ever abandoned walking and decided to skip everywhere?
Have you ever gotten a tape player to play tapes backwards?
Have you ever heard the voice of Satan calling out to you on a tape?
Have you ever heard the voice of Satan calling out to you on a stapler?
Have you ever been one of the millions of people that have made
Zamfir the most popular pan-flutist of all time?
Have you ever successfully answered one of those questions like
"Please punctuate the following sentence: If is is is not and is
not is is is is not is and is is not is not"?
Have you ever undergone rapid biogenetic mutation?
Have you ever undergone mitosis?
Have you ever cut off one of your own limbs to see if it would
grow into another person?  [if you cut off more than one limb,
give yourself 5 bonus points.  If you cut off enough of your body
to leave only a torso, head, and 1.5 limbs, give yourself 15 points]
Have you ever thought it would be really cool to have another head
grafted onto your shoulder?
Have you ever wondered why people rarely have tentacles?
Have you ever wondered why people rarely have ten fingers?
Have you ever wondered why?
Have you ever immanentized the Eschaton?
Have you ever experimented with building your own cybernetic interface?
Have you ever played god?
Have you ever been god?
Have you ever created an entirely new form of life?
Have you ever completely eliminated a form of life from the universe?
Have you ever created an entirely new universe?
Have you ever completely eliminated a universe from the multiverse?
Have you ever projectile vomited at will?
Have you ever projectile vomited from mere thought power?
Have you ever put something up your nose and pulled it out your mouth?
Have you ever levitated?
Have you ever looked at something and concentrated until that
something exploded?
Have you ever done this to a person?
Have you ever met a member of the undead?
Have you ever been a member of the undead?
Have you ever produced spores [using outside material]?
Have you ever produced spores [by yourself]?
Have you ever hung around with tri-lipped bearded Satan
worshipping snake women, just to experience another culture?
Have you ever tapped a button/pin in your shirt and asked for Have
you ever to beam you aboard?
Have you ever had Scotty beam you aboard?
Have you ever had trouble with tribbles?
Have you ever memorized the episode titles, original broadcast
dates, entire list of credits, and every single line of dialog for
any season of Star Trek?
Have you ever memorized the episode titles, original broadcast
dates, entire list of credits, and every single line of dialog for
any season of America's Most Wanted?
Have you ever dipped your hand in napalm, "just to see what would happen"?
Have you ever carried a chainsaw everywhere with you, "just in
case you needed it in an emergency"?
Have you ever needed a chainsaw in an emergency?
Have you ever toppled all the world's media sources and taken
control of them, forming a tyrannical means to express your
propaganda to the mass plebes?
Have you ever been hit by lightning?
Have you ever been hit by lightning multiple times?
Have you ever been struck by a meteorite?
Have you ever been kidnapped by aliens?
Have you ever been Elvis' three-headed Jackie Onassis love child?
Have you ever believed anything on the front page of the Weekly World News?
Have you ever been featured on the front page of the Weekly World News?
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a dark forest, tied
to a 1957 Chevy, wearing nothing but a large fish, and surrounded
by hundreds of chanting, cloaked figures?
Have you ever devoted your life to eating nothing but Spam, just
because Monty Python says that it's wonderful?
Have you ever assassinated a major political/religious leader?
Have you ever assassinated a major political/religious leader and
gotten away with it?
Have you ever assassinated a major political/religious leader in
a century other than the twentieth?
Have you ever crucified the messiah?
Have you ever attempted to see how many volts of electricity your
body could withstand?
Have you ever caused a major blackout [of either yourself or the city]
in attempting to see how many volts of electricity your body could withstand?
Have you ever wished you could be somebody else, only to later be
involved in a cinematic-like mind transferal with that person?
Have you ever really wondered what human flesh tastes like?
Have you ever forced small animals to eat Alka-Seltzer?
Have you ever forced small animals to eat lit firecrackers?
Have you ever forced small animals to eat your victims?
Have you ever been proud to be a human?
Have you ever wanted to be like Mike [Jordan]?
Have you ever wanted to be like Mike [Jittlov]?
Have you ever seen a shoggoth?
Have you ever experienced deja vu?
Have you ever been annoyed by small mistakes?
Have you ever sniffed glue?
Have you ever accidentally sealed your nostrils shut while sniffing glue?
Have you ever purposefully sealed your nostrils shut while sniffing glue?
Have you ever gone for extended periods of time without bathing?
Have you ever gone for extended periods of time making armpit noises?
Have you ever patterned your life after a movie/play such as
Citizen Kane, Hamlet, or Harold and Maude?
Have you ever patterned your life after a movie/play such as The
Wizard of Speed and Time, Animal House, or Life of Brian?
Have you ever patterned your life after a movie/play such as A
Clockwork Orange, Silence of the Lambs, or Texas Chainsaw Massacre?
Have you ever had a movie patterned after your life?
Have you ever constantly noticed people whispering behind your back?
Have you ever constantly noticed people whispering behind your
back even when nobody else is within a five mile radius?
Have you ever had other people tell you that they can hear the
voices in your head?
Have you ever failed to notice a severe injury to your body?
Have you ever decided to take up drooling as a hobby?
Have you ever abandoned all semblance of coherency and just started talking
sentences order with no main conjunctionary adverb is to noun?
Have you ever been indirectly responsible for the creation of a talk show?
Have you ever had a gripping fear of the ensuing heat death of the universe?
Have you ever had a gripping fear of words containing vowels?
Have you ever had a gripping fear of answering this question?
Have you ever had a gripping fear of fearing grips?
Have you ever been a member of a cult religion?
Have you ever formed a cult religion?
Have you ever been the basis of worship for a cult religion?
Have you ever had a legal holiday named in your honor?
Have you ever had an illegal holiday named in your honor?
Have you ever started a land war in Asia?
Have you ever inhaled?
Have you ever tasted your own earwax?
Have you ever tasted somebody else's earwax?
Have you ever experienced deja vu?
Have you ever composed your own language using no symbols,
syllables, phonemes, or syntax structures of any other existing or
previously existing language?
Have you ever tried to legally append "the [adjective]" to your name?
Have you ever cut off circulation in your fingers until they turned numb?
Have you ever cut off circulation in your fingers until they
turned black and fell off?
Have you ever wondered why finger food isn't really made of fingers?
Have you ever wondered how much pain a herd of buffalo that has
been de-winged must be in?
Have you ever memorized a word longer than [but not equal to]
antidisestablishmentarianism?
Have you ever memorized a word longer than [but not equal to]
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?
Have you ever written a computer operating system in INTERCAL?
Have you ever created Genie Pascal?
Have you ever enjoyed the ease of use, speed, compatability, and
overall well-planned Microsoft Windows?
Have you ever created Microsoft Windows?
Have you ever TUAFNDGR?
Have you ever UFNDGRTUA?
Have you ever had Cthulhu call you?
Have you ever called Cthulhu?
Have you ever had Cthulhu over for tea and crumpets?
Have you ever held more than one hostage at a time?
Have you ever nicked Alaska with an oil tanker?
Have you ever sent a planet plunging perilously into the sun?
Have you ever found a singularity in the space-time continuum in your sock?
Have you ever watched an episode of Star Trek with Klingons in it
and understood everything the Klingons said in their native language?
Have you ever had the writers of Star Trek consult you for technical accuracy?
Have you ever not heard someone who would speak at one constant volume
at once constant pitch at one constant rhythm right into your ear?
Have you ever had a psychological test named after you?
Have you ever had a disease named after you?
Have you ever been named after a disease?
Have you ever stared at an object until you could see the
individual molecules?
Have you ever convinced yourself that you don't exist?
Have you ever wondered how computer programs can actually exist
when they are defined only by the magnetic orientation of rows of
molecules and are, as such, intangible, invisible, and immaterial?
Have you ever believed in the Tooth Fairy?
Have you ever not believed in the Tooth Fairy, but paid people for
their discarded chewing appendages nonetheless?
Have you ever punned excessively?
Have you ever experienced deja vu?
Have you ever stopped the creative spirit?
Have you ever done the "Happy Happy Joy Joy" butt dance in public?
Have you ever gone to the Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Have you ever gone to the Rocky Horror Picture Show and demanded
the rude, noisome crowd to be silent so that you could enjoy the film?
Have you ever gone to the Rocky and Bullwinkle Horror Picture Show?
Have you ever wondered what professional football players can
possibly be doing that is worth $5.75 an hour, let alone several
million dollars?
Have you ever understood and enjoyed professional football?
Have you ever rooted for the pigskin?
Have you ever rooted for the trees?
Have you ever felt there was something strange about owls?
Have you ever been positively and meaningfully affected by a
supermarket cashier attendantroid telling you to have a nice day?
Have you ever had a nice day?
Have you ever had somebody tell you to get a life?
Have you ever gotten a life?
Have you ever taken a life?
Have you ever subsisted for more than two weeks purely on caffeine and sugar?
Have you ever subsisted for more than two weeks oat bran and muddy water?
Have you ever had a lungfish for a pet?
Have you ever had a lung for a pet?
Have you ever kissed a frog, "just to see what would happen"?
Have you ever wondered if that really is George Washington on a dollar bill?
Have you ever palindromed a sentence of more than 250 characters?
Have you ever droned on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and
on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and
on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and
on and on for no apparent reason without using keyboard macros?
Have you ever thought macroeconomics has to do with Lotus 1-2-3 shortcuts?
Have you ever been graverobbing?
Have you ever been Peter Graves robbing?
Have you ever been a Stupid Human Trick?
Have you ever been a Stupid Pet Trick?
Have you ever been a Stupid Human?
Have you ever been a human?
Have you ever been a Hu-Man?
Have you ever had movie sign?
Have you ever felt an overwhelming fondness for dogwood trees?
Have you ever pronounced asterisk as "axtericks"?
Have you ever felt that you'd been on a topic for too long but
didn't want to stop, resulting in poor quality in the latter sections?
Have you ever tried to create a lifeform out of Velcro?
Have you ever shouted "Hairy purple spider!  Hairy purple spiders"
in what had previously been a quiet (but crowded) room, such as a library?
Have you ever apologized for when you were eight and you forced
your little brother to be your personal slave?
Have you ever become so obsessed with a number that you hunt done
all manifestations and representations of its usage?
Have you ever clubbed a seal?
Have you ever sealed a club?
Have you ever died?
Have you ever come back to life after dying?  [if no, please elaborate]
Have you ever reached into somebody's chest, grabbed their heart,
ripped it out, and showed that someone their flapping aorta while
they were still alive?
Have you ever been repulsed by cute, furry animals?
Have you ever thought that modern movies don't have enough sex and violence?
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to not have lips?
Have you ever made up words and used them in everyday conversation?
Have you ever made up conversations and used them in everyday words?
Have you ever experienced deja vu?
Have you ever "hung around" the Kennedy Compound?
Have you ever gotten in a fight with Triangle Man?
Have you ever been to Atlantis?
Have you ever been to Mu?
Have you ever been to R'lyeh?
Have you ever been to Idaho?
Have you ever traversed the Milky Way in a gerbil-powered Hyundai?
Have you ever proclaimed that 64K is more than enough for anybody?
Have you ever applied your knowledge of physics to calculate the
average static friction of a person's neck and the required
sharpness of a guillotine blade assuming that the blade starts at
rest 7 feet above the base of the neck and air resistence is negligible?
Have you ever wanted a prosthetic forehead on your real head?
Have you ever wanted a real head on your prosthetic forehead?
Have you ever had buttered scones and tea?
Have you ever looked into the slavering maws of a grue and lived?
Have you ever looked into the slavering maws of a congressman and lived?
Have you ever created an army of undead?
Have you ever been found to cause cancer in rats?
Have you ever been found to cause rats in cancer?
Have you ever crushed somebody's head?
Have you ever been folded, spindled, or mutilated?
Have you ever played leapfrog with a unicorn?
Have you ever inserted the word "smurf" into everyday conversation?
Have you ever stuck your keys into a light socket?
Have you ever gotten a single digit score on the Purity test?
Have you ever gotten a single digit score on the Sanity test?
[if so, are you doing better this time?]
Have you ever called a fax machine because you liked the sound?
Have you ever wondered how far you could swallow your own intestine?
Have you ever faxed nude pictures of yourself to random phone numbers?
Have you ever faxed nude pictures of your mother to somebody?
Have you ever faxed nude pictures of your mother to relatives?
Have you ever subscribed to EVERY single internet message folder?
Have you ever entered cyberspace?
Have you ever created cyberspace?
Have you ever entered diaperspace [headfirst]?
Have you ever stapled infants together?
Have you ever praised syntax of the computer; manuals.?
Have you ever bungee jumped?
Have you ever bungee jumped without a cord?
Have you ever played Brockian Ultra-Cricket?
Have you ever put a fish in your ear?
Have you ever panicked?
Have you ever left home without your towel?
Have you ever sucked your towel?
Have you ever sucked somebody else's towel [what could be unhoopier?]?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever been caught in a repeating loop of the space time continuum?
Have you ever tasted epistasis?
Have you ever fhtagned?
Have you ever memorized pi to the 37th digit or beyond?
Have you ever mezmerized pie?

Section 2.0

This question does not exist.  Do not answer it.
You can not see this.
Fnord.

Section 3.141592675
Multiple Choice Questions
Your name is Bob.  Your name is Bob.  Your name is Bob.  Your name
is Bob.  Your name is Bob.  Your name is Bob.  What is your name?
       A) Your name
       B) Bob [if your name really is Bob, choose A)
       C) Bob, Conquerer of Galaxies, Enslaver of Fresh Produce
       D) Number 2
Which of the following musicians would you describe as having the
most influence upon the existence and survival of mankind?
       A) Beethoven
       B) Irving Berlin
       C) Zamfir
       D) Disaster Area

*** EOF