ARM Club 1/ARM_CLUB_CD.iso/contents/sillies/silly8/S/SoftDevlp

Text File | 1994-03-04 | 7KB | 122 lines

                A salutory tale of software development
                ---------------------------------------

        In the beginning there was the Requirement and the Requirement
was without form or structure and darkness was upon the face of the
Client, and the face of the Client was turned away from the Company. So
the Company said :

                        'Let there be a Tender'

        And lo, there was a Tender, and the Client saw that it was good,
and the face of the client was turned once more unto the works of the
Company.

        Then did the Company gather together all manner of creatures,
and from this gathering was created the project team - and it was said
that it was good. From the Project Team were produced Engineers and
Programmers and diverse other forms of life. And from the multitude was
selected one who was raised above all others and who was called
'Manager'. And he was to lead the Project Team along the path of
productivity for the Companys' sake. And it happened that the mind of
the Manager was dazzled by the Tender and he thereby believed that all
things were possible, even though there was, as yet, no specification.

        Thus it was that the Manager commanded all Programmers to be
gathered together in one place and he spoke to their leader who was
called Chief Progammer : 'Let there be a Schedule, whereby I may know
the Delivery Date, and I shall make you responsible for the
accomplisment of this schedule'. Therefore did the Chief Programmer move
amongst his followers and ask of them 'How shall this be done ?'.

        Where upon his followers withdrew, each to his own desk and
estimated, as was their custom. And it came to pass that each Programmer
brought forth an estimate and, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth,
all estimates were consolidated and summarised into one place which was
called a 'Project Plan'.

        And the Chief Programmer brought the Manager unto the Project
plan saying : 'Behold - it will take a full score of months to
accomplish'. But the Manager was not pleased and said : 'I have raised
you up from the depths and given unto you many coding sheets and even so
you have not understood the Tender, your Project Plan is too long'.
Whereupon the Manager hired consultants, authorised much overtime and
cancelled all holidays. Then he spake unto the Chief Programmer :
'Behold, see all that I have done, the Delivery Date shall be in one
Year'.

        Then did the Chief Programmer set his followers to designing and
coding and there were many meetings and much computer time was employed
in the working thereof - even though there was as yet no Specification.
And it came to pass that the Manager examined the designs and he saw
that they were too ambitious and he knew that they could not be
accomplished in the Delivery Date. Whereupon the Manager commanded the
Chief Programmer to separate the design into two parts. One part he
called the 'Manditory Functions' and the other part were 'Options' - and
the Client called him names. And the Manager commanded: 'Let the
Software Houses put forth their salesmen and let us have a Data Base
Management System' and it was so.

        The salesmen produced all manner of Brochures which laid claim
to many and wondrous things - each according to their own file
structure. And it came to pass that a Data Base Management System was
selected and the Chief Programmer accomplised said that it was good and
that more programmers were required if all was to be accomplised by the
Delivery Date. Thus it was that the Project Team was increased almost
without number. The Manager, espying this host from afar said : 'Let
there be Organisation' and there was Organisation. And the Project team
was split into many groups that did not speak to each other, and it was
said that , perhaps it was good. Some groups the Chief Programmer called
Senior Programmers and others he called Junior Programmers and he gave
domination to the former over the latter . And the Senior Programmers
saw it differently.

        Now it was said that the Chief Programmer exorted his followers
to even greater efforts because the Delivery Date was nigh and the
breath of the Manager was hot upon his neck. Both Senior and Junior
Programmers became sore afraid. They strove mightily to please the Chief
Programmer with much overtime and copious comment and everyone coded and
flowcharted, each in his own manner. The manager, seeing this, liked it
not and commanded : 'Let there be Standards' and there were Stanards but
the Programmers liked them not and productivity fell. When he learned of
this the Chief Programmer was afaid that he would be cast down from his
high place and therefore commanded : 'Let there be Progress Reports' and
there were Progress Reports.

        The Chief Programmer looked at the Progress reports and saw that
the Delivery Date would not be met. Therefore, on the tenth month, the
Chief Programmer rose up , pressed his suit, shaved his beard and went
unto the Manager, grovelling and pointing his fingers and causing much
blame to issue forth unto all manner of creatures who sold both hardware
and software. And the Chief Programmer asked for an extension whereat
the Manager was exeedingly angry and caused doubt to be cast on the
legitimacy of the Chief Programmers ancestors - even to the third and
fourth generation and there was much beating of breast and tearing of
hair - mostly the Chief Programmers'. And the Manager commanded the
Chief Programmer to put forth all Software House personnel and all
Consultants. But the Chief Programmer refused saying that all were
needed, that there was no documentation and that there was, as yet, no
specification.

        And it came to pass that an extention was granted and the Chief
Programmer returned to his followers bearing these tidings and there was
rejoising and revelry among the terminals; and the coffee machine broke
down. On the twentieth month the Chief Programmer said : ' Let the
modules be integrated, one with another, so that the system testing can
begin'. And it was so and great difficulties were experienced and many
hours of overtime were employed in finding out why the modules would not
integrate - for there was no documentation and, as yet, no
specification.

        Then on the twenty fourth month, the Chief Programmer did go to
the Manager and say unto him : 'Behold I give you good tidings of great
joy for you and for youre Client, for on this day the System did work'.
And suddenly there was all about them a host, a multitude of Salesmen
praising the Chief Programmer and singing : 'Glory to the Company, the
Manager, and the Chief Programmer and, please, can you make this small
change?'. And the Chief Programmer rose up and spake thus unto them: 'We
dare'nt for there is no documentation and, as yet, no specification'.

*** EOF