The Best of Mecomp Multimedia 1/Mecomp-CD.iso/amiga/tools/boot/rainboot/configs/pcommboot.1/pconfig/data/cookies.txt

Text File | 1997-05-21 | 42.8 KB | 778 lines

Best file compression around: 'DEL *.*' = 100% compression
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
Real programmers don't document. 'If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.'
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
Don't be so open-minded your brains will fall out.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Do witches run spell checkers?
Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
Dain bramaged.
Department of Redundancy Department
Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
<-------- The information went data way --------
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename!'
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
E Pluribus Modem
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Windows: Just another pain in the glass.
SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
All computers wait at the same speed.
DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
Press Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
'640K ought to be enough for anybody.' - Bill Gates, 1981
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Read my chips: No new upgrades!
Hit any user to continue.
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
Things to do with AOL disks: Mini cutting board (great for the office or the car, use metal door for knife).
Things to do with AOL disks: Attach it to a ruler and presto! - you've got a fly swatter.
Things to do with AOL disks: Construct a life size replica of Stonehenge.
Things to do with AOL disks: At a restaurant, shove one under a wobbling table leg.
Things to do with AOL disks: Money clip (use the metal door and discard the plastic case...the rich nerd look is IN this year).
Things to do with AOL disks: Eye patch (for one-eyed software pirates).
Things to do with AOL disks: Christmas ornaments (the more the merrier).
Things to do with AOL disks: Give them to young children to use as building blocks.
Things to do with AOL disks: Glue them to the bottom of the space shuttle and use them as re-entry burn tiles.
Things to do with AOL disks: Dentures (melt & form them into new teeth for grandma).
Things to do with AOL disks: Room dividers for hamsters.
Things to do with AOL disks: Drink coasters.
Things to do with AOL disks: Use multiple disks to create an ideal door stopper.
Things to do with AOL disks: Ice scraper.
Things to do with AOL disks: Bathroom tile.
Things to do with AOL disks: Bookmark.
Things to do with AOL disks: Mini frisbee.
Things to do with AOL disks: Air hockey puck.
Things to do with AOL disks: Dog chew toy.
Things to do with AOL disks: Dart board.
Things to do with AOL disks: Pooper scooper.
Things to do with AOL disks: Grill scraper.
Things to do with AOL disks: Use them for karate board-breaking demonstrations (save a tree).
Things to do with AOL disks: Wrist slicer - after receiving first AOL bill (use metal door).
Things to do with AOL disks: Conversation piece for coffee table.
Things to do with AOL disks: Destroy them - smash, burn, or run over to relieve stress.
Things to do with AOL disks: Light switch cover.
Things to do with AOL disks: Chinese throwing stars (tape 2 together).
Things to do with AOL disks: Clay pigeons for target practice.
Things to do with AOL disks: Greeting card (bind two together at one end).
Things to do with AOL disks: Halloween treat (give them away all night long).
Things to do with AOL disks: Bullet proof vest (arrange together in triple thickness).
Things to do with AOL disks: Firewood.
Things to do with AOL disks: Bird house.
Things to do with AOL disks: Paper weights.
Things to do with AOL disks: Pen holders (make a box without a top).
Things to do with AOL disks: Post it-notes holder.
Things to do with AOL disks: Refrigerator magnet (glue a magnet to the back).
Things to do with AOL disks: A very sturdy base for putting the motorcycle sidestand on when parking on soft surfaces.
Things to do with AOL disks: Keep 'em in the trunk for extra traction in the snow.
Things to do with AOL disks: Solar Eclipse Glasses (open door and look through disk at the sun/moon -actually works).
Things to do with AOL disks: Placing one in each back pocket helps children who get paddled by the coach. This spreads the force to a wider area.
Things to do with AOL disks: Make an AOL disk & pasta casserole.
Things to do with AOL disks: Incense burners (put stick in hole of disk hub and light the incense.
Things to do with AOL disks: Bug Shield (glue a bunch to the front of your car's hood).
Things to do with AOL disks: Put them on car windshields at the mall (along with this list).
Things to do with AOL disks: Melt the plastic of the disks into a giant sculpture.
Things to do with AOL disks: Hand them out as party favors.
Things to do with AOL disks: Hidden/spare key holder (crack open 1 side, insert key and then place near door. Completely safe...who would want an AOL disk?)
Things to do with AOL disks: Vertical blinds.
Things to do with AOL disks: Be an AOL diskette surgeon and disect a diskette.
Things to do with AOL disks: Bench press weights (I can press 120).
Things to do with AOL disks: Grind 'em up and refertilize the front lawn.
Things to do with AOL disks: The new Domino's stuffed-crust pizza filling.
Things to do with AOL disks: Tell the kids to leave warm milk & AOL disks for Santa.
Things to do with AOL disks: Brake shoes.
Things to do with AOL disks: House insulation.
Things to do with AOL disks: Recycle them for the scrap metal.
Things to do with AOL disks: Kitchen tile for Bill Gates' new mansion in Seatle (walk all over the competition)
Things to do with AOL disks: Hockey Puck.
Things to do with AOL disks: Add water and special plant life to make a Chia-Disk.
Things to do with AOL disks: Noise maker for your bike spokes (why damage your valuable baseball cards).
Things to do with AOL disks: Put one on a leash and drag it along as you walk...makes the perfect pet.
Things to do with AOL disks: Poker chips.
Things to do with AOL disks: Baseball practice (throw them up in the air and hit them with the bat).
Things to do with AOL disks: Keychain (Put a key ring through one of the writeprotect holes and you've got a snappy executive bathroom keychain for the office).
Things to do with AOL disks: Mail to 10 friends-start an AOL chain-letter (add a disk with each link).
Things to do with AOL disks: Earmuffs (glue some fur on one side, then attach a U-shaped piece of bent coathanger to both disks).
Things to do with AOL disks: Grind them up to make fake snow.
Things to do with AOL disks: Earrings (put loop into write-protect hole).
Things to do with AOL disks: Dental floss (use actual disk).
Things to do with AOL disks: Use them for zipper pulls (instead of ski lift tickets).
Things to do with AOL disks: When your collection of disks reaches 52, use them for a deck of cards.
Things to do with AOL disks: Use them to fill potholes.
Things to do with AOL disks: Hood ornament.
Things to do with AOL disks: Snow blower replacement blades.
Things to do with AOL disks: Put them in your shirt pocket to make you look smart.
Things to do with AOL disks: Make two stacks of 10 and use them as heels for platform shoes.
Things to do with AOL disks: Rubic's cube case (make into box).
Things to do with AOL disks: Shipping material (keeps your photos from being bent in the mail).
Things to do with AOL disks: Protect your table from burns caused by hot pots and pans.
Things to do with AOL disks: Snack trays (great for holding hors d'oeuvres at parties).
Things to do with AOL disks: Give them as stocking stuffers to all those people who piss you off.
Things to do with AOL disks: Fly paper (use actual disk and put string through middle, hang 2 apart and apply honey to disks).
Things to do with AOL disks: Pocket protector (gee Gilbert I really like your new pocket protector -thanks Lewis).
Things to do with AOL disks: They make a *dandy* addition to a #$*+&% neighbor's back yard. Better yet, get them to actually install it on their computer.
Things to do with AOL disks: Use them as elbow and knee pads.
Things to do with AOL disks: Wax scraper for snowboards.
Things to do with AOL disks: Use them to decorate your aquarium and create Computer City under water.
Things to do with AOL disks: Tape a few together and use them as a mouse pad.
Things to do with AOL disks: Collect a large mass and detonate a supernova.
Things to do with AOL disks: A wind clacker (similar to a wind chime).
Things to do with AOL disks: Soap dish (remove metal to prevent rusting).
Things to do with AOL disks: Row markers for your vegetable garden. (carrots, beans, peas....)
Things to do with AOL disks: Makes the perfect dance floor for your ant colony.
Things to do with AOL disks: Bread roller (use actual disks and put rod through center-use about 100).
Things to do with AOL disks: Hot glue gun resting/protecting pad.
Things to do with AOL disks: Baby mobile.
Things to do with AOL disks: Fence (may need a few thousand).
Things to do with AOL disks: Toe tags for mortuaries. Great for identifying dead computer nerds.
Things to do with AOL disks: Wonderbra inserts for that Madonna-techno look.
How to confuse your roommate: Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
How to confuse your roommate: Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
How to confuse your roommate: Twitch a lot.
How to confuse your roommate: Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
How to confuse your roommate: Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
How to confuse your roommate: Become a subgenius.
How to confuse your roommate: Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
How to confuse your roommate: Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
How to confuse your roommate: Speak in tongues.
How to confuse your roommate: Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
How to confuse your roommate: Walk and talk backwards.
How to confuse your roommate: Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
How to confuse your roommate: Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, They're more than meets the eye.
How to confuse your roommate: Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. The Road Warrior, Repo Man, Casablanca,) almost inaudibly.
How to confuse your roommate: Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
How to confuse your roommate: Collect all your urine in a small jug.
How to confuse your roommate: Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
How to confuse your roommate: Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
How to confuse your roommate: Ask your roommate if your family can move in just for a couple of weeks.
How to confuse your roommate: Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
How to confuse your roommate: Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
How to confuse your roommate: Eat glass.
How to confuse your roommate: Smoke ballpoint pens.
How to confuse your roommate: Smile. All the time.
How to confuse your roommate: Collect dog shit in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
How to confuse your roommate: Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
How to confuse your roommate: Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
How to confuse your roommate: Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
How to confuse your roommate: Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.
How to confuse your roommate: Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
How to confuse your roommate: Dye all your underwear lime green.
How to confuse your roommate: Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
How to confuse your roommate: Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
How to confuse your roommate: Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
How to confuse your roommate: Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
How to confuse your roommate: Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
How to confuse your roommate: Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
How to confuse your roommate: Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
How to confuse your roommate: Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
How to confuse your roommate: Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with Didja ever wonder why.... Be creative.
How to confuse your roommate: Shave one eyebrow.
How to confuse your roommate: Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter Gotta save space, twenty times while twitching violently.
How to confuse your roommate: Put horseradish in your shoes.
How to confuse your roommate: Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
How to confuse your roommate: Always flush the toilet three times.
How to confuse your roommate: Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
How to confuse your roommate: Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's Pennsylvania Polka, and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
How to confuse your roommate: Give him/her an allowance.
How to confuse your roommate: Listen to radio static.
How to confuse your roommate: Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." (Bill Gates, 1981)
"A newspaper is a collection of half-injustices"
"All my hidden skills are undiscovered." - Clinton
"Are your cookies made with real Girl Scouts?"
"But honey, we need a 2 gig drive for word processing!"
"DOS=HIGH" Hmm, I knew it was on something...
"Good morning!" is an opinion, not a greeting.
"Graphic Artist seeks Boss with vision impairment."
"Ground Beef" -- A Cow With No Legs!
"Hex Dump" - Where Witches put used curses?
"I'd like all your $20 bills in this bag", "To go".
"Leave my blouse alone! I said Spellcheck, not Spillcheck"
"MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs)
"Please return stewardess to original upright position"
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" - Freud
"Uh honey, a P5 with a 20" monitor is perfect for mail"
"WHO CARES where Carmen Sandiego is?"
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)rab_Hammer
*IT IS* documented, look under "For Internal Use Only."
......64..65...66...67...68...69... "STOP RIGHT THERE!"
...and I betcha she can say it in 10 different languages!
...I love children!  They taste just like chicken.
...I multi-task, I read in the bathroom.
...So simple a child could do it?  Go find me a child!
1 + 2 = 3; Therefore, 4 + 5 = 6.
10 days and 18 messages later, "Oh I understand now"
74% of all statistics are made up on the spot
89.6% of all statistics are wrong.
A big enough hammer can usually fix anything.
A bird in the hand is a big mistake.
A bird in the hand is better than one overhead!
A career is a job that takes about 20 more hours a week.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket.
A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering everywhere
A field upgrade,HAL. We're going to make you IBM compatible.
A fool with a tool is a well-equipped fool
A good marriage outlasts the first box of dental floss.
A hundred years from now, none of us will give a damn.
A husband is a lover who pushed his luck too far.
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless paid for.
A little greed can get you lots of stuff
A low yield atomic bomb is like being a bit pregnant.
A man's incomplete until married; then he's finished!
A narrow mind is usually accompanied by a wide mouth.
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day...
A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces every time.
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
Actions are usually right, but the reasons seldom are.
Adam ate the apple, and our teeth still ache.
Age and treachery can always overcome youth and skill.
AGGHHhhh, 4 AM Already!
Always consider the alternative before making a choice.
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
Always smile.  It makes people wonder what you're up to.
Am I ignorant or apathetic?  I don't know and don't care!
An idea is not responsible for fools who believe in it.
And on the seventh day, He took an aspirin.
Any given program, once running, is obsolete.
Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature.
Any sufficiently advanced technology looks like magic.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
As your Doctor I advise you to drink heavily.
ASCII silly questions and you'll get some silly ANSI
Author of "Lead, follow, or get outta the way."
Avoid the 5 o'clock rush - always leave work at noon.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
Bank Rule: To get a loan, first prove you don't need it.
Bathroom scale: Something you stand on and swear at.
BBS Tip #45: ALT-H gives you sysop access!
Be kind to animals.....Take your Boss to lunch......
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.
Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air.
Bush says "No new taxes!", Clinton says, "No, NEW taxes!"
But honey, I wouldn't be up so late on a faster machine!
Call me if you need my phone number!
Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\>
Captain we're at 1700 CPS. The UARTs canna take much more
Careful.  I know Karate and a few other foreign words.
Cats are smarter than dogs. Eight cats won't pull a sled.
Chemists don't die, they just stop reacting!
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Compatible: Blows up a little later than Incompatible
copy *.txt > brain
Credit card owner -- Member of the debt set
Criminal lawyer.  Isn't that redundant?
Cross river *THEN* insult alligator.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. I got 'im with the mower!
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Debrief:  Wife listening while you talk in your sleep.
Dentist's famous last words: "You won't feel a thing..."
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Diplomacy: Saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
Do NOT look into laser with remaining eye..
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?
Do witches use Spell-checkers?
Do ya really believe her when she says size don't matter?
Do you always hit the nail right on the thumb?
Does "PIRATE" software come with a treasure map?
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children
Don't be sexist.  Broads hate that.
Don't confuse me with facts, my mid is made up!
Don't even TRY to THINK without proper tools.
Don't lend people money.  It causes amnesia.
Don't look now, but your file is unzipped.
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
Don't open the darkroom door; it lets all the dark out.
Don't overtax yourself; that's the Government's job.
Don't take life seriously...it isn't permanent.
Don't worry the next message will be better!
Earth is 98% full...please delete anyone you can.
Elvis Stamps:  Where will your mail be spotted next?
Epitaph on a gravestone: Cheerio, see you soon.
Error-Disk Full Error,Formatting Drive C: to make space
Every exit is an entrance into something else.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every step you take becomes a twist of fate.
Every valuable idea offends someone.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year.
Everyone is gifted. Some just open their packages sooner.
Everyone makes mistakes, if not we'd all be single!
Excuse me if I sound bitter....I taste that way too
Excuse me, while I change into something more formidable.
Expert: "ex"=a has-been. "spert"=a drip under pressure.
Explosion at sperm bank.  Nurses overcome.
Features should be discovered, not documented!
First, they tax incomes; now they're taxing my patience.
Floppy Disk = Lower back trouble.
Fools and their money become popular quickly.
General Failure reading drive A:  Please remove your fist
Get gun.  Shoot computer.  Turn off lights...
Give a man an inch, and he thinks he's a ruler.
Give and you might receive. Take and be sure of it.
Go ahead, correct my typos.  I'll make more.
Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go EVERYwhere.
Got my Uzi, got some Scotch...let's go to Disneyland!
Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer again...
Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sucks.
Great beer bellies are made, not born.
Gun Control:  Ability to hit what you aim at!
Guns don't kill people. Bullets kill people.
HA HAH HA HAH HAH <SMACK> ... oof ...
Have a cold? Let me introduce you to Doc Jack Kevorkian.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of woman scorned!
Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy!
Help!  I've been possessed by a UNIX daemon!
Here, you go first, you're immune to bullets.
Hey Santa, can I have a copy of your naughty girls list?
Hey!  Don't shoot that postal worker <BANG!> NO  CARRIER
Hey, wake up! It's time for your sleeping pills.
Hire teenagers while they still know everything.
History is a set of lies agreed upon by the Victors
Honesty pays, but not enough for some.
Hong Kong, Son of King Kong
Honk if you love obscene gestures.
Horn busted! Watch for finger...
Hot water Heaters:  hot water needs heating?
How can you be so deaf with those huge ears?
How did I get round from eating square meals?
How do women get minks? Same way minks get minks
How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
I am correct, the rest of you are wrong!
I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.
I am not 40, I'm 18 with 22 years experience
I am not arguing with you, I'm telling you.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I am the Shopping Cart that nicks at your paint-job.
I came, I saw, I confused.
I can keep a secret.  It's the people I tell that can't
I can SPELL, I just can't TYPE worth a hoot !
I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left!
I don't have a solution but I really admire the problem.
I don't have all the answers, just those that count.
I don't own any slaves. My wife has one, though.
I gave up on my wife, and married my computer.
I got everything but the part after "Now listen closely".
I have a dirty mind, I mud wrestle with my conscience.
I have a firm grip on reality.  Now I can strangle it.
I have been poor and I have been rich.  Rich is better.
I have but three enemies: fear, anger, ignorance.
I have my wife on a 4 year lease with an option to buy.
I have seen the data...now bring me some I can agree with
I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk
I idiot-proof my programs, & along comes a bigger idiot.
I just took an IQ test.  The results were negative.
I like your approach, now let's see your departure
I love animals!  But they all seem to taste like chicken.
I may be wrong, but I'm never in doubt!
I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.
I may have settled in shipping.
I may look busy, but I'm just confused!
I need a drink...where's the SPACE BAR?
I never get lost, just momentarily disoriented.
I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving!
I think my learning curve has turned into a circle.
I think, therefore I am, I think
I thought I was a wit, and I was half right.
I tried to drown my sorrows, but they can swim.
I tñld yoñ, "Neverñtouch ñhe flopñy disk sñrface!"
I used to jog, but the ice kept falling out of my glass.
I was on a roll, till I slipped on the butter.
I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now
I was talking during sex and my girlfriend hung up.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous
I'd love to, but I'm observing National Apathy Week.
I'd love to, but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
I'd love to, but I'm touring China with a wok band.
I'd love to, but my bathroom tiles need grouting.
I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'd love to, but my patent is pending.
I'd love to, but my uncle escaped again.
I'd love to, but the President said he might drop in.
I'll get to it on the 2nd Tuesday of next week.
I'll have what the gentleman on the floor is having.
I'm as confused as a baby at a topless bar!
I'm Buy-sexual, I have to pay for it.
I'm easy to please as long as I get my way.
I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?
I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of crashing.
I'm not afraid of heights; I'm afraid of widths.
I'm not dead, I'm metabolically challenged.
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you!
I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged."
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
I'm not rude, I'm "attitudinally challenged".
I'm not spoiled...I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!
I'm not worthless.  I can always serve as a bad example.
I'm sorry Mrs. Bobbitt, you can't send that in the mail.
I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes.
I've met zucchini with more potential.
I've seen condom vending machines, but this one installs.
if ( original_ver == OK )  don't_upgrade();
If (Wife = "yes") then (MONEY = "Gone") else Single
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If all goes well, you've overlooked something!
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong
If at first you don't succeed, call it Ver 1.0
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil . . .
If I save time, when do I get it back ?
If I throw a cat out the car window, is it kitty litter?
If I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy folks?
If it jams, force it....If it breaks, it needed replacing
If it screams, it's not food, yet....
If it works, rip it apart and find out why!
If it works, you must have done something wrong.
If it's obvious, it's obviously wrong.
If it's useless, it will have to be documented.
If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille.
If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help!
If screwups were dollars, I'd be a millionaire!!
If she can't take the heat, get her out of the oven!
If the thread ended in her jeans, should we follow it?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If things improve with age, I'm nearly MAGNIFICENT!
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
If Version 1.0 works someone goofed...
If you can't laugh at yourself ... I'll do it for you.
If you can't make it good, make it big.
If you can't make it good, make it expensive.
If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!
If you really want to know, you won't ask me.
If you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
If you want her to show emotion, cut up her credit cards.
if you want someone to keep a secret, keep it yourself.
If you want the last word with a woman, apologize.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a pole.
In an empty head, you can hear forever....
In zen skiing, you learn to become one with the snow.
Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF
Insanity is just a state of mind.
Insert disk 5 of 4 and press any key to continue
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
Invest in negotiable blondes...
It is always darkest just before you turn on the lights.
It said "Insert disk #3", but only 2 will fit!
It was so cold, I almost got married.
It wasn't my fault your wife wandered into my house!
It's 10:00pm.  Do you know where your daughter is?
It's been a business doing pleasure with you...
It's not a BUG, it's an undocumented feature!
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
It's not worth it.  I'm going back to bed.
It's tagline poker.  Can you beat EIGHT aces...?
Its rarely fun, never easy, and always expensive!
Jesus saves....Passes to Moses....He shoots!  HE SCORES!
Junk - stuff we throw away.  Stuff - junk we keep.
Just got a new car for my wife... Great trade...
Just when you got it all figured out:  An UPGRADE!
Just when you thought it was safe to go outside...
Kinky: Using A Feather. Sick: Using The Whole Chicken
Last night sex was so good the neighbors lit cigarettes.
Last words of Socrates: "I drank what?!?!"
Lead me not into temptation, I can find my own way
Life is a game.  Money is how we keep score.
Life is not fair...it IS, however, quite a circus.
Life is short, eat dessert first.
Live long and prosper... But don't let the IRS know.
Lots of people make sense, I want to make $$$
Love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.
Love of money is the root of all politics.
Lunatic asylum: where optimism most flourishes.
Luxuriantly hand-crafted from only the finest ASCII.
Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.
Mail your ideas written on the back of a $20 bill to...
May your screen live long and phosphor.
Maybe they'll send you a free upgrade...NOT!
Me, indecisive?  I don't think I am, do you?
Memories of you remind me of you.
Microwave Hint#3: Make a hole in the turtle's shell first
Minds, like parachutes, work best when open.
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
Mistress: something between a mister and a matteress
Money is like a promise, easier made then kept.
Money talks - mine says "Goodbye"
Multitasking = screwing up several things at once.
My Body's here, but my Mind's on vacation.
My boss is tempermental.  50% temper and 50% mental.
My wife loves ME--it's the computer she hates!
Network management is like trying to herd cats...
Never fight with a bear in his own cave.
Never hit a man with glasses.  Use your fist!
Never insult 7 men when all you're packing is a 6-shooter
Never trust a person who says, "Trust Me"....
New religion? I haven't used up the old one, yet!
Next time you wave, use ALL of your fingers!!
No Credit, Bad Credit? No Problem. No Money?  Problem.
No, no, nurse! I said SLIP off his SPECTACLES!!
Objects under T-Shirt are larger than they appear.
Of all the people I've met, you're certainly one of 'em.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!
Of course I have backup tapes!  Do you want last years?
Philosophy:  unintelligible answers to insoluble problems
Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.
Plastic explosives will be appropriate later in the week.
Please affix a 29-cent stamp on your next message.
Please save the above drivel for future reference!
Please type your Bank PIN number in your reply again.
Politicians are like diapers, they need to be changed often.
Politicians cut red tape....LENGTHWISE
Polls show that 9 out of 6 schizophrenics agree.
Pornography? I don't even have a pornograph!
Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
Procrastination Day Has Been Postponed!
Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the ark.
Programmers don't get sniffles, they get a CODE.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out!
Public Restroom-The only place a flush beats a full house
Purranoia: the fear one's cats are up to something.
Put on your seatbelt. I'm gonna try something new.
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
Resist everything but temptation.
Rudolph changed his nose to 500 watts. Blew a fuse.
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Santa uses 'The Club' in New York, a vest in Florida.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Scaldophobia: Fear the toilet will flush while showering.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Seeing is believing, Touching is convincing..
Send $20 and I will doubble your IQ or no money back
Send me a dollar and I'll send 3 cents to your charity.
Sharks don't eat lawyers. Professional courtesy.
She said she had nothing to wear.  I smiled.
Shock me, say something intelligent!
Should we tell the children when we move?
Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips.
Solve the problems of the world: Vote anarchist.
Some days you're the windshield, some days the bug.
Still sliding down the razor blade of life
Stipulation #1:  There will be no stipulations
Stop talking!  I'm out of aspirin!
Success is just a matter of luck.  Ask any failure.
Sure I can help you out!  Which way did you come in?
SWF, blonde bombshell, seeks man now.  No SYSOPs.
System halted.  There is NOTHING you can do.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
Take no prisoners, we can't feed them.
The above opinion is worth 2 cents.
The best defense against logic is stupidity.
The bigger they are, the harder they hit you.
The check's in the mail... Trust me!
The earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
The girl of your dreams is unavailable except in print.
The man who dies with the most toys is dead..
The most expensive component is the one that breaks.
The Negative orgasm:     "Oh no, Ohh nooo, OH NOOO !"
The only dumb question is one you haven't asked yet.
The tuna doesn't taste the same without the dolphin.
The wise open their minds, but a fool opens his mouth.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off properly.
There are no bugs, only unrecognized features.
There is no such thing as bravery; only degrees of fear.
Things working well, no problems.  Time to upgrade.
This building is so high, the elevator shows movies.
This is your brain.  Postscript on brain your is This.
Those with the weapons make the rules.
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Tip #9: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
To err is human, to forgive is against my policy
To err is human. To moo is bovine.
To every exception there is a rule.
To get a loan you must prove you don't need it.
To get the point, rub a porcupine backwards.
To hell with criticism.  Praise is good enough for me.
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.
To our sweethearts and wives.  May they never meet!
To test a man's character, give him power.
Today is a good day for you to jump in a lake.
Today is a good day to bribe a high--ranking official.
Today is cancelled due to lack of interest!
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Took an hour to bury the cat.  Silly thing kept moving...
Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again!
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Unfortunately, Wife 1.0 is not upgradable
Unsolicited advice answers unasked questions
Unzip, expand, explode... What pervert came up with this?
Veni, vedi, VCR:  I came, I saw, I dubbed.
Want to confuse people?  Quote from the wrong message!
War never decides who is right, only who is left.
We are born crying, live complaining, die disappointed
We give nothing as willingly as our advice.
We have no solution, but we sure admire the problem.
We make our own fortunes and call them our fate.
We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
We're all sitting in the same boat: I fish, you row.
We're lost but we're making good time.
Well, to be frank, I'd have to change my name.
What are the instructions doing in the trash??
What are you looking down here for?  Read the message.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
What is this tiny hole in the bathroom wall for?
What part of "NO" didn't you understand...?
What principles?  I'm trying to get elected!
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
When a cow laughs, does milk come up its nose?
When a girl goes bad--men go right after her.
When all else fails, read the directions.
When all else fails, read the manual.
When all else fails, spend money!
When all else is lost, the future still remains.
When all is said and done, more is said then done.
When an Agnostic dies, does he go to the Great Perhaps?
When choosing between two evils, select the newer one.
When I want your advice, I'll beat it out of you
When in doubt, mumble.  When in trouble, delegate.
When talking nonsense try not to be serious.
When your IQ hits 21, SELL!!
Who is General Failure, and *WHY* is he reading my disk?
Why can't women put the toilet seat back up?
Why do those that pay the least complain the most?
Why get even, when you can get odd?
Wife to sleeping spouse: "Wake up! Who the hell is Tina!!?"
Windows speed tip: type DEL \WINDOWS\*.*
Without my ignorance, your knowledge would be meaningless
Women prefer the simple things in life...MEN!
Women take to good hearted men. Also from.
Women were meant to be loved, not understood.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Women who wear mini-skirts sure are cheeky folk.
Women! Cant live with them, Cant live with them!
Words are not food, though sometimes we must eat them.
Words, 25› ea. Better quality words, 50› ea.
World Ends at 3pm; Film at 5 on WLKY Early News....
Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
Would it help if I got out and pushed?
Would you like to have some pizza with that sausage?
You are an example of why some animals eat their young.
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
You are in a maze of twisty little programs, all alike.
You are in a maze of UUCP connections, all alike.
You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories.
You can go home now, I can finish this without you.
You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it.
You can pick your friends, but not your relatives.
You can send me to college, but you can't make me think.
You CAN trust the government...ask any Indian.
You can turn ANY conversation into one about sex!
You can't do that. It's been digitally cursed.
You go to heaven...God sneezes... What do you say?
You have an important role as a negative example.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
You have mistaken me for someone who gives a damn
You have only a very small head and must live within it.
You have PMS and a Handgun?  I'll go quietly.....
You have the right to remain silent....  USE IT!
You have to be sharp to be on the cutting edge.
You have two choices for dinner: Take it or Leave it.
You look like a million dollars.  All in loose change.
You may use this opinion for a two week trial period.
You used to be indecisive.  Now you're not sure.
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
You will be told about it tomorrow.  Go home and prepare
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
You will never be younger then you are today..
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
You're always seated by a crying child during long flights.
You're not losing more hair, you're gaining more scalp.
You're not old, You're chronologically disadvantaged
You're only young once.  You're immature forever.
You're PC if you think a "chick" is a baby bird.
You've obviously been educated beyond your intelligence.
Your aims are high, and you are incapable of much.
Your analyst has you confused with another patient.
Your boss is thinking about you.
Your ex just called....she's with the IRS now.
Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder!