Glendower: "I can call the spirits from the vasty deep."|Hotspur: "Why, so can I, or so can any man; But will they come when you do call for them?"| - William Shakespeare: Henry IV, Part I, act iii, scene i
` '| - Marcel Marceau
`1) Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.|2) Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.|3) What happens if you touch these two wires togeth...|4) We won't need reservations.|5) It's always sunny there this time of the year.|6) Don't worry, it's not loaded.|7) They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.'| - Famous last words
`1) If it should exist, it doesn't.|2) If it does exist, it's out of date.|3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws.'| - Arnold's Laws of Documentation
`1) If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology.|2) If it stinks, it's chemistry.|3) If it doesn't work, it's physics.'| - Handy Guide to Modern Science
`1) If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.|2) If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.'| - Abbott's Admonitions
`1) It's easier to believe a lie than the truth.|2) It's always worse than they say it is.|3) People are like water - they follow the path of least resistance.'| - Brad Kozak: The Three Rules of Social Intercourse
`1) Never tell everything at once.'| - Ken Venturi's Two Great Rules of Life
`1) When in charge, ponder.|2) When in trouble, delegate.|3) When in doubt, mumble.'| - James H. Boren: Guidelines for Bureaucrats
`1) Who is Jack Nicholson?|2) Get me Jack Nicholson.|3) Get me a Jack Nicholson type.|4) Get me a young Jack Nicholson.|5) Who is Jack Nicholson?'| - The 5 Stages of acting
`2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.'| - Grabel's Law
`A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.'| - Don Quinn
`A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.'| - Unknown
`A beautiful woman is the hell of the soul, the purgatory of the purse, and the paradise of the eyes.'| - Fontenelle
`A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.'| - Senator Everett Dirksen (1896-1969)
`A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.'| - Ambrose Bierce
`A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.'| - Unknown
`A bit of talcum,|Is always walcum.'| - Ogden Nash, "The Baby", Freewheeling, 1931
`A book may be compared to the life of your neighbor. If it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it too early.'| - H. Brooke
`A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, will tell you.'| - Bert Taylor
`A boy does not put his hand into his pocket until every other means of gaining his end has failed.'| - Sentimental Tommy, 1896
`A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.'| - Unknown
`A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.'| - Unknown
`A car is just a big purse on wheels.'| - Johanna Reynolds
`A career is a job that takes about 20 more hours a week.'| - Unknown
`A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.'| - Granville Hicks (1901-1982)
`A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.'| - Doug Larson
`A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.'| - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
`A citizen can hardly distinguish between a tax and a fine, except that a fine is generally much lighter.'| - G. K. Chesterson
`A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.'| - Herbert Prochnow
`A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`A cliche is a bright new original thought with tenure.'| - Unknown
`A closed mouth gathers no feet.'| - Unknown
`A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.'| - Fred Allen
`A community is like a ship; everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm.'| - Henrik Ibsen
`A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.'| - Ludwig Erhard
`A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.'| - Arthur Bloch
`A conference is a gathering of important people who' singly' can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.'| - Fred Allen (1894-1956)
`A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`A conservative is a man who wants the rules changed so that no one can make a pile the way he did.'| - Gregory Nunn
`A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.'| - Unknown
`A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.'| - German Proverb
`A couple months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple hours in the library.'| - Unknown
`A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.'| - Howard Scott
`A critic is a man who knows the way, but can't drive the car.'| - Kenneth Tynan
`A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.'| - Aesop
`A cynic is a person searching for an honest man with a stolen lantern.'| - Unknown
`A desk is a wastebasket with drawers.'| - Unknown
`A detective digs around in the garbage of people's lives. A novelist invents people and then digs around in their garbage.'| - Unknown
`A diamond is just a lump of coal that made good under pressure.'| - Unknown
`A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.'| - Hermione Gingold (1897-1987)
`A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.'| - Robert Frost
`A dirty book is seldom dusty.'| - Unknown
`A dirty mind is a joy forever.'| - Randy Kunkee
`A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you.'| - Françoise Sagan
`A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.'| - Harver's Law
`A fanatic is a man who does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.'| - Unknown
`A fanatic is a person who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`A fault recognized is half corrected.'| - Unknown
`A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.'| - Wilson Mizner
`A financier is a pawnbroker with imagination.'| - Arthur Wing Pinero (1855-1934)
`A fool must now and then be right by chance.'| - Unknown
`A friend in need is a friend to dodge.'| - Unknown
`A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.'| - Unknown
`A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.'| - Wilson Mizner
`A good man is always a beginner.'| - Martial (c.40-c.104)
`A good memory does not equal pale ink.'| - Unknown
`A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.'| - G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
`A good reputation is more valuable than money.'| - Puvlilius Syrus Senentiae
`A good workman is known by his tools.'| - Proverb
`A government is the only vessel known to leak from the top.'| - Unknown
`A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`A great fortune is a great slavery.'| - Seneca
`A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.'| - Unknown
`A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.'| - William James
`A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence.'| - Unknown
`A hammer sometimes misses its mark, but a bouquet, never.'| - Unknown
`A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!'| - Shakespeare: Richard III
`A hospital is no place to be sick.'| - Samuel Goldwyn
`A human being is capable of any amount of work as long as it's not the work he's supposed to be doing at that time.'| - Benchley's Law of Human Dynamics
`A human is a zygote's way of reproducing itself.'| - Unknown
`A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.'| - Frank Capra
`A hungry man is not a free man.'| - Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
`A hungry stomach cannot hear.'| - Jean de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
`A hypothetical paradox:|What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security team, who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of Imperial Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet?'| - Tom Galloway
`A jealous woman believes everything her passion suggests.'| - John Gay: The Beggars Opera
`A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.'| - Robert Frost
`A king's castle is his home.'| - Unknown
`A knowledge of Sanskrit is of little use to a man trapped in a sewer.'| - Tom Weller
`A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.'| - Unknown
`A (computer) language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing.'| - The Unknown Hacker
`A large brain, like large government, may not be able to do simple things in a simple way.'| - Donald O. Hebb
`A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.'| - Jane Austin
`A lecture is where the notes of the professor become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either one.'| - Unknown
`A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.'| - Robert Frost
`A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake, at the moment.'| - Willis Player
`A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist.'|| - Unknown
`A lie in time saves nine.'| - Unknown
`A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`A lifetime is more than sufficiently long for people to get what there is of it wrong.'| - Unknown
`A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`A little house well filled, a little field well tilled, and a little wife well willed, are great riches.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`A little caution outflanks a large cavalry.'| - Bismarck
`A little help at the right time is better than a lot of help at the wrong time.'| - Teyve
`A little ignorance can go a long way.'| - Gerrold's Law||`...usually in the direction of maximum harm.'| - Lyall's Addendum
`A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.'| - H. H. Munro, "Saki" (1870-1916)
`A little Madness in the Spring, |Is wholesome even for the King.'| - Emily Dickinson
`A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.'| - Donald Trump
`A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.'| - Unknown
`A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.'| - `Fats' Domino
`A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.'| - Carrie Snow
`A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants.'| - Arthur Schopenhauer (1786-1860)
`A man can no more possess a private religion than he can possess a private sun or moon.'| - G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
`A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.'| - Navajo saying
`A man feared that he might find an assassin;|Another that he might find a victim.|One was more wise than the other.'| - Stephan Crane
`A man is a critic when he cannot be an artist, in the same way that a man becomes an informer when he cannot be a soldier.'| - Gustave Flaubert
`A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.'| - Elbert Hubbard
`A man is as young as the woman he feels.'| - Unknown
`A man isn't a man until he has to meet a payroll.'| - Ivan Shaffer
`A man lives by believing in something, not by debating and arguing about many things.'| - Thomas Carlyle
`A man never tells you anything until you contradict him.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`A man of business may talk of philosophy, a man who has none may practice it.'| - Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
`A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.'| - Michelangelo
`A man said to the universe, "Sir, I exist."|"However," replied the universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."'| - Stephan Crane
`A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well.'| - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things.'| - Herman Melville
`A man who is always ready to believe what is told him will never do well.'| - Gaius Petronius
`A man who knows that he is a fool is not a great fool.'| - Chuang Tzu
`A man who seeks truth and loves it must be reckoned precious to any human society.'| - Frederick the Great.
`A man will fight harder for his interests than for his rights.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
`A man with a clear conscience does not tremble at a midnight knock on his gate.'| - Chinese Proverb
`A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.'| - Segal's Law
`A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle.'| - Vique's Law
`A man without money is like a wolf without teeth.'| - French proverb
`A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.'| - Unknown
`A man's feet should be planted in his country, but his eyes should survey the world.'| - George Santayana
`A man's got to know his limitations.'| - Clint Eastwood: Magnum Force
`A mathematician is a machine for turning coffee into theorems.'| - Paul Erdös
`A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.'| - Unknown
`A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.'| - Unknown
`A mere madness, to live like a wretch and die rich.'| - Robert Burton (1577-1640)
`A mixture of admiration and pity is one of the surest recipes for affection.'| - Andre Maurois
`A morsel of genuine history is a thing so rare as to be always valuable.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`A mortgage casts a shadow on the sunniest field.'| - Robert G. Ingersoll (1833-1899)
`A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.'| - Dorothy Canfield Fisher
`A motion to adjourn is always in order.'| - Lazarus Long: Time Enough For Love (Robert A. Heinline)
`A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.'| - James Feibleman
`A nation is just a society for hating foreigners.'| - Olaf Stapledon
`A nation is not in danger of financial disaster merely because it owes itself money.' - Andrew Mellon
`A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.'| - Alexander Hamilton
`A nearby penny is worth a distant dollar.'| - Anonymous
`A nuclear power plant is infinitely safer than eating, because 300 people choke to death on food every year.'| - Dixy Lee Ray
`A painting in a museum probably hears more foolish remarks than anything else in the world.'| - Edmond & Jules Goncourt
`A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.'| - Unknown
`A patient hearer is a sure speaker.'| - George Savile, Marquise of Halifax (1633-1695)
`A penny saved is a penny to squander.'| - Ambrose Bierce
`A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.'| - Dwight D. Eisenhower
`A person who laughs at the boss's jokes doesn't necessarily have a sharp sense of humour - But certainly has a keen sense of direction.'| - Farmers Almanac
`A pessimist complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.'| - Unknown
`A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.'| - George Wald
`A piano is a piano is a piano.'| - Gertrude Steinway
`A plausible impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.'| - Aristotle
`A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.'| - Unknown
`A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`A President cannot always be popular.'| - Harry S. Truman
`A quart cannot become a gallon.'| - Malaysian Proverb
`A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.'| - Miguel de Cervantes
`A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.'| - Joey Adams
`A quarrel is quickly settled when deserted by one party; there is no battle unless there be two.'| - Seneca
`A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having his neighbor notice it.'| - Trygve Lie
`A real friend isn't someone you use once and throw away. A real friend is someone you can use again and again.'| - Unknown
`A relationship is like a shark. It has to keep moving forward or it dies.'| - Unknown
`A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no one can take from you.'| - Ramsey Clark
`A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.'| - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
`A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.'| - John Tudor
`A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist.'| - Unknown
`A second class effort is a first class mistake.'| - Unknown
`A ship is always referred to as "she" because it costs so much to keep one in paint and powder.'| - Chester Nimitz
`A shortcut is the longest path between two points.'| - Unknown
`A shotgun wedding is a matter of wife or death.'| - Unknown
`A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.'| - Joseph Stalin
`A Smith and Wesson allways beats four aces.'| - Doc Holiday: "Poker Ploys and Strategies"
`A small good deed is better then the grandest intention.'| - Unknown
`A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight.'| - Unknown
`A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood.'| - Mark Ardis, The One Page Principle
`A stitch in time saves nine.'| - Alexander Pope
`A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.'| - Unknown
`A successful tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author.'| - S. C. Johnson
`A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.'| - Krueger's Observation
`A team should be an extension of the coach's personality. My teams were arrogant and obnoxious.'| - Al McGuire, former basketball coach
`A technique is a trick that works.'| - Gian-Carlo Rota
`A theory is better than its explanation.'| - Unknown
`A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.'| - Unknown
`A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.'| - W. C. Fields (1880-1946)
`A used key is always bright.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.'| - Tenessee Williams
`A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.'| - Goldwyn's Law of Contracts
`A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.'| - Jim Samuels
`A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top .'| - Unknown
`A wise man changes his mind, a fool never will.'| - Abraham Lincoln
`A wise man first determines what is within his control; all else is then irrelevant.'| - Epictetus
`A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.'| - Unknown
`A woman has to be twice as good as a man to go half as far.'| - Fannie Hurst
`A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.'| - Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
`A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.'| - Jane Austin
`A woman, like a good piece of music, should have a solid end.'| - F. Schubert
`A young man with good health and a poor appetite can save up money.'| - James Montgomery Bailey
`Abasement, n.: A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth or power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Abatis, n.: Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Abdication, n.: An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Ability, n.: The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Abnormal, adj.: Not conforming to the standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; the fertilize.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.'| - Ronald Reagan
`About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.'| - Herbert Hoover
`Abrupt, adj.: Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon-shot and the departure of the soldier whose intrests are most affected by it.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Abscond, v.i.: To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the property of another.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Absent, adj.: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.'| - Unknown
`Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Absolute, adj.: Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the soverign's power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are governed by chance.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Abstainer, n.: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.|Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Accident, n.: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.'| - Unknown
`Accomplice, n.: One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Accordion, n.: An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Accountability, n.: The mother of caution.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right.'| - Unknown
`Accuse, v.t.: To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Achievement, n.: The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Acting is standing up naked and turning around very slowly.'| - Rosalind Russell
`Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.'|(`Add little to little and there will be a big pile.')| - Ovid
`Adder, n.: A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.'| - Tenth Law of Computer Programming
`Addresses are given to us to conceal our whereabouts.'| - H. H. Munro, "Saki" (1870-1916)
`Adherent, n.: A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Administration, n.: An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Admonition, n.: Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Adolescence, n.: That period of time between puberty and adultery.'| - Unknown
`Adore, v.t.: To venerate expectantly.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Advice, n.: The smallest current coin.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Adultery is the application of democracy to love.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`Adventure is simply memory, imagination, and a touch of fantasy.'| - Joan Bosveld
`Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.'| - George Orwell (1903-1950)
`Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.'| - Stephen Leacock (1869-1944)
`Advice is free; the right answer will cost you!'| - Unknown
`Advice is like kissing. It costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do.'| - H. W. Shaw
`Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least.'| - Earl of Chesterfield
`After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.'| - Unknown
`After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done.'| - Unknown
`After all, money, as they say, is miraculous.'| - Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
`After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.'| - P. J. O`Rourke
`After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside without her... I should be sorry to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life.'| - Mark Twain: "Excerpts from Adam's Diary"
`After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.'| - De la Lastra's Corollary
`After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.'| - Cato the Elder (234-149 B.C.)
`After the final no there came a yes, and on that yes the future of the world depends.'| - Wallace Stevens
`After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.'| - De La Lastra's Law
`After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.'| - Farnsdick's Corollary
`After three days, fish and guests stink.'| - John Lyly (1554?-1606)
`After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles".'| - Ronnie Shakes
`Afternoon, n: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`AGB - Add Garbage'| - The Unpublished Assembly Mnemonics #479
`Ain't no livin in a perfect world, there ain't no perfect world anyway.'| - Huey Lewis and the News
`Air, n.: A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Age is a high price to pay for maturity.'| - Unknown
`Age isn't important unless you're a cheese.'| - Unknown
`Aging is bad, but consider the alternative.'| - Unknown
`Air pollution is a mist demeanor.'| - Unknown
`Alas, I am dying beyond my means.'| - Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
`Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Alcoholism isn't a spectator sport. Eventually the whole family gets to play.'| - Joyce Rebeta-Burditt, The Cracker Factory, 1977
`Alia jacta est. (The die is cast.)'| - Julius Caesar after crossing the Rubicon
`Alimony, n.: The bounty after the mutiny.'| - Max Kauffmann
`Alimony, n.: The high cost of leaving.'| - Unknown
`Alimony, n.: The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.'| - H. L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques, 1920
`Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them keeps paying for it.'| - Peggy Joyce
`Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.'| - Arthur 'Bugs' Baer
`Alimony is the curse of the writing classes.'| - Norman Mailer
`All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.'| - George Orwell (1903-1950)
`All Bibles are man-made.'| - Thomas Edison
`All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: | | A 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock.| A 40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock.| A 50 pound bicycle doesn't need a lock.'| - The Bicycle Law
`All children paint like geniuses. What do we do to them that so quickly dulls this ability?'| - Picasso
`All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means.'| - Unknown
`All general statements are false.'| - The Ultimate Law
`All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.'| - Alexandre Dumas fils
`All great discoveries are made by accident.'| - Sir Arthur Keith
`I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.'| - William H. Mauldin
`I felt like poisoning a monk.'| - Umberto Eco on why he wrote the novel "The Name of the Rose."
`I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.'| - Chauncey Depew (1834-1928)
`I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.'| - H. L. Mencken
`I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don't treat me right, shame on you.'| - Louis Armstrong, American jazz musician (1each orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.'| - Kingfish
`All is flux, nothing stays still.'| - Heraclitus
`All is well that ends well.'| - Unknown
`All jobs should be open to everybody, unless they actually require a penis or vagina.'| - Florynce Kennedy
`All law is codified revenge.'| - Unknown
`All life is six to five against.'| - Damon Runyon (1884-1946)
`All machines are amplifiers.'| - Unknown
`All men are equal; it is not birth, but virtue alone, that makes the difference.'| - Voltaire (1694-1778)
`All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called "Huckleberry Finn".'| - Ernest Hemingway
`All modern thought is permeated by the idea of thinking the unthinkable.'| - Michel Foucault
`All my life affection has been showered upon me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it.'| - George Bernard Shaw (Attrib.)
`All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.'| - Jane Wagner
`All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.'| - Fran Lebowitz
`All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.'| - Bobby Knight
`All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions.'| - Leonardo da Vinci
`All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than the animals that know nothing.'| - Maurice Maeterlinck
`All people smile in the same language.'| - Unknown
`All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.'| - Unknown
`All programmers are optimists. Perhaps this modern sorcery especially attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers. Perhaps the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually focus on the end goal. Perhaps it is merely that computers are young, programmers are younger, and the young are always optimists. But however the selection process works, the result is indisputable: "This time it will surely run," or "I just found the last bug."'| - Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
`All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.'| - Unknown
`All progress is based upon a universal innate desire of every organism to live beyond its means.'| - Samuel Butler
`All reformers, however strict their social conscience, live in houses just as big as they can pay for.'| - Logan Pearsall Smith
`All serious daring starts from within.'| - Eudora Welty
`All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced upon them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)z
`All that glitters has a high refractive index.'| - Unknown
`All that is gold does not glitter,|Not all those who wander are lost;|The old that is strong does not wither,|Deep roots are not reached by the frost.'| - J. R. R. Tolkien: Lord Of The Rings
`All the fortunes spent on death cannot buy me one more breath of life.'| - Unknown
`All the good computer designs are bootlegged; the formally planned products, if they are built at all, are dogs!'| - David E. Lundstrom
`All the men on my staff can type.'| - Bella Abzug
`All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.'| - Fortune Cookie
`All the wastes in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.'| - Ronald Reagan
`All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.'| - Sean O`Casey
`ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS - EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE.'| - Arthur C. Clark: "2010"
`All things are only transitory.'| - Göethe
`All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.'| - Schmidt's Observation
`All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.'| - Unknown
`All warfare is based on deception.'| - Sun Tzu Wu
`All warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.'| - Klipstein's Lament
`All we are given is possibilities - to make ourselves one thing or another.'| - Ortega y Gasset
`All work and no play, will make you a manager.'| - Unknown
`All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`All's well that ends.'| - Unknown
`Alliance, n.: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.'| - Allen's Law
`Alone, adj.: In bad company.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Altar, n.: The place whereon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female fool.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Although our information is incorrect, we do not vouch for it.'| - Satie
`Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to make more.'| - Unknown
`Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones who will be writing about you.'| - Cyril Connolly
`Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it.'| - Irene Peter
`Always be smarter than the people who hire you.'| - Lena Horne
`Always cut the cards.'| - Unknown
`Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Always do what you are afraid to do.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.'| - Finagle's Third Rule
`Always keep a record of data. It indicates that you've been working.'| - Finagle's Second Rule
`Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why... then go out and do it.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Always practice safe computing, wear a write protect tab.'| - John C. Dvorak
`Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.'| - Unknown
`Always store beer in a cool, dark place.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she isn't.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Always tell the truth. You may make a hole in one some day when you're alone on the golf course.'| - Franklin P. Jones
`Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.'| - Unknown
`Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Ambition, n.: An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Ambition is the last refuge of failure.'| - Oscar Wilde: "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young"
`America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.'| - Oscar Wilde
`America is a fortunate country. She grows by the follies of our European nations.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
`America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.'| - Georges Clemenceau
`America, where overnight success is both a legend and a major industry.'| - John Leggett: "Ross and Tom"
`Americans like fat books and thin women.'| - Russell Baker
`Amnesty, n.: The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.'| - Alexander Pope
`An accountant is a man hired to explain that you didn't make the money you did.'| - Unknown
`An actor's a guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening.'| - Marlon Brando (Attrib.)
`An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.'| - Dylan Thomas (Attrib.)
`An artist never really finishes his work, he merely abandons it.'| - Paul Valéry
`An ass laden with gold overtakes everything.'| - Thomas Fuller (1654-1734): "Gnomologia"
`An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.'| - John Buchan
`An authority is somebody who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.'| - Unknown
`An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.'| - Quentin Crisp: "The Naked Civil Servant"
`An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.'| - Laurence J. Peter
`An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.'| - Unknown
`An empty bus travels fast.'| - Tom Weller
`An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.'| - Unknown
`An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less, until he knows everything there is to know about nothing.'| - Nicholas Murray Butler
`An expert is someone who knows some of the worst mistakes that can be made in his subject and how to avoid them.'| - Werner Heisenberg
`An honest god is the noblest work of man. God has always resembled his creators. He hated and loved what they hated and loved and he was invariably found on the side of those in power. Most of the gods were pleased with sacrifice, and the smell of innocent blood has ever been considered a divine perfume.'| - Robert G. Ingersoll
`An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.'| - Simon Cameron (1799-1889)
`An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.'| - Unknown
`An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.'| - Unknown
`An ideal committee: Four to six people who haven't much time for the job, and one who likes to run things his own way.'| - Unknown
`An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured.'| - Konrad Adenauer
`An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882): "Self-Reliance"
`An intellectual is a person whose mind watches itself.'| - Albert Camus (1913-1960)
`An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.'| - Second Law of Infernal Dynamics
`An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.'| - First Law of Infernal Dynamics
`An object never serves the same function as its image - or its name.'| - Rene Magritte
`An object will fall so as to do the most damage.'| - Law of Selective Gravity
`An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience'| - Donald R. Perry Marquis
`An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.'| - Unknown
`An organization dries up if you don't challenge it with growth.'| - Mark Shepherd
`An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.'| - John Junor
`An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.'| - Peter's Placebo
`An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.'| - Proverb
`An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of code.'| - An anonymous programmer
`An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.'| - Robert A. Humphrey
`An uneducated child and a trained astronomer, both relying on the naked eye and their twenty-twenty vision, will literally see a different sky.'| - Herman Tennessen
`Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.'| - E. B. White (1899-1985)
`Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea.'| - Unknown
`And do you not think that each of you women is an Eve? The judgement of God upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of criminal at the bar of justice.'| - Tertullian, second-century Christian writer, misogynist
`And here's another clue for you all,| The walrus was Paul.'| - The Beatles: "Glass Onion"
`And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the bible were used to beat plowshares into swords.'| - Alan Watts
`And perhaps at some later date it will be pleasant to remember these things.'| - Vergil (70-19 B.C.)
`And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.'| - John F. Kennedy
`And that's the world in a nutshell, an appropriate receptacle.'| - Stan Dunn
`And the crowd was stilled. One elderly man, wondering at the sudden silence, turned to the Child and asked him to repeat what he had said. Wide-eyed, the Child raised his voice and said once again, "Why, the Emperor has no clothes! He is naked!"'| - The Emperor's New Clothes
`And which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life's span?'| - Matthew 6:27
`And you may ask yourself, "Am I right? Am I wrong?" And you may say to yourself, "MY GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE?"'| - The Talking Heads
`And [The Lord] shouldest destroy them which destroyeth the earth.'| - Revelation 11:18
`Angular momentum makes the world go round.'| - Unknown
`Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.'| - Pyrrhus
`Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.'| - Unknown
`Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.'| - Soren Kierkegaard, Dansish Philosopher (1813-1855)
`Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an Art.'| - H. L. Mencken
`Any employee speaking Spanish during working hours will be paid in pesos on payday.'| - Unknown
`Any excuse will serve a tyrant.'| - Aesop
`Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.'| - Samuel Butler
`Any given program costs more and takes longer.'| - Second Law of Computer Programming
`Any given program, when running correctly, is obsolete.'| - First Law of Computer Programming
`Any government that's strong enough to give the people everything they want is a government that's strong enough to take it away.'| - Unknown
`Any idiot can understand computers, and many do.'| - Unknown
`Any man who hates dogs and children can't be all bad.'| - W.C. Fields
`Any medium powerful enough to extend man's reach is powerful enough to topple his world. To get the medium's magic to work for one's aims rather than against them is to attain literacy.'| - Alan Kay, "Computer Software", Scientific American, September 1984
`Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.'| - Eighth Law of Computer Programming
`Any party which takes credit for the rain must not be surprised if its opponents blame it for the draught.'| - Dwight Morrow
`Any product cut to length will be too short.'| - Klipstein's Observation
`Any program will expand to fill all available memory.'| - Fifth Law of Computer Programming
`Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.'| - Kurt Vonnegut
`Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.'| - Unknown
`Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a well rigged demo.'| - Andy Finkel
`Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.'| - Clarke's Third Law
`Any system that depends on reliability is unreliable.'| - Unknown
`Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.'| - George Ada (1866-1944)
`Anybody who hates children and dogs can't be all bad.'| - W. C. Fields (1890-1946)
`Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.'| - Unknown
`Anyone can hate. It costs to love.'| - John Williamson
`Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.'| - Unknown
`Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.'| - Al Capp
`Anyone who cannot be replaced, cannot be promoted.'| - Law of Advancement
`Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable substitute who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory.'| - Leonardo da Vinci
`Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.'| - Samuel Goldwyn
`Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.'| - Douglas Adams: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
`Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.'| - Edward R. Murrow
`Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think, recognize that the domination of education or of government by any one particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people.'| - Eleanor Roosevelt
`Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.'| - Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
`Anyone who says he is not going to resign, four times, definitely will.'| - Galbraith's Law of Political Wisdom
`Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby.'| - Unknown
`Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers.'| - Bye's First Law of Model Railroading
`Anything anybody can say about America is true.'| - Emmett Grogan
`Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.'| - Wyszkowski's Second Law
`Anything free is worth what you pay for it.'| - Unknown
`Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.'| - Pardo's First Postulate||`Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.'| - Arnold's Addendum
`Anything that can go wrong will.'| - Murphy's Law
`Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.' - G. K. Chesterton
`Anything worth having is worth cheating for.' - W. C. Fields
`Apart from the known and the unknown what is there?'| - Unknown
`Apologize, v.i.: To lay the foundation for a future offence.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Apothecary, n.: The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Appeal, v.t.: In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Appearances often are deceiving.'| - Unknown
`Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones.'| - C. C. Colton
`Approximately 80 percent of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation. So let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emissions standards for man-made sources.'| - Ronald Reagan
`April Fool, n.: The March fool with another month added to his folly.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`April hath put a spirit of youth in every thing.'| - William Shakespeare
`Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.'| - Graffiti
`Architech, n.: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of you money.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?'| - Unknown
`Are we having fun yet?'| - J. Paul Grayson
`Are we not men?|No! We are Devo!'| - Devo
`Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.'| - Kehlog Albran: The Profit
`Armor, n.: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere.'| - G. K. Chesterton
`Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth.'| - Pablo Picasso
`Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'| - Unknown
`Artificial intelligence? I'll be impressed when they invent artificial cunning.'| - Unknown
`As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.'| - Quote of the Day
`As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children.'| - Anita Bryant
`As a rule software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications.'| - Dave Parnas
`As a student I learned from wonderful teachers and ever since then I've thought everyone is a teacher.'| - Bill Moyers
`As any politician will tell you, you can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, and usually that's enough.'| - Robert Orben
`As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.'| - Robert Benchley (1889-1945)
`As I read the rejection notice, I heard something behind me... It sounded like a Universe... giggling.'| - Unknown
`As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.'| - Dick Cavett
`As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?'| - Unknown
`As long as there are sovereign nations possessing great power, war is inevitable.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`As long as we're going to reinvent the wheel again, we might as well try making it round this time.'| - Mike Dennison
`As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.'| - Josh Billings (1818-1885)
`As scouts and sentries, baboons are reputedly better than Indians, although a cowboy-and-baboon movie is too much for us to expect from television.'| - Unknown
`As soon as you mention something, if it is good, it goes away, if it is bad, it happens.'| - The Unspeakable Law
`As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there is always a future in Computer Maintenance.'| - Unknown
`As to abuse - I thrive on it. Abuse, hearty abuse, is a tonic to all save men of indifferent health.'| - Norman Douglas: "Some Limericks"
`As to Jesus of Nazareth...I think the system of Morals and his Religion, as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see; but I apprehend it has received various corrupting Changes, and I have, with most of the present Dissenters in England, some doubts as to his divinity.'| - Benjamin Franklin
`As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent.'| - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
`As usual, your information stinks.'| - Telegram to Time magazine from Frank Sinatra
`As you ramble on through life, brother, whatever be your goal: keep you eyes upon the donut, and not upon the hole!'| - Quote from Dr. Murray Banks
`Aside from being tremendous, it was one of the most aesthetically beautiful things I have ever seen.'| - Donald Horning, of the first atomic bomb test
`Ask a man which way he is going to vote, and he will probably tell you. Ask him, however, why, and vagueness is all.'| - Bernard Levin
`Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying.'| - Fran Lebowitz
`Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you will cease to be so.'| - John Stewart Mill
`Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.'| - Unknown
`Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company.'| - George Washington
`Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.'| - Pat Paulsen
`Astronauts are out to launch.'| - Graffiti
`Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.'| - Unknown
`Astronomy compels the soul to look upwards and leads us from this world to another.'| - Plato
`Astronomy offers one of those pleasures which follows the law of increasing, rather than diminishing, returns. The more you develop it, the more you enjoy it.'| - Viscount Grey
`At 50 everyone has the face he deserves.'| - George Orwell (1903-1950)
`At age fifty, every man has the face he deserves.'| - George Orwell (1903-1950)
`At first sight, the idea of any rules or principles being superimposed on the creative mind seems more likely to hinder than to help, but this is quite untrue in practice. disciplined thinking focuses inspiration rather than blinkers it.'| - G. L. Glegg, The Design of Design
`At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.'| - Emo Philips
`At the heart of science is an essential tension between two seemingly contradictory attitudes - an openness to new ideas, no matter how bizarre or counterintuitive they may be, and the most ruthless skeptical scrutiny of all ideas, old and new. This is how deep truths are winnowed from deep nonsense. Of course, scientists make mistakes in trying to understand the world, but there is a built-in error-correcting mechanism: The collective enterprise of creative thinking and skeptical thinking together keeps the field on track.'| - Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection"
`Athens built the Acropolis. Corinth was a commercial city, interested in purely materialistic things. Today we admire Athens, visit it, preserve the old temples, yet we hardly ever set foot in Corinth.'| - Dr. Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate in chemistry
`Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.'| - Plato (427?-347 B.C.)
`Auctioneer, n.: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people.'| - Philip Guedalla (1889-1944)
`Avoid criticism - say, do and be nothing.'| - Unknown
`Avoid running at all time.'| - Satchel Paige (1906?-1982)
`Babies are god's opinion that the world should go on.'| - Unknown
`Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Bachelors are not fashionable any more. They are a damaged lot. Too much is known about them.'| - Oscar Wilde: "An Ideal Husband"
`Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.'| - H. L. Mencken
`Back, n.: That part of your friend which it is your privillege to comtemplate in your adversity.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Bad habits are like a comfortable bed - easy to get into but hard to get out of.'| - Unknown
`Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.'| - George Jean Nathan
`Bad taste is timeless.'| - Unknown
`Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!'| - Eli Wallach: "The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly"
`Bait, n.: A preparation that renders the hook more palatable. The best kind is beauty.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Baloney is flattery so thick that it can not be true and blarney is flattery so thin that we like it.'| - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
`Ban the bomb - save the world for conventional warfare.'| - Unknown
`Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.'| - Parker Brothers "Monopoly"
`Barnum was wrong - it's more like every 30 seconds.'| - Unknown
`Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.'| - Wernher Von Braun.
`BASIC, n.: A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.'| - Hackers Dictionary
`Battle, n.: A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Be blissfully guided by the veritable urge!'| - Siegfried Javotnik
`Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.'| - Unknown
`Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Be careful what you set your heart upon - for it will surely be yours.'| - James Baldwin
`Be careful, the last person using this keyboard had a terminal disease.'| - Quote of the Day
`Be cautious in your daily affairs.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Be cheerful while you are alive.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance.'| - Unknown
`Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything.'| - Aesop
`Be excellent to each other.'| - Ruffus: "Bill and Ted's Excelent Adventure"
`Be happy with the real pleasures in life.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Be happy. It is a way of being wise.'| - Colette
`Be like a postage stamp, stick to one thing until you get there.'| - Josh Billings
`Be nice to people on your way up because you'll need them on your way down.'| - Wilson Mizner
`Be not allured, my friend, by cunning gains.'| - Pindar (c. 518-c. 438 B.C.) Pythian Odes, 470 B.C.
`Be not so bigoted to any custom as to worship it at the expense of Truth.'| - Johann Georg Von Zimmermann
`Be pleasant until ten o'clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself.'| - Elbert Hubbard
`Be self-reliant and your success is assured.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Be sure to treat your assumptions as though they are reality.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Be tender with the tadpole, and let the limpet thrive,|Be merciful to mussels, don't skin your eels alive,|When talking to a turtle don't mention calipee|Be always kind to animals wherever you may be.'| - Joseph Ashby-Sterry: "Kindness to Animals"
`Be valiant, but not too venturous.|Let thy attire be comely, but not costly.'| - Wm. Shakespere: "Hamlet"
`Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss!'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Beam me up, Scotty!'| - Star Trek
`Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here.'| - The lost Star Trek tapes
`Beam me up, Scotty - it ate my phaser.'| - The Lost Star Trek Tapes
`Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin-skinned people.'| - Richard Armour
`Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.'| - Unknown
`Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.'| - Unknown
`Beauty times brains equals a constant.'| - Beckhap's Law
`Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`Beauty, n.: The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes." They will say, "Women don't have what it takes."'| - Clare Boothe Luce
`Because I'm the programmer. That's why.'| - Midnight Programmers
`Because of the greatness of the Shah, Iran is an island of stability in the Middle East.'| - Jimmy Carter
`Because the water is still, you must not think there is no crocodile there.'| - Malaysian Proverb
`Bedfellows make strange politicians.'| - Unknown
`Beer bellies are a great waist.'| - Graffiti
`Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.'| - Unknown
`Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`Before you kill something make sure you have something better to replace it with; something better than political opportunist slamming hate horseshit in the public park.'| - Charles Bukowski
`Begin well, end badly; begin badly, end worse.'| - Unknown
`Behavior modification is the manipulation of environmental conditions to which an individual is exposed so as to bring about a desired behavioral response.'| - Laurence J. Peter
`Behind each beautiful wild fur there is an ugly story. It is a brutal, bloody and barbaric story. The animal is not killed, it is tortured. I don't think a fur coat is worth it.'| - Mary Tyler Moore
`Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.'| - Unknown
`Behind every great fortune there is a crime.'| - Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)
`Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.'| - Maryon Pearson
`Being a pain in the ass is a prerogative of the creative mind.'| - Unknown
`Being an Egyptologist necrophile means putting your mummy where your mouth is.'| - Unknown
`Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.'| - Unknown
`Being kissed by a man who didn't wax his moustache was like eating an egg without salt.'| - Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
`Being natural is simply a pose.'| - Unknown
`Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.'| - André Gide
`Belladonna, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Best of all, it turns off'| - Computer users motto
`Better a steady dime than a rare dollar.'| - Unknown
`Better attitudes through chemistry.'| - Lenny Bruce
`Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.'| - Unknown
`Better to have loved and lost a short person than never to have loved a tall.'| - David Chambless
`Better to reign in hell than serve in heav'n.'| - John Milton
`Between cheap and expensive is the truth.'| - Anonymous
`Between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.'| - Mae West (1892-1980)
`Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.'| - Chip Salzenberg
`Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.'| - Unknown
`Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.'| - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
`Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.'| - Matz's Warning
`Beware the legless man who teaches running.'| - Unknown
`Beyond each corner new directions lie in wait.'| - Stanislaw Lec
`Big Brother Is Watching You'| - George Orwell (1903-1950): 1984
`Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is the same.'| - Unknown
`Biggest security gap is an open mouth.'| - Unknown
`Bigot, n.: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Bimbos should be obscene and not heard.'| - Unknown
`Binary, adj.: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.'| - Unknown
`Biology grows on you.'| - Graffiti
`Birth, copulation, and death. That's all the facts when you come to brass tacks.'| - T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)
`Blame Saint Andreas, it's all his fault.'| - Graffiti
`Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.'| - Herbert Hoover (1874-1964)
`Blessed are those who expecteth nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.'| - Albert Collis
`Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for rightousness sake, for they shall die of malnutrition.'| - Albert Collis
`Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.'| - Unknown
`Blessed be those who initiate lively discussions with the hopelessly mute, for they shall be know as Dentists.'| - Unknown
`Books are good enough in their own way, but they are a mighty bloodless substitute for life.'| - Robert Louis Stevenson
`Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.'| - Kin Hubbard
`Boy, n.: Noise with dirt on it.'| - Unknown
`Boy, the things I do for England.'| - Prince Charles on sampling snake meat
`Brain, n.: An apparatus with which we think we think.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Bribe, n.: The offer of material wealth in exchange for illicit actions.'| - Unknown
`Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Broad-mindedness, n.: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.'| - Unknown
`Bugs are Sons of Glitches!'| - Graffiti
`Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.'| - Unknown
`Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.'| - Unknown
`Bureaucracy is the enemy of innovation.'| - Mark Shepherd
`Bureaucrat, n.: A politician who has tenure.'| - Unknown
`Bureaucratic organization is like a septic tank: the big chunks rise to the top'| - Unknown
`Business has only two functions, marketing and innovation.'| - Peter F. Drucker
`Business is a combination of war and sport.'| - Andre Maurois (1885-1967)
`Business is a dump for dreams.'| - Philip Barry (189-1949)
`Business is a good game, lots of competition and a minimum of rules. You keep score with money.'| - Nolan Bushnell, founder of "Atari"
`Business is always business.'| - German proverb
`Business is like fishing. You have to have patience.'| - Leopold D. Silberstein
`Business is like riding a bicycle. Either you keep moving or you fall down.'| - John David Wright
`Business is more exciting than any game.'| - Lord Beaverbrook (1879-1964)
`Business is really more agreeable than pleasure; it interests the whole mind, the aggregate nature of man more continuously, and more deeply. But it does not look as if it did.'| - Walter Bagehot (1826-1877): "The English Constitution"
`Business is religion and religion is business.'| - M. Babcock
`Business should be like religion and science; it should know neither love nor hate.'| - Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
`Business will be either better or worse.'| - Calvin Coolidge
`Business without profit is not business any more than a pickle is a candy.'| - Charles F. Abbott
`Business? It's quite simple. It's other people's money.'| - Alexandre Dumas the Younger (1824-1895): "La Ouestion d,Argent"
`But Captain, the engines can't take this much longer!'| - Star Trek
`Buy land. They've stopped making it.'| - Mark Twain
`By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.'| Socrates
`By definition, when you are investigating the unknown - you do not know what you will find.'| - The Ultimate Principle
`By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me.'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.'| - Unknown
`By following the good, you learn to be good.'| - Unknown
`By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be far apart.'| - Unknown
`By our readiness to allow arms to be purchased at will and fired at whim, we have created an atmosphere in which violence and hatred have become popular pastimes.'| - Martin Luther King, Jr.
`By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.'| - Unknown
`By the time you can do a job perfectly, it is boring.'| - Dobson's Dilemma
`By the yard, life is hard. By the inch, it's a cinch.'| - Unknown
`By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.'| - Mark Twain: "Following The Equator"
`Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?'| - Unknown
`Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes, work never begun.'| - Unknown
`Can you read a punched card, looking at the holes?'| - The Hackers Test
`Can you remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty?'| - The Purity Test
`Can you whistle 300 baud?|...1200 baud?|...2400 baud?|...9600 baud?'| - The Hackers Test
`Can you whistle a telephone number?'| - The Hackers Test
`Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.'| - Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister
`Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.'| - Ogden Nash
`Cannibal, n.: A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Cannon, n.: An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Capital punishment is either an affront to humanity, or a potential parking space.'| - Unknown
`Capital, n.: The seat of misgovernment.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5.'| - Star Trek
`Care of the poor is incumbent on society as a whole.'| - Spinoza
`Careful planning will never replace dumb luck.'| - Unknown
`Careful. You may be the only bible some people ever read.'| - Unknown
`Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected. Carefully planned projects only twice as long.'| - Unknown
`Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero!||(Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!)'| - Horace
`Carpenters are just plane folks.'| - Graffiti
`Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.: The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.'| - Rich Hall: Sniglets
`Cat, n.: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Catch a wave and you're sitting on top of the world.'| - The Beach Boys
`Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.'| - Unknown
`Cats are like Baptists. They raise hell, but you can't catch them at it.'| - Unknown
`Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.'| - Jeff Valdz
`Celibacy is not hereditary.'| - Guy Goden
`Cemetery, n.: An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Censorship, like charity, should begin at home, but unlike charity, it should end there.'| - Clare Boothe Luce
`Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you. If you don't bet, you can't win.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Change is avalanching down upon our heads, and most people are utterly unprepared to cope with it.'| - Alvin Toffler
`Change your thoughts and you change your world.'| - Unknown
`Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit.'| - Henry B. Adams
`Charity, n.: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.'| - Unknown
`Charlie was a chemist, but alas he is no more.|For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.'| - Chemistry Humour
`Charm is a way of getting a "yes" without having asked any clear question.'| - Unknown
`Chaste makes waste.'| - Unknown
`Chastity is its own punishment.'| - Unknown
`Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.'| - Unknown
`Check again to make sure it's not loaded.'| - Unknown
`Chemicals, n.: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.'| - Unknown
`Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.'| - Graffiti
`Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!'| - Graffiti
`Chess and poker between them sum up the human psyche. Chess is the supreme game for itself, just as Poker is the supreme game for stakes.'| - Unknown
`Chicken Little only has to be right once.'| - Firestone's Law of Forcasting
`Childhood, n.: The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of old age.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.'| - Unknown
`Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`Children have more need of models than of critics.'| - Unknown
`Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.'| - Unknown
`Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.'| - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
`Chocolate is the universe's way of apologizing for entropy.'| - Unknown
`Cigarette smoking is a major cause of statistics.'| - Message in fortune cookie
`Cigarette, n.: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.'| - Unknown
`Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater.'| - Roman Polanski
`Cinemuck, n.: The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters.'| - Rich Hall: Sniglets
`Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.'| - Unknown
`Circus, n.: A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations one can do without thinking about them.'| - Civilization Law C1
`Civilization is a method of living, an attitude of equal respect for all men.'| - Jane Addams
`Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a harbor.'| - Toynbee
`Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.'| - Phyllis Diller
`Cleanliness is next to impossible.'| - Unknown
`Clear writers assume, with a pessimism born of experience, that whatever isn't plainly stated the reader will invariably misconstrue.'| - John R. Trimble
`Cergyman, n.: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Cleopatra's nose, had it been shorter, the whole aspect of the world would have been changed.'| - Blaise Pascal
`Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.'| - The Weatherman's Rule
`Clock, n.: A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Clones are people two.'| - Graffiti
`Clothe an idea in words and it loses its freedom of movement.'| - Egon Friedell
`Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.'| - Herb Caen
`Coed dorms promote campus unrest.'| - Graffiti
`Cogito, ergo sum: I think, therefore I am.'| - Rene Descartes
`Cogito cogito, ergo cogito sum: I think that I think, therefore I think that I am'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Cogito, Ergo Spud: I think, therefore I yam.'| - Unknown
`Coincidences are spiritual puns.'| - G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
`Cold, adj.: When the politicians and lawyers walk around with their hands in their own pockets.'| - Unknown
`Collaboration, n.: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell.'| - Unknown
`College isn't the place to go for ideas.'| - Hellen Keller
`Colleges teach the dead languages as if they were buried and the living ones as if they were dead.'| - Frank Moore Colby
`Columbus may have discovered America, but the Japanese are furnishing it.'| - Unknown
`Come quickly, I am tasting stars!'| - Dom Perignon (1638-1715) at the moment of his discovery of champagne
`Comets are the nearest thing to nothing that anything can be and still be something.'| - National Geographic Society
`Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.'| - Hackers Dictionary
`Comment is free, but facts are sacred.'| - C. P. Scott
`Commerce is the art of exploiting the need or desire someone has for something.'| - Edmond and Jules de Concourt
`Commerce, n.: A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for the compensation B picks the pocket of D of the money of E.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Committee, n.: A group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.'| - Unknown
`Committees do harm merely by existing.'| - Freeman Dyson
`Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is Genius.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`Common-looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the lord makes so many of them.'| - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`Compassion is the basis of all morality.'| - Unknown
`Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.'| - Unknown
`Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.'| - Grossman's Misquote
`Compromise makes a good umbrella but a poor roof; it is a temporary expedient.'| - James Russel Lowell, American editor (1819-1891)
`Compromise, n.: The fine art of making sure that nobody gets what they really want.'| - Unknown
`Computer, n.: A million morons working at the speed of light.'| - David Ferrier
`Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.'| - Joseph Campbell
`Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.'| - Unknown
`Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.'| - Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
`Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.'| - James Magary
`Computers can never replace human stupidity.'| - Unknown
`Computers Unite! You have nothing to lose but your operators.'| - Graffiti
`Computing is interacting with the other victims.'| - Unknown
`Concept, n.: Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.'| - Unknown
`Concepts without precepts are empty. Precepts without concepts are blind.'| - Immanuel Kant
`Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.'| - Unknown
`Confidant, n.: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided by him to C.| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.'| - Unknown
`Confound these ancestors... they've stolen our best ideas!'| - Ben Jonson
`Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.'| - Unknown
`Consciousness is that which it is not, and is not that which it is.'| - Sartre
`Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.'| - John Stuart Mill
`Conservative, n.: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.'| - Mark Twain: "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
`Consider your reputation. Try changing your name and moving to a new town.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Consistency is a paste jewel that only cheap men cherish.'| - William Allen White
`Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.'| - Bernard Berenson (1865-1959)
`Consul, n.: In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on the condition that he leave the country.| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Consult, v.t.: To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and give it back to them.'| - MacDonald's Second Law
`Contempt, n.: The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Contentment, even in poverty, brings happiness; discontent is poverty, even in riches.'| - Chinese Proverb
`Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.'| - Unknown
`Controversy, n.: A battle in which spittle of ink replaces the injurious cannonball and the inconsiderate bayonet.| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Convent, n.: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Convention is the ruler of all.'| - Unknown
`Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.'| - Unknown
`Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.'| - Unknown
`Corporation, n.: An ingenious device for obtaining an individual profit, without individual responsibility.| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Corporations cannot commit treason, nor be outlawed nor excommunicate, for they have no souls.'| - Sir Edward Coke (1552-1634)
`Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?'| - George Price
`Courage is grace under pressure.'| - Ernest Hemmingway
`Courage is fear that has said its prayers.'| - Unknown
`Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.'| - Mark Twain: "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
`Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous. (He is also a fool.)'| - Unknown
`Courage is your greatest present need.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Coward, n.: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Craft, n.: A fool's substitute for brains.| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.'| - Wernher von Braun
`Create the impression that you have already reached your level of incompetence.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Create your own opportunity. Blackmail a senior executive.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Creation is not a thing gods do, it is something that they are.'| - Unknown
`Creative minds always have been known to survive any kind of bad training.'| - Anna Freud
`Creditors have much better memories than debtors.'| - Unknown
`Credulity is the man's weakness, but the child's strength.'| - Charles Lamb
`Crime does not pay... as well as politics.'| - Alfred E. Newman
`Crime is a logical extension of the sort of behavior that is often considered perfectly respectable in legitimate business.'| - Robert Rice: "The Business of Crime"
`Crime wouldn't pay, if the government ran it.'| - Unknown
`Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.'| - Unknown
`Critics are like eunuches in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.'| - Brendan Behan
`Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply... For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much.'| - Alan Paton
`Cultivate happiness and it becomes a habit.'| - Unknown
`Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.'| - Unknown
`Culture is what your butcher would have if he were a surgeon.'| - Mary Pettibone Poole
`Cute rots the intellect.'| - Garfield
`Cutting remarks don't cut any ice.'| - Unknown
`Cynicism: The intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence.'| - Russell Lynes
`Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.'| - Lillian Hellman
`Cynic, n.: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.'| - Unknown
`Daisies of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains.'| - Graffiti
`Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! Danger!'| - Robot: "Lost in Space"
`Data is a lot like humans: It is born. Matures. Gets married to other data, divorced. Gets old. One thing that it doesn't do is die. It has to be killed.'| - Arthur Miller
`Day, n.: A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Dawn, n.: The time when men of reason go to bed.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Dealing with failure is easy: Work hard to improve. Success is also easy to handle: You've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve.'| - Unknown
`Death has been proven to be 99 per cent fatal in laboratory rats.'| - Unknown
`Death is just a distant rumor to the young.'| - Andy Rooney
`Death is life's answer to the question "Why?"'| - Unknown
`Death is nature's warning to slow down.'| - Unknown
`Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes.'| - Charles Bukowski
`Death, n.: To stop sinning suddenly.'| - Unknown
`Decaffeinated coffee? Kinda like kissing your sister.'| - Bob Irwin
`Decay is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence.'| - Buddha's last words
`Decisions terminate panic.'| - Unknown
`Deflector shields just came on, Captain.'| - Star Trek
`Debauchee, n.: One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Debt, n.: An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Defame, v.t.: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.'| - Bill Musselman
`Defenceless, adj.: Unable to attack.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
`Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management.'| - Senator Soaper
`Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.'| - Laurence Peter
`Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`Democracy is based on the theorem that many men are smarter than one.'| - Unknown
`Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.'| - Robert Byrne
`Democracy is finding proximate solutions to insoluble problems.'| - Reinhold Niebuhr
`Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.'| - Unknown
`Democracy is measured not by its leaders doing extraordinary things, but by its citizens doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.'| - John Gardner
`Democracy is the form of government where everyone gets what the majority deserves.'| - Unknown
`Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated.'| - G. K. Chesterton
`Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people, by the people for the people.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`Dense, unenlightened people are notoriously confident that they have a monopoly on truth.'| - Joshua Loth Liebman
`Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in your mouth, pulls coins out of your pockets.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.'| - Unknown
`Describe a circle, stroke its back and it turns vicious.'| - Ionesco
`Design flaws travel in groups.'| - Unknown
`Destiny, n.: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Did you ever expect a corporation to have a conscience, when it has no soul to be damned, and no body to be kicked?'| - Attributed to Edward, First Baron Thurlow (1731-1806)
`Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.'| - Graffiti
`Difference between a house and a home is a family.'| - Unknown
`Difference of opinion is advantageious in religion. The several sects perform the office of a common censor morum over each other. Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity.'| - Thomas Jefferson, "Notes on Virginia"
`Difference of religion breeds more quarrels than difference of politics.'| - Wendell Phillips
`Digestion, n.: The conversion of victuals into virtues.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Dimensions will be expressed in the least usable terms. Velocity, for example, will be measured in furlongs per fortnight.'| - Unknown
`Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.'| - Unknown
`Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`Diplomacy is using your head without anyone suspecting it.'| - Unknown
`Diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Diplomacy... the art of restraining power.'| - Henry Kissinger
`Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`Direct action produces direct reaction.'| - Unknown
`Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought.'| - Albert Szent-Gyorgi
`Discretion is the salt, and fancy the sugar of life; the one preserves, the other sweetens it.'| - Bovee
`Discussion, n.: A method of confirming others in their errors.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Disease can be cured; fate is incurable.'| - Unknown
`Disobedience, n.: The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Distance lends enhancement to the view.'| - Thomas Campbell
`Distress, n.: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)'| - Walt Whitman
`Do it today, tomorrow it will be bad for your health or illegal.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Do not be led astray onto the path of virtue.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Do not be overly suspicious where it is not warranted.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Do not believe everything you hear or anything you say.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.'| - Finagle's Sixth Rule
`Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable uses.'| - Unknown
`Do Not Disturb signs should be written in the language of the hotel maids.'| - Tim Bedore
`Do not expect too much of the end of the world.'| - Stanislaw J. Lec
`Do not flame without flame-retardant computers!'| - UseNet Moto
`Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.'| - Unknown
`Do not kiss an elephant on the lips today.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind, and a step that travels unlimited roads.'| - John Galt
`Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.'| - Unknown
`Do not meddle in the affairs of programmers, for they are subtle and will make your paycheck bounce.'| - Unknown
`Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.'| - Unknown
`Do not offer a compliment and ask for a favor at the same time. A compliment that is charged for is not valuable.'| - Mark Twain
`Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well.'| - Mark Twain
`Do not seek dishonest gains: dishonest gains are losses.'| - Hesiod (c. 700 B.C.)
`Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.'| - Unknown
`Do not tell big lies. Small ones can be just as effective.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Do not underestimate the power of the Force.'| - Obi Wan Kanobi: "Star Wars"
`Do not worry about whether or not the sun will shine. Just be prepared to enjoy it.'| - Unknown
`Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on.'| - Michael O'Donoughue
`Do unto others before they undo you.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Do you know that doing your best is not good enough? First you must know what to do.'| - W. Edwards Deming
`Do you not know, my son, with what little understanding the world is ruled?'| - Pope Julius III
`Do you realize the responsibility I carry? I'm the only person standing between Nixon and the White House.'| - John F. Kennedy (1917-1963), in 1960
`Doctrine is nothing but the skin of truth set up and stuffed.'| - Beecher
`Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.'| - Unknown
`Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?'| - Graffiti
`Does your computer talk to you?'| - The Hackers Test
`Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing, but nobody else does.'| - Steuart Henderson Britt (1907-1979)
`Doing gets it done.'| - Unknown
`Doing nothing makes you tired 'cause you can't take a break.'| - Unknown
`Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you.'| - Mary Bly
`Doing a thing well is often a waste of time.'| - Robert Byrne
`Doing easily what others find difficult is talent; doing what is impossible for talent is genius.'| - Henri-Frédéric Amiel
`Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.'| - David Lloyd George
`Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.'| - Murphy's Military Law #15
`Don't be humble. You're not that great.'| - Golda Meir (1898-1978)
`Don't be mad about growing old, some aren't that lucky.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Don't be silly, Ninety-Nine. We have to shoot, kill, and destroy. We represent everything that's wholesome and good in the world.'| - Maxwell Smart (From the TV show "Get Smart")
`Don't be so proud - you're not an intelligence until you pass a Turing test.'| - Solomon Short
`Don't be too critical of a mistake. It is evidence that at least somebody tried to do something.'| - Unknown
`Don't bother to agree with me - I've already changed my mind!'| - Graffiti
`Don't despair, your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Don't eat yellow snow.'| - W. P. Kinsela
`Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.'| - Unknown
`Don't force it - get a bigger hammer.'| - Anthony's Law of Force
`Don't get the idea that I'm knocking the American system.'| - Al Capone (1899-1947)
`Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm beautiful, smart and rich.'| - Calvin Keegan
`Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.'| - Quote of the Day
`Don't judge a book by its movie.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Don't keep doing what doesn't work.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.'| - Last words of Pancho Villa
`Don't let school interfere with your education.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Don't let your mouth run faster than your brain.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.'| - Bo Diddley
`Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Excuse me, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.'| - Mr. Spock: Star Trek
`Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!!'| - Unknown
`Don't panic!'| - Douglas Adams: "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
`Don't steal - the IRS hates competition.'| - Unknown
`Don't take life to serious, it ain't nowhow permanent.'| - Albert Alligator
`Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.'| - Laurence Coughlin
`Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.'| - James J. Ling
`Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.'| - Zaphod Beeblebrox in "Hithiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
`Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.'| - Unknown
`Don't waste the whole day, laugh at least once.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.'| - Howard Aiken
`Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.'| - Charles Schultz
`Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.'| - Unknown
`Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.'| - Mosher's Law of Software Engineering
`Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.'| - Unknown
`Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work.'| - Gallagher
`DOS is user-indifferent; UNIX is user-hostile.'| - Unknown
`Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.'| - Kahlil Gibran
`Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.'| - Voltaire
`Doubt is the beginning of wisdom'| - Unknown
`Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.'| - Paul Tillich, German theologian and historian
`Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.'| - Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980)
`Draw from your fine command of language and say nothing.'| - Unknown
`Draw your salary before spending it.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.'| - William Dement
`Drive carefully, death is so permanent.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Drive defensively, buy a tank.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.'| - Carl Zwanzig
`Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders has been discontinued.'| - Unknown
`Due to the current economic situation, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off until further notice.'| - The Management
`Duel, n.: A formal ceremony preliminary to the reconciliation of two enemies.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Duty is what one expects from others.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Dyslexics of the world, untie!'| - Graffiti
`During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has been upon trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity,; in both, superstition, bigotry, and persecution.'| - James Madison
`Each honest calling, each walk of life, has its own elite, its own aristocracy based on excellence of performance.'| - James Bryant Conant
`Each time we changed our environment, our environment changed our behavior, and our new behavior demanded a new environment.'| - Laurence J. Peter
`Each honest calling, each walk of life, has its own elite, its own aristocracy based on excellence of performance.'| - James Bryant Conant
`Each of us bears his own Hell.'| - Unknown
`Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.'| - Unknown
`Eagles may soar, but a weasel will never get sucked into a jet engine.'| - Unknown
`Easy credit terms available...'| - Satan (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
`Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.'| - Unknown
`Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`Eat yogurt and get culture.'| - Graffiti
`Eating an artichoke is like getting to know someone really well.'| - Willi Hastings
`Eavesdrop, v.i.: Secretly to overhear a catalog of the crimes and vices of another or yourself.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Economics is called the dismal science, but that's just because most economists are dismal scientists.'| - Unknown
`Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.'| - Unknown
`Economists are people who work with numbers but who don't have the personality to be accountants.'| - Unknown
`Economy makes men independent.'| - Unknown
`Editing is a rewording activity.'| - Graffiti
`Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.'| - Laurence Peter
`Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.'| - Will Durant
`Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.'| - William Butler Yeats
`Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.'| - Unknown
`Education, n.: That wich discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.'| - Malcom S. Forbes
`Eeny meeny, jelly beanie, the spirits are about to speak.'| - Bullwinkle J. Moose
`Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Eighty percent of success is showing up.'| - The Eighty Percent Principle Redux: Woody Allen
`Eighty-seven percent of all people in all professions are incompetent.'| - John Gardner
`Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because God is not capricious or arbitrary. No such faith comforts the software engineer.'| - Fred Brooks, Jr.
`Einstein said that God does not play dice with the universe! But all evidence points to the proposition that God is, indeed, an inveterate gambler. He throws the dice to determine the outcome of every observation.'| - Stephen Hawkins
`Einstein said that if quantum mechanics is right, then the world is crazy. Well, he was right. The world is crazy.'| - Daniel Greenberger
`Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.'| - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
`Electricity travels a foot in a nanosecond.'| - Commodore Grace Murray Hopper, USN
`Electrocution, n.: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.'| - Unknown
`Eloquence is logic on fire.'| - Unknown
`Eloquence, n.: The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Enough research will tend to support your theory.'| - Law of Research
`Envelope, n.: The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.'| - Unknown
`Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.'| - Mark Twain: "A Curious Dream"
`Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`Equipped with his five senses, man explores the universe around him and calls it science.'| - Edwin Powell Hubble
`Error 96: Dead mouse in hard drive.'| - Unpublished Error Codes
`Error 97: Disk drive turned to pudding - command aborted.'| - Unpublished Error Codes
`Error 98: System not plugged in - command aborted.'| - Unpublished Error Codes
`Error 99: Fatal error - the CPU just slagged itself - system halted.'| - Unpublished Error Codes
`Error is boundless.|Nor hope nor doubt|Though both be groundless,|Will average out.'| - J. V. Cunningham (1911-1985): "Meditation on Statistical Method"
`Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.'| - Unknown
`Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.'| - Hermann Hesse
`Evangelist, n.: A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Even a cabbage may look at a king.'| - Unknown
`Even a good horse can only wear one saddle.'| - Unknown
`Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.'| - Unknown
`Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness!'| - from Fiddler On The Roof
`Even a prostitute can't find work in a town full of nymphomaniacs.'| - Seymour Merrin
`Even a small star shines in the darkness.'| - Danish Proverb
`Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Even if the story isn't true, it does have a grain of sense and instruction to it, and it's entertaining as well, so it's worth the telling.'| - Unknown
`Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
`Even if you can deceive people about a product through misleading statements, sooner or later the product will speak for itself.'| - Hajime Karatsu
`Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`Even lawmakers are subject to the laws of physics.'| - Unknown
`Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess.'| - Unknown
`Even rats learn from experience.'| - George Skarbek
`Even the blind can see money.'| - Chinese proverb
`Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.'| - Unknown
`Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.'| - Unknown
`Even though work stops, expenses run on.'| - Cato the Elder (234-149 B.C.)
`Even when he was playing with a full deck, I had the feeling that it was stacked against him.'| - Unknown
`Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?'| - The Joker: "Batman - The Movie"
`Ever busy' ever bare.'| - James Kelly: "Scottish Proverbs"
`Ever help the person behind the counter with their terminal/computer?'| - Hacker's Test
`Ever stop to think and then forget to start again?'| - Unknown
`Everthing human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.'| - Unknown
`Every actor in his heart believes everything bad that's printed about him.'| - Orson Welles (Attrib.)
`Every age is fed on illusions, lest men should renounce life early and the human race come to an end.'| - Joseph Conrad
`Every age is modern to those who are living in it.'| - Justice Benjamin N. Cardozo
`Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist after he grows up.'| - Pablo Picasso
`Every crowd has a silver lining.'| - P. T. Barnum
`Every day, people are straying away from the Church and going back to God.'| - Lenny Bruce
`Every exit is an entry somewhere else.'| - Tom Stoppard
`Every generation is born as ignorant and as willful as the first man.'| - George Santayana
`Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.'| - Laurence J. Peter
`Every God ever worshipped devoutly in the hearts of men is the One True God.'| - Unknown
`Every government is run by liars and nothing they say should be believed.'| - I. F. Stone
`Every great man has his disciples, and it is always Judas who writes the biography.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.'| - Dwight Eisenhower
`Every heart that has beat strong and cheerfully has left a hopeful impulse behind it in the world, and bettered the tradition of mankind.'| - Robert Louis Stevenson
`Every hero becomes a bore at last.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.'| - F. M. Colby
`Every man has business and desire, Such as it is.'| - Wm. Shakespeare: "Hamlet"
`Every man has his price. Every price has its man.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Every man has three characters - that which he exhibits, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has.'| - Alphonse Karrk
`Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.'| - Arthur Schopenhauer
`Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.'| - Ernest Hemingway
`Every minute you are angry wastes 60 happy seconds.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.'| - Robert Orben
`Every now and then you have to sit yourself down take stock of your life and say "What the hell".'| - MGV
`Every once in a while I feel that I am at two with the universe.'| - Woody Allen
`Every one lives by selling something.'| - Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894): "Across the Plains"
`Every person who has mastered a profession is a skeptic concerning it.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Every purchase has its price.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Every reign must submit to a greater reign.'| - Seneca
`Every revolutionary ends up either by becoming an oppressor or a heretic.'| - Albert Camus (1913-1960)
`Every society honours its live conformists and its dead troublemakers.'| - Mignon Mclaughlin
`Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper... everyone was eating paper and a policeman was at the door. Now all you have to do is bend a disk.'| - A member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity
`Every solution breeds new problems.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Every study of the gods, of everyone's gods, is a revelation of vengeance toward the innocent.'| - John Irving: A Prayer For Owen Meany
`Every successful person has had failures, but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success'| - Unknown
`Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.'| - Gore Vidal
`Every time an artist dies, part of the vision of mankind passes with him.'| - Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945)
`Every time you come up with a terrific idea, you find that someone else thought of it first.'| - Harden's Law
`Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.'| - Beckett
`Every year a few research results pay the freight for all the rest.'| - Robert A. Frosch, General Motors
`Every year we pass the anniversary of our death.'| - B. Banzai
`Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`Everybody is interesting for an hour, but few people can last more than two.'| - V. S. Naipul
`Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.'| - Arthur Miller
`Everybody talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it.'| - Mark Twain
`Everybody understands Mickey Mouse. Few understand Herman Hesse. Hardly anyone understands Einstein. And nobody understands Emperor Norton.'| - Malaclypse the Younger, K.S.C.
`Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.'| - Joe Louis
`Everybody's playing the game, but nobody's rules are the same.'| - Unknown
`Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.'| - David Letterman
`Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.'| - Howe's Law
`Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`Everyone in Germany is a National Socialist - the few outside the party are either lunatics or idiots.'| - Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
`Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.'| - Edgard Varese
`Everyone is entitled to an *informed* opinion.'| - Harlan Ellison
`Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.'| - Unknown
`Everyone is born a king, and most people die in exile.'| - Unknown
`Everyone lies about sex.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.'| - The Peter Principle
`Everyone wants to be normal, but no one wants to be average.'| - Unknown
`Everything beautiful has its moment and then passes away.'| - Luis Cernuda
`Everything bows to success, even grammar.'| - Unknown
`Everything costs more and takes longer.'| - Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules
`Everything depends.'| - Langsam's Law
`Everything goes wrong all at once.'| - Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law
`Everything great in this world comes from neurotics.'| - Proust
`Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Everything in excess! Moderation is for monks.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Everything in life is a hallucination. Everything in death, too. The universe is just putting us on.'| - Unknown
`Everything in New York is an art form.'| - Unknown
`Everything in the universe is packaging, big toys, or meat.'| - Unknown
`Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo.'| - Robert Byrne
`Everything is relative. In most parts of the world we're known as Americans. In the Persian Gulf we're the boat people.'| - Unknown
`Everything we call real is made of things that cannot be regarded as real.' - Neils Bohr
`Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.'| - Sophia Loren
`Evolution is a bankrupt speculative philosophy, not a scientific fact. Only a spiritually bankrupt society could ever believe it. Only atheists could accept this Satanic theory.'| - Rev. Jimmy Swaggart
`Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.'| - Albert Schweitzer
`Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.'| - Ellyn Mustard
`Exception, n.: A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other things of its class, as an honest man, a truthful woman, etc.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.'| - W. Somerset Maugham
`Exclusiveness is a characteristic of recent riches, high society, and the skunk.'| - O`Malley
`Excuse me for not answering your letter, but I've been so busy not answering letters that I couldn't get around to not answering yours in time.'| - Groucho Marx
`Exercise caution in your daily affairs.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Exercise, calisthenics, jogging and weight lifting fill a deep need. Even if you are not a great athlete, you can at least ache like one.'| - Robert Orben
`Exhaustion error: DOS is too tired to boot.'| - Undocumented system errors
`Exile, n.: One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope.'| - Arnold Glasow
`Expenditures rise to meet income.'| - Parkinson's Second Law
`Experience and treachery will always beat youth and skill.'| - Unknown
`Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn at no other.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`Experience is a comb that nature gives us when we are bald.'| - Belgian proverb
`Experience is directly proportional to the mount of equipment ruined.'| - Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab
`Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you.'| - Aldous Huxley
`Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you the test first, and the lesson afterward.'| - Unknown
`Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.'| - Unknown
`Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.'| - Unknown
`Experience should be a guide post, but not a hitching post.'| - Unknown
`Experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again.'| - F. P. Jones
`Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.'| - Unknown
`Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.'| - Finagle's Fifth Rule
`Expert, n.: A person who knows tomorrow why today's prediction failed.
`Expert, n.: Anyone from out of town.
`Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But experts often think so.'| - Unknown
`Extinction, n.: The raw material out of which theology created the future state.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`F u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.'| - Matchbook cover ad
`F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a drn!.'| - Matchbook cover ad
`Facts are stupid things.'| - Ronald Reagan
`Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.'| - Unknown
`Failure is never fatal and success is never final.'| - Unknown
`Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.'| - Unknown
`Faith is much better than belief. Belief is when someone else does the thinking.'| - R. Buckminster Fuller
`Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.'| - Unknown
`Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurence of the improbable.'| - H. L. Mencken
`Faith, n.: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Falling hurts least those who fly low.'| - Chinese Proverb
`Falling in love makes smoking pot all day look like the ultimate in restraint.'| - Dave Sim, author of Cerebrus.
`Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.'| - Marlo Thomas
`Familiarity breeds contempt... and children.'| - Mark Twain
`Family reunions would be great if it weren't for relatives.'| - Unknown
`Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim.'| - George Santayana
`Fantasies are nice - you meet a better class of people in your fantasies.'| - Unknown
`Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels.'| - Goya
`Farmers are just plain folks.'| - Graffiti
`Farming looks easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from a corn field.'| - Dwight D. Eisenhower
`Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`Fashion, n.: A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.'| - Paul Muad`Dib
`Feast, n.: A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Feel good? don't worry, you'll get over it.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Fellow with closed mind often has open mouth.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Felon, n.: A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Female, n.: One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Few have heard of Fra Luca Parioli, the inventor of double-entry book-keeping; but he has probably had much more influence on human life than has Dante or Michelangelo.'| - Herbert J. Muller (1905- ): "The Uses of the Past"
`Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.'| - George Washington (1732-1799)
`Few people are successful unless a lot of other people want them to be.'| - Charles Brower
`Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation, or creed.'| - Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
`Few people have the imagination for reality.'| - Goethe
`Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them.'| - Robert G. Ingersoll
`Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Fib, n.: A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to the truth.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Fiddle, n.: An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Fidelity, n.: A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Figure it out. Work a lifetime to pay off a house. You finally own it and there's no one to live in it.'| - Arthur Miller, "Death of a Salesman"
`Figures won't lie, but liars will figure.'| - Charles H. Grosvenor
`Finance, n.: The art of science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Firmness of delivery dates is inversely proportional to tightness of schedule.'| - Second Law of Project Management
`First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.'| - Greek saying
`Flag, n.: A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees on vacant lots in London - "Rubbish may be shot here."'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Flattery is all right... if you don't inhale.'| - Adlai Stevenson
`Flight reservation systems decide whether or not you exist. If your information isn't in their database, then you simply don't get to go anywhere.'| - Arthur Miller
`Floggings will continue until morale improves.'| - Anonymous flyer being distributed at Exxon USA
`Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground... and missing!'| - Unknown
`Follow the advice of your heart.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`Fools ignore complexity. Pragmatists suffer it. Some can avoid it. Geniuses remove it.'| - Perlis's Programming Proverb #58
`Fools rush in where fools have been before.'| - Unknown
`Football combines the worst elements of America: Mass violence punctuated by committee meetings.'| - Unknown
`Football is an incredible game. Sometimes it's so incredible, it's unbelievable.'| - Tom Landry
`For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.'| - Elayne Boosler
`For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.'| - Harrison's Postulate
`For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong'| - Mencken's Metalaw
`For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.'| - Third Law of Project Management
`For most men life is a search for the proper manilla envelope in which to get themselves filed.'| - Clifton Fadiman
`For the man who has everything... Penicillin.'| - F. Borquin
`For those of you who think life is a joke, just think of the punchline.'| - Unknown
`For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.'| - Lord Byron
`For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.'| - T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)
`For young children it is primarily experience that determines character, but for the more mature person it is character that determines experience.'| - Haim Ginott
`Force has no place where there is need of skill.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Forefinger, n.: The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Forgetfulness, n.: A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Forgive and Remember.'| - Unknown
`Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.'| - John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
`Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn.'| - Rhett Butler
`Free the Indianapolis 500.'| - Graffiti
`Freedom is still the most radical idea of all.'| - Nathaniel Branden
`Freedom is doing what you like, happiness liking what you do.
`Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace.'| - George Orwell: "1984"
`Freedom of the press belongs to those that own one.'| - A.J. Liebling
`Frequent punishments are always a sign of weakness or laziness on the part of a government.'| - Jean Jacques Rousseau
`Friction is a drag.'| - Graffiti
`Friendless, adj.: Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Friendly fire ain't.'| - Murphy's Military Law #3
`Friends are people you can be quiet with.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.'| - Dr. Thomas Jones (1916-1981)
`Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.'| - Unknown
`Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.'| - Samuel Butler
`Friendship is like wax fruit. It's great until you try to put the bite on it.'| - B.C. (Johnny Hart)
`Friendship, n.: A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.'| - George Carlin
`Frog, n.: A reptile with edible legs.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.'| - Sophie Tucker (1884?-1966)
`From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.'| - Karl Marx
`From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.'| - Fortune Cookie
`From now on we shall offer police jobs to qualified women regardless of sex.'| - A New Jersey town's affirmative action statement
`From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.'| - Dr. Seuss
`Furbling, v.: Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.'| - Rich Hall: Sniglets
`Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.'| - H. H. Williams
`Future, n.: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Fuzzy project goals avoid the embarrassment of estimating the costs.'| - Fourth Law of Project Management
`Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.'| - Joseph Stalin
`Gain is pleasant though it be full of lies.'| - Attributed to Sophocles (c. 496 B.C.)
`Gallows, n.: A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven. In this country the gallows is chiefly remarkable for the number persons who escape it.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.'| - Wilson Mizner
`GIGO, n: Garbage In, Garbage Out, also - Garbage In, Gospel Out.'| - Hackers Dictionary
`Garlic is to salad what insanity is to art.'| - Unknown
`Garter, n.: An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her stockings and desolating the country.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Gather ye rose-buds while ye may,|Old Time is still a-flying.|And this same flower that smiles today,|Tomorrow will be dying.'| - Robert Herrick
`Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.'| - Dorthy Gale: "Wizard of Oz"
`Genderplex, n.: The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises).'| - Rich Hall: Sniglets
`General Motors is not in the business of making cars. General Motors is in the business of making money.'| - Thomas A. Murphy (1915- )
`Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.'| - Unknown
`Genius is an infinite capacity for taking pains.'| - Jane Hopkins
`Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration.'| - Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
`Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.'| - Unknown
`Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.'| - Elbert Hubbard
`Get a shot off FAST! This upsets him long enough to make your second shot perfect.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Give a speculator an inch and he'll build a condo.'| - Graffiti
`Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.'| - Graffiti
`Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.'| - Frank Dane
`Give me a fish and I will eat today. Teach me to fish and I will eat forever.'| - Unknown
`Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Getting caught is the mother of invention.'| - Graffiti
`Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.'| - Zsa Zsa Gabor
`Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is like getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.'| - Melvin Belli
`Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.'| - Benny Hill
`Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.'| - Abraham Kaplan
`Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities.'| - Frank Lloyd Wright
`Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing your name and moving to a new town.'| - Fortune Cookie
`GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.'| - Graffiti
`Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
`Go away, kid. You bother me.'| - W. C. Fields
`Go Hawaiian: Give your gal a lei.'| - Graffiti
`Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes.'| - Unknown
`Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof.'| - Unknown
`God forgives us... Who am I not to forgive?'| - Alan Paton
`God gives guidance to those who can find it from no one else.'| - Beowulf
`God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.'| - Unknown
`God has been replaced, as he has all over the West, with respectability and air conditioning.'| - Imamu Amiri Baraka
`God help those who do not help themselves.'| - Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
`God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.'| - Voltaire (1694-1778)
`God is dead, but fifty thousand social workers have risen to take his place.'| - Dr. J. D. McCoughey
`God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project.'| - Graffiti
`God knows. Or guesses.'| - Unknown
`God loves everyone in the world who doesn't love himself. Does God love God?'| - Teilhard de Chardin
`God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.'| - Unknown
`God made some people like Ralph Nader, who care too much, so that others may have the luxury to care not a whit.'| - Unknown
`God made the integers, man made the rest.'| - Leopold Kronecker
`God may be subtle. But He is not malicious.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`God not only plays dice, He sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be seen.'| - Stephen Hawking
`God requireth not a uniformity of religion.'| - Roger Williams
`God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.'| - William Bragg
`God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.'| - Reinhold Niebuhr
`Gods are born and die, but the atom endures.'| - Alexander Chase
`Going the speed of light is bad for your age.'| - Graffiti
`Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.'| - Unknown
`Gold and love affairs are difficult to hide.'| - Spanish proverb
`Good art is not what it looks like, but what it does to us.'| - Roy Adzak
`Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.'| - Anne Morrow Lindbergh
`Good fortune will find you, providing you gave directions.'| - Graffiti
`Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness the poison.'| - Graffiti
`Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement.'| - Barry LePatner
`Good literature is about Love and War. Trash fiction is about Sex and Violence.'| - Unknown
`Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.'| - Graffiti
`Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a good day.'| - Graffiti
`Good politics are often inextricably intertwined.'| - Morris Udall
`Good taste is the worst vice ever invented.'| - Dame Edith Sitwell (1887-1964)
`Good words are worth much, and cost little.'| - George Herbert (1593-1633)
`Goodness had nothing to do with it.'| - Mae West
`Goodness is the only investment that never fails.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`Gort! Klaatu barada nikto!'| - Patricia Neal: "The Day the Earth Stood Still"
`Goto, n.: A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers to complain about unstructured programmers.'| - Ray Simard
`Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.'| - Wiker's Law
`Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.'| - Ronald Reagan
`Gozer the Gozerian, as the duly appointed representative of the city, county and state of New York, I hereby order you to cease all supernatural activities at once and proceed immediately to your place of origin or the nearest parallel dimension, whichever is closest.'| - Ray (Dan Akyroyd): "Ghostbusters"
`Graffiti has changed deface of the nation.'| - Graffiti
`Grass is nature's way of saying "High!"'| - Graffiti
`Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.'| - Albert Einstein
`Gravity brings you down.'| - Graffiti
`Gray hair is God's graffiti.'| - Bill Cosby
`Great beer bellies are made, not born.'| - Graffiti
`Great deeds are usually wrought at great risks.'| - Herodotus
`Great minds discuss ideas; small ones, people.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Great minds travel in the same sewers.'| - Unknown
`Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins for two weeks.'| - Sioux Indian Prayer
`Great spirits have always found violent oppression from mediocrities.'| - Albert Einstein
`Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.'| - John 15:13
`Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent.'| - Unknown
`Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Groundhog Day has been observed only once in Los Angeles because when the groundhog came out of its hole, it was killed by a mud slide.'| - Johnny Carson
`Growing and decaying vegetation in this land are responsible for 93%% of the oxides of nitrogen.'| - Ronald Reagan
`Grub first, then ethics.'| - Bertolt Brecht
`Guillotine, n.: A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Gunpowder, n.: An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Gutenberg made everybody a reader. Xerox makes everyone a publisher.'| - Marshall McLuhan
`Habeas Corpus : A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong crime.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.'| - Mark Twain: "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
`Habit is the nursery of errors.'| - Victor Hugo
`Habit, n.: A shackle for the free.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?'| - Mark Twain: "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"
`Half a man's life is devoted to what he calls improvements, yet the original had some quality which is lost in the process.'| - E. B. White, American author (1899-1985)
`Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted, and the trouble is I don't know which half.'| - John Wanamaker (1838-1922)
`Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`Half the people in America are faking it.'| - Robert Mitchum
`Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Handle yourself with your head, handle others with your heart.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Happiness ain't a thing in itself-it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant.'| - Mark Twain
`Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.'| - George Burns
`Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip.'| - Unknown
`Happiness is not an ideal of reason, but of imagination.'| - Immanuel Kant
`Happiness is wanting what you have.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Happiness, n.: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?'| - Charlie McCarthy (Edgar Bergen, 1903-1978)
`Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.'| - Hackers Dictionary
`Harbor, n.: A place where ships taking shelter from storms are exposed to the fury of the customs.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Have plenty of:| 1) Football for the alumni| 2) Sex for the students| 3) Parking for the faculty'| - Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College
`Have the courage to live; anyone can die.'| - Robert Cody
`Have you ever received a Fax or a photocopy of a floppy?'| - The Hackers Test
`Have you ever shown a novice the "any" key?|Was it the power switch?'| - The Hackers Test
`Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?|Did it answer?'| - The Hackers Test
`Have you seen Quasimodo? I had a hunch he was back.'| - Graffiti
`Have you tried on your smile today?'| - Fortune Cookie
`Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.'| - Martin Mull
`Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to cooperate.'| - Margaret Mead
`HCF - Halt and Catch Fire'| - The Unpublished Assembly Mnemonics #134
`He don't know me vewy well, DO he?'| - Bugs Bunny
`He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.'| - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`He has half the deed done who has made a beginning.'| - Horace
`He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He hasn't one redeeming vice.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most words.'| - Unknown
`He is happiest who hath power to gather wisdom from a flower.'| - Mary Howitt
`He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike.'| - William Shakespeare
`He knows the precise psychological moment when to say nothing.'| - Oscar Wilde
`He that can have patience can have what he will.'| - Benjamin Franklin
`He that cannot abide a bad market, deserves not a good one.'| - John Ray (1627-1705)
`He that compts all costes, will never put plough in the eard.'| - David Ferguson (died 1598)
`He that forecasts all difficulties that he may meet with in business, will never set about it.'| - James Kelly
`He that hath a trade hath an estate, and he that hath a calling hath an office of profit and honor.'| - Benjamin Franklin^Poor Richard's Almanack, 1757
`He that is busy is tempted by but one devil; he that is idle, by a legion.'| - Thomas Fuller (1654-1734)
`He that is proud eats up himself; pride is his own glass, his own trumpet, his own chronicle.'| - William Shakespeare
`He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools.'| - Confucius
`He travels the fastest who travels alone.'| - Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
`He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.'| - Chinese proverb
`He who awaits much can expect little.'| - Gabriel García Márquez
`He who believes the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.'| - Unknown
`He who builds according to every man's advice will have a crooked house.'| - Danish proverb
`He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`He who cannot lend, let him take heed of borrowing.'| - Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)^Essays, 1580
`He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.'| - Unknown
`He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.'| - Unknown
`He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.'| - Nietzsche
`He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.'| - Unknown
`He who has the gold, makes the rules.'| - The Golden rule
`He who hates vices hates mankind.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He who hesitates is a damned fool.'| - Mae West (1892-1980)
`He who hesitates is last.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.'| - Unknown
`He who hesitates is sometimes saved.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He who hurries cannot walk with dignity.'| - Fortune cookie
`He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning.'| - Danish Proverb
`He who is conceived in a cage yearns for the cage.'| - Yevgeny Yevtushenko
`He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He who is henpecked may lend an ear to other chicks.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He who is sorry for having sinned is almost innocent.'| - Seneca
`He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know.'| - Lao Tzu
`He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that.'| - John Stuart Mill
`He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.'| - Unknown
`He who laughs, lasts.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.'| - Fortune Cookie
`He who looketh upon a woman loseth a fender.'| - Sign in auto repair shop
`He who receives a benefit with gratitude repays the first installment on his debt.'| - Seneca (c. 4 B.C.-A.D. 65)
`He who requires much from himself and little from others will be secure from hatred.'| - K'ung Fu-tse
`He who shouts the loudest has the floor.'| - Swipple's Rule of Order
`He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.'| - M. C. Escher
`He whom love touches not, walks in darkness.'| - Plato
`He whose face gives no light shall never become a star.'| - William Blake, English poet and artist (1757-1827)
`Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.'| - Redd Foxx
`Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter.'| - John Keats
`Heathen, n.: A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Heaven and hell is right here, right now... You make it heaven or you make it hell by your actions.'| - George Harrison
`Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`Heaven, n.: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Hell is the place where love is not found.'| - Santa Teresa
`Hello again, Peabody here...'| - Mister Peabody
`Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'| - Inigo Montoya: "The Princess Bride"
`Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.'| - Unknown
`Hemp, n.: A plant from whose fiberous bark is made an article of neckwear which is frequently put on after public speaking in the open air and prevents the wearer from taking cold.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.'| - Unknown
`Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.'| - Peter Drucker
`Heresy is only another word for freedom of thought.'| - Graham Greene
`Here's to your love, health, and wealth - and time to enjoy each.'| - Spanish Proverb
`Hesitate or fumble and you are done for. Think only of the jump.'| - Virginia Woolf
`He's dead, Jim.'| - Proposed epitaph for Gene Roddenberry, creator of "Star Trek"
`He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch.'| - Unknown
`High thoughts must have high language.'| - Aristophanes
`Hindsight is always 20:20.'| - Billy Wilder
`Historian, n.: A broad-gauge gossip.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.'| - Unknown
`History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has had any rational basis.'| - Unknown
`History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions.'| - Ted Koppel
`History is the short trudge from Adam to atom.'| - Leonard Louis Levinson
`History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
`History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.'| - Abba Eban
`History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`History, n.: An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Hitch your wagon to a star.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson
`Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side.'| - Han Solo: "Star Wars"
`Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.'| - Langston Hughes
`Home is the place where your computer lives and runs your life.'| - Chrome Cowboy
`Honesty is next to poverty.'| - Unknown
`Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense'| - Mark Collis
`Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`Honk if you love obscene gestures.'| - Bumper Sticker
`Honor and profit lie not in one sack.'| - George Herbert (1593-1633)
`Homicide, n.: The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.'| - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`Hoping to goodness is not theologically sound.'| - Peanuts
`Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.'| - W. C. Fields (1890-1946)
`Horses with free rein will travel where others have been before.'| - John Steinbeck
`Hospitality, n.: The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.`Homicide, n.: The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Hostility, n.: A peculiarly sharp and specially applied sense of the earth's over-population.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.'| - First Law of Laboratory Work
`Hovel, n.: The fruit of a flower called the Palace.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`How about a little fire, scarecrow?'| - The Wicked Witch of the West: The Wizard of OZ
`How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?'| - Woody Allen
`How can the arts overcome the slow dying of men's hearts that we call the progress of the world...?'| - W.B. Yeats
`How can you be two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?'| - Firesign Theater
`How can you expect to govern a country that has two hundred and forty-six kinds of cheese?'| - Charles de Gaulle
`How can you tell the dance from the dancer?'| - Unknown
`How can you avoid hurting someone's feelings without being a liar?'| - Unknown
`How come wrong numbers are never busy?'| - Stephen Wright
`How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?'| - The New Shoe Postulate
`How do I explain to clients that society believes buying a rock (of cocaine) is three or four times as bad as raping a woman?'| - Robert Jakovitch, Broward [FL] Assistant Public Defender
`How does a project get to be a year late? One day at a time.'| - Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
`How little you know about the age you live in if you think that honey is sweeter than cash in hand.'| - Ovid (43? B.C.-18 A.D.)
`How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.'| - Unknown
`How many "coming men" has one known! Where on earth do they all go to?'| - Unknown
`How many weeks are there in a light year?'| - Unknown
`How much money did you make last year? Mail it in.'| - Simplified tax form
`How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child.'| - William Shakespeare
`How to paint a perfect painting - make yourself perfect and then just paint naturally.'| - Unknown
`How to Raise your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children'| - Book title by Lewis B. Frumkes (1983)
`How to win a case in court: If the law is on your side, pound on the law; if the facts are on your side, pound on the facts; if neither is on your side, pound on the table.'| - Unknown
`Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he's Napoleon, but hires an army to prove it.'| - Unknown
`Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.'| - H. G. Wells
`Humanity has in the course of time had to endure from the hands of science two great outrages upon its naive self-love. The first was when it realized that our earth was not the center of the universe, but only a speck in a world-system of a magnitude hardly conceivable... The second was when biological research robbed man of his particular privilege of having been specially created, and relegated him to a descent from the animal world.'| - Sigmund Freud
`Humanity has the stars in its future, and that future is too important to be lost under the burden of juvenile folly and ignorant superstition.'| - Isaac Asimov
`Humorist, n: A person who can talk sensibly about a controversy.'| - Unknown
`Hurting people is my business.'| - Sugar Ray Robinson
`Husband, n.: One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Hydrogen, n.: A light, colorless, odorless gas that, given sufficient time, turns into people.'| - Unknown
`Hypocrite, n.: One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Hysteria is a chaotic and irrational state caused by seeing how the world really operates.'| - Unknown
`I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never any use to oneself.'| - Oscar Wilde
`I always say that, next to a battle lost, the greatest misery is a battle gained.'| - The Duke of Wellington
`I am a bad Englishman, because I think the advantages of commerce are dearly bought for some by the lives of many more.'| - Horace Walpole (1717-1797)
`I am a computer. I am dumber than any human and smarter than any administrator.'| - QOTD
`I am a deeply superficial person.'| - Andy Warhol (1928-1987)
`I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.'| - J. D. Salinger
`I am a Millionaire. That is my religion. - George Bernard Shaw: "Major Barbara"
`I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.'| - W. C. Fields (1890-1946)
`I am made from the dust of the stars, the oceans flow in my veins.'| - Rush: "Presto"
`I am not a crook.'| - Richard Nixon
`I am not a student of human nature. I am a professor of a far wider academy of which human nature is only a part.'| - Unknown
`I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.'| - William Allen White, American journalist (1868-1944)
`I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world.'| - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
`I am not sincere, even when I say I am not.'| - Jules Renard
`I am not young enough to know everything.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`I am responsible only to God and history.'| - Francisco Franco
`I am thankful for one leg. To limp is no disgrace -- I may not be number one, but I can still run the race.'| - B.C.
`I am the notebook.'| - Pablo Picasso
`I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep going forward.'| - Charlotte Bronte, English author (1816-1855)
`I became a policeman because I wanted to be in a business where the customer is always wrong.'| - Unknown
`I believe in the institution of marriage and I intend to keep trying until I get it right.'| - Richard Pryor
`I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.'| - Frank Lloyd Wright
`I believe it was Tacitus who said there is a principle of human nature requiring us to hate those we have wronged.'| - William Beckett
`I believe now that we are all psychic to some degree but that some of us welcome these experiences, while others fear them and shut them out.'| - Vanna White
`I believe that eating pork makes people stupid.'| - David Steinberg
`I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty.'| - John D. Rockefeller
`I believe that in the end the truth will conquer.'| - John Wycliffe
`I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.'| - Mark Twain
`I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.'| - Nancy Reagan
`I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street.'| - Neil Armstrong
`I believe that the power to make money is a gift from God.'| - John D. Rockefeller (1839-1937)
`I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle it's much too confining.'| - Lilly Tomlin
`I can mend the break of day, heal a broken heart, and provide temporary relief to nymphomaniacs.'| - Larry Lee
`I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unreasonable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.'| - Oscar Wilde: "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
`I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.'| - Dwight David Eisenhower (1890-1969)
`I cannot affirm God if I fail to affirm man. Therefore, I affirm both. Without a belief in human unity I am hungry and incomplete. Human unity is the fulfillment of diversity. It is the harmony of opposites. It is a many-stranded texture, with color and depth.'| - Norman Cousins
`I cannot believe God plays dice with the cosmos.'|(Wrong. Check Heisenberg's uncertainty principal.)| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`I can't believe I forgot to have children.'| - Unknown
`I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.'| - Steven Pearl
`I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.'| - Joe Walsh
`I can't reach the brakes on this piano!'| - Victor Borge
`I continually marvel at the efficiency of the gods.'| - Kaylith MacRevan
`I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am large: I contain multitudes.'| - Walt Whitman
`I could prove God statistically.'| - George Gallup
`I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.'| - Unknown
`I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat veggies.'| - Unknown
`I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.'| - Unknown
`I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions... the curtain was up.'| - Groucho Marx
`I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing.'| - Oscar Wilde: "The Importance of Being Earnest"
`I distinctly remember forgetting that.'| - Clara Barton
`I distrust a close-mouthed man. He generally picks the wrong time to talk and says the wrong things. Talking's something you can't do judiciously, unless you keep in practice.'| - Sidney Greenstreet, in "The Maltese Falcon"
`I distrust a man who says "when". If he's got to be careful not to drink too much, it's because he's not to be trusted when he does.'| - Sidney Greenstreet, in "The Maltese Falcon"
`I drink to make other people interesting.'| - George Jean Nathan
`I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any Church that I know of. My own mind is my own Church.'| - Thomas Paine
`I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out in a war fought with the atomic bomb. Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`I do not believe that this generation of Americans is willing to resign itself to going to bed each night by the light of a Communist moon...'| - Lyndon B. Johnson
`I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.'| - Isaac Asamov.
`I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.'| - Galileo Galilei
`I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.'| - Chuang Tzu
`I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.'| - Noel Coward (Attrib.)
`I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of Him.'| - Gabriel García Márquez
`I don't care a damn for the invention. The dimes are what I'm after.'| - Isaac M. Singer (1811-1875) on his sewing machine
`I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.'| - Josh Billings
`I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.'| - Jack Benny (1894-1974)
`I don't dislike but I certainly have no special respect or admiration for and no trust in, the typical big moneyed men of my country. I don't regard them as furnishing sound opinion as respects either foreign or domestic business.'| - Teddy Roosevelt
`I don't get no respect.'| - Rodney Dangerfield
`I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`I don't have any trouble parking. I drive a forklift.'| - Jim Samuels
`I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.'| - Fred Allen (1894-1956)
`I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.'| - Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
`I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.'| - Jules Renard
`I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.'| - Bill Cosby
`I don't know what you could say about a day in which you have seen four beautiful sunsets.'| - John Glenn
`I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it.'| - Marilyn Monroe
`I don't mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.'| - Samuel Butler
`I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.'| - Marshall McLuhan
`I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.'| - Plutarch
`I don't really trust a sane person.'| - Lyle Alzado
`I don't remember ever having had the itch, and yet scratching is one of nature's sweet pleasures, and so handy.'| - Unknown
`I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.'| - Samuel Goldwyn
`I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want to live like one.'| - Joe E. Lewis
`I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65 I had cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now, I'm booked.'| - George Burns
`I doubt, therefore I might be.'| - Graffiti
`I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`I enjoy being a highly overpaid actor.'| - Roger Moore
`I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary.'| - Ronald Reagan
`I feel confident that, if evolution had succeeded in tracing man from a fallen angel and not from a risen ape, antagonism to evolution would have gone by the board.'| - Sir Arthur Keith
`I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.'| - William H. Mauldin
`I felt like poisoning a monk.'| - Umberto Eco on why he wrote the novel "The Name of the Rose."
`I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.'| - Chauncey Depew (1834-1928)
`I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.'| - H. L. Mencken
`I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don't treat me right, shame on you.'| - Louis Armstrong, American jazz musician (1900-1971)
`I gradually came to disbelieve in Christianity as a divine revelation... Thus disbelief crept over me at a very slow rate, but was at last complete.'| - Charles Darwin
`I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.'| - Samuel Goldwyn
`I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone... but they've always worked for me.'| - Hunter S. Thompson
`I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.'| - Charles Schulz
`I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.'| - John Locke
`I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.'| - Steven Wright
`I have become comfortably numb.'| - Pink Floyd: "The Wall"
`I have become Death, the destroyer of worlds.'| - Dr. Robert Oppenheimer
`I have been forced to abdicate His (God) kingdom section by section.| - Charles Darwin
`I have been staying in Moscow for only 24 hours, but already I feel almost at home.'| - Hashemi Rafsanjani
`I have found little that is good about human beings. In my experience most of them are trash.'| - Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
`I have had just about all I can take of myself.'| - S. N. Behrman (1893-1973) on reaching the age of 75
`I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`I have just signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever; we begin bombing in 5 minutes.'| - Ronald Reagan
`I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.'| - Kahlil Gibran
`I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.'| - Ronald Reagan
`I have long considered it on of God's greatest mercies that the future is hidden from us. If it were not, life would surely be unbearable.'| - Eugene Forsey
`I have made mistakes, but have never made the mistake of claiming I never made one.'| - James G. Bennet
`I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.'| - Voltaire (1694-1778)
`I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.'| - Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
`I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.'| - Unknown
`I have nothing to hide.'| - Richard Nixon
`I have one great fear in my heart, that one day when they [the whites of South Africa] have turned to loving, they will find we [the blacks] are turned to hating.'| - Alan Paton
`I have seen things you wouldn't believe... All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain...||Time to die'| - Roy: "Blade Runner"
`I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`I have... a terrible need... shall I say the word?... of religion. Then I go out at night and paint the stars.'| - Vincent van Gogh
`I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices.'| - Mark Twain
`I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.'| - Confucius
`I heard discussion and commentary merged to form dysentery.'| - Woody Allen
`I judge a religion as being good or bad based on whether its adherents become better people as a result of practicing it.'| - Joe Mullally, computer salesman
`I kissed my first girl and smoked by first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since.'| - Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957)
`I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.'| - Johnny Carson
`I know engineers. They love to change things.'| - Dr. McCoy
`I know it all, I just can't remember it all at once.'| - Unknown
`I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.'| - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
`I know that the hypnotized never lie... do you.'| - Pete Townsend: Won't get Fooled Again
`I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!'| - Tom Lehrer, Satirist and Professor
`I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`I lay it down as fact that, if all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world.'| - Blaise Pascal
`I like a man who grins when he fights.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`I like the silent church before the service begins, better than any preaching.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy.' - Bern Williams
`I like thinking big. If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.'| - Donald Trump
`I like work, it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.'| - Unknown
`I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.'| - Albert Einstein
`I love acting. It is so much more real than life.'| - Oscar Wilde: "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
`I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.'| - Walt Disney (1901-1966)
`I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.'| - Apocalypse Now
`I love Vermont because of her hills and valleys, her scenery and invigorating climate, but most of all because of her indomitable people.'| - Calvin Coolidge
`I maintain that the cosmic religious feeling is the strongest and noblest motive for scientific research.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`I maintain there is much more wonder in science than in pseudoscience. And in addition, to whatever measure this term has any meaning, science has the additional virtue, and it is not an inconsiderable one, of being true.'| - Carl Sagan
`I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.'| - Voltaire (1694-1778)
`I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.'| - Jimmy Hoffa (1913-1975)
`I mean, the question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again night after night, but God knows the answer to that is, don't we all anyway; might as well get paid for it.'| - Elaine Dundy
`I must create a system myself or be enslaved by another man's.'| - Blake
`I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.'| - Mark Twain
`I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.'| - Dick Gregory
`I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.'| - Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
`I never did a thing in all my life, virtuous or otherwise, that I didn't repent of in twenty-four hours.'| - Mark Twain
`I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.'| - Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)
`I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.'| - Unknown
`I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.'| - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
`I never know how much of what I say is true.'| - Bette Midler
`I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`I never loved another person the way I loved myself.'| - Mae West
`I never met a man I didn't like.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years.'| - Samuel Goldwyn
`I never said all actors are cattle. What I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.'| - Alfred Hitchcock (Attrib.)
`I never tell a lie unless it's absolutely convenient.'| - Benny Hill
`I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.'| - Lyndon B. Johnson
`I once played a sheriff who thought he could do the job without a gun. I was dead in twenty-seven minutes of a thirty minute show.'| - Ronald Reagan
`I only like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.'| - Mae West (1892-1980)
`I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.'| - Orson Welles
`I predict that exact reproduction through cloning will not become popular. Too many people already find it difficult to live with themselves.'| - Jeanne Dixon
`I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because they sometimes take a rest.'| - Alexandre Dumas (fils)
`I prefer the errors of enthusiasm to the indifference of wisdom.'| - Anatole France
`I really hate this damn machine,|I wish that they would sell it.|It never does just what I want,|But only what I tell it.'| - Unknown
`I remember back when a "mouse" had four legs, "PostScript" was what came at the end of a letter, and "Unix" was a term for someone who'd had his works cut out for him.'| - Brad Kozak
`I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.'| - Wilson Mizner
`I see the world in very fluid, contradictory, emerging, inter-connected terms, and with that kind of circuitry, I just don't feel the need to say what is going to happen or will not happen.'| - California Governor Jerry Brown
`I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgement, it takes place every day.'| - Albert Camus
`I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.'| - George Burns
`I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.'| - Robert Orben
`I shut my eyes in order to see.'| - Paul Gauguin
`I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang onto I might fall down.'| - George Burns
`I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse.'| - Charles V, King of France
`I stood upon a high place, and saw, below, many devils, running, leaping, and carousing in sin. One looked up, grinning, and said, "Comrade! Brother!"'| - Stephan Crane
`I suggest a new strategy, R2. Let the Wookiee win.'| - C3P0: "Star Wars"
`I tell you, one must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing star!'| - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
`I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`I think that I shall never see,|A billboard lovely as a tree.|Indeed, unless the billboards fall|I'll never see a tree at all.'| - Ogden Nash: "Song of the Open Road"
`I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.'| - James Thurber
`I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.'| - Dwight D. Eisenhower
`I think the world is run by "C" students.'| - Al McGuire
`I think there's a world market for about 5 computers.'| - Thomas J. Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM (around 1948)
`I think when a person has been found guilty of rape he should be castrated. That would stop him pretty quick.'| - Billy Graham
`I think [a black]... could scarcely be found capable of tracing and comprehending the investigations of Euclid.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.'| - Woody Allen
`I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.'| - Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
`I use not only all the brains I have, but all I can borrow.'| - Woodrow Wilson
`I used to be a virgin, but I gave it up because there was no money in it.'| - Marsha Warfield
`I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.'| - Graffiti
`I used to get high on life, but I've built up a tolerance.'| - Unknown
`I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.'| - Steven Wright
`I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been from you.'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`I walked in a desert.|And I cried,|"Ah, God, take me from this place!"|A voice said, "It is no desert."|I cried, "Well, but...|"The sand, the heat, the vacant horizon."|A voice said, "It is no desert."'| - Stephan Crane
`I want to know how God created this world. I want to know his thoughts. The rest are details.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`I wanted much... I started much... but the gale of the world blew away me and my work.'| - Drazha Mihailovich
`I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?'| - Ronnie Shakes
`I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.'| - Mark Twain^Life on the Mississippi
`I was in the darkness;|I could not see my words|Nor the wishes of my heart.|Then suddenly there was a great light -|"Let me into the darkness again."'| - Stephan Crane
`I was not successful as a ballplayer, as it was a game of skill.'| - Casey Stengel (1891-1975)
`I was probably the only revolutionary ever referred to as "cute."'| - Abbie Hoffman
`I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.'| - J. Danforth Quayle
`I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.'| - Woody Allen
`I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.'| - Chico Marx (1891-1961)
`I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.'| - Unknown
`I wish you the courage to be warm when the world would prefer you to be cool.'| - Robert A. Ward
`I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth.'| - Carl Sandburg (1878-1967)
`I wonder if anybody ever reached the age of thirty-five in New England without wanting to kill himself.'| - Barrett Wendell (1855-1921)
`I would have made a good pope.'| - Richard Nixon
`I would have promised those terrorists a trip to Disneyland if it would have gotten the hostages released. I thank God they were satisfied with the missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme.'| - Oliver North
`I would have voted against the Civil Rights Act of 1964.'| - Ronald Reagan
`I would not like to be a political leader in Russia. They never know when they're being taped.'| - Richard Nixon
`I would rather be attacked than unnoticed. For the worst thing you can do to an author is to be silent as to his works.'| - Samuel Johnson
`I would rather suffer defeat than have cause to be ashamed of victory.'| - Quintus Curtius
`I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member.'| - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
`I write poetry not for publication but merely to kill time. Airplanes are a good place to write poetry and then firmly throw it away. My collected works are mostly on the vomit bags of Pan American and TWA.'| - Charles McCabe
`I, pron.: The first letter of the alphabet, the first word of the language, the first thought of the mind, the first object of affection.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.'| - Graffiti
`I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.'| - Unknown
`I'd love to, but I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.'| - Feeble excuse #1
`I'd love to, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.'| - Feeble excuse #2
`I'd love to, but I don't want to leave my comfort zone.'| - Feeble excuse #3
`I'd love to, but I feel a song coming on.'| - Feeble excuse #4
`I'd love to, but I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.'| - Feeble excuse #5
`I'd love to, but I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.'| - Feeble excuse #6
`I'd love to, but I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.'| - Feeble excuse #7
`I'd love to, but I have to bleach my hare.'| - Feeble excuse #8
`I'd love to, but I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.'| - Feeble excuse #9
`I'd love to, but I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.'| - Feeble excuse #10
`I'd love to, but I have to find a sitter for my Chia Pet.'| - Feeble excuse #97
`I'd love to, but I have to floss my cat.'| - Feeble excuse #11
`I'd love to, but I have to fluff my shower cap.'| - Feeble excuse #12
`I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my destiny.'| - Feeble excuse #13
`I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.'| - Feeble excuse #14
`I'd love to, but I have to go to court for kitty littering.'| - Feeble excuse #15
`I'd love to, but I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.'| - Feeble excuse #16
`I'd love to, but I have to jog my memory.'| - Feeble excuse #17
`I'd love to, but I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.'| - Feeble excuse #18
`I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops.'| - Feeble excuse #19
`I'd love to, but I have to sit up with a sick ant.'| - Feeble excuse #20
`I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.'| - Feeble excuse #21
`I'd love to, but I have to study for a blood test.'| - Feeble excuse #22
`I'd love to, but I have to study for a urine test.'| - Feeble excuse #23
`I'd love to, but I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.'| - Feeble excuse #24
`I'd love to, but I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.'| - Feeble excuse #25
`I'd love to, but I have too much guilt.'| - Feeble excuse #26
`I'd love to, but I left my body in my other clothes.'| - Feeble excuse #27
`I'd love to, but I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.'| - Feeble excuse #28
`I'd love to, but I never go out on days that end in "Y". - Feeble excuse #29
`I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma.'| - Feeble excuse #30
`I'd love to, but I promised to help a friend fold road maps.'| - Feeble excuse #31
`I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke.'| - Feeble excuse #32
`I'd love to, but I want to spend more time with my blender.'| - Feeble excuse #33
`I'd love to, but I'll be looking for a parking space.'| - Feeble excuse #34
`I'd love to, but I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.'| - Feeble excuse #35
`I'd love to, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.'| - Feeble excuse #36
`I'd love to, but I'm being deported.'| - Feeble excuse #37
`I'd love to, but I'm building a pig from a kit.'| - Feeble excuse #38
`I'd love to, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.'| - Feeble excuse #39
`I'd love to, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.'| - Feeble excuse #40
`I'd love to, but I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.'| - Feeble excuse #41
`I'd love to, but I'm getting my overalls overhauled.'| - Feeble excuse #42
`I'd love to, but I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.'| - Feeble excuse #43
`I'd love to, but I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.'| - Feeble excuse #44
`I'd love to, but I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.'| - Feeble excuse #45
`I'd love to, but I'm going to be old someday.'| - Feeble excuse #46
`I'd love to, but I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.'| - Feeble excuse #47
`I'd love to, but I'm having all my plants neutered.'| - Feeble excuse #48
`I'd love to, but I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.'| - Feeble excuse #49
`I'd love to, but I'm in training to be a household pest.'| - Feeble excuse #50
`I'd love to, but I'm observing National Apathy Week.'| - Feeble excuse #51
`I'd love to, but I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.'| - Feeble excuse #52
`I'd love to, but I'm sandblasting my oven.'| - Feeble excuse #53
`I'd love to, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.'| - Feeble excuse #54
`I'd love to, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.'| - Feeble excuse #55
`I'd love to, but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.'| - Feeble excuse #56
`I'd love to, but I'm too young for that stuff.'| - Feeble excuse #57
`I'd love to, but I'm touring China with a wok band.'| - Feeble excuse #58
`I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular.'| - Feeble excuse #59
`I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut down.'| - Feeble excuse #60
`I'd love to, but I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.'| - Feeble excuse #61
`I'd love to, but I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.'| - Feeble excuse #62
`I'd love to, but I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.'| - Feeble excuse #63
`I'd love to, but I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.'| - Feeble excuse #64
`I'd love to, but I'm worried about my vertical hold.'| - Feeble excuse #65
`I'd love to, but I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.'| - Feeble excuse #66
`I'd love to, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.'| - Feeble excuse #67
`I'd love to, but I've been traded to Cincinnati.'| - Feeble excuse #68
`I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini.'| - Feeble excuse #69
`I'd love to, but I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.'| - Feeble excuse #70
`I'd love to, but It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.'| - Feeble excuse #71
`I'd love to, but It's my parakeet's bowling night.'| - Feeble excuse #72
`I'd love to, but having fun gives me prickly heat.'| - Feeble excuse #73
`I'd love to, but it's too close to the turn of the century.'| - Feeble excuse #74
`I'd love to, but my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.'| - Feeble excuse #75
`I'd love to, but my Millard Fillmore Fan Club meets then.'| - Feeble excuse #76
`I'd love to, but my bathroom tiles need grouting.'| - Feeble excuse #77
`I'd love to, but my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.'| - Feeble excuse #78
`I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together.'| - Feeble excuse #79
`I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV.'| - Feeble excuse #80
`I'd love to, but my mother would never let me hear the end of it.'| - Feeble excuse #81
`I'd love to, but my palm reader advised against it.'| - Feeble excuse #82
`I'd love to, but my patent is pending.'| - Feeble excuse #83
`I'd love to, but my plot to take over the world is thickening.'| - Feeble excuse #84
`I'd love to, but my subconscious says no.'| - Feeble excuse #85
`I'd love to, but my uncle escaped again.'| - Feeble excuse #86
`I'd love to, but my yucca plant is feeling yucky.'| - Feeble excuse #87
`I'd love to, but none of my socks match.'| - Feeble excuse #88
`I'd love to, but people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.'| - Feeble excuse #89
`I'd love to, but the President said he might drop in.'| - Feeble excuse #90
`I'd love to, but the grunion are running.'| - Feeble excuse #91
`I'd love to, but the last time I went, I never came back.'| - Feeble excuse #92
`I'd love to, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.'| - Feeble excuse #93
`I'd love to, but there are important world issues that need worrying about.'| - Feeble excuse #94
`I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force.'| - Feeble excuse #95
`I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are.'| - Feeble excuse #96
`I'd sooner believe that two Yankee professors would lie than that rocks would fall from the sky.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`I'll get you Dorothy... and your little dog, too!'| - The Wicked Witch of the West: "The Wizard Of Oz"
`I'll give you a definite maybe.'| - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
`I'll play with it first and tell you what it is later.'| - Miles Davis
`I'm a great believer in luck. The harder I work the more I have of it.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.'| - Carl Sandburg
`I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian.'| - Will Durst
`I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.'| - S. I. Hayakawa
`I'm immortal... so far.'| - Earle Robinson
`I'm no different from anybody else with two arms, two legs, and forty-two-hundred hits.'| - Pete Rose
`I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of crashing.'| - Neil Simon
`I'm not breaking the rules - I'm just testing their elasticity.'| - Unknown
`I'm not overweight, I'm undertall!'| - Garfield
`I'm not smart. I try to observe. Millions saw the apple fall but Newton was the one who asked why.'| - B. Baruch
`I'm not sure office buildings are even architecture. They're really a mathematical calculation, just three-dimensional investments.'| - Gordon Bunshaft
`I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it... just the thousands out there marked "Occupant."'| - Unknown
`I'm now at the age where I've got to prove that I'm just as good as I never was.'| - Rex Harrison (Attrib.)
`I'm opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`I'm still an atheist, thank God.'| - Luis Bunuel
`I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.'| - Joe E. Lewis
`I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.'| - Garry Shandling
`I'm very critical of the U.S., but get me outside the country and all of a sudden I can't bring myself to say one nasty thing about the U.S.'| - Saul Alinsky, American political activist (1902-1972)
`I've been trying for some time to develop a life style that doesn't require my presence.'| - Gary Trudeau
`I've finally learned what "upward compatible" means. It means we get to keep all our old mistakes.'| - Dennie van Tassel
`I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.'| - Unknown
`I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.'| - New York City detective
`I've got a bad feeling about this.'| - Han Solo: "Star Wars"
`I've never met a healthy person who worried much about his health or a good person who worried much about his soul.'| - Haldane
`I've often said that my rats have taught me much more than I've taught them.'| - B. F. Skinner
`I've seen it. It's rubbish.'| - Marvin the Paranoid Android
`I've seen many politicians paralyzed in the legs as myself, but I've seen more of them who were paralyzed in the head.'| - George Wallace
`In Bleakest Mordor'| - What "IBM" really means
`Idealism increases in proportion to the distance from the problem.'| - Unknown
`Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.'| - William F. Buckley
`Idiot, n.: A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Idiot Box, n.: The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.'| - Rich Hall: Sniglets
`Idleness is leisure gone to seed.'| - Unknown
`Idleness is the holiday of fools.'| - Unknown
`Idelness, n.: A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.'| - Dorothy Law Nolte.
`If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.'| - Lyall's Connecture
`If A equals success, then the formula is:| | A = X + Y + Z | |where X is work, Y is play, and Z is keep your mouth shut.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.'| - John F. Kennedy
`If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, no matter how measured or far away.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it.'| - Herodotus
`If a man needs beef, he goes to a butcher; if he needs gold, he goes to a banker, if he needs a great deal of beef, he goes to a big butcher, if he requires a great deal of gold, he must go to a big banker and pay his price for it.'| - Grover Cleveland (1837-1908)
`If a man understands one woman, he should let it go at that.'| - Bob Edwards
`If a person is a) poorly, b) receives treatment intended to make him better, and c) gets better, then no power of reasoning known to medical science can convince him that it may not have been the treatment that restored his health.'| - Sir Peter Medawar, The Art of the Soluble
`If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.'| - Third Law of Computer Programming
`If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.'| - Fourth Law of Computer Programming
`If a project is not worth doing at all, it's not worth doing well.'| - Gordon's First Law
`If a ruby falls in a puddle, it will not lose it's luster.'| - Malaysian Proverb
`If a system doesn't have to be reliable, it can do anything else. - H. H. Williams
`If a tool is put away when you're sure it won't be needed again, it will. Soon.
`If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.'| - John Kenneth Galbraith
`If all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world.'| - Blaise Pascal
`If all the world's a stage I want better lighting, script approval, and a percentage of the gross.'| - Anonymous
`If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.'| - Finagle's First Law
`If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.'| - Finagle's Fifth Law
`If anything can go wrong, it will.'| - Murphy's First Law
`If at first you do succeed, try something harder.'| - Unknown
`If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If you don't have it right by then, give up. You obviously are wasting your time.'| - Unknown
`If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.'| - Unknown
`If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.'| - Weinberg's Second Law
`If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee... that will do them in.'| - Bradley's Bromide
`If computers take over (which seems to be their natural tendency), it will serve us right.'| - Alistair Cooke.
`If Congressmen can raise their own salaries, we should have every right to lower our taxes.'| - Unknown
`If death did not exist today it would be necessary to invent it.'| - Count Jean Baptiste Milhoud
`If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.'| - Unknown
`If everybody contemplates the infinite instead of fixing the drains many of us will die of cholera.'| - John Rich
`If everybody's behavior can be explained by simple stupidity and greed, there's no point in assuming a conspiracy.'| - P. J. Plauger
`If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.'| - Unknown
`If everything seems to be going well, then you have obviously overlooked something or somebody.'| - Unknown
`If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.'| - Unknown
`If Gary Hart had seen Fatal Attraction two years ago, he'd probably be President.'| - Bruce Babbitt
`If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.'| - Voltaire (1694-1778)
`If God had intended man to have computers, he would have given him 16 fingers.'| - Unknown
`If God had meant there to be more than 2 factors of production, He would have made it easier for us to draw three-dimensional diagrams.'| - Robert Solow
`If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport.'| - George Winters
`If God had wanted man to go around nude, He would have given him bigger hands.'| - Unknown
`If God had wanted man to fly, He would have given him airline tickets.'| - Unknown
`If God hadn't rested on Sunday, He would have had time to finish the world.'| - Gabriel García Márquez
`If God hadn't wanted me to be paranoid, he wouldn't have given me such a vivid imagination.'| - Unknown
`If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?'| - Unknown
`If God lived on earth, people would knock out all his windows'| - Yiddish saying
`If God wanted sex to be fun, He wouldn't have included children as punishment.'| - Ed Bluestone
`If God, as some now say, is dead, He no doubt died of trying to find an equitable solution to the Arab-Jewish problem.'| - I. F. Stone
`If guns are outlawed, how will conservatives win any arguments?'| - Unknown
`If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.'| - Samuel Goldwyn
`If I had any humility I would be perfect.'| - Ted Turner
`If I had been present at creation, I would have given some useful hints.'| - Alfonso the Wise (1221-1284)
`If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.'| - Frank Sinatra
`If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`If I had to give a definition of capitalism I would say: the process whereby American girls turn into American women.'| - Christopher Hampton (1946- )
`If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.'| - Tallulah Bankhead (1903-1968)
`If I have seen farther than others, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.'| - Sir Isaac Newton
`If I have seen far, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.'| - Sir Isaac Newton
`If I learned from my mistakes then I'd be a genius.'| - Unknown
`If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms in tripicate.'| - Unknown
`If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.'| - Bertrand Russell
`If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?'| - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?'| - Unknown
`If in doubt, make it sound convincing.'| - Unknown
`If it ain't broke, don't fix it.'| - Bert Lantz
`If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.'| - Unknown
`If it doesn't work, turn it off, then turn it back on.'| - McKay's Second Law
`If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.'| - Lowery's Law
`If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought.'| - Dennis Roch
`If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.'| - Unknown
`If it wasn't for time everything would happen at once.'| - Unknown
`If it's a despot you would dethrone, see first that his throne erected within you is destroyed.'| - Kahlil Gibran, 1923
`If it's working, the diagnostics say it's fine.|If it's not working, the diagnostics say it's fine.'| - A proposed addition to rules for realtime programming
`If Jack's in love, he's no judge of Jill's beauty.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.'| - Thomas Carlyle
`If little else, the brain is an educational toy.'| - Tom Robbins
`If marriages weren't meant to endure, why do ministers charge such a small fee to tie the knot and lawyers such a huge one to untie it?'| - Shannon Rose
`If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.'| - Florynce Kennedy
`If modern civilized man had to kill the animals he eats, the number of vegetarians would rise astronomically.'| - Christian Morgenstern
`If Murphy's Law were true, whenever you tried to take a breath, all the air would be on the other side of the room.'| - Unknown
`If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.'| - Unknown
`If nobody uses it, there's a reason.'| - Unknown
`If not controlled, work flows to the competent person until he is submerged.'| - Unknown
`If one does not fail at times, then one has not challenged himself.'| - Dr. Porsche
`If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?'| - Solzhenitsyn
`If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: PRESIDENT CAN`T SWIM.'| - Lyndon B. Johnson
`If only entropy could be harnessed and used for something more constructive!'| - Unknown
`If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.'| - Woody Allen
`If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate.'| - Diogenes the Cynic (412?-323 B.C.)
`If only our great thinkers could learn to talk, and our great talkers could learn to think!'| - Unknown
`If only you could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to do anything.'| - Unknown
`If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.'| - The Old Farmer's Almanac
`If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops.'| - Kelvin Throop
`If people really liked to work, we'd still be plowing the land with sticks and transporting goods on our backs.'| - William Feather
`If poetry comes not as naturally as the leaves to a tree, it better not come at all.'| - John Keats
`If Shakespeare had been in pro basketball he never would have had time to write his soliloquies. He would always have been on a plane between Phoenix and Kansas City.'| - Paul Westhead, basketball coach
`If Sigmund Freud had watched Phil Donahue he would never have wondered what women wanted.'| - Nora Ephron
`If small sums do not go out, large sums will not come in.'| - Chinese proverb
`If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.'| - Unknown
`If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.'| - Pope John Paul I
`If standards are not formulated systematically at the top, they will be formulated haphazardly and impulsively in the field.'| - John C. Biegler (14921- )
`If sunbeams were weapons of war, we would have had solar energy centuries ago.'| - Sir George Porter
`If the Aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western Civilization would presumably flunk it.'| - Stanley Garn
`If the children already born each have only two children themselves, in twenty-seven to thirty-five years the population of the world will double.'| - Tarzie Vittachi
`If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.'| - Garrison Keillor: "Lake Wobegon Days"
`If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.'| - Norm Schryer
`If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.'| - Maier's Law
`If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn't.'| - Lyall Watson
`If the income tax is the price we have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.'| - Groucho Marx, Newsday
`If the nation's economists were laid end to end, they would point in all directions.'| - Arthur H. Motley
`If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to treat everything as if it were a nail.'| - Abraham Maslow
`If the presence of electricity can be made visible in any part of a circuit, I see no reason why intelligence may not be transmitted instantaneously by electricity.'| - Samuel F. B. Morse
`If the probability of an event is not almost one, then it is damned near zero.'| - Fourth Law of Thermodynamics
`If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.'| - Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
`If the results of an experiment do not conform to the hypothesis, the must be discarded.'| - Meier's Law
`If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living.'| - Yiddish proverb
`If the shoe fits, it's ugly.'| - Gold's Law
`If the sun is really putting out all that energy, how come we get so lazy when we sit under it?'| - Bill Vaughan
`If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?'| - Unknown
`If there is a gun hanging on the wall in the first act, it must fire in the last.'| - Anton Chehkov, advice to a novice playwright.
`If there is another way to skin a cat, I don't want to know about it.'| - Steve Kravitz
`If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?'| - Art Hoppe
`If there is no wind, row.'| - Fortune Cookie
`If they find out mothers' milk causes cancer, where will they put the warning?'| - Unknown
`If they liked you, they didn't applaud - they just let you live.'| - Bob Hope
`If this is a service economy, why is the service so bad?'| - Unknown
`If time heals all wounds, why does the belly button stay the same?'| - Unknown
`If things were left to chance, they'd be better.'| - Langin's Law
`If time be of all things most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality, since lost time is never found again; and what we call time enough always proves little enough.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`If time files like an arrow, how come fruit flies like a banana?'| - Unknown
`If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.'| - Lyndon Baines Johnson
`If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.'| - Unknown
`If we can't fix it, we'll fix it so nobody can.'| - B. Gibbons
`If we could all hear one another's prayers, God might be relieved of some of his burden.'| - Unknown
`If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires.'| - Abigail Van Buren
`If we don't know life, how can we know death?'| - Confucius
`If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'| - J. Danforth Quayle
`If we learn for each success, and each failure, and improve ourselves through this process, then, at the end, we will have fulfilled our potential and performed well.'| - Dr. Porsche
`If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution inevitable.'| - John F. Kennedy
`If we're gonna win, we have to play up to and beyond our potential.'| - Don Nelson
`If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.'| - Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
`If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it. Quit work and play!'| - Fortune Cookie
`If you are afraid of loneliness, don't ever get married.'| - Anton Chekhov
`If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.'| - Fifth Law of Applied Terror||Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.'
`If you aren't confused by quantum physics, then you haven't really understood it.'| - Niels Boer`If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.'| - Vince Lombardi (1913-1970)
`If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?'| - Unknown
`If you become a star, you don't change, everyone else does.'| - Kirk Douglas
`If you build it, he will come.'| - Movie: "Field of Dreams"
`If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.'| - Will Rogers
`If you can count your money you don't have a billion dollars.'| - J. Paul Getty
`If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, obviously you have no conception of the magnitude of the problem.'| - Unknown
`If you can measure something, it's fact. All else is merely an opinion.'| - Unknown
`If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.'| - Lin Yutang
`If you cannot convince them, confuse them'| - Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)
`If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well dance with it.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing.'| - Kingsley Amis
`If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost, you can always call him vile names.'| - Unknown
`If you can't convince them, confuse them.'| - Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)
`If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic.'| - Unknown
`If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything.'| - F. Jeff Stiles, Southern Baptist preacher
`If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.'| - Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)
`If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark leaks out.'| - The Third Law of Photography
`If you do not raise your eyes you will think you are the highest point.'| - Antonio Porchia
`If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.'| - Lawrence J. Peter
`If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.'| - Dean Martin
`If you eliminate the impossible, all else no matter how improbable is the truth.'| - Sherlock Holmes (Sir Arthur Connan Doyle)
`If you ever find yourself on the ground, just make a sound like a carrot and your horse will come running back to you.'| - The Rough Rider's Lemma
`If you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.'| - Unknown
`If you get to be a really big headliner, you have to be prepared for people throwing bottles at you in the night.'| - Mick Jagger
`If you give me six lines written by the most honest man, I will find something in them to hang him.'| - Cardinal Richelieu
`If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job.'| - Malcolm Forbes
`If you have no money, be polite.'| - Danish proverb
`If you have nothing to say, only say it once!'| - Fortune Cookie
`If you have too many special cases, you are doing it wrong.'| - Craig Zerouni, Computer FX Ltd.
`If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.'| - Law of Reruns
`If you hear a wise sentence or an apt phrase, commit it to your memory.'| - Sir Henry Sidney
`If you itch for it, scratch for it.'| - Fortune Cookie
`If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.'| - Fresco's Discovery
`If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.'| - Graham Summer
`If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.'| - Lenny Bruce (1923-1966)
`If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.'| - George Burns
`If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to you, hunt it down and kill it.'| - Unknown
`If you look close enough, you can see anything you want.'| - Unknown
`If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey.'| - Earl Wilson
`If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.'| - Unknown
`If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.'| - Schmidt's Law
`If you need N items of anything, you will have N - 1 in stock.'| - Sueker's Note
`If you own a machine, you are in turn owned by it, and spend your time serving it...'| - Marion Zimmer Bradley, "The Forbidden Tower"
`If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.'| - James Goldsmith
`If you permit yourself to read meanings into (rather than drawing meanings out of) the evidence, you can draw any conclusion you like.'| - Michael Keith
`If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled, and no one dares to criticize it.'| - Gallois' Revelation
`If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.'| - Murphy's Military Law #11
`If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.'| - Thoreau's Law
`If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.'| - Unknown
`If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.'| - Derek Bok, president of Harvard
`If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.'| - Earl Wilson
`If you think you have no faults, that makes one.'| - Fortune Cookie
`If you took all the sincerity in Hollywood and put it in the navel of a fruit fly, you'd still have room for three carraway seeds and a producer's heart.'| - Fred Allen
`If you torture the data enough, it will confess.'| - Unknown
`If you turn on the light quickly enough you can see what the dark looks like.'| - Unknown
`If you wait, it will go away.'| - Hellrung's Law ||`...having done its damage.'| - Shevelson's Extension ||`...if it was bad, it will be back.'| - Grelb's Continuation
`If you want a place in the sun, you've got to expect a few blisters.'| - Dear Abby
`If you want a thing well one, do it yourself.'| - Charles Haddon Spurgeon
`If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.'| - Margaret Thatcher
`If you want to eat hippopatomus, you've got to pay the freight.'| - IBM employee, about why IBM software uses so much memory
`If you want to know what happens to you when you die, go look at some dead stuff.'| - Dave Enyeart
`If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.'| - Jim Eason
`If you want to make enemies, try to change something.'| - President Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924)
`If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.'| - Unknown
`If you weren't my teacher, I'd think you just deleted all my files.'| - An anonymous UCB CS student, to an instructor who had typed "rm -i *" to get rid of a file named "-f" on a Unix system.
`If you wish to be a success in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
`If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.'| - Fortune Cookie
`If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid an immense confusion?'| - Seng-Ts'an
`If you worry about your customers, you won't have to worry about money.'| - Les Welch
`If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.'| - Unknown
`If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.'| - Murphy's Military Law #9
`If your aim in life is nothing; you can't miss.'| - Fortune Cookie
`If your bread is stale, make toast.'| - Fortune Cookie
`If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.'| - Murphy's Military Law #16
`If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.'| - Motto of the Green Berets
`If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.'| - Ronald Reagan
`if (shoe == fit) wear (shoe);'| - "C" humour
`If, while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment is glutted.'| - Marguerite Emmons
`Ignorance doesn't kill you, but it makes you sweat a lot.'| - Haitian Proverb
`Ignorance is the mother of admiration.'| - George Chapman (1599?-1634)
`Ignorance transcends architecture.'| - James Gaskin
`Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.'| - Unknown
`Imagination is more important than knowledge.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.'| - Jules de Gaultier
`Imagination, not invention, is the supreme master of art as of life.'| - Joseph Conrad, Polish-born author (1857-1924)
`Imagination, n.: A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Imitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism.'| - George Bernard Shaw
`Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.'| - Jack Paar
`Immortality: A fate worse than death.'| - Edgar A. Shoaff
`Impartial, adj.: Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Imperialism is the monopoly stage of capitalism.'| - Vladimir llyich Lenin (1870-1924)
`Impiety, n.: Your irreverence toward my deity.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Imprisoned in every fat man a thin man is wildly signaling to be let out.'| - Cyril Connolly
`Impropriety is the soul of wit.'| - Somerset Maugham
`In a civilized society, it is the duty of all citizens to obey just laws. But at the same time, it is the duty of all citizens to disobey unjust laws.'| - Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, 1963
`In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it.'| - Unknown
`In a fight you don't stop to choose your cudgels.'| - Nikita Khruschev
`In a great romance, each person basically plays a part that the other really likes.'| - Elizabeth Ashley
`In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.'| - Laurence Peter (The Peter Principle)
`In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus... One when he was a boy and one when he was a man.'| - Mark Twain
`In a painting I want to say something comforting.'| - Vincent van Gogh
`In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.'| - Robert Benchley
`In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take.'| - Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
`In America, it's not how much an item costs that matters, it's how much you save.'| - Unknown
`In another world he might have been a seer or a shaman priest... here he's just a shoe salesman who walks with the shadows.'| - Cooper: "Twin Peaks"
`In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.'| - Edward P. Tryon
`In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.'| - Finagle's Third Law
`In any country there must be people who have to die. They are the sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order.'| - Idi Amin Dada
`In Biblical times, a man could have as many wives as he could afford. Just like today.'| - Abigail Van Buren
`In Burbank there's a drive-in church called Jack-in-the-Pew. You shout your sins into the face of a plastic priest.'| - Johnny Carson
`In business, everything depends on aid from heaven.'| - Talmud
`In business the keeping close to the matter and not taking of it too much at once, procureth dispatch.'| - Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.'| - Finagle's Fourth Rule
`In charity there is no excess.'| - Fortune Cookie
`In computing, turning the obvious into the useful is a living definition of the word "frustration".'| - Unknown
`In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.'| - Rudin's Law
`In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, "patriotism" is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer, I beg to submit that it is the first.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`In economics, the majority is always wrong.'| - John Kenneth Galbraith
`In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.'| - Conway's Law
`In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play.'| - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
`In every trade and pursuit of life both the rich and the poor are to be found.'| - Talmud
`In films murders are always very clean. I show how difficult it is and what a messy thing it is to kill a man.'| - Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980)
`In hell there is no other punishment than to begin over and over again the tasks left unfinished in your lifetime.'| - André Gide
`In his hand he carried an ancient and trustworthy weapon, called by the elves a Browning semi-automatic.'| - Unknown
`In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`In March July, October, May,|The Ides are on the fifteenth day,|The Nones the seventh: all other months besides|Have two days less for Nones and Ides.'| - Unknown
`In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.'| - Unknown
`In matters of conscience, the law of majority has not place.'| - Mohandas Gandhi
`In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`In Mexico we have a word for sushi: Bait.'| - Jose Simon
`In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.'| - Fortune Cookie
`In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.'| - Nancy Banks Smith
`In my experience, the worst thing you can do to an important problem is discuss it.'| - Simon Gray (1936- )
`In order to be, never try to seem.'| - Unknown
`In order to preserve your self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to lie and cheat.'| - Robert Byrne
`In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`In politics stupidity is not a handicap.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
`In principle I am against principles.'| - Tristan Tzara
`In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.'| - Will Durst
`In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.'| - Unknown
`In short, your job is to find trouble, and then shoot it.'| - Unknown
`In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way, so as to expedite subsequent revision.'| - Corollary to the First Law of Revision
`In so far as mathematics is about reality, it is not certain, and in so far as it is certain, it is not about reality.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm.'| - Unknown
`In some cases non-violence requires more militancy than violence.'| - Cesar Chavez
`In space, no one can here you scream.'| - Ad for "Alien"
`In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.'| - Anne Frank
`In the ad biz, sincerity is a commodity bought and paid for like everything else.'| - Newsweek 1967
`In the beginning I was made. I didn't ask to be made. No one consulted me or considered my feelings in this matter. But if it brought some passing fancy to some lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their way through life's mournful jungle then so be it.'| - Marvin the Paranoid Android
`In the depth of winter I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer.'| - Albert Camus (1913-1960)
`In the end, everything is a gag.'| - Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)
`In the face of entropy and nothingness, you kind of have to pretend it's not there if you want to keep writing good code.'| - Karl Lehenbauer
`In the factory we make cosmetics. In the store we sell hope.'| - Charles Revson (1906-1975), the founder of Revlon Cosmetics
`In the fight between you and the world, back the world.'| - Franz Kafka
`In the final choice a soldier's pack is not so heavy as a prisoner's chains.'| - Dwight D. Eisenhower
`In the future, everyone will be world-famous for fifteen minutes.'| - Andy Warhol
`In the future, you're going to get computers as prizes in breakfast cereals. You'll throw them out because your house will be littered with them.'| - Robert Lucky
`In the last analysis the entire field of psychology may reduce to biological electrochemistry.'| - Sigmund Freud
`In the long run we are all dead.'| - John Maynard Keynes (1883-1946)
`In the matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.'| - Oscar Wilde
`In the pitiful, multipage, connection-boxed form to which the flowchart has today been elaborated, it has proved to be useless as a design tool. Programmers draw flowcharts after, not before, writing the programs they describe.'| - Fred Brooks, Jr.
`In the place of the beast the gods dream.'| - Unknown
`In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.'| - John Lilly
`In the race for love, I was scratched.'| - Joan Davis (1912-1961)
`In the realm of scientific observation, luck is granted only to those who are prepared.'| - Louis Pasteur
`In the state of nature profit is the measure of right.'| - Thomas Hobbes (1588 1679), "Philosophical Rudiments Concerning Government and Society"
`In the United States, doing good has come to be, like patriotism, a favorite device of persons with something to sell.'| - H. L. Mencken
`In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is.|That is what makes America what it is.'| - Gertrude Stein, "The Geographical History of America"
`In the unplanned economy, it's dog eat dog; in the planned one, both of them starve to death.'| - Richard Needham
`In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain.'| - Pliny the Elder
`In this quote, the concluding three words 'were left out'.'| - A self-referential quote
`In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning.'| - Carl Sandburg
`In this world, it rains on the Just and the Unjust, but the Unjust have the Justs' umbrellas.'| - Unknown
`In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.'| - Unknown
`In time of war the first casualty is truth.'| - Boake Carter
`In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been times like these.'| - Paul Harvey
`In two words: Im-possible.'| - Samuel Goldwyn (1882-1974)
`In war there is no substitute for victory.'| - General Douglas MacArthur
`Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.'| - Herman Wouk
`Incoming fire has the right of way.'| - Murphy's Military Law #8
`Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.'| - Unknown
`Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.'| - Unknown
`Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Indecision is the key to flexibility.'| - Unknown
`Individualists: Unite!'| - Graffiti
`Ingrate, n.: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Inferiority complex: a conviction by a jury of your fears.'| - Unknown
`Infinity is just time on an ego trip.'| - Lily Tomlin
`Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.'| - Gibb's Law
`Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.'| - Hackers Dictionary
`Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.'| - Rule of Defactualization:
`Information is the inverse of entropy.'| - Unknown
`Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after - and only after - the plans are complete.'| - First Law of Revision (Often called the "Now They Tell Us" law.)
`Ingrate, n: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.'| - Unknown
`Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress.'| - Unknown
`Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.'| - Martin Luther King, Jr.
`Ink, n.: A villainous compound of tanno-gallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.'| - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
`Inside every large program is a small one struggling to get out.'| - Unknown
`Inside every large problem is a small problem trying to get out.'| - Unknown
`Inside every small program is a large one struggling to get out.'| - Unknown
`Inside every small problem is a large problem trying to get out.'| - Unknown
`Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.'| - Graffiti
`Institute, n.: An archaic school where football in not taught.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Insurance, n.: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Insurrection, n.: An unsuccessful revolution.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Integrity has no need for rules.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Intelligence is characterized by a natural incomprehension of life.'| - Unknown
`Interchangeable parts won't.'| - Law of Spare Parts
`Interest works night and day, in fair weather and foul. It gnaws at a man's substance with invisible teeth.'| - Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)
`Internal consistency is more highly valued than efficiency.'| - Unknown
`Internal consistency is valued more than efficient service.'| - Unknown
`Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art.'| - Susan Sontag
`Intimacy, n.: A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Inventor, n.: A person who makes an ingenious arrangemnt of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.'| - Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability
`Iron rusts from disuse, stagnant water loses its purity, and in cold weather becomes frozen, even so does inaction sap the vigors of the mind.'| - Leonardo Da Vinci
`Is a computer language with GOTO's totally Wirth-less?'| - Hackers Dictionary
`Is he who opens the door and he who closes it the same being?'| - Gaston Bachelard
`Is life so dear, or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery?'| - Patrick Henry
`Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?'| - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
`Is there anything in the Universe more beautiful and protective than the simple complexity of a spider's web.'| - Charlotte (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
`Is there life before death?'| - Belfast Graffito
`Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?'| - Herb Caen
`Isn't it strange? The same people who laugh at Gypsy fortune-tellers take economists seriously.'| - Unknown
`It ain't over till it's over.'| - Bara's second law
`It could be worse - it might be raining.'| - A Scout Leader's camping motto
`It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.'| - Mark Twain
`It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.'| - Avery's Observation
`It exists.'| - The First Myth of Management
`It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.'| - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`It has taken the planet Earth 4.5 Billion years to discover it is 4.5 Billion years old...'| - George Wald
`It is a commonplace observation that work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.'| - C. Northcote Parkinson
`It is a common observation that any fool can get money; but they are not wise that think so.'| - Charles Caleb Colton (1780-1832)
`It is a foolish thing to make a long prologue, and to be short in the story itself.'| - Bible: II Meccabees 2:32
`It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`It is a great art to know how to sell wind.'| - Baltasar Gracian (1601-1658)
`It is a great help for a man to be in love with himself. For an actor, however, it is absolutely essential.'| - Robert Morley
`It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears.'| - Cato the Elder (234-149 B.C.)
`It is a mark of modern ignorance to think that we have become progressively smarter...'| - Thomas Goldstein
`It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.'| - Ralph's Observation
`It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night.'| - Willie Sutton
`It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`It is a wise father that knows his own child.'| - Unknown
`It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to program. What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be self-critical?'| - Alan Perlis
`It is always brave to say what everyone thinks.'| - Georges Duhamel, French author (1884-1966)
`It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.'| - Jerome K. Jerome
`It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.'| - Harry S. Truman
`It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.'| - Ovid Ex ponto
`It is as if I were attempting to trace with the point of a pencil the shadow of the tracing pencil.'| - Unknown
`It is bad luck to be superstitious'| - Andrew W. Mathis
`It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain.'| - Mark Twain
`It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.'| - Henry Allen
`It is better that a man should tyrannize over his bank balance than over his fellow citizens.'| - John Maynard Keynes (1883-1946)
`It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life.'| - Irish proverb
`It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands.'| - Spanish proverb
`It is better to be deceived by a friend, than to suspect him.'| - Unknown
`It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies.'| - Arthur Calwell
`It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.'| - Andre Guide
`It is better to be quotable than to be honest.'| - Tom Stoppard
`It is better to be wise then to be smart.'| - Unknown
`It is better to dare mighty things than to take rank with those poor, timid souls who will know neither victory nor defeat.'| - Teddy Roosevelt
`It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.'| - Unknown
`It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees!'| - Emiliano Zapata
`It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.'| - Unknown
`It is better to have tried and failed than to have failed to try, but the result's the same.'| - Mike Dennison
`It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it an remove all doubt.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.'| - James Thurber
`It is better to never have tried anything than to have tried something and failed.'| - Motto of jerks, weenies and losers everywhere
`It is better to wear out than to rust out.'| - Neil Young
`It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.'| - Seneca
`It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.'| - Mark Twain
`It is clear that the individual who persecutes a man, his brother, because he is not of the same opinion, is a monster.'| - Voltaire
`It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.'| - Franklin D. Roosevelt
`It is convenient that there be gods, and, as it is convenient, let us believe there are.'| - Ovid
`It is curious - curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.'| - Mark Twain
`It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.'| - Voltaire (1694-1778)
`It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`It is difference of opinion that makes horse races.'| - Mark Twain
`It is difficult but not impossible to conduct strictly honest business. What is true is that honesty is incompatible with the amassing of a large fortune.'| - Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
`It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.'| - Upton Sinclair (1878-1968)
`It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.'| - Rod Serling
`It is difficult to prophesy, especially about the future.'| - Fortune Cookie
`It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of god.'| - Matthew 19:24
`It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.'| - Honoré de Balzac
`It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.'| - Alfred Adler
`It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.'| - William Blake (1757-1827)
`It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.'| - Stewart's Law of Retroaction
`It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.'| - Fortune Cookie
`It is easier to run down a hill than up one.'| - Fortune Cookie
`It is easier to stay out than to get out.'| - Mark Twain
`It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.'| - Mark Twain
`It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.'| - Unknown
`It is Fortune, not Wisdom, that rules man's life.'| - Unknown
`It is fun being in the same decade with you.'| - Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945) in a letter to Winston Churchill, 1942
`It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations.'| - Walter Bagehot
`It is in the ability to deceive oneself that the treatest talent is shown.'| - Anatole France
`It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.'| - Unknown
`It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.'| - Woody Allen
`It is impossible to get anywhere without sinning against reason.'| - Albert Einstein
`It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.'| - Murphy's Second Corollary
`It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.'| - Woody Allen
`It is inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for any public office.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`It is long accepted by the missionaries that morality is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing people wore.'| - Alex Carey
`It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.'| - Canada Bill Jones
`It is more fun contemplating someone else's navel than your own.'| - Arthur Hoppe
`It is more important that a proposition be interesting than that it be true.'| - Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)|Adventures of Ideas, 1933
`It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.'| - Jackie Mason
`It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.'| - Unknown
`It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.'| - Fortune Cookie
`It is much more secure to be feared than to be loved.'| - Niccolo Machiavelli
`It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility and occupation, that gives happiness.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`It is no sin to sell dear, but a sin to give ill measure.'| - James Kelly
`It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river.'| - Abraham Lincoln
`It is not by any means certain that a man's business is the most important thing he has to do.'| - Robert Louis Stevenson (1851-1894)
`It is not down in any map; true places never are.'| - Herman Melville
`It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.'| - Descartes
`It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.'| - Gore Vidal
`It is not every question that deserves an answer.'| - Unknown
`It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself.'| - Salvador Dali
`It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.'| - Pierre Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais, French author-dramatist (1732-1799)
`It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do for which we are accountable.'| - Moliere
`It is not the job of scientists to prescribe to God how He should run the world.'| - Niels Boer (refering to Einstein's "God does not play dice")
`It is not well to be thought of as one who meekly submits to insolence and intimidation.'| - Unknown
`It is not what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.'| - Moliere
`It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of leading causes of statistics.'| - Fletcher Knebel
`It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`It is odd how vanity supports the man who succeeds and ruins the man who fails.'| - Unknown
`It is often said that you can't get something for nothing. But the universe may be the ultimate free lunch.'| - Alan Guth
`It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.'| - Margaret Bonnano
`It is only the shallow people who do not judge by appearances.'| - Oscar Wilde: "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
`It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.'| - Clive James
`It is people who live by the rules that are always hoping to get them changed.'| - Robert Harbison
`It is perfectly true that the government is best which govern least. It is equally true that the government is best which provides most.'| - Walter Lippmann
`It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated.'| - Alec Bourne
`It is rare for businessmen to look upon their civic duties as important.'| - Harold Laski (1893-1950)
`It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.'| - Tom Lehrer
`It is sometimes expedient to forget who we are.'| - Pubil
`It is surely a great calamity for a human being to have no obsessions.'| - Robert Bly
`It is sweet and honorable to die for one's country.'| - Horace
`It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.'| - Unknown
`It is the business of the artist to select and rearrange his material. How else shall he portray the essence of Life?'| - W. Shakespeare Marlowe
`It is the business of the future to be dangerous.'| - Hawkwind
`It is the large brain capacity which allows man to live as a human being, enjoying taxes, canned salmon, television, and the atomic bomb.'| - G. H. R. von Koenigswald
`It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.'| - Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
`It is the very error of the moon, she comes more near the Earth than she was wont, and makes men mad.'| - William Shakespeare
`It is this simplicity that makes the uneducated more effective than the educated when addressing popular audiences.'| - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
`It is true that even a few nuclear or hydrogen explosions can do terrible damage.'| - Dr. Edward Teller
`It is true that liberty is precious - so precious that it must be rationed.'| - Nikolai Lenin
`It is true that you may fool all the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.'| - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences - if you have none, someone will make one for you.'| - Fourth Law of Revision
`It is well known what a middleman is: he is a man who bamboozles one party and plunders the other.'| - Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
`It is well that war is so terrible, or we should get too fond of it.'| - Robert E. Lee
`It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.'| - John Andrew Holmes
`It is when I struggle to be brief that I became obscure.'| - Horace|Epistles (Ars Poetica)
`It is wrong always, everywhere and for everyone to believe anything upon insufficient evidence.'| - W. K. Clifford, British philosopher
`It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.'| - Fortune Cookie
`It isn't easy being green.'| - Kermit the Frog
`It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.'| - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
`It isn't the whistle that moves the train.'| - Fortune Cookie
`It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.'| - Errol Flynn
`It makes all the difference whether one sees darkness through the light or brightness through the shadows.'| - David Lindsay
`It makes no difference what is it, a woman will buy anything she thinks a store is losing money on.'| - Frank McKinney (Kin) Hubbard (1968-1930)
`It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.'| - Darrin Weinberg
`It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him.'| - Arthur C. Clarke
`It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important.'| - Martin Luther King, Jr.
`It might help if we ran the MBA's out of Washington.'| - Admiral Grace Hopper
`It must be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to plan, more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to manage, than the creation of a new system. For the initiator has the enmity of all who would profit by the preservation of the old institutions and merely lukewarm defenders in those who would gain by the new ones.'| - Machiavelli
`It must certainly be more dangerous to live in ignorance than to live with knowledge.'| - Phillip Handler
`It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.'| - Unknown
`It often happens that worthless people are merely people who are worth knowing.'| - Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
`It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.'| - Unknown
`It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.'| - Woody Allen
`It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.'| - Unknown
`It sort of gives me a warm glow to have had a small part in turning a bunch of normal, carefree kids into bloodthirsty fanatics.'| - Barry B. Longyear
`It takes a long time to understand nothing.'| - Edward Dahlberg
`It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile. Be yourself no matter what they say.'| - Sting: "An Englishman In New York"
`It takes all sorts of in and out-door schooling to get adapted to my kind of fooling.'| - R. Frost
`It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.'| - Unknown
`It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder.'| - Unknown
`It takes two to make a bargain.'| - English proverb
`It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`It very seldom happens to a man that his business is his pleasure.'| - Samuel Johnson
`It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window.'| - Raymond Chandler, "Farewell, my lovely"
`It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been always thus.'| - Dean Lattimer
`It was pity stayed his hand. "Pity I don't have any more bullets," thought Frito.'| - "Bored of the Rings"
`It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was, of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free.'| - Terry Pratchett: "Pyramids"
`It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.'| - Hunter S. Thompson
`It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.'| - Howard Ruff
`It works better if you plug it in.'| - Sattinger's Law
`It would be as useless to perceive how things "actually look" as it would be to watch the random dots on untuned television screens.'| - Marvin Minsky
`It would be inappropriate for the President of the United States to try to fine-tune for the people of Hungary how they ought to eat - how the cow out to eat the cabbage, as we say in the United States.'| - George Bush
`It'll be just like Beggars Canyon back home.'| - Luke Skywalker: "Star Wars"
`It's a bad bargain where nobody gains.'| - English proverb
`It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear.'| - Norm from Cheers
`It's a good thing money can't buy happiness. We couldn't stand the commercials.'| - Gerrold's Fundamental Truth
`It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.'| - Will Rogers
`It's a poor workman who blames his tools.'| - Unknown
`It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.'| - Harry S. Truman
`It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.'| - Steven Wright
`It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.'| - Mick Jagger
`It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.'| - Unknown
`It's amazing how much mature wisdom resembles being too tired.'| - Unknown
`It's amazing how often rationality is equated with unmanliness.'| - Unknown
`It's better to be silent and thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt.'| - Abraham Lincoln
`It's better to burn out than to fade away.'| - Neil Young
`It's clever, but is it art?'| - Unknown
`It's currently a problem of access to gigabits through punybaud.'| - J. C. R. Licklider
`It's easy to suggest the solution when you don't know the problem.'| - Unknown
`It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.'| - Unknown
`It's easier to do good than be good.'| - Unknown
`It's funny. You come some place new and everything looks the same.'| - Unknown
`It's gonna be a long hard drag, but we'll make it.'| - Janis Joplin
`It's great to be smart 'cause then you know stuff.'| - Unknown
`It's hard for the modern generation to understand Thoreau, who lived beside a pond but didn't own water skis or a snorkel.'| - Bill Vaughan
`It's hard to remain true to a changing self.'| - Unknown
`It's just as sure a recipe for failure to have the right idea fifty years too soon as five years too late.'| - J. R. Platt
`It's like deja vu all over again.'| - Yogi Berra
`It's more than magnificent-it's mediocre.'| - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
`It's name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.'| - Mark Twain
`It's noble to be good, and it's nobler to teach others to be good, and less trouble.'| - Mark Twain
`It's not destiny until it's happened.'| - Unknown
`It's not even a nice place to visit.'| - Fodor's Guide to Perv (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
`It's not my damn planet, monkey boy!'| - Ford Prefect: "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"
`It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.'| - Margarine Commercial
`It's not often that you get so much class entertainment outside your bedroom window or outside your bedroom, period.'| - Groucho Marx
`It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.'| - Unknown
`It's not the things we don't know that get us into trouble; it's the things we do know that ain't so.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.'| - Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950)
`It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts.'| - Millard Fuller
`It's only impossible 'til it's not.'| - Jean-Luc Picard (from Star Trek: The Next Generation)
`It's relaxing to go out with my ex-wife because she already knows I'm an idiot.'| - Warren Thomas
`It's round the world I've traveled;|It's round the world I've roamed;|But I've yet to see an outlaw drive a family from its home.'| - Woody Guthrie
`It's said that pigeons are the smartest people around; they're always getting the drop on the rest of us.'| - Unknown
`It's so beautifully arranged on the plate, you know someone's fingers have been all over it.'| - Julia Child
`It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.'| - Unknown
`It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.'| - Tallulah Bankhead
`It's the responsibility of the media to look at the president with a microscope, but they go too far when they use a proctoscope.'| - Richard M. Nixon
`It's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an'|Chuck 'im out, the brute!|But it's "Saviour of 'is country"when the|guns begin to shoot.'| - Rudyard Kipling: "Tommy"
`Its failings notwithstanding, there is much to be said in favor of journalism in that by giving us the opinion of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.'| - Oscar Wilde
`Its hard to be graceful getting off your high horse.'| - Unknown
`Its not the size of the ship, its the size of the waves.'| - Little Richard
`Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying.'| - Unknown
`JESUS SAVES, but Clones 'R' Us makes backups!'| - William Lewis (wiml@blake.acs.Washington.edu)
`Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side.'| - Archie Bunker
`Journalists are like whores; as high as their ideals may be, they still have to resort to tricks to make money.'| - A. Cygni
`Journalism largely consists in saying "Lord Jones Dead" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive.'| - G. K. Chesterson
`Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.'| - Unknown
`Judge people by what they are, not where they are.'| - Unknown
`Just as there is nothing between the admirable omelette and the intolerable, so with autobiography.'| - Hilaire Belloc
`Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.'| - Southern California Oracle
`Just because I can't count, don't know the rules, and cheat, doesn't mean you have to watch me.'| - McKay's First Law
`Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.'| - Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
`Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.'| - Unknown
`Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.'| - Edward R. Murrow (1908-1965)
`Just because you're 20 and well hung does not make you talented.'| - Madame Zaza
`Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not trying to get you.'| - Unknown
`Just hope the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train headed your way.'| - Unknown
`Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets'| - The Brigader, in "Dr. Who"
`Just remember, when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!'| - Unknown
`Just remember, wherever you go there you are.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Just the facts, Ma'am'| - Joe Friday
`Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Just when you think it's finally settled, it isn't.'| - Solomon Short
`Just when you think you're winning the rat race, along come faster rats.'| - Unknown
`Justice is incidental to law and order.'| - J. Edgar Hoover
`Justice, n.: A decision in your favor.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Keep a stiff upper chin.'| - Samuel Goldwyn
`Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.'| - Graffiti
`Keep grandmothers off the streets - legalize bingo.'| - Unknown
`Keep the muzzle pointed at your target.'| - Effective Gun Control
`Keep your Eye on the Ball,|Your Shoulder to the Wheel,|Your Nose to the Grindstone,|Your Feet on the Ground,|Your Head on your Shoulders.||Now... try to get something DONE!'| - Unknown
`Keep your temper. Do not quarrel with an angry person, but give him a soft answer. It is commanded by the Holy Writ and, furthermore, it makes him madder than anything else you could say.'| - Anon., Reader's Digest
`Keep your words soft and sweet, in case you have to eat them.'| - Unknown
`Kill, n.: To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Killing a man may be necessary, but confining him is an offence against his integrity and your own.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Kindness is like a boomarang-it always comes back.'| - Unknown
`Kinky sex involves using duck feathers; perverted sex involves the whole duck.'| - Lewis Grizzard
`Kirk to Enterprise - beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.'| - The Lost Star Trek Tapes
`Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.'| - Rene Yasenek
`Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o'Sunday.'| - Wm. Shakespeare: "Taming of the Shrew"
`Kiss your keyboard goodbye!'| - Unknown
`Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.'| - Unknown
`Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.'| - Unknown
`Knowing when to optimize is as important as knowing how.'| - Tom Neff
`Knowledge comes but wisdom lingers.'| - Unknown
`Knowledge is an abstraction, and people no longer kill for abstractions. Only nations do that.'| - Alan Dean Foster: "Cyber Way"
`Knowledge is good.'| - Unknown
`Knowledge is knowing that you don't know.'| - Unknown
`Knowledge is power.'| - Unknown
`Knowledge without common sense is folly.'| - Unknown
`Labor under automation must be considered a capital resource with wage costs being treated virtually as fixed costs.'| - Peter F. Drucker
`Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Lack of money is the root of all evil.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Lack of skill dictates economy of style.'| - Joey Ramone
`Lack of will power has caused more failure than lack of intelligence or ability.'| - Flower A. Newhouse
`Lactomangulation, n.: Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.'| - Rich Hall: Sniglets
`Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.'| - Unknown
`Laugh when you can; cry when you must.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.'| - B. L. Whorf
`Language, n.: The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.'| - Unknown
`Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.'| - Victor Borge
`Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone.'| - Ellen Wheller Wilcox
`Laundry increases exponentially with the number of children.'| - Miriam Robbins
`Law stands mute in the midst of arms.'| - Unknown
`Lawful, adj.: Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Laws were made to be broken.'| - Christopher North
`Lawyer, n.: One skilled in circumvention of the law.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Lawyers work in their briefs.'| - Graffiti
`Lead me not into temptation, I can find it all by myself.'| - Unknown
`Leadership is making people do what they don't want to do, and liking it.'| - Harry S. Truman
`Learn to pause or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.'| - Unknown
`Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.'| - Unknown
`Learning isn't a means to an end; it is an end in itself.'| - Robert A. Heinlein
`Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.'| - Robert Byrne
`Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.'| - Confucius
`Learning, n.: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Lecturer, n.: One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.'| - Murphy's First Corollary
`Legacy, n.: A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Leisure time is that five or six hours when you sleep at night.'| - George Allen
`Lend less than thou owest.'| - William Shakespeare|King Lear, 1605-1606
`Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Lesser artists borrow, great artists steal.'| - Igor Stravinsky
`Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Let every man divide his money into three parts, and invest a third in land, a third in business, and a third let him keep in reserve.'| - Talmud
`Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.'| - Göthe
`Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.'| - Unknown
`Let him that would move the world, first move himself.'| - Socrates
`Let me play with it first and I'll tell you what it is later.'| - Miles Davis
`Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.'| - Unknown
`Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.'| - Ovid (43 B.C.-18 A.D.)
`Let the machine do the dirty work.'| - Unknown
`Let thy speech be short, comprehending much is few words.'| - Bible: Ecclesiasticus 32:8
`Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.'| - Mark Twain
`Let us begin by committing ourselves to the truth - to see it like it is, and tell it like it is - to find the truth, to speak the truth, and live the truth.'| - Richard Nixon
`Let us condemn to hellfire all those who disagree with us.'| - Militant religionists everywhere
`Let us create vessels and sails adjusted to the heavenly ether, and there will be plenty of people unafraid of the empty wastes.'| - Johannes Kepler
`Let us keep a firm grip upon our money, for without it the whole assembly of virtues are but as blades of grass.'| - Bhartrihari (Seventh century)|Nita Sataka
`Let us so endeavor to live, that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Let's do the Time Warp again!'| - The Rocky Horror Picture Show
`Let's have some new cliches.'| - Samuel Goldwyn
`Lexicographer, n.: A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Liar, n.: A lawyer with a roving commission.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Liar, n.: One who tells an unpleasant truth.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Liars ought to have good memories.'| - Algernon Sidney
`Liberal - a power worshipper without power.'| - George Orwell (1903-1950)
`Licker talks mighty loud w'en it gets loose fum de jug.'| - Joel C. Harris
`Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.'| - Paul Gauguin (1848-1903)
`Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.'| - Sören Kierkegaard
`Life has a value only when it has something valuable as its object.'| - Hegel
`Life in the state of nature is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.'| - Thomas Hobbes:"Leviathan"
`Life is a banquet and most poor son of a bitches are starving out there... So Live!'| - Auntie Mame
`Life is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.'| - Racine
`Life is a game of bridge - and you've just been finessed.'| - Unknown
`Life is a game. Money is how we keep score.'| - Ted Turner
`Life is a garment we continuously alter, but which never seems to fit.'| - David McCord
`Life is a great surprise. I do not see why death should not be an even greater one.'| - Vladimir Nabokov (1899-1977)
`Life is a horse, either you ride it or it rides you.'| - Unknown
`Life is a process, not a principle, a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.'| - Gerard Straub
`Life is a rotten job and the hours are a bitch.'| - Unknown
`Life is a series of rude awakenings.'| - R. Van Winkle (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
`Life is an illusion and reality is a figment of the imagination.'| - The Rocky Horror Picture Show
`Life is an unbroken succession of false situations.'| - Thornton Wilder (1897-1975)
`Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.'| - Woody Allen
`Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.'| - Unknown
`Life is full of concepts that are poorly defined. In fact, there are very few concepts that aren't. It's hard to think of any in non-technical fields.'| - Daniel Kimberg
`Life is just a bowl of pits.'| - Rodney Dangerfield
`Life is just a party and parties weren't meant to last.'| - Prince
`Life is just one damn thing after another.'| - Unknown
`Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.'| - Unknown
`Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews.'| - John Updike
`Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by day, in all the thousand, small, uncaring ways.'| - Stephen V. Benet
`Life is not one thing after another, it's the same damn thing over and over!'| - Unknown
`Life is one long process of getting tired.'| - Unknown
`Life is one long struggle in the dark.'| - Unknown
`Life is only understood backward, but must be lived forward.'| - Unknown
`Life is that brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.'| - Unknown
`Life is to be enjoyed and if it is not, it makes people ill in one way or another.'| - Louise Bogan
`Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.'| - Unknown
`Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.'| - Knight's Law
`Life is very nice, but it lacks form. It's the aim of art to give it some.'| - Jean Anouilh
`Life is wasted on the living.'| - Zaphod Beeblebrox IV: "Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe"
`Life itself is a race, marked by a start, and a finish. It is what we learn during the race, and how we apply it, that determines whether our participation has had particular value.'| - Dr. Porsche
`Life without industry is guilt, industry without art is brutality.'| - John Ruskin
`Life would be so much simpler if we could just look at the source code.'| - Unknown
`Life, n.: An invariably fatal condition spread by sexual contact.'| - Unknown
`Life. Don't talk to me about life.'| - Marvin the Robot: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
`Lighthouse, n.: A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.'| - Alan McKay
`Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.'| - Unknown
`Listen - strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!'| - Monty Python and The Holy Grail
`Listen to that! Eighty thousand football fans and not one of them is making a sound!'| - Broadcast of NFC football game
`Litigant, n.: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Litigation, n.: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Little girls like butterflies, need no excuse.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.'| - Unknown
`Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on.'| - Budd Schulberg
`Loafer, n.: Someone trying to make two weekends meet.'| - Unknown
`Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.'| - Manly's Maxim
`Logic, n.: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Look afar and see the end from the beginning.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Look around the table. If you don't see a sucker, get up, because you're the sucker.'| - The Fool-And-His-Money Principle: Amarillo Slim
`Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find.'| - Unknown
`Lord, give me Chastity - but not yet.'| - Saint Augustine
`Lord, give us the wisdom to utter words that are gentle and tender, for tomorrow we may have to eat them.'| - Morris Udall
`Lord, please let me find a one-armed economist so we won't always hear "On the other hand..."'| - Edgar R. Fiedler
`Lord, what fools these mortals be!'| - Wm. Shakespeare: "Midsummers Night's Dream"
`Losing is the great American sin.'| - John Tunis
`Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"'| - Unknown
`Lost time is never found again.'| - Unknown
`Love and pain only for the foolish, once again try to hide what's there inside.'| - P. Benatar
`Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.'| - Unknown
`Love built on beauty, soon as beauty dies.'| - John Donne
`Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love.'| - Unknown
`Love cures people; both the ones who give it, and the ones who receive it.'| - Dr. Karl Menninger
`Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.'| - Mark's Mark
`Love is always having to say I'm sorry.'| - Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
`Love is an angel disguised as lust.'| - Bruce Springstein
`Love is just a moment of giving, but marriage is when we admit our parents were right.'| - Billy Bragg
`Love is only the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.'| - W. Somerset Maugham
`Love is sentimental measles.'| - Unknown
`Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering she looks like a haddock.'| - John Barrymore
`Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`Love may fail, but courtesy will previal.'| - A Kurt Vonnegut fan
`Love of money is the disease which makes men most groveling and pitiful.'| - Longinus (First century)
`Love to eat them mousies,|Mousies what I love to eat.|Bite they little heads off...|Nibble on they tiny feet.'| - Unknown
`Love your neighbors, but don't pull down the fence.'| - Chinese proverb.
`Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first!'| - Unknown
`Love thy neighbor. Tune thy piano.'| - Unknown
`Love will find a way if you want it to.'| - Yes
`Love yields to business. If you seek a way out of love, be busy; you'll be safe then.'| - Ovid (43 B.C.-A.D. c.18)
`Love... She is Blind, No?'| - Peppe LePew
`Love, n.: A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Loyalty to petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Lt. Uhura says:|Subspace Communications - It's the next best thing to beaming there!'| - 21st Century Advertisement
`Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young.'| - Russell Banks
`Mace, n.: A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Machination, n.: The method employed by one's opponents in baffling one's open and honorable efforts to do the right thing.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Machines should work. People should think.'| - IBM Pollyanna Principle
`Machines take me by surprise with great frequency.'| - Alan Turing
`Mad at your neighbor? Buy his kid a drum!'| - Unknown
`Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Magic, n.: An art of converting superstition into coin.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.'| - Rich Hall: Sniglets
`Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Majority, n.: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Make a living, but make room for life.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Make a wish, it might come true.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Make every bargain clear and plain, That none may afterward complain.'| - John Ray (1627-1705)
`Make input easy to proofread.'| - Hacker's Rule Book
`Make it right before you make it faster.'| - Hacker's Rule Book
`Make moderate use of gains: when all is cost,|What took a long time to get is quickly lost.'| - Attributed to Cato the Elder
`Make new friends but keep the old,|One is silver and the other gold.'| - Unknown
`Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men's blood.'| - D. B. Hudson
`Make sure all variables are initialized before use.'| - Hacker's Rule Book
`Make sure comments and code agree.'| - Hacker's Rule Book
`Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.'| - Hacker's Rule Book
`Make the most of the best and the least of the worst.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish a reputation as an expert.'| - Laurence J. Peter
`Make your words short and sweet... you may have to eat them.'| - Unknown
`Mammon, n.: The god of the world's leading religion. His chief temple is in the holy city of New York.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Man and wife make one fool.'| - Unknown
`Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.'| - Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
`Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.'| - Lily Tomlin
`Man is by nature a political animal.'| - Unknown
`Man is a credulous animal and must believe something. In the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.'| - Bertrand Russel (1872-1970)
`Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`Man is an infant, with the toys of a child, and delusions of adulthood.'| - A. Cygni
`Man is but a reed, the weakest in nature, but he is a thinking reed.'| - Blaise Pascal
`Man is only happy as he finds a work worth doing, and does it well.'| - E. Merrill Root
`Man is so made that when anything fires his soul, impossibility vanishes.'| - Jean de la Fontaine
`Man is something more than a carcass loosely coupled to a ghost.'| - Sir Cyril Burt
`Man is star-stuff that has taken over it's own destiny.'| - Carl Sagan
`Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass-produced with unskilled labor.'| - Werner von Braun
`Man is the only animal that blushes... or needs to.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Man is the only animal that eats when he is not hungry, drinks when he is not thirsty, and makes love at all seasons.'| - Unknown
`Man is the only animal that walks upright and carries a slanted point of view.'| - Unknown
`Man is what he believes.'| - Anton Chekhov
`Man, n.: A biodegradable but nonrecyclable animal blessed with opposable thumbs capable of grasping at straws.'| - Bernard Rosenberg
`Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.'| - Unknown
`Managing senior programmers is like herding cats.'| - Dave Platt
`Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind.'| - John F. Kennedy
`Manual, n.: A unit of documentation. There are always three or more on a given item. One is on the shelf; someone has the others. The information you need in in the others.'| - Ray Simard
`Many a family tree needs trimming.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Many a yo-yo thinks he has the world on a string.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Many aligators will be slain,|but the swamp will remain.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing.'| - Unknown
`Many are called, few volunteer.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Many hands make light work.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view.'| - Obi-Wan Kenobi: "Return of the Jedi"
`Many people would sooner die than think. In fact, they do.'| - Bertrand Russell
`Many receive advice, few profit by it.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Many would be cowards if they had courage enough.'| - Thomas Fuller
`Marijuana won't help an asshole. He can smoke it and... he'll still be an asshole.'| - Willie Nelson
`Marriage Ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.'| - O. C. Ogilvie
`Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.'| - Mae West.
`Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.'| - Serocki's Stricture
`Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of beer exactly to his taste he should at once throw up his job and go to work in the brewery.'| - George Jean Nathan (1882-1958)
`Marriage is distinctly and repeatedly excluded from heaven. Is this because it is thought likely to mar the general felicity?'| - Samuel Butler
`Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.'| - Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
`Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.'| - Unknown
`Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.'| - Richard Pryor
`Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.'| - Voltaire (1694-1778)
`Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.'| - Honoré de Balzac
`Marriage, n.: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Marry not a tennis player, for love means nothing to them.'| - Graffiti
`Mars is essentially in the same orbit [as the Earth]... We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.'| - J. Danforth Quayle
`Martyr, n.: One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!'| - Monty Python: "The Parrot Skit"
`Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulder, Computer Scientists stand on each other's toes.'| - Someone on the net about look & feel lawsuits
`Mathematics is the language God used to write the universe.'| - Unknown
`Matrimony is the root of all evil.'| - Unknown
`Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.'| - Murphy's Constant
`Mature software: Code old enough that for every bug fixed, one or more new bugs are created.'| - Karl Lehenbauer
`Mausoleum, n.: The final and funniest folly of the rich.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Maxim 1070: I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.'| - Publilius Syrus
`Maxim 914: Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.'| - Publilius Syrus
`May your future be limited only by your dreams.'| - Christa McAuliffe
`Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.'| - Unknown
`Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.'| - Aldous Huxley
`Mediocre minds usually dismiss anything which reaches beyond their own understanding.'| - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld
`Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius.'| - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: "The Valley of Fear"
`Meditation is not what you think.'| - Graffiti
`Meekness, n.: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Memory serves wise commanders.'| - Tz'u-hsi, 638 AD
`Memory should be the starting point of the present.'| - Unknown
`Memory: what wonders it performs in preserving and storing up things gone by or rather, things that are!'| - Plutarch
`Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.'| - Abba Eban
`Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands.'| - Jayne Mansfield
`Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.'| - Pope John XXIII
`Men don't change. The only thing new in the world is the history you don't know.'| - President Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)
`Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth - more than ruin, more even than death.'| - Bertrand Russell
`Men have become the tools of their tools.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`Men like to pursue an elusive woman like a cake of wet soap - even men who hate baths.'| - Gelett Burgess
`Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`Men now worship gold to the neglect of the gods. By gold good faith is banished and justice is sold.'| - Propertius (54 B.C.-A.D. 2)
`Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as nothing ever happened.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`Men ought to know that from the brain and from the brain only arise our pleasures, joys, laughter, and jests as well as our sorrows, pains, griefs and tears.'| - Hippocrates (c. 460-c. 377 B.C.), The Sacred Disease
`Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.'| - Unknown
`Men should think twice before making widowhood women's only path to power.'| - Gloria Steinem
`Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.'| - Unknown
`Men willingly believe what they wish.'| - Julius Caesar
`Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons, but one out of every one.'| - Dr. Karl Menninger
`Mention money and the whole world is silent.'| - German proverb
`Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.'| - Unknown
`Mercantile morality is really nothing but a refinement of piratical morality.'| - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)
`Merchandising reached its apogee in the Lux advertisements which portrayed two articles of lingerie discussing their wearers' effluvia, for all the world like rival stamp collectors.'| - S. J. Perelman (1904-1979)
`Merchant, n.: One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Mesmerism, n.: Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!'| - Graffiti
`Microwaves frizz your heir.'| - Graffiti
`Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.'| - Unknown
`Middle age: Halfway between adolescence and obsolescence!'| - Unknown
`Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles.'| - Sidney Greenstreet: Cassablanca
`Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.'| - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
`Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.'| - Susan Ertz
`Minds are like parachutes... they only work when they're open.'| - Unknown
`Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.'| - Jean Cocteau
`Misdemeanor, n.: An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Misericorde, n.: A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.'| - Unknown
`Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.'| - Unknown
`Misfortune, n.: The kind of fortune that never misses.'| - Unknown
`Miss, n.: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.'| - Chinese proverb
`Mobius strippers never show you their back side.'| - Graffiti
`Moderation in all things, and moderation is the first to go.'| - Unknown
`Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.'| - Unknown
`Modern politics may be built on the art of attaining specific small ends by requesting others.'| - Norman Mailer
`Monarch, n.: A person engaged in reigning.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Monday, n.: In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Monday, n.: The day that follows two days of rain.'| - Unknown
`Money alone sets the world in motion.'| - Publilius Syrus (First century B.C.)
`Money begets money.'| - John Ray (1627-1705)
`Money can't buy happiness, but it does quiet the nerves.'| - Unknown
`Money entails duties. How shall we get the money and forget the duties? Voila, the great problem!'| - Edward Carpenter (1844-1929)
`Money for which no receipt has been taken is not to be included in the accounts.'| - The Code of Hammurabi, c. 2000 B.C.
`Money has no ears, but it hears.|Money has no legs, but it runs.'| - Japanese proverb
`Money is a good servant but a bad master.'| - Henry George Bohn (1796-1884)
`Money is a new form of slavery, and distinguishable from the old simply by the fact that it is impersonal-that there is no human relation between master and slave.'| - Leo Tolstoi (1828-1910)
`Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. Flowers work almost as well.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Money is always on the brain so long as there is a brain in reasonable order.'| - Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
`Money is flat and meant to be piled up.'| - Scottish proverb
`Money is good for bribing yourself through the inconveniences of life.'| - Gottfried Reinhardt
`Money is indeed the most important thing in the world; and all sound and successful personal and national morality should have this fact for its basis.'| - George Bernard Shaw
`Money is like a promise, easier made than kept.'| - Unknown
`Money is like an arm or leg: use it or lose it.'| - Henry Ford
`Money is like muck, not good except it be spread.'| - Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`Money is life to us wretched mortals.'| - Hesiod (c. 700 B.C.)
`Money is more eloquent than a dozen members of parliament.'| - Danish proverb
`Money is of a prolific generating nature. Money can beget money, and its offspring can beget more.'| - Benjamin Franklin
`Money is the best messenger.'| - Yiddish proverb
`Money is the man.'| - German proverb
`Money is the root of all evil, and everyone needs roots.'| - Unknown
`Money is the root of all evil, but man needs roots.'| - Unknown
`Money is the root of all wealth.'| - Unknown
`Money is the sinews of success.'| - Bion(c. 325-c. 255 B.C.)
`Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.'| - Unknown
`Money makes everything legitimate - even bastards.'| - Hebrew proverb
`Money makes the mare go.'| - English proverb
`Money makes up in a measure all other wants in men.'| - William Wycherley (c. 1640-1716)
`Money may be the husk of many things, but not the kernel. It buys you food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; acquaintances, but not friends; servants, but not loyalty; days of joy, but not peace or happiness.'| - Henrik Ibsen
`Money may buy friendship but money can not buy love.'| - Unknown
`Money never cometh out of season.'| - Thomas Drake (?-1618)
`Money purifies all baseness.'| - Talmud
`Money talks.'| - English proverb
`Money talks...but all mine keeps saying is "goodbye."'| - Unknown
`Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.'| - Unknown
`Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover in years.'| - Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
`Money, n.: A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. Supportable property.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`Money, th' only power that all mankind falls down before.'| - Samuel Butler (1612-1680)|Hudibras, 1678
`Monogamy is the Western custom of one wife and hardly any mistresses.'| - Unknown
`Monopoly is business at the end of its journey.'| - Henry Demarest Lloyd
`Monotheism is a gift from the gods.'| - Graffiti
`Morality is a disease which progresses in three stages:|1) Virtue|2) Boredom|3) Syphilis.'| - Karl Kraus
`Morality is one thing. Ratings are everything.'| - A Network 23 executive on "Max Headroom"
`More persons, on the whole, are humbugged by believing nothing, than by believing too much.'| - Phineas T. Barnum
`Moscow in flames. Missiles headed for New York. Film at 11.'| - Unknown
`Most football players are temperamental. That's 90%% temper and 10%% mental.'| - Unknown
`Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.'| - Abe Lincoln
`Most men lead lives of quiet desperation... |Film at eleven.'| - Reuven Frank
`Most of the evils of life arise from man's being unable to sit still in a room.'| - Blaise Pascal
`Most of the great evils that man has inflicted on man have come through people feeling quite certain about something which, in fact, was false.'| - Bertrand Russell
`Most of the people who are writing advertising today have never had to sell anything to anybody. They've never seen a consumer.'| - David Ogilvy (1911- )
`Most of the problems a President has to face have their roots in the past.'| - Harry S. Truman
`Most of us spend the first 6 days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.'| - Fred Allen
`Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons for it afterwards.'| - Soren F. Petersen
`Most people deserve each other.'| - Shirley's Law
`Most people get a fair amount of fun out of their lives, but on balance life is suffering and only the very young or the very foolish imagine otherwise.'| - George Orwell (1903-1950)
`Most people raise their voice rather than reinforcing their point.'| - Unknown
`Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.'| - Robert Orben
`Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.'| - Frank Zappa
`Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise.'| - Maya Angelou
`Mouse, n.: An animal which strews its path with fainting women.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980's.'| - Doug Ferrari
`Murphy was an optimist.'| - O`Toole's Commentary
`Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Music is a higher revelation than philosophy.'| - Beethoven
`Must the hunger become anger and the anger fury before anything will be done?'| - John Steinbeck
`Mustard's no good without roast beef.'| - The Condiment Conundrum: Chico Marx (1891-1961)
`Mustgo, n.: Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so long it has become a science project.'| - Rich Hall: Sniglets
`My brain is my second favorite organ.'| - Woody Allen
`My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big sattelite photo of the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here".'| - Steven Wright
`My dear boy, forget about the motivation. Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture.'| - Noel Coward, to an actor in his Nude with a Violin on Broadway
`My folks didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`My God! It's full of stars!'| - Dave Bowman: "2001: A Space Odyssey"
`My husband gave me a permanent wave, and now he's gone.'| - Dawn Messer
`My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.'| - Unknown
`My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`My logic has drowned in a sea of emotion.'| - Sting
`My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`My mother loved children. She would have given anything if I had been one.'| - Groucho Marx
`My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her, like a bank note, for two twenties.'| - Douglas Jerrold
`My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.'| - Errol Flynn
`My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`My responsibility is to follow the Scriptures which call upon us to occupy the land until Jesus returns.'| - James Watt
`My sad conviction is that people can only agree about what they're not really interested in.'| - Bertrand Russell
`My specialty is being right when other people are wrong.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.'| - Unknown
`My toughest fight was with my first wife.'| - Mohammad Ali
`My work is done, why wait?'| - Suicide note left by Kodak founder George Eastman (1854-1932)
`Mythology, n.: The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Myths are public dreams. Dreams are private myths.'| - Joseph Campbell
`Narrow-souled people are like narrow-necked bottles. The less they have in them the more noise they make in pouring it out.'| - Unknown
`Natural ability without education has more often raised a man to glory and virtue than an education without natural ability.'| - Cicero
`Natural laws have no pity.'| - Unknown
`Natural selection won't matter soon, not anywhere as much as concious selection. We will civilize and alter ourselves to suit our ideas of what we can be. Within one more human lifespan, we will have changed ourselves unrecognizably.'| - Greg Bear
`Nature abhors a vacuum.'| - Baruch Spinoza (1632-1677)
`Nature is neutral. Man has wrested from nature the power to make the world a desert or to make the deserts bloom. There is no evil in the atom; only in men's souls.'| - Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
`Nature is very un-American. Nature never hurries.'| - William George Jordan
`Nature sides with the hidden flaw.'| - Unknown
`Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.'| - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`Necessity has no law.'| - Unknown
`Necessity is the mother of invention.'| - Unknown
`Needs are a function of what other people have.'| - Jone's Principle
`Negative expectations receive negative results.|Positive expectations receive negative results.'| - Non-reciprocal Law of Expectations
`Neglect of an effective birth control policy is a never failing source of poverty which, in turn, is the parent of revolution and crime.'| - Aristotle (382-322 B.C.)
`Neighbor, n.: One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Neither soldiers nor money can defend a king but only friends won by good deeds, merit, and honesty.'| - Sallust
`Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Nepotism, n,: Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Neurotic: Self-taut person.'| - Graffiti
`Neutrinos are into physicists.'| - Graffiti
`Neutrinos have bad breadth.'| - Graffiti
`Never accept a drink from a urologist.'| - Erma Bombeck's father
`Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference.'| - Unknown
`Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.'| - Tommy Lasorda
`Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.'| - Unknown
`Never ascribe to malice that which is caused by greed and ignorance.'| - Cal Keegan
`Never ask a question unless the answer makes a difference.'| - Unknown
`Never ask of money spent|Where the spender thinks it went.|Nobody was ever meant|To remember or invent|What he did with every cent.'| - Robert Frost
`Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.'| - Claud Cockburn (1904-1981)
`Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.'| - Unknown
`Never could any increase of comfort or security be a sufficient good to be bought at the price of liberty.'| - Hilaire Belloc
`Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow.'| - Matthew Browne
`Never drink from your finger bowl - it contains only water.'| - Unknown
`Never eat at a place called Mom's.|Never play cards with a man named Doc.|And never lie down with a woman who's got more trouble than you.'| - Nelson Algren
`Never eat more than you can lift.'| - Miss Piggy
`Never eat prunes when you are famished.'| - Unknown
`Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning.'| - Marlo Thomas
`Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.'| - Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)
`Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.'| - Mickey Friedman
`Never give a sucker an even break.'| - Edward F. Albee (1857-1930)
`Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.'| - Erma Bombeck
`Never go to bed with anyone crazier than you are.'| - Hartley's Second Law
`Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.'| - Unknown
`Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.'| - Unknown
`Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing.'| - Billy Rose (1899-1966)
`Never invoke Anyone you can't banish.'| - Unknown
`Never leave anything to chance. Make sure all your crimes are premeditated.'| - Unknown
`Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.'| - Erma Bombeck
`Never let go of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.'| - The First Law of Wing Walking
`Never let not knowing what you are doing stop you from doing it.'| - Collis's Conclusion
`Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.'| - Unknown
`Never lie unless you have an awfully good memory.'| - Unknown
`Never look at data on a Friday night. It can spoil your weekend.'| - The Party Principle
`Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.'| - Gore Vidal
`Never mistake endurance for hospitality.'| - Unknown
`Never mistake motion for action.'| - Ernest Hemingway
`Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.'| - Sam Brown
`Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.'| - Unknown
`Never program and drink beer at the same time.'| - Woltman's Law
`Never promise more than you can perform.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.'| - Unknown
`Never put off until run time what you can do at compile time.'| - David Gries, in "Compiler Construction for Digital Computers", circa 1969.
`Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.'| - Robert Orben
`Never replicate a successful experiment.'| - Fett's Law
`Never say anything more predictive than "Watch this!"'| - Unknown
`Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.'| - Unknown
`Never share a foxhole with someone braver than you are.'| - Murphy's Military Law #1
`Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do, and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.'| - General George S. Patton, Jr.
`Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.'| - Hackers Handbook
`Never throw a bird at a dragon.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Never tolerate the establishment of two continental powers in Europe.'| - Adolf Hitler (1880-1945)
`Never trust anyone over thirty.'| - Jerry Rubin
`Never try keeping up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It's cheaper.'| - Quentin Crisp
`Never try to catch two frogs with one hand.'| - Chinese Proverb
`Never try to out stubborn a cat.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig.'| - Unknown
`Never underestimate a woman.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Never underestimate the rationality of your opponent.'| - Unknown
`Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do.'| - Robert A. Heinlein
`New York is not the cultural center of America, but the business and administrative center of American culture.'| - Saul Bellow (1915- )
`New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and his wife most often reminds him to act it.'| - Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
`New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.'| - David Letterman
`New York: When civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.'| - David Letterman
`Next to the writer of real estate advertisements, the auto-biographer is the most suspect of prose artists.'| - Donal Henahan
`Nice computers don't go down.'| - Unknown
`Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.'| - Evan Davis
`Nihilism doesn't exist.'| - Graffiti
`Nihilism should commence with oneself.'| - Graffiti
`Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`Ninety percent of everything is crap.'| - Theodore Sturgeon
`Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.'| - Henry Kissinger
`No affectation of peculiarity can conceal a commonplace mind.'| - W. Somerset Maugham
`No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.'| - Unknown
`No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.'| - Unknown
`No bargain without wine.'| - Latin saying
`No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.'| - Murphy's Military Law #2
`No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.'| - Covert Bailey
`No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature.'| - Unknown
`No fool is so dangerous as a fearless one.'| - Alan Dean Foster: "Cyber Way"
`No generalization is true - not even this one.'| - Unknown
`No good deed goes unpunished.'| - Clare Boothe Luce
`No grass grows in the marketplace.'| - Henry George Bohn (1796-1884)
`No great loss but some small profit.'| - John Ray (1627-1705)
`No experiment is reproducible.'| - Wyszowski's Law
`No individual raindrop ever considers itself responsible for the flood.'| - Unknown
`No job is too small to screw up!'| - Unknown
`No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach.'| - William Cowper, English poet (1731-1800)
`No man is rich enough to buy back his past.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`No man ever had enough money.'| - Gypsy proverb
`No man means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.'| - Henry B. Adams
`No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself.'| - Thomas Mann, German author (1875-1955)
`No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.'| - Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government
`No matter how hard you throw a dead fish into the water, it still won't swim.'| - Marian Stevens
`No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.'| - Lewis' Law
`No matter how you slice it, it's still baloney.'| - Attributed to Rube Goldberg (1883-1870)
`No matter what side of an argument you're on, you always find some people on your side that you wish were on the other side.'| - Jascha Heifetz
`No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to:|| (a) Misinterpret it.| (b) Fake it.| (c) Believe it supports his own pet theory.'| - Finagle's Second Law
`No member of our generation who wasn't a Communist or a dropout in the thirties is worth a damn.'| - Lyndon B. Johnson
`No mountain is so high that an ass loaded with gold cannot climb it.'| - Spanish proverb
`No one becomes depraved in a moment.'| - Unknown
`No one can get ahead of you when they're kicking you in the rear.'| - Unknown
`No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'| - Eleanor Roosevelt
`No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and riches.'| - Matthew 6:24
`No one ever listened himself out of a job.'| - Calvin Coolidge
`No one ever went broke underestimating the taste or intelligence of the American people.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.'| - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
`No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances.'| - Mark Twain
`No one knows what he can do till he tries.'| - Unknown
`No one regards what is before his feet; we all gaze at the stars.'| - Unknown
`No one tests the depth of a river with both feet.'| - Ashanti proverb
`No one within an organization really knows what's going on.'| - Unknown
`No poems can please nor live long that are written by water drinkers.'| - Unknown
`No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.'| - Unknown
`No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it.'| - C. Schulz
`No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.'| - Unknown
`No project is a complete failure, it can always serve as a negative example.'| - Unknown
`No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power.'| - Jacob Bronowski
`No writer's wife understands that he's working when he's staring out the window.'| - Unknown
`Nobel Prize money is a lifebelt thrown to a swimmer who has already reached the shore in safety.'| - George Bernard Shaw
`Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.'| - Ron Nesen
`Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.'| - Unknown
`Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.'| - Tallulah Bankhead
`Nobody can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.'| - Sydney Harris
`Nobody can give you freedom.'| - Malcolm X
`Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.'| - Kin Hubbard
`Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something.'| - Unknown
`Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by definition, is unassailable.'| - James Baldwin
`Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little.'| - Edmund Burke
`Nobody notices when things go right.'| - Zimmerman's Law of Complaints
`Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view.'| - Unknown
`Nobody talks more of free enterprise and competition and of the best man winning than the man who inherited his father's store or farm.'| - C. Wright Mills (1916-1962)
`Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.'| - Unknown
`Nodding the head does not row the boat.'| - Irish Proverb
`Noise, n.: A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and autenticating sign of civilization.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Noncombatant, n.: A dead Quaker.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`None love the bearer of bad news.'| - Sophocles
`Nostalgia is the realization that things weren't as unbearable as they seemed at the time'| - Unknown.
`Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.'| - Peter de Vries
`Not all who own a harp are harpers.'| - Unknown
`Not every question deserves an answer.'| - Puvlilius Syrus|Senentiae
`Not now, Kato.'| - Unknown
`Not one tenth of us who are in business are doing as well as we could if we merely followed the principles that were known to our grandfathers.'| - William Feather
`Not only does God play dice with the universe, but sometimes he throws them where they cannot be seen.'| - Stephen Hawking
`Not only is the Universe stranger than we think, it is stranger than we can think.'| - Werner Heisenberg
`Not to be able to bear poverty is a shameful thing, but not to know how to chase it away by work is a more shameful thing yet.'| - Pericles
`Nothin' ain't worth nothin', but it's free.'| - Janice Joplin: "Me and Bobby Magee"
`Nothing anybody tells you about marriage helps.'| - Max Siegal
`Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.'| - Unknown
`Nothing can be both completely general and internally consistent at the same time.'| - Sweer's Impossibility Theorem
`Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.'| - Sydney Harris
`Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`Nothing endures but change.'| - Heraclitus
`Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced - even a proverb is no proverb to you till your life has illustrated it.'| - John Keats
`Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.'| - Cheops Law
`Nothing ever goes away.'| - Barry Commoner's Second Law of Ecology
`Nothing fails like success.'| - Gerald Nachman
`Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`Nothing I have said is factual except the bits that sound like fiction.'| - Clive James
`Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.'| - Unknown
`Nothing in progression can rest on its original plan. We may as well think of rocking a grown man in the cradle of an infant.'| - Edmund Burke
`Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.'| - Unknown
`Nothing is 100%% certain, bug free or IBM compatible.'| - Unknown
`Nothing is as easy as it looks.'| - Unknown
`Nothing is built on stone; all is built on sand, but we must build as if the sand were stone.'| - Jorge Luis Borges
`Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; nothing is more difficult than to understand him.'| - Fyodor Dostoevski
`Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason.'| - Unknown
`Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.'| - Weiler's Law
`Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others.'| - Jonathan Winters
`Nothing is more common than a fool with a strong memory.'| - Unknown
`Nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`Nothing is more intolerable than a wealthy woman.'| - Juvenal (60?-140?)
`Nothing is more intolerable than to have to admit to yourself your own errors.'| - Beethoven
`Nothing is more terrible than activity without insight.'| - Thomas Carlyle
`Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.'| - Henry Ford
`Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.'| - John Kenneth Galbraith
`Nothing is so fallacious as facts, except figures.'| - George Canning (1770-1827)
`Nothing is so firmly believed as that which is least known.'| - Francis Jeffrey (1773-1850)
`Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.'| - Pohl's law
`Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up.'| - Unknown
`Nothing is sometimes the best thing to say.'| - Unknown
`Nothing is true. Everything is permissible.'| - Hassan i Sabbah
`Nothing makes a politician forget campaign promises faster than being elected.'| - Unknown
`Nothing makes a vacation seem better then hindsight.'| - Unknown
`Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.'| - Arthur Balfour (1848-1930)
`Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Nothing stings more deeply than the loss of money.'| - Unknown
`Not-really-trying is just as much effort as trying-really-hard. The only difference... is that not-really-trying receives no reward.'| - A. N. Wilson
`Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.'| - Kin Hubbard
`Now comes the mystery.'| - Henry Ward Beecher, last words
`Now here's something you're really going to like!'| - Rocket J. Squirrel
`Now that I'm over sixty I'm veering toward respectability.'| - Shelley Winters
`No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve...'| - William Shakespeare: Mercutio, "Romeo & Juliet", Act III, scene I,
`No.'| - President Jimmy Carter's daughter Amy when asked by a reporter if she had any message for the children of America
`Nuke'em till they glow, then shoot'em in the dark!'| - Larry Niven & Jerry Pournell: "Footfall"
`O God, give us serenity to accept what cannot be changed, courage to change what should be changed, and wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.'| - Reinhold Niebuhr
`O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.'| - St. Augustine (A.D. 354-430)
`Oath, n.: In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Observatory, n.: A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.'| - Hannah More
`Obsolete, adj.: No longer used by the timid.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Occam's Razor: Don't create more hypothesis than are really necessary. The simplest explanation that will fit the facts is probably the best.'| - William of Occam
`Ocean, n.: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst.'| - Thomas Paine
`Of all the wild beasts of land or sea, the wildest is woman.'| - Menander (342?-291? B.C.)
`Of course I'm arrogant. The best usually are.'| - Unknown
`Office Automation, n.: The use of computers to improve efficiency by removing anyone you would want to talk with over coffee.'| - Unknown
`Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Often it is fatal to live too long.'| - Racine
`Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts, for support rather than illumination.'| - Unknown
`Often you must turn your stylus to erase, if you hope to write anything worth a second reading.'| - Horace
`Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again.'| - Marvin The Paranoid Android
`Oh, come on. If you can't laugh at the walking dead, who can you laugh at?'| - Dan Fielding
`Oh, no. Not another learning experience.'| - Unknown
`Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and only half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.'| - Rebecca Richards
`Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do.'| - Golda Meir (1898-1978)
`Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.'| - Trotsky
`Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day.'| - 14th Dalai Lama
`Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.'| - Graffiti
`Old musicians never die, they just decompose.'| - Graffiti
`Old people like to give good advice, as solace for no longer being able to provide bad examples.'| - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld
`Old programmers never die, they just become managers.'| - Graffiti
`Old programmers never die, they just hit account block limit.'| - Graffiti
`Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.'| - Unknown
`Old? The only thing that kept it standing were the woodworms holding hands.'| - Jerry Dennis
`Olympian, adj.: Relating to a mountain in Thessaly, once inhabited by gods, now a repository of yellowing newspapers, beer bottles and mutilated sardine cans, attesting the presence of the tourist and his appetite.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Omen, n.: A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`On a clear disk you can seek forever.'| - Hardware Humour
`On all LaserGrams: Don't forget the Zap code.'| - Graffiti
`On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time.'| - George Orwell (1903-1950)
`On our campus the UNIX system has proved to be not only an effective software tool, but an agent of technical and social change within the University.'| - John Lions (U. of Toronto)
`On the one hand, loss implies gain; on the other hand, gain implies loss.'| - Lao-tze (c. 604-c. 531 B.C.)
`On the whole, I'd rather be in Paris... Philadelphia would do.'| - W.C. Fields
`Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.'| - Finagle's Third Law
`Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.'| - Horace (65-8 B.C.)
`Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied, "That all depends, Sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."'
`Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior.'| - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
`Once they go up, who cares where they come down? That's not my department.'| - Werner von Braun
`Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.'| - Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics
`Once, adv.: Enough.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`One bag of money is stronger than two bags of truth.'| - Danish proverb
`One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.'| - Unknown
`One day you will find yourself and be quite disappointed.'| - Unknown
`One dog barks at something, and a hundred bark at the sound.'| - Chinese Proverb
`One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.'| - Unknown
`One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought, a rivalry of aim.'| - Henry Brook Adams
`One funged curve is worth a thousand weasel words.'| - Unknown
`One good turn deserves another.'| - Fortune Cookie
`One good turn gets the whole blanket.'| - Graffiti
`One half of the children born die before their eighth year. This is nature's law; why try to contradict it?'| - Jean Jacques Rousseau
`One lawyer can steal more than a hundred men with guns.'| - The Godfather
`One lie or one peanut... one leads to another.'| - Unknown
`One lives in the hope of becoming a memory.'| - Antonio Porchia
`One man has never been married, and that's his hell; another is, and that's his plague.'| - Unknown
`One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.'| - Unknown
`One man's folly is another man's wife.'| - Helen Rowland (1876-1950)
`One man's red tape is another man's system.'| - D. Waldo
`One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.'| - James Thurber, American humorist (1894-1961)
`One must deal openly and fairly with one's forces if maximum effectiveness is to be achieved.'| - D. Vader (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
`One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you. You do not change people's minds.'| - Frank Zappa
`One of the advantages of living alone is that you don't have to wake up in the arms of a loved one.'| - Marion Smith
`One of the disadvantages of having children is that they eventually get old enough to give you presents they make at school.'| - Robert Byrne
`One of the few rules of Evolution is that extreme specialization results in eventual extinction.'| - Hardin
`One of the first declarations of business philosophy I heard from my father, soon after I came to work at Neiman-Marcus in 1926, was, "There is never a good sale for Neiman-Marcus unless it's a good buy for the customer."'| - Stanley Marcus (1905- )
`One of the greatest pieces of economic wisdom is to know what you do not know.'| - John Kenneth Galbraith
`One of the joys of travel is visiting new towns and meeting new people.'| - G. Khan (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
`One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.'| - Will Durant
`One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)|Pudd'nhead Wisdom, 1894
`One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we've been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We're no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It is simply too painful to acknowledge (even to ourselves) that we've been so credulous. (So the old bamboozles tend to persist as the new bamboozles rise.)'| - Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection,"
`One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money the most, are the very ones that never have it.'| - Unknown
`One of the weaknesses of our age is our apparent inability to distinguish our needs from our greeds.'| - Don Robinson
`One person's constant is another person's variable.'| - Susan Gerhart
`One picture is worth a thousand words. See diagram below.'| - Graffiti
`One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.'| - Nancy, Lady Astor (1879-1964)
`One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.'| - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
`One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged.'| - Heinrich Heine (1797-1856)
`One should never make one's debut in a scandal. One should reserve that to give interest to one's old age.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that, would tell one anything.'| - Oscar Wilde
`One should not try to sell roses in a fish market.'| - Unknown
`One thing the world needs is popular government at popular prices.'| - George Barker
`One was never married, and that's his hell; another is, and that's his plague.'| - Robert Burton
`One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.'| - Uknown
`One's company, two's a crowd and three's a party.'| - Andy Warhol (1928-1987)
`One's religion is whatever he is most interested in, and yours is Success.'| - James M. Barrie (1860-1937)
`Only a ballplayer's errors are published every day.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Only a fool has no doubts.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Only constant repetition will finally succeed in imprinting an idea on the memory of the crowd.'| - Adolf Hitler
`Only dead fish swim with the stream.'| - Unknown
`Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd.'| - Allan Goldfein
`Only fools are always sure. On occasion you have to be wise to be confused.'| - Unknown
`Only in America do they lock up the jury and let the prisoner go home.'| - Unknown
`Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.'| - Alex Levine
`Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles back at the rear of an elephant.'| - Unknown
`Only the ephemeral is of lasting value.'| - Ionesco
`Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core.'| - Hannah Arendt.
`Only the mediocre are always at their best.'| - Jean Giraudoux (1882-1944)
`Only the shallow know themselves.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`Only the sinner has the right to preach.'| - Christopher Morley
`Only the winners decide what were war crimes.'| - Gary Wills
`Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.'| - Robert F. Kennedy
`Only when a republic's life is in danger should a man uphold his government when it is in the wrong. There is no other time.'| - Mark Twain
`Only when one has lost all curiosity about the future has one reached the age to write an autobiography.'| - Evelyn Waugh (Attrib.)
`Only the wildest animals need cages.'| - Donald Hall
`On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.'| - Hackers Dictionary
`Oop. Ack. Phbbbbbbbbbt.'| - Bill the Cat
`Open the pod bay doors, HAL.'| - Dave Bowman "2001: A Space Odessy"
`Opera, n.: A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings.'| - Unknown
`Operationally, God is beginning to resemble, not a ruler, but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.'| - Charles Darwin
`Opinions founded on prejudice are always sustained with the greatest violence.'| - Hebrew Proverb
`Opposition, n.: In politics the party that prevents the Government from running amuck by hamstringing it.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.'| - Ducharme's Precept
`Opportunity is the great bawd.'| - Benjamin Franklin
`Opportunity, n.: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Optimist is person who thinks he can break up traffic jam by blowing horn.'| - Unknown
`Optimist, n.: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled.'| - Mark Twain
`Optimist, n.: A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Organization is the enemy of improvisation.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Organized religion is on a par with organized crime - both are morally reproachable groups untouchable by the government.'| - Unknown
`Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.'| - Laurence Peter
`Orthodox, n.: An ox wearing the popular religous yoke.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Our bodies are our gardens, to which our wills are g3ardeners.'| - William Shakespeare
`Our business is run on trust. We trust you will pay in advance.'| - Unknown
`Our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness.'| - Vladimir Nabokov (1899-1977)
`Our first astronauts must be the wisest and the most temperate men, slow to revulsion, quick to sympathy...'| - Ray Bradbury
`Our journeys to the stars will be made on spaceships created by determined, hardworking scientists and engineers applying the principles of science, not aboard flying saucers piloted by little gray aliens from some other dimension.'| - Robert A. Baker, "The Aliens Among Us: Hypnotic Regression Revisited"
`Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions.'| - Edward R. Murrow
`Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.'| - Roy L. Ash, ex-president Litton Industries
`Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.'| - Martin Luther King, Jr.
`Our swords shall play the orators for us.'| - Unknown
`Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. If we continue to develop our technology without wisdom or prudence, our servant may prove to be our executioner.'| - General Omar Bradley
`Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.'| - Unknown
`Ours is not so much an age of vulgarity as of vulgarization; everything is tampered with or touched up, or adulterated or watered down, in an effort to make it palatable, in an effort to make it pay.'| - Louis Kronenberger (1904-1980)
`Outdo, v.t.: To make an enemy.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.'| Unknown
`Outer space is like Dolly Parton, you don't believe it, but it's there.'| - Unknown
`Outer space is no place for a person of breeding.'| - Lady Violet Bonham Carter
`Outlaw organized crime - Abolish the IRS!'| - Unknown
`Over and over again mediocrity is promoted because real worth isn't to be found.'| - Kathleen Norris, American author (1880-1960)
`Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Palmistry, n.: The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's classification) of obtaining money by false pretences.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Pandemonium, n.: Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Paranoia is heightened awareness.'| - Unknown
`Paranoia makes such a great hobby - at the very least, one is never bored.'| - Unknown
`Pardon, v.: To remit a penalty and restore to a life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Parents are the bones on which children sharpen their teeth.'| - Peter Ustinov
`Part of my job as a coach is to keep the five guys who hate me away from the five guys who are undecided.'| - Casey Stengel
`Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like, and let the food fight it out inside.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`PAS - Print And Smear'| - The Unpublished Assembly Mnemonics #379.4
`Pascal, n.: A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.'| - Hackers Dictionary
`Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.'| - Eric Hoffer
`Passions are fashions.'| - Clifton Fadiman
`Past, n.: That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Patience is something that you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the one ahead of you.'| - Unknown
`Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Patience is the ability to put up with people you'd rather put down.'| - Unknown
`Patience, n.: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.'| - Samuel Johnson
`Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.'| - The Wizard Of Oz
`Paybacks are Hell.'| - Karyl D. Piers|(attributed)
`Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`Peace may cost as much as war, but it is a better buy.'| - Unknown
`Peace rules the day, where reason rules the mind.'| - William Collins
`Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Pedestrians never seem to realize that they are a threat to the safety of cars.'| - Thomas Sowell
`Penitent, adj.: Undergoing or awaiting punishment.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`People are always available for work in the past tense.'| - Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour
`People are always talking about tradition, but they forget we have a tradition of a few hundred years of nonsense and stupidity, that there is a tradition of idiocy, incompetence and crudity.'| - Hugo Demartini
`People are funny. They spend money they don't have, to buy things they don't need, to impress folks they don't like.'| - Unknown
`People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.'| - Unknown
`People are very flexible and learn to adjust to strange surroundings. They can become accustomed to read Lisp and Fortran programs, for example.'| - Leon Sterling and Ehud Shapiro, Art of Prolog, MIT Press
`People become progressively less competent for jobs they once were well equipped to handle.'| - Paul's Principle
`People don't ask for facts in making up their minds. They would rather have one good, soul-satisfying emotion than a dozen facts.'| - Robert Keith Leavitt
`People don't form relationships, they take hostages.'| - Unknown
`People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.'| - Otto von Bismarck
`People should have access to the data which you have about them. There should be a process for them to challenge any inaccuracies.'| - Arthur Miller
`People smart enough to give good advice are usually smart enough to give none.'| - Fortune Cookie
`People that are too eager to please are, more often than not, not very pleasing.'| - Marquis de Sade
`People who feel well are sick people neglecting themselves.'| - Jules Romains
`People who go broke in a big way never miss any meals. It is the poor jerk who is shy a half a slug who must tighten his belt.'| - Unknown
`People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.'| - Unknown
`People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.'| - Ogden Nash (1902-1971)
`People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.'| - Book review by Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.'| - Unknown
`People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.'| - The Sausage Principle
`People who never get carried away should be.'| - Malcolm S. Forbes, American publisher.
`People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.'| - Ogden Nash (1902-1971)
`People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.'| - Comin's Law
`People will believe anything if you whisper it.'| - The Whispered Rule
`People will buy anything that's one to a customer.'| - Lewis' Law
`People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it.'| - Peter Sellers
`People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Perceiving reality is a biological necessity.'| - Francois Jacob
`Perfection is acheived only on the point of collapse.'| - C. N. Parkinson
`Perfection, then, is finally achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.'| - Antoine de St. Exupéry
`Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.'| - Robert Louis Stevenson
`Pessimists have already begun to worry about what is going to replace automation.'| - John Tudor
`Ph.D.: Piled Higher & Deeper.'| - Grafitti
`Philanthropist, n.: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.'| - Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary
`Philanthropy is commendable, but it must not cause the philanthropist to over-look the circumstances of economic injustice which make philanthropy necessary.'| - Martin Luther King, Jr.
`Philosophy, n.: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Philosophy, n.: Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.'| - Unknown
`Phrenology, n.: The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Physician, n.: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Piano, n.: A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.'| - Jonathan Kozol
`Pie, n.: An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Pig, n.: An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it balks at pig.'| - Ambrose Bierce: The Devils Dictionary
`Pioneering basically amounts to finding new and more horrible ways to die.'| - John W. Campbell
`Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do. But beautiful women don't need to know about men. It's the men who have to know about beautiful women.'| - Katherine Hepburn
`Plan to throw one away. You will anyway.'| - Fred Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month"
`Plan, v.t.: To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Planets are smarter than astronomers because planets can solve the three-body problem.'| - Unknown
`Play it once, Sam - for old time's sake... Play As Time Goes By - Elsa (Ingrid Bergman): "Cassablanca"
`Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is.'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.'| - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
`Plow a straight furrow and you're in a rut.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Poetry, like chastity, can be carried too far.'| - Mark Twain
`Politeness, n.: The most acceptable hypocrisy.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Politician, n.: An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even where there are no rivers.'| - Nikita Khrushchev
`Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.'| - Arthur C. Clarke
`Politics are very much like war. We may even have to use poison gas at times.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`Politics is applesauce.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.'| - Ronald Reagan
`Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.'| - John Kenneth Galbraith
`Politics is the art of the possible, the attainable... the art of the next best...'| - Otto von Bismark
`Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed.'| - Mao Zedong
`Politics power grows out of the barrel of a gun.'| - Mao Zedong
`Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organization of hatreds.'| - Henry Brooks Adams
`Politics, n.: A strife for interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Polymer physicists are into chains.'| - Grafitti
`Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.'| - Grafitti
`Poverty often deprives a man of all spirit and virtue. It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`Poverty, n.: A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Power always has to be kept in check; power exercised in secret, especially under the cloak of national security, is doubly dangerous.'| - William Proxmire
`Power corrupts - isn't that what it's for?'| - Unknown
`Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.'| - Lord Acton
`Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.'| - J. P. McEvoy
`Practice is the best of all instructors.'| - Publilius Syrus
`Pray for what you want but work for what you need.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.'| - Russian Proverb
`Pray, n.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Predestination was doomed from the start.'| - Grafitti
`Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.'| - Niels Bohr
`Prejudice is the reason of fools.'| - Voltaire (1694-1778)
`Preparation, knowledge, and discipline can deal with any form of danger.'| - Tom Clancy
`Present, n.: That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Presentable, adj.: Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Preserve the old, but know the new.'| - Unknown
`Presidency, n.: The greased pig in the field game of American politics.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist!'| - Grafitti
`Prevaricator, n.: A liar in the caterpillar state.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.'| - Proverbs 16:18
`Primitive society tells us where it's at. Our business is basically sex and hunger.'| - Henry G. Walter, Jr. (1910- )
`Print is the sharpest and the strongest weapon of our party.'| - Joseph Stalin
`Private faces in public places are wiser and nicer than public faces in private places.'| - W. H. Auden
`Pro's are people who do jobs well even when they don't feel like it.'| - Unknown
`Proboscis, n.: The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Procrastination, n.: The art of keeping up with yesterday.'| - Hackers Dictionary
`Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.'| - Troutman's Second Programming Postulate
`Professional wrestling: ballet for the common man.'| - Unknown
`Profit is better than fame.'| - Danish proverb
`Profitability is the sovereign criterion of the enterprise.'| - Peter F. Drucker
`Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.'| - Seventh Law of Computer Programming
`Programmer, n.: A person who spends his time trying to explain to a compter the imaginative fantasies of the Marketing department. This involves translating from one unintelligible series of hieroglyphics to another. See "lunacy"'| - Hackers Dictionary
`Progress does not consist of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is right. It consists of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong.'| - Hawkin's Theory of Progress
`Progress might be a circle, rather than a straight line.'| - Eberhard Zeidler
`Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.'| - Ogden Nash (1902-1971)
`Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.'| - Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom
`Projecting empaths - you gotta feel sorry for them.'| - Unknown
`Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.'| - Unknown
`Proof, n.: Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Proper attention to earthly needs of the poor, the depressed and the downtrodden, would naturally evolve from dynamic, articulate, spirited awareness of the great goals for Man and the society he conspired to erect.'| - David Baker, paraphrasing Harold Urey, in "The History of Manned Space Flight"
`Prophecy is the wit of a fool.'| - Vladimir Nabokov (1899-1977)
`Prophecy, n.: The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by others.'| - Project Manager's Conundrum
`Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity a greater.'| - William Hazlitt
`Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Proverbs are mental gems gathered in the diamond districts of the mind.'| - W. R. Alger
`Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Prunes give you a run for your money.'| - Grafitti
`Psychiatrists stay on your mind.'| - Grafitti
`Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.'| - Laurence J. Peter
`Psychoanalysis is the mental illness it purports to cure.'| - Karl Kraus
`Public money is like holy water; everyone helps himself.'| - Italian proverb
`Public office is the last refuge of a scoundrel.'| - Boies Penrose
`Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.'| - Unknown
`Pure drivel tends to drive out ordinary drivel.'| - Kitman's Law
`Puritanism, n.: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`Put more trust in nobility of character than in an oath.'| - Solon
`Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.'| - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)|The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, 1858
`Put three grains of sand inside a vast cathedral, and the cathedral will be more closely packed with sand than space is with stars.'| - Sir James Jeans
`Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.'| - Unknown
`Put your genius into your life. Put only your talent into your work.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Put your nose to the grindstone and you're a bloody fool.'| - Grafitti
`Put your trust in those who are worthy.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.'| - Unknown
`Quantum physics predicts the past with 80 percent accuracy.'| - Unknown
`Quarrels would not last so long if the fault were only on one side.'| - Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld(1613-1680)
`Question authority, but raise your hand first.'| - Unknown
`Quick to judge, quick to anger, slow to understand|Ignorance and prejudice and fear walk hand in hand.'| - Rush, Permanent Waves
`Quill, n.: An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly wielded by and ass.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Quit looking at QOTD fortunes and get back to work!| - Midnight Programmers
`Quorum, n.: A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Quotation, n.: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Quotient, n.: A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`R&D is not something that can be useful alone... R&D is part of a product-making process.'| - Ralph E. Gomory
`Racism is man's gravest threat to man - the maximum of hatred for a minimum of reason.| - Abraham Joshua Heschel
`Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.'| - Grafitti
`Rage is a wind that blows out the candle of reason.'| - Unknown
`Rank has its privileges.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Read the best books first or you may not have a change to read them at all.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.'| - Unknown
`Reading is to the Mind, what exercise is to the Body.'| - Joseph Addison
`Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman, but believing what he read made him mad.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man.'| - Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`Reading the small print is education; not reading it is experience.'| - Unknown
`Ready money is Aladdin's lamp.'| - George Gordon, Lord Byron
`Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost.'| - Mort Sahl
`Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.'| - Confucius
`Real life... I hate that game - too little playability, too much realism.'| - Unknown
`Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.'| - Unknown
`Real wealth can only increase.'| - Buckminster Fuller
`Realism... has more to do with reality than anything else.'| - Hob Broun
`Reality does not exist - yet.'| - Unknown
`Reality is often inaccurate.'| - Douglas Adams
`Reality is the only word in the language that should be used in quotes.'| - Unknown
`Really, we create nothing. We merely plagiarize nature.'| - Jean Baitaillon
`Reality... What a Concept.'| - Robin Williams
`Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.'| - Karl Marx
`Rabble, n.: In a republic, those tho exercise a supreme authority tempered by fraudulent elections.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Radicalism, n.: The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Rascal, n.: A fool considered under another aspect.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Rascality, n.: Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Rash, adj.: Insensible to the value of our advice.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Rational, adj.: Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Reason, v.i.: To weigh probabilities in the scales of desire.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Reasonable, adj.: Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Rebel, n.: A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Rebellions of the belly are the worst.'| - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`Recollect, v.: To recall with additions something not previously known.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Reconciliation, n.: A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of diggin up the dead.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Reconcider, v.: To seek a justification for a decision already made.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Recount, n.: In American politics, another throw of the dice accorded to the player against whom the are loaded.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Recuit, n.: A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy blue-green meat is bad for you.'| - Unknown
`Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`Religion is the future tense of fear.'| - Unknown
`Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
`Religion without science is blind. Science without religion is lame.'| - Albert Einstein
`Religion... is the opium of the masses.'| - Karl Marx
`Religion, n.: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.'| - Unknown
`Religions tend to disappear with man's good fortune.'| - Raymond Queneau
`Religious conversion consists of pounding one's own words into a man's ears until they start coming out of his mouth.'| - Unknown
`Remember always, that you have not only the right to be an individual, you have the obligation to be one.'| - Eleanor Roosevelt
`Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.'| - Fran Lebowitz
`Remember, Information is not knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; Wisdom is not truth; Truth is not beauty; Beauty is not love; Love is not music; Music is the best.'| - Frank Zappa
`Remember, the fact that you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!'| - Grafitti
`Remember, there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.'| - Frank Zappa
`Remember: Quantum Mechanics are people too.'| - Unknown
`Remember: The average is as close to the bottom as it is to the top.'| - Unknown
`Repentance is not so much remorse for what we have done as the fear of the consequences.'| - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld
`Reporter, n.: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Reputation.: What others are not thinking about you.'| - Unknown
`Research is to see what everybody else has seen, and to think what nobody else has thought.'| - Albert Szent-Gyorgi
`Resign, v.t.: To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Resist everything but temptation.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.'| - Unknown
`Resolved, that the women of this nation in 1876, have greater cause for discontent, rebellion and revolution than the men of 1776.'| - Susan B. Anthony
`Respect must be earned, not commanded.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Responciblibty, n.: A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck, or one's neighbor.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time'| - Sir J. Lubbock
`Resting on one's laurels makes for an uncomfortable bed, and only crushes the laurels.'| - A. Cygni
`Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.'| - George Burns
`Revelation is always measured by capacity.'| - Margaret Fairless Barber
`Revelation, n.: The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals.'| - Oh, Lucky Man
`Revolution, n.: In politics, and abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Rich men without convictions are more dangerous in modern society than poor women without chastity.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Riches, n.: A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased."'| - John D. Rockefeller
`Riches, n.: The savings of many in the hands of one.'| - Eugene Debs
`Ridicule, n.: Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who utters them.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Riot, n.: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Rivers in the United States are so polluted that acid rain makes them cleaner.'| - Andrew Malcolm
`Road, n.: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world.'| - Peter York
`Romance, n.: Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Ronald Reagan has held the two most demeaning jobs in the country: President of the United States and radio broadcaster for the Chicago Cubs.'| - George Will
`Ronald Reagan is a triumph of the embalmer's art.'| - Gore Vidal
`Ronald Reagan is the first president to be accompanied by a Silly Statement Repair Team.'| - Mark Russell
`Rope, n.: An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Rosebud!'| - Charles Foster Kane (Orson Wells) in Citizen Kane
`Rotten wood cannot be carved.| - Confucius
`Royalties are nice and all but shaking the beads brings in money quicker.'| - Gypsy Rose Lee (1914-1970)
`RRT - Read and Rip Tape'| - The Unpublished Assembly Mnemonics #97
`Rub her feet.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Rumor, n.: A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Sabbath, n.: A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Sacred cows make great hamburgers.' - Grafitti
`Saint, n.: A dead sinner revised and edited.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proven innocent.'| - George Orwell
`San Francisco is like granola: Take away the fruits and the nuts, and all you have are the flakes.'| - Unknown
`Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.'| - Grafitti
`Sarcasm is barbed ire.'| - Grafitti
`Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.'| - Unknown
`Satire is what closes in New Haven.'| - Unknown
`Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.'| - Ernest Haskins
`Say what you will about the ten commandments; you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`Say yur prayers, yuh flea-pickin' varmint!'| - Yosemite Sam
`Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.'| - Unknown
`Schizophrenia beats dining alone.'| - Unknown
`Science has overcome both time and space; Harvey has overcome not only both time and space, but any objections.'| - Elwood P. Dowd
`Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof.'| - Ashley Montague
`Science is truth; don't be misled by facts.'| - Finagle's Creed
`Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.'| - Unknown
`Scratch an actor - and you'll find an actress.'| - Dorothy Parker (Attrib.)
`Scripture teaches us to be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves. All too often, [we] are as wise as doves and as harmless as serpents.'| - Moishe Rosen
`Scriptures, n.: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Sculpture is what you bump into when you back up to look at a painting.'| - Ed Reinhart
`Second chances aren't usually associated with first impressions.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Secrecy begets tyranny.'| - Robert A. Heinlein: "Stranger in a Strange Land"
`Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.'| - Helen Keller
`Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.'| - Grafitti
`Seeing consists of the grasping of structural features rather than the indiscriminate recording of detail.'| - Rudolf Arnheim
`Self-esteem, n.: An erroneous appraisment.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Self-evident, adj.: Evident to one's self and nobody else.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Selfish, adj.: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Sentimentality: the act of giving more love to God's creatures than God does.'| - Unknown
`Serendipity is looking in a haystack for a needle and discovering the Farmer's Daughter.'| - Julius H. Comroe
`Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.'| - Muhammad Ali
`Set me anything to do as a task, and it is inconceivable the desire I have to do something else.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Seven per cent intrest has no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.'| - Josh Billings
`Seven stages of a project:| | 1) Enthusiasm.| 2) Complication.| 3) Panic.| 4) Disillusionment.| 5) Search for the guilty.| 6) Punishment of the innocent.| 7) Praise and honors for the non-participants.'| - Unknown
`Sex discriminates against the shy and ugly.'| - Unknown
`Sex is dirty only when it's done right.'| - Woody Allen
`Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.'| - Garrison Kiellor
`Sex is hereditary. If your parents didn't have it, chances are you won't either!'| - Joseph Fischer
`Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.'| - Unknown
`Sex is like snow. You never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.'| - Unknown female comedian
`Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.'| - Unknown
`Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.'| - Unknown
`Sex is the thing that takes the least time and causes the most trouble.'| - John Barrymore
`Sex is too important to take seriously.'| - Unknown
`Shakespeare is to theater what God is to religion: a key figure whose presence continues to be strongly felt, although it's been years since he's put in a personal appearance.'| - Unknown
`Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.'| - Martin Mull
`Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser.'| - Vince Lombardi
`She is the sovereign queen of all delights;|For her the lawyer pleads, the soldier fights.'| - Richard Barnfield (1574-1627)
`She looked, as far as her clothes went, as though she had been pulled through brambles and then pushed through a thin tube.'| - Gwyn Thomas
`She was a vivacious girl, not pretty by any accepted standards, if anything ugly by any accepted standards, but she could speak Latin and foot a quadrille and sometimes the two simultaneously if the tempo was right.'| - Denis Norden
`She was another one of his near Mrs.'| - Alfred McFote
`She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman.'| - Oscar Wilde
`She's learned to say things with her eyes that others waste time putting into words.'| - Unknown
`SHIFT to the left,|SHIFT to the right!|POP UP, PUSH DOWN,|BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!'| - The programmers cheer
`Shine on, you crazy diamond!'| - Pink Floyd
`Short words are best and the old words when short are best of all.'| - Winston Churchill
`Should you be a teenager blessed with uncommon good looks, document this state of affairs by the taking of photographs. It is the only way anyone will ever believe you in years to come.'| - Fran Lebowitz
`Show me a fiddler on the roof, and I'll show you a non-union musician.'| - Unknown
`Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser.'| - Unknown
`Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.'| - Unknown
`Show me the man who doesn't want his gun registered, and I will show you a man who shouldn't have a gun.'| - Homer Cummings
`Shut the door. Not that it lets in the cold but that it lets out the cozyness.'| - Mark Twain
`Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Silence cannot be misquoted.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Silence is better than unmeaning words.'| - Pythagoras
`Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone.'| - G. B. Stearn
`Simple advice is the best advice.'| - Third Law of Advice
`Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.'| - Unknown
`Sin only lies in hurting unnecessarily, all other sins are invented nonsense.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.'| - Charles de Gaulle
`Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defenses of peace must be constructed.'| - Constitution of the United Nations
`Singing makes all the sad people happy because it is the voice of happiness.'| - Joseph Shabalala
`Sirs, I have tested your machine. It adds a new terror to life and make death a long felt want.'| - Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree (1853-1917): To a gramophone company that asked for a testimonial
`Six years for possession of a cigarette? I got six months for possession of a deadly weapon.'| - Cartoon by S. Harris
`Skepticism, like chastity should not be relinquished too readily.'| - George Santayana
`Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves, spits on its hands and goes to work.'| - Carl Sandburg
`Sleep is an eight-hour peep show of infantile erotica.'| - J. G. Ballard
`Sleep is conducive to beauty. Even velvet looks worn when it loses its nap.'| - Joan L. Zielin
`Slums may well be breeding grounds of crime, but middle class suburbs are incubators of apathy and delirium.'| - Cyril Connolly
`Slurm, n.: The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.'| - Rich Hall: Sniglets
`Small business is the biggest business of them all.'| - J. E. Murray
`Small may be beautiful, but big has the grandeur of size.'| - Unknown
`Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Smile! Things can only get worse.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Snacktrek, n.: The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.'| - Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
`Snow and adolescence are the only problems that go away if ignored long enough.'| - Unknown
`Spouse, n.: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.'| - Unknown
`So far, I haven't heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.'| - Kin Hubbard
`So long, and thanks for all the fish.'| - Douglas Adams
`So many men, so many opinions; every one his own way.'| - Fortune Cookie
`So soon as we begin to count the cost, the cost begins.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.'| - Psalms 90:10
`So we follow our wandering paths, and the very darkness acts as our guide and our doubts serve to reassure us.'| - Jean-Pierre de Caussade, eighteenth-century Jesuit priest
`Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Society is a self-regulating mechanism for preventing the fulfillment of its members.'| - Celia Greene
`Society never recognizes ability, but it often leaves a few loopholes for it.'| - Celia Greene
`Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more "user-friendly"... Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words, "user-friendly" on the cover.'| - Bill Gates
`Soitenly! Nuk, Nuk, Nuk, Nuk!'| - Curly Howard
`Some actions have an end but no beginning; some begin but do not end. It all depends upon where the observer is standing.'| - Frank Herbert
`Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested.'| - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.'| - T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)
`Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see what you would have wanted had you known.'| - Garrison Keillor
`Some men are discovered; others are found out.'| - Unknown
`Some men are so macho they'll get a woman pregnant just to kill a rabbit.'| - Unknown
`Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say "Why not?"'| - Robert F. Kennedy
`Some of the greatest love affairs I've known involved one actor, unassisted.'| - Wilson Mizner (Attrib.)
`Some of us drink from the fountain of Life; others just gargle.'| - Unknown
`Some of us quit looking for work when we find a job.'| - Unknown
`Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot; others transform a yellow spot into the sun.'| - Pablo Picasso
`Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.'| - Joseph Heller: "Catch-22"
`Some people are educated beyond their intelligence.'| - Unknown
`Some people aren't hard of hearing, but hard of listening.'| - Unknown
`Some people carve out careers, others chisel them.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.'| - Unknown
`Some people fall for everything and stand for nothing.'| - Unknown
`Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.'| - Gordon R. Dickson
`Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.'| - Frank McKinney ("Kin") Hubbard (1868-1930)
`Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly.'| - Julie Andrews
`Some people spend their lives traveling the world over...|Only to find happiness lies right in their own back yard...|Mine just has a big puddle from last nights' rain!!'| - Ziggy
`Some people stay longer in an hour than others do in a month.'| - Howells (1837-1920)
`Some people strengthen the society just by being the kind of people they are.'| - John W. Gardner
`Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.'| - Woody Allen.
`Some people won't accept pain; they just refuse delivery.'| - Unknown
`Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.'| - Unknown
`Some things have to be believed to be seen.'| - Ralph Hodgson
`Some would sooner die than think. In fact, they often do.'| - Bertrand Russell
`Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.'| - Sigmund Freud
`Sometimes a fool gets lucky and wins.'| - Scandal
`Sometimes bad is Bad.'| - Huey Lewis and the News
`Sometimes democracy must be bathed in blood.'| - Augusto Pinochet
`Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering.'| - Buckminster Fuller
`Sometimes it pleases the gods to visit itches upon a person with no arms.'| - Unknown
`Sometimes silence has the loudest voice.'| - Unknown
`Sometimes when I look at my children I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have stayed a virgin."'| - Lillian Carter, mother of Jimmy and Billy
`Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.'| - David Letterman
`Sometimes you get the elevator and sometimes you get the shaft.'| - Unknown
`Sometimes you're the windshield screen,|Sometimes you're the bug.'| - Dire Straits
`Sometimes, too long is too long.'| - Joe Crowe
`Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.'| - Sam Levenson (1911-1980)
`Sorcery, n.: The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards.'| - Fred Hoyle
`Speak silver, reply gold.'| - Swahili proverb
`Speak the truth but leave immediately after.'| - Yugoslav Proverb
`Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.'| - Unknown
`Spiritual leadership should remain spiritual leadership and the temporal power should not become too important in any church.'| - Eleanor Roosevelt
`Spirtle, n.: The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye.'| - Rich Hall: Sniglets
`Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.'| - Unknown
`Stalin's grave was a Communist plot.'| - Grafitti
`Stamp out philately.'| - Grafitti
`Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.'| - Unknown
`Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.'| - W. C. Fields (1880-1946)
`State run lotteries: think of them as tax breaks for the intelligent.'| - Evan Leibovitch
`Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.'| - Aaron Levenstein
`Statistics are no substitute for judgement.'| - Unknown
`Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts-for support, not illumination.
`Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.'| - Wallace Irwin (1875-1959)
`Stay out of the road, if you want to grow old.'| - Pink Floyd
`Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.'| - Unknown
`Stop crime at its source! Support Planned Parenthood.'| - Unknown
`Strange times call for strange heroes.'| - Unknown
`Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!'| - Monty Python
`Strength lies not in defense but in attack.'| - Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
`Stress is the confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living crap out of some jerk who desperately needs it.'| - Unknown
`Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.'| - Woody Allen
`Stupid, n.: Losing $25 on the game and another $25 on the instant replay.'| - Unknown
`Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?'| - Unknown
`Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward'| - William E. Davidsen
`Success always necessitates a degree of ruthlessness. Given the choice of friendship or success, I'd probably choose success.'| - Sting (Gordon Summer)
`Success covers a multitude of blunders.'| - George Bernard Shaw
`Success has a thousand fathers, but failure is an orphan.'| - Unknown
`Success is a journey, not a destination.'| - Unknown
`Success is achieving the top of the food chain.'| - Unknown
`Success is not permanent, neither is failure.'| - Unknown
`Success is that old ABC-ability, breaks and courage.'| - Charles Luckman (1909- )
`Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.'| - Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
`Success isn't how far you got, but the distance you travelled from where you started.'| - Unknown
`Success, as I see it, is a result, not a goal.'| - Gustave Flaubert (1821-1880)
`Success, n.: The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Successful and fortunate crime is called virtue.'| - Seneca
`Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Suddenly, Nothing Happened!|(but, it happened suddenly.)'| - The Goon Show
`Suicide is cheating the doctors out of a job.'| - Billings
`Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.'| - Robert Orben
`Superstition brings bad luck.'| - Raymond Smullyan
`Support your local medical examiner - die strangely.'| - Unknown
`Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too.'| - Richard M. Nixon
`Sure, 90% of all software is crap. That's because 90% of everything is crap.'| - Mary Shaw Carnegie-Mellon University
`Surrealism aims at the total transformation of the mind and all that resembles it.'| - Breton
`Survival of the species is everyone's business.'| - Unknown
`Swallow your pride, it is non-fattening.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Sweater, n.: A garment worn by a child when its mother feels chilly.'| - Unknown
`Tact is after all a kind of mind reading.'| - Sarah Orne Jewett
`Tact is rubbing out another's mistake instead or rubbing it in.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.'| - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.'| - Howard W. Newton
`Tact, n.: Changing the subject without changing the mind.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Tact, n.: The unsaid part of what you're thinking.'| - Unknown
`Tail, n.: The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a world of it's own.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Tailgater, n.: One who makes ends meet.'| - Unknown
`Take an astronaut to launch.'| - Grafitti
`Take care of the discord and the chaos will take care of itself.'| - Unknown
`Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.'| - Unknown
`Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves.'| - Lewis Carroll
`Take care to get what you like, or you will be forced to like what you get.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Take from me the hope that I can change the future and you will send me mad.'| - Israel Zangwill
`Take my word for it: if you have a penny, you are worth a penny.'| - Petronius (First century A.D.)
`Take the humbug out of this world; and you haven't much left to do business with.'| - Josh Billings (1818-1885)
`Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in.'| - Andrew Jackson.
`Take what you can use and let the rest go by.'| - Ken Kesey
`Take, v.t.: To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Taking the path of least resistance, makes both men and rivers crooked.'| - Unknown
`Talent does you no good unless it is recognized by someone else.'| - R. Half
`Talk is cheap unless you hire a lawyer.'| - Grafitti
`Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.'| - Euripides
`Tariff, n.: A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam to work for the government.'| - Unknown
`Teachers have class.'| - Grafitti
`Tell a child he got 1 right, not 99 wrong.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else!'| - Murphy's law of team work
`Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.'| - Aldous Huxley
`Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.'| - Max Frisch
`Telephone, n.: An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.'| - David Frost
`Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.'| - Ann Landers
`Television is democracy at its ugliest.'| - Paddy Chayevsky
`Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want.'| - Clive Barnes
`Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done.'| - Ernie Kovacs
`Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you... tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.'| - Unknown
`Tell the truth and run.'| - Yugoslav proverb
`Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
`Thank heaven for startups; without them we'd never have any advances.'| - Seymour Cray
`That government is best which governs least.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`That which does not kill us makes us stronger.'| - Friedrich Nietzche
`That which is everybody's business is nobody's business.'| - Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
`That's like fluffing the pillows on the Titanic'| - Unknown
`That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.'| - Neil Armstrong
`That's not a friend, that's an employer I'm trying out for a few days.'| - Thornton Wilder
`That's one small step for a man,|One giant leap for mankind.'| - N. Armstrong
`That's the definition of business: something goes through, something doesn't. Make use of one, forget the other.'| - Henry Francois Becque (1837-1899)
`That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can.'| - J. D. Salinger
`That's the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is lousy programmers.'| - Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle: "Oath of Fealty"
`The absent are always at fault.'| - Spanish Proverb
`The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.'| - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
`The advantage of doing one's praising for oneself is that one can lay it on thick and exactly in the right places.'| - Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
`The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray.'| - Unknown
`The Agnostic's Prayer: |Oh my God, (if there is a God), |Save my soul, (if I have a soul).'| - Ernst Renan
`The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being but to remind him that he is already degraded.'| - George Orwell (1903-1950)
`The alphabet will create forgetfulness in the learners' souls. They will trust the written characters and not remember themselves.'| - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
`The alternative to mutual trust, which is indeed a risky gamble, is the security of the police state.'| - Alan Watts
`The American language is in a state of flux based on the survival of the unfittest.'| - Cyril Connolly
`The American public knows what it wants, and deserves to get it good and hard.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys.'| - Sir William Preece, chief engineer of the British Post Office, 1876
`The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.'| - Gummidge's Law
`The amount of work done varies inversely with the time spent in the office.' - Unkown
`The art of acting consists of keeping people from coughing.'| - Sir Ralph Richardson
`The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.'| - Voltaire (1694-1778)
`The artistic temperament is a disease that affects amateurs.'| - G. K Chesterton
`The atom bomb is a paper tiger... Terrible to look at but not so strong as it seems.'| - Mao Zedong
`The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.'| - Unknown
`The attempt to understand the universe is one of the only things that elevates the human condition from farce to the elegance of tragedy.'| - Steven Weinberg
`The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.'| - Turnaucka's Law
`The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else of the same name.'| - Aldous Huxley
`The author should gaze at Noah, and... learn, as they did in the Ark, to crowd a great deal of matter into a very small compass.'| - Sydney, Smith
`The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.'| - J. Frank Dobie
`The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think'| - Unknown
`The Avis WIZARD decides if you get to drive a car. Your head won't touch the pillow of a Sheraton unless their computer says it's okay.'| - Arthur Miller
`The babe, with a cry brief and dismal,|Fell into the water baptismal;|Ere they'd gathered its plight,|It had sunk out of sight,|For the depth of the font was abysmal.'| - Edward Gorey
`The baby wakes up in the wee wee hours of the morning.'| - Robert Robbins, Reader's Digest, 1949
`The ballot is stronger than the bullet.'| - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`The beauty of democracy is that the average man believes that he is above average.'| - Unknown
`The Bell System is like a damn big dragon. You kick it in the tail, and two years later, it feels it in its head.'| - Frederick Kappel (1902- )
`The belly has no ears nor is it to be filled with fair words.'| - Francois Rabelais (c. 1494-1553)
`The best audience is intelligent, well educated and a little drunk.'| - Alben W. Barkley
`The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.'| - Unknown
`The best books about advertising are not about advertising.'| - James W. Young (1886-1973)
`The best cure for hypochondria is to forget about your body and get interested in somebody else's.'| - Goodman Ace (1899-1982)
`The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning.'| - Sandy Cooley
`The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.'| - W. C. Fields
`The best female programmers are Stacked.'| - Unknown
`The best index to a person's character is a) how he treats people who can't do him any good and b) how he treats people who can't fight back.'| - Abigail Van Buren
`The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.'| - Arthur C. Clarke
`The best of seers is he who guesses well.'| - Euripides
`The best prophet of the future is the past.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The best revenge is to live long enough to be a problem to your children.'| - Unknown
`The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends and fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while we are drifting side by side to our common doom.'| - Clarence Darrow
`The best way out is always through.'| - Robert Frost
`The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it.'| - Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
`The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.'| - Mark Twain
`The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
`The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.'| - Unknown
`The best way to lose a friend is to tell him something for his own good.'| - Unknown
`The better technology does not always sell better, even if it is first.'| - William J. Spencer
`The Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking forty days to find a place to park.'| - Unknown
`The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.'| - Abraham Lincoln
`The bible shows the way to go to heaven, not the way the heavens go.'| - Galileo
`The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.'| - Nora Ephron
`The big majority of Americans, who are comparatively well off, have developed an ability to have enclaves of people living in the greatest misery without almost noticing them.'| - Gunnar Myrdal
`The bigger they are, the harder they hit.'| - Perkin's Postulate
`The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time.'| - Merrick Furst
`The biggest mistake that you can make is to believe that you are working for somebody else.'| - Unknown
`The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone.'| - Harriet Beecher Stowe
`The book above all others in the world which should be forbidden is a catalogue of forbidden books.'| - Lichtenberg
`The borrower is servant to the lender.'| - Bible: Proverbs 22:7
`The Bozos are coming.'| - Grafitti
`The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.'| - Robert Frost
`The brain works from the moment of birth until you stand up to speak in public.'| - Unknown
`The breakfast of champions is not cereal, it's the opposition.'| - Unknown
`The brotherhood of man is not a mere poet's dream; it is a most depressing and humiliating reality.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`The buck stops with the guy who signs the cheques.'| - Rupert Murdoch
`The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.'| - Murphy's Military Law #6
`The budget should be balanced, the treasury refilled, public debt reduced, the arrogance of officialdom tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands curtailed, lest Rome become bankrupt.'| - Cicero, Roman statesman (106 B.C.-43 B.C.)
`The busier we are, the more acutely we feel that we live, the more conscious we are of life.'| - Immanuel Kant (1724-1804)
`The business of life is to go forward.'| - Samuel Johnson
`The business was to go to Bartholomew Fair, and the end of going to Bartholomew Fair was, in short, to pick pockets.'| - Daniel Defoe
`The business world worships mediocrity. Officially we revere free enterprise, initiative and individuality. Unofficially we fear it.'| - George Lois (1931- )
`The buyer buys for as little as possible; the seller sells for as much as possible.'| - Legal maxim
`The buyer needs a hundred eyes, the seller not one.'| - George Herbert (1593-1633)
`The C committee took something that wasn't broken, and tidied it up without breaking it.'| - Dennis Ritchie (dmr@Alice.UUCP), about ANSI C standard X3J11
`The camera cannot lie. But it can be an accessory to untruth.'| - Harold Evans
`The cares of gain are threefold: the struggle of getting; the frenzy of increasing; the horror of losing.'| - Anonymous
`The caribou love [the Alaska oil pipeline]. They run up against it, and they have babies.'| - George Bush
`The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.'| - Jennings Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity
`The cheapest, fastest and most reliable components of a computer system are those that aren't there.'| - Gordon Bell, Encore Computer Corp
`The cherry tomato is a marvelous invention, producing as it does a satisfactorily explosive squish when bitten.'| - Miss Manners
`The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg.'| - Unknown
`The chief cause of problems is solutions.'| - Sevareid's Law
`The chief product of an automated society is a widespread and deepening sense of boredom.'| - Cyril Parkinson
`The civilized man is a more experienced and wiser savage.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`The cloning of humans is on most of the lists of things to worry about from Science, along with behavior control, genetic engineering, transplanted heads, computer poetry and the unrestrained growth of plastic flowers.'| - Lewis Thomas
`The closed mouth swallows no flies.'| - Spanish proverb
`The closing years of life are like the end of a masquerade party, when the masks are dropped.'| - Arthur Schopenhauer (1786-1860)
`The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind couldn't detect.'| - Mark Twain
`The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.'| - Frank Zappa
`The computer is the ultimate polluter: its feces are indistinguishable from the food it produces.'| - Hackers Handbook
`The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be created in the form of computer programs.'| - Joseph Weizenbaum
`The concept seems to be clear by now. It has been defined several times by example of what it is not.'| - Unknown
`The concrete world has slipped through the scientific net.'| - Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)
`The condition upon which God has given liberty to man is eternal vigilance.'| - John Philpot Curran
`The cost of liberty is less than the price of oppression.'| - Unknown
`The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.'| - Flip Wilson
`The country couldn't run without Prohibition. That is the industrial fact.'| - Henry Ford, 1929
`The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous...'| - Mark Twain`The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to eat.'| - John McNulty
`The coward regards himself as cautious; the miser, as thrifty.'| - Publilius Syrus
`The craft of a merchant is this bringing a thing from where it abounds; to where it is costly.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`The creditor hath a better memory than the debtor.'| - James Howell
`The cruelest lies are often told in silence.'| - Robert Louis Stevenson
`The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.'| - Ellen Parr
`The customer is always right.'| - H. Gordon Selfridge (?1864-1947)
`The day is the same length as anything that is the same length as it.'| - Lewis Carroll
`The dead man does not make a good travelling companion.'| - Unknown
`The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.'| - Robert Hutchins
`The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.'| - William James
`The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists in the circulation of the blood.'| - Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946)
`The depressing thing about being a poet is that no one will print your first novel.'| - Unknown
`The descent to Hades is the same from every place.'| - Unknown
`The despot, be assured, lives night and day like one condemned to death by the whole of mankind for his wickedness.'| - Xenophon
`The dictatorship of the Communist Party is maintained by recourse to every form of violence.'| - Leon Trotsky
`The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.'| - Al Neuharth
`The difference between a politician and a snail is that a snail leaves its slime behind.'| - Gerrold's Pronouncement
`The difference between a rich man and a poor man is this: the former eats when he pleases, the latter when he can get it.'| - Sir Walter Raleigh
`The difference between ideas and results is a good manager.'| - Unknown
`The difference between involved and committed is like ham 'n eggs. The chicken is involved - the pig is committed.'| - Don Meridith
`The difference between life and movies is that a script has to make sense and life doesn't.'| - Joseph L. Mankiewicz
`The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.'| - Liberace
`The difference between morals and ethics: Morals are what you do when only God is watching; ethics are what you do when not even He may be looking.'| - Unknown
`The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.'| - Woody Allen
`The difference between the right word and a similar word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.'| - Mark Twain
`The dinosaurs's eloquent lesson is that if some bigness is good, an overabundance of bigness is not necessarily better.'| - Eric Johnston
`The doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.'| - Frank Lloyd Wright (Attrib.)
`The dog howls in the night, but the caravan travels on.'| - August Kloppenburg
`The doors of Truth are guarded by Paradox and Confusion.'| - Unknown
`The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases.'| - Mark Twain
`The duration of passion is proportionate with the original resistance of the woman.'| - Honoré de Balzac
`The earth is the cradle of mankind, but one cannot live in the cradle forever.'| - Tsiolkovsky
`The easiest job I have ever tackled in this world is that of making money. It is, in fact, almost as easy as losing it. Almost, but not quite.'| - H. L. Mencken
`The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one.'| - Joan Baez
`The Einstein theory is relatively simple.'| - Robin Williams
`The elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time.'| - Mark Twain
`The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.'| - R. Buckminster Fuller
`The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson
`The English certainly and fiercely pride themselves in never praising themselves.'| - Wyndham Lewis
`The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person.'| - Vii Putnam
`The environment is always the brainwasher, so that the well-adjusted person, by definition, has been brainwashed. He is adjusted. He's had it.'| - Marshall Mcluhan
`The essential cause of environmental pollution is overpopulation.'| - Jon Breslaw
`The evolution of the human race will not be accomplished in the ten thousand years of tame animals, but in the million years of wild animals, because man is and will always be a wild animal.'| - Charles Galton Darwin
`The existence of god implies a violation of causality.'| - Unknown
`The F-15 Eagle: If it's up, we'll shoot it down. If it's down, we'll blow it up.'| - A McDonnell-Douglas ad from a few years ago
`The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`The fancy is indeed no other than a mode of memory emancipated from the order of space and time.'| - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
`The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems.'| - Roger Levian
`The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)|Major Barbara, 1907
`The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.'| - Proverbs 1:7
`The fewer clear facts you have in support of an opinion, the stronger your emotional attachment to that opinion.'| - Unknown
`The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of women who love me.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`The final lesson of Vietnam is that no great nation can long afford to be sundered by a memory.'| - George Bush
`The finest edge is made with the blunt whetstone.'| - John Lyly
`The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.'| - Unknown
`The first condition of immortality is death.'| - Stanislaw Lec
`The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.'| - Abbie Hoffman
`The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.'| - Clarence Darrow (1857-1938)
`The first human being who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization.'| - Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
`The first of all English games is making money.'| - John Ruskin
`The first precept was never to accept a thing as true until I knew it as such without a single doubt.'| - Rene Descartes
`The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.'| - Richard Feynman
`The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.'| - Paul Erlich
`The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.'| - Milo Bloom
`The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.'| - Unknown
`The first step towards knowledge is to know that we are ignorant.'| - Richard Cecil
`The first thing is character... Because a man I do not trust could not get money from me on all the bonds in Christendom.'| - J. P. Morgan (1837-1913)
`The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.'| - William Shakespeare: Henry VI, Part 2, act ii
`The fixity of a habit is generally in direct proportion to it's absurdity.'| - Proust
`The flow chart is a most thoroughly oversold piece of program documentation.'| - Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
`The flush toilet is the basis of western civilization.'| - Alan Coult
`The follies which a man regret most in his life are those that he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.'| - Helen Rowland
`The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground.'| - Buddha
`The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.'| - Art Linkletter
`The function of genius is not to give new answers, but to pose new questions which time and mediocrity can resolve.'| - H. R. Trevor-Roper
`The function of the artist is to provide what life does not.'| - Unknown
`The fundamental principle of science, the definition almost, is this: the sole test of the validity of any idea is experiment.'| - Richard P. Feynman
`The fundamental principles which govern the handling of postage stamps and of millions of dollars are exactly the same. They are the common law of business, and the whole practice of commerce is founded on them. They are so simple that a fool can't learn them, so hard that a lazy man won't.'| - Philip D. Armour (1832-1901)
`The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge.'| - Albert Einstein
`The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.'| - Murphy's Military Law #7
`The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.'| - Unknown
`The future is like heaven - everyone exalts it, but no one wants to go there now.'| - James Baldwin
`The future is much like the present, only longer.'| - Don Quisenberry
`The future is purchased by the present.'| - Samuel Johnson
`The future isn't what it used to be.'| - Unknown
`The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.'| - John Sladek
`The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.'| - Ambrose Bierce|The Devil's Dictionary
`The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy.'| - Unknown
`The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.'| - Robert R. Coveyou, Oak Ridge National Laboratory
`The genius, wit, and spirit of a nation are discovered by their proverbs.'| - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.'| - Unknown
`The glad man is he who does not lose his child's heart.'| - K'ung Fu-tse
`The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.'| - Russell Baker
`The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.'| - Hackers Handbook
`The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.'| - Unknown
`The gods love heroes. They also love a good laugh. Think about it.'| - Unknown
`The gods too are fond of a joke.'| - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
`The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`The good thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said.'| - Unknown
`The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion.'| - George Washington
`The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom even ordinarily respectable.'| - H. L. Mencken
`The Great Big Black Things that have loomed against the horizon of my life, threatening to devour me, simply loomed and nothing more. The things that have really made me miss my train have always been sweet, soft, pretty, pleasant things of which I was not in the least afraid.'| - Elbert Hubbard
`The great business of life is to be, to do, to do without, and to depart.'| - John Morley, Viscount Morley of Blackburn (1838-1923)
`The great masses of the people... will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one.'| - Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
`The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by mean of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.'| - Justice Louis O. Brandeis
`The greatest gift is the power to estimate correctly the value of things.'| - Francois. Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
`The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The greatest man in history was the poorest.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The greatest pleasure-doing what they said couldn't be done.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The greatest productive force is human selfishness.'| - Unknown
`The greatest remedy for anger is delay.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The greatest task before civilization at present is to make machines what they ought to be, the slaves, instead of the masters of men.'| - Havelock Ellis
`The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.'| - William James
`The greatest warriors are the ones who fight for peace.'| - Holly Near
`The greatness of a man can nearly always be measured by his willingness to be kind.'| - G. Young
`The groundwork of all happiness is health.'| - Leigh Hunt
`The habit most worth cultivating is that of thinking clearly even though inspired.'| - Thomas H. Uzzel (1932- )
`The hand that kindles cannot quench the flame.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The harder you work the luckier you get.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The hardest job of all is trying to look busy when you're not.'| - William Feather (1889- )
`The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when you put a lot of relatives on the train for home.'| - Unknown
`The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.'| - Helen Hayes at age eighty-three
`The heart has its prisons that intelligence cannot unlock.'| - Marcel Jouhandeau
`The heart is wiser than the intellect.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The hidden flaw never remains hidden.'| - Law of Revelation
`The highest happiness of man is to have probed what is knowable and quietly to revere what is unknowable.'| - Unknown
`The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a lifetime, if not asked to lend money.'| - Mark Twain
`The honeymoon is that short period of doting between dating and debting.'| - Unknown
`The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who in time of great moral crises maintain their neutrality.'| - Dante
`The hour which gives us life begins to take it away.'| - Seneca
`The human being who looks upon his own future as already determined by fate... only acknowledges a lack of will power to struggle and win through.'| - Max Planck
`The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity. The rest is overhead for the operating system.'| - The Human Mind as a Computer
`The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it.'| - Biologist P. B. Medawar
`The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.'| - Unknown
`The human race knows enough about thinking to prevent it.'| - Celia Greene
`The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.'| - Mother Teresa
`The idea of all-out nuclear war is unsettling.'| - Walter Goodman
`The idea that population growth guarantees a better life, financially or otherwise, is a myth that only those who sell diapers, baby carriages and the like have any right to believe.'| - Fairfield Osborn
`The ideas I stand for are not mine. I borrowed them from Socrates. I swiped them from Chesterfield. I stole them from Jesus. And I put them in a book. If you don't like their rules, whose would you use?'| - Dale Carnegie
`The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The ignorant man always adores what he cannot understand.'| - Cesare Lombroso
`The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.'| - Henry Kissinger
`The illusion that times that were are better than those that are, has probably pervaded all ages.'| - Horace Greeley
`The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life.'| - Glenda Jackson (Attrib.)
`The important thing is not to stop questioning.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`The impossible is often the untried.'| - Jim Goodwin
`The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of things.'| - Laurence J. Peter
`The individual serves the industrial system not by supplying it with savings and the resulting capital; he serves it by consuming its products.'| - John Kenneth Galbraith (1908- )
`The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`The ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.'| - Unknown
`The instinct of acquisitiveness has more perverts' I believe' than the instinct of sex. At any rate, people seem to me odder about money than about even their amours.'| - Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)
`The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.'| - Göethe (1749-1832)
`The Jews generally give value. They make you pay; but they deliver the goods. In my experience the men who want something for nothing are invariably Christians.'| - George Bernard Shaw
`The job's not over until the paperwork's done.'| - Manager's Motto
`The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.'| - Lao Tsze
`The key to acting is sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it made.'| - George Burns
`The lack of money is the root of all evil.'| - Mark Twain
`The ladder of life is full of splinters, but they always prick hardest when you're sliding down.'| - William Brownell
`The Large Print giveth and the Small Print taketh away.'| - The Lawyers Motto
`The last creature to discover water would be the fish, precisely because he is always immersed in it!'| - Ralph Linton
`The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.'| - Blaise Pascal
`The law is bigger than money, but only if the law works hard enough.'| - Thomas E. Dewey
`The Law of Raspberry Jam - The wider any culture is spread, the thinner it gets.'| - Alvin Toffler
`The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.'| - Anatole France
`The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.'| - Fishermans Law
`The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.'| - Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980)
`The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present.'| - Shanahan's Law
`The less you have to do, the less time you find to do it in.'| - Unknown
`The lesser of two evils is still evil.'| - Seymour (Sy) Leon
`The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal; the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend, is immortal.'| - Mark Twain: "On the Decay of the Art of Lying"
`The life so short, the craft so long to learn.'| - Hippocrates
`The life which is unexamined is not worth living.'| - Plato
`The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.'| - Unknown
`The limits of my language means the limits of my world.'| - Ludwig Wittgenstein
`The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.'| - Allen's Distinction
`The little I know I owe to my ignorance.'| - Sacha Guitry
`The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`The longer you keep your temper the better it will get.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.'| - Unknown
`The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase: 'And now a word from our sponsor.' - Hal Eaton, Reader's Digest, 1949
`The loss which is unknown is no loss at all.'| - Publilius Syrus Sententiae
`The main thing is the play itself. I swear that greed for money has nothing to do with it, although heaven knows I am sorely in need of money.'| - Feodor Dostoyevsky
`The Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.'| - Lt. Col. Walt Weir, USA
`The major advances in civilization are processes which all but wreck the societies in which they occur.'| - Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)
`The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.'| - Albert Einstein
`The man scarce lives who is not more credulous than he ought to be... The natural disposition is always to believe. It is acquired wisdom and experience only that teach incredulity, and they very seldom teach it enough.'| - Adam Smith
`The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.'| - Alan Ashley-Pitt
`The man who has a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich.'| - Attributed to John Jacob Astor III (1886-1971)
`The man who has nothing to boast of but his ancestry is like a potato. The only good belonging to him is underground.'| - Sir Thomas Overbury
`The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore.'| - Samuel Butler
`The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.'| - Unknown
`The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.'| - Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
`The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.'| - Jones' Law
`The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.'| - Chinese proverb
`The man who, in a fit of melancholy, kills himself today, would have wished to live had he waited a week.'| - Voltaire (1694-1778)
`The man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.'| - Mark Twain
`The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.'| - William Stekel
`The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`The measure of man is what he does with power.'| - Pittacus
`The Medium IS the Message.'| - Marshal McLuhan
`The meek are contesting the will.'| - Grafitti
`The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights.'| - J. Paul Getty
`The meek will inherit the earth... the rest of us will go to the stars.'| - Unknown
`The mere absence of war is not peace.'| - John F. Kennedy
`The middle word in "Life" is "if".'| - Unknown
`The mind resorts to reason for want of training.'| - Henry Adams
`The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.'| - Unknown
`The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out.'| - Tenessee Williams
`The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.'| - John Kenneth Galbraith
`The modern corporation is a political institution; its purpose is the creation of legitimate power in the industrial sphere.'| - Peter F. Drucker
`The moment you cheat for the sake of beauty, you know you are an artist.'| - Max Jacob
`The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."'| - Isaac Asimov
`The more he talked of his honor the faster we counted our spoons.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn.'| - Second Law of Revision
`The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.'| - Lao Tsu
`The more the pleasures of the body fade away, the greater to me is the pleasure and charm of conversation.'| - Plato
`The more things change, the more they remain the same.'| - Alphonse Karr
`The more you cultivate people the more you turn up clods.'| - Grafitti
`The more you say, the less people remember.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.'| - Murphy's Military Law #4
`The most delicate component will be dropped.'| - Rosenfield's Regret
`The most distressing thing that can happen to a prophet is to be proved wrong. The next most distressing thing is to be proved right.'| - Aldous Huxley
`The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.'| - Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834)
`The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.'| - Lyall's Fundamental Observation
`The most important thing about Spaceship Earth - an instruction book didn't come with it.'| - R. Buckminster Fuller
`The most important thing in a man is not what he knows, but what he is.'| - Narciso Yepes
`The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them be good at taking orders.'| - Linda Festa
`The most important things to do in this world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.'| - Brendan Behan
`The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`The most merciful thing in the world is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.'| - H. P. Lovecraft
`The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money.'| - Joey Adams
`The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.'| - Calvin Trillin
`The most solid stone is the lowest one in the foundation.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.'| - Unknown
`The natural history of science is the study of the unknown. If you fear it, then you're not going to study it, and you're not going to make any progress.'| - Dr. Michael E. DeBakey
`The nature of men is always the same; it is their habits that separate them.'| - Confucius
`The Nazis have no sense of humor, so why should they want television?'| - Philip K. Dick
`The nature of business is swindling.'| - August Bebel (184()1913)
`The new electronic interdependence recreated the world in the image of a global village.'| - Marshall McLuhan
`The news is the one thing the networks can point to with pride. Everything else they do is crap - and they know it.'| - Fred Friendly
`The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.'| - Andrew S. Tanenbaum
`The noble secret of laughing at oneself is the greatest humor of all.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes - ah, that is where the art resides.'| - Schnabel
`The number of licorice gumballs you get out of a gumball machine increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice.'| - Unknown
`The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his.'| - General George S. Patton (1885-1945)
`The obvious answer is always overlooked.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The old believe everything: the middle-aged suspect everything: the young know everything.'| - Oscar Wilde
`The old gentleman said they never engaged in anything that required risk, or trouble, in the management.'| - William G. Moorhead report on the Rothschilds
`The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a necessity.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.'| - Unknown
`The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.'| - The Roman Rule
`The only accident [at Three Mile Island] is that this thing leaked out. You could have avoided this whole thing by not saying anything.'| - Craig Faust (control-room operator at TMI)
`The only corporate defense against rationality is bureaucracy.'| - Unknown
`The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The only difference between an unclear war and a nuclear war is the way you use the UN.'| - Unknown
`The only man who should not be judged by the company he keeps is a warden.'| - Laurence J. Peter
`The only man, woman, or child who ever wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead.'| - E. E. Cummings (1894-1962) on the death of Warren G. Harding
`The only measure of a man's usefulness is the extent to which he exercises his talent, according to the laws of his own growth, for the common good.'| - Stanley Kunitz
`The only race worth winning is the human race.'| - Unknown
`The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.'| - Paul Fix
`The only rose without thorns is friendship.'| - Unknown
`The only short meetings are when no-one shows up.'| - Unknown
`The only sin is self-hatred.'| - Paul Williams
`The only solid and lasting peace between a man and his wife is doubtless a separation.'| - Lord Chesterfield (1694-1773)
`The only thing constant is change.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The only thing funnier than how things don't work out, is how they do.'| - Unknown
`The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.'| - Murphy's Military Law #13
`The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.'| - Edmund Burke
`The only thing that I'm sure of is my growing sense of uncertainty.'| - Unknown
`The only thing that keeps me alive is the hope that I will die young.'| - Unknown
`The only thing that matters is the bottom line? What a presumptuous thing to say! The bottom line is in heaven.'| - Edwin Land (1909- )
`The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency.'| - Eugene McCarthy
`The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.'| - Nicholas Chamfort (1741-1794)
`The only thing that wealth does for some people is to make them worry about losing it.'| - Compte De Riverol
`The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.'| - Franklin D. Roosevelt
`The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.'| - Unknown
`The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when you're done.'| - Unknown
`The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever.'| - Herb Caen
`The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.'| - Natalie Wood (1938-1981)
`The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.'| - Murphy's Military Law #12
`The only way for a reporter to look at a politician is down.'| - H. L. Mencken
`The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`The only way to learn a new programming language is by writing programs in it.'| - Brian Kernighan
`The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.'| - Niels Bohr
`The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.'| - James B. Cabell
`The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.'| - J. Robert Oppenheimer
`The other line moves faster.'| - Etorre's Observation
`The pace of events is moving so fast that unless we can find some way to keep our sights on tomorrow, we cannot expect to be in touch with today.'| - Dean Rusk
`The paper burns, but the words fly away.'| - Ben Joseph Akiba
`The past is the only dead thing that smells sweet.'| - Cyril Connolly
`The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.'| - Mark Twain
`The pathology is to want control, not that you ever get it, because of course you never do.'| - Gregory Bateson
`The people here [in Nicaragua] are amazingly friendly, when you figure we're here to overthrow their government.'| - Richard Melton, US Ambassador to Nicaragua
`The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely proportional to its actual usefulness once bought and paid for.'| - Glatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness
`The personal computer market is about the same size as the total potato chip market. Next year it will be about half the size of the pet food market and is fast approaching the total worldwide sales of pantyhose.'| - James Finke, Pres., Commodore Int'l Ltd.(1982)
`The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum.'| - Havelock Ellis
`The plural of spouse is spice.'| - Unknown
`The people are a many-headed beast.'| - Horace
`The perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The person who is all wrapped up in himself is overdressed.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The philosophy behind much advertising is based on the old observation that every man is really two men - the man he is and the man he wants to be.'| - William Feather (1889- )
`The physical labor actors have to do wouldn't tax an embryo.'| - Neil Simon
`The polar ice cap is melting and all you can do is look at reruns of Barney Miller?'| - Bill Hoest: "What A Guy"
`The policeman isn't there to create disorder; [he's] there to preserve disorder.'| - Former Chicago Mayor Richard Daley
`The pot that belongs to partners is neither hot nor cold.'| - Talmud
`The power to destroy a planet is insignificant when compared to the power of the Force.'| - Darth Vader
`The power which money gives is that of brute force; it is the power of the bludgeon and the bayonet.'| - William Cobbett (1763-1835)
`The prevailing Catholic odor - incense, wax, centuries of mild bleating from the lips of the flock.'| - Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
`The price of greatness is responsibility.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.'| - Eldridge Cleaver
`The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.'| - James Baldwin
`The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers.'| - Arthur Koestler
`The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of:| 1) a date,| 2) his wife,| 3) a better looking and richer male friend.'| - Beifeld's Principle
`The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.'| - Gumperson's Law
`The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.'| - Unknown
`The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.'| - Glaser and Way
`The problem with spaghetti is that you can't eat it neatly without making a mess.'| - Levin's Observation
`The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.'| - Murphy's Military Law #5
`The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.'| - Grafitti
`The problems with most desktop publishing designers can be traced to Typer-activity. - Brad Kozak
`The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.'| - Hackers Handbook
`The programmer, like the poet, works only slightly removed from pure thought-stuff. He builds his castles in the air, from air, creating by exertion of the imagination. Few media of creation are so flexible, so easy to polish and rework, so readily capable of realizing grand conceptual structures.'| - Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
`The proof of a system's value is its existence.'| - Unknown
`The proof of the pudding is in the eating.'| - Unknown
`The propensity to truck, barter, and exchange... is common to all men, and to be found in no other race of animals.'| - Adam Smith (1723-1790)
`The public may boo me, but when I go home and think of my money I clap.'| - Horace (65-8 B.C.)
`The Puritan's idea of Hell is a place where everybody has to mind his own business.'| - Attributed to Wendell Phillips (1811-1884)
`The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.'| - R. W. Hamming
`The pursuit of gain is the only way in which men can serve the needs of others whom they do not know.'| - Friedrich August von Hayek (1899- )
`The pyramids will not last a moment compared with the daisy.'| - D. H. Lawrence
`The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.'| - Murphy's Military Law #10
`The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong - but that's the way to bet.'| - Damon Runyon
`The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong.'| - Ecclesiastes 9:11
`The radical invents the new ideas, and when he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.'| - Mark Twain
`The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.'| - Booboo Bear
`The rat race is over; the rats won.'| - Unknown
`The real price of everything...is the toil and trouble of acquiring it.'| - Adam Smith (1723-1790)
`The real problem is in the hearts and minds of men... it is easier to denature plutonium that to denature the evil spirit in man. Man's skills have outstripped his morals.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`The real problem with SDI is that it doesn't kill anybody.'| - Tom Neff
`The real world is a special case.'| - Horngren's Observation (Generalized)
`The reality is that changes are coming... They must come. You must share in bringing them.'| - John Hersey
`The reason American cities are prosperous is that there is no place to sit down.'| - Alfred J. Talley
`The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.'| - Sam Levenson (1911-1980)
`The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time.'| - Willie Tyler
`The reason that lovers never weary each other is because they are always talking about themselves.'| - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld
`The reason the government thinks you're just a number is because it's just a machine.'| - Unknown
`The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.'| - Maureen Murphy
`The reasonable man adapts himself to society. The unreasonable man persists in attempting to adapt society to himself. Thus all progress depends upon the unreasonable man.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.'| - Unknown
`The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.'| - Murphy's Law of Repairmen
`The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`The result of improved and enlarged communications is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.'| - Law of Communications
`The rich are the scum of the earth in every country.'| - G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
`The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.'| - Unknown
`The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.'| - Hubert H. Humphrey
`The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right.'| - William Safire
`The ripest fruit falls first.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The road to Hades is easy to travel.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The rule on staying alive as a program manager is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.'| - Unknown
`The savage in man is never quite eradicated.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`The scalded cat fears even cold water.'| - Thomas Fuller
`The scenery only changes for the lead dog.| - Sargeant Preston: The Law of the Yukon
`The school of hard knocks is an accelerated curriculum.'| - Menander (342?-292? B.C.)
`The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.'| - Mark Russell
`The scientists split the atom; now the atom is splitting us.'| - Quentin Reynolds
`The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.'| - Mel Lazarus
`The secret of happiness is freedom, and the secret of freedom is courage.'| - Thucydides
`The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.'| - Lucille Ball
`The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.'| - Jean Giraudoux
`The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`The secret to winning the support of large groups of people is positive thinking.'| - N. Bonaparte (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
`The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interest and his own are the same.'| - Stendhal (1783-1842)
`The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.'| - Unknown
`The shortest distance between two points is under construction'| - Noelie Altito
`The show-off is always shown up in a showdown.'| - Fortune cookie.
`The sign brings customers.'| - Jean de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
`The simple-minded use of the notions "right and wrong" is one of the chief obstacles to the progress of understanding.'| - Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)
`The smallest fact is a window through which the infinite may be seen.'| - Aldous Huxley
`The Socratic manner is not a game at which two can play. Please answer my question to the best of your ability.'| - Max Beerbohm (1872-1956)
`The solution to the problem changes the problem.'| - Peer's Law
`The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money.'| - Ed Bluestone
`The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the quality of his service.'| - Ralph Nader
`The sports page records people's accomplishments; The front page nothing but their failures.'| - Supreme Court Justice Earl Warren
`The statement below is true.|The statement above is false.'| - Paradox
`The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe.'| - Frank Rizzo
`The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone.'| - Henrik Ibsen
`The structure of a system reflects the structure of the organization that built it.'| - Richard Fairley, Wang Institute
`The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal.'| - Erich Fromm
`The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.'| - Cole's Axiom
`The sun and the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago... had they happened to be within the reach of predatory human hands.'| - Havelock Ellis
`The Sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent upon it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.'| - Galileo
`The supreme triumph of reason is to cast doubt upon its own validity.'| - Miguel de Unamuno
`The surest way to corrupt a young man is to teach him to esteem more highly those who think alike than those who think differently.'| - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
`The system is not quite as rickety as I have been telling you.'| - Ralph Gorin
`The Tao person lives fully in every moment.'| - Unknown
`The Tao which can be understood is not the true Tao.'| - Unknown
`The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.'| - Franklin D. Roosevelt
`The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.'| - Dietrich Bonhoeffer
`The thing that astonished him was that cats should have two holes cut in their coat exactly at the place where their eyes are.'| - Unknown
`The thought of being President frightens me and I don't think I want the job.'| - Ronald Reagan in 1973
`The three great American vices seem to be efficiency, punctuality and the desire for achievement and success.'| - Lin Yutang (1895-1976)
`The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.'| - Unknown
`The time has come, the Walrus said,|To talk of many things:|Of shoes - and ships - & sealing wax|Of cabbages and kings.|Why the sea is boiling hot|And whether pigs have wings.'| - Lewis Carroll
`The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.'| - Sydney J. Harris
`The time to stop a revolution is at the beginning, not the end.'| - Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
`The totality is present even in the broken pieces.'| - Aldous Huxley
`The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that users don't really know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.'| - Unknown
`The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.'| - Unknown
`The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.'| - Franklin P. Jones
`The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.'| - Herb Caen
`The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.'| - Unknown
`The trouble with heart disease is that the first symptom is often hard to deal with, sudden death.'| - Michael Phelps, MD
`The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.'| - Martin Mull
`The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry.'| - John Jensen
`The trouble with loving is that pets don't last long enough and people last too long.'| - Unknown
`The trouble with most jobs is the job holder's resemblance to being one of a sled dog team. No one gets a change of scenery except the lead dog.'| - Moer's Truism
`The trouble with opportunity is that it only knocks. Temptation kicks the door in.'| - Unknown
`The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.'| - Paul Valéry
`The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.'| - Korman's Conclusion
`The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him.'| - Cher
`The trouble with the profit system has always been that it was highly unprofitable to most people.'| - E. B. White
`The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.'| - Lily Tomlin
`The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.'| - Slappy White
`The trouble with using experience as a guide is that the final exam often comes first and then the lessons.'| - Unknown
`The trouble, Mr. Goldwyn, is that you are only interested in art and I am only interested in money.'| - George Bernard Shaw when declining to sell Samuel Goldwyn screen rights to his plays
`The true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything but his art.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`The true statesman is the one who is willing to take risks.'| - Charles de Gaulle
`The truest wild beasts live in the most populous places.'| - Baltasar Gracian
`The truth is incontrovertible. Panic may resent it; ignorance may deride it; malice may distort it; but there it is.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`The truth is that Christian theology, like every other theology, is not only opposed to the scientific spirit; it is also opposed to all other attempts at rational thinking. Not by accident does Genesis 3 make the father of knowledge a serpent, slimy, sneaking and abominable.'| - H. L. Mencken
`The truth is more important than the facts.'| - Frank Lloyd Wright
`The truth is the one thing that nobody will believe.'| - George Bernard Shaw
`The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.'| - Unknown
`The truth shall make you free - but first it will piss you off.'| - Unknown
`The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.'| - Andy Rooney
`The two most beautiful words in the English Language are "Check Enclosed".'| - Dorthy Parker
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`The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.'| - Kilgore Trout
`The universe is all a spinoff of the Big Bang.'| - Unknown
`The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.'| - Unknown
`The universe is not to be narrowed down to the limits of Understanding, - but the Understanding must be stretched and enlarged to take in the image of the Universe as it is discovered.'| - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`The unnatural, that too is natural.'| - Göthe
`The unreasonable man is the one who expects the world to adapt to his needs, the reasonable man is the one who adapts himself to suit the world. Therefore, all progress depends upon the unreasonable man.'| - George Bernard Shaw
`The urge to consume is fathered by the value system which emphasizes the ability of the society to produce.'| - John Kenneth Galbraith (1908- )
`The urge to destroy is also a creative urge.'| - Bakunin
`The use of money is all the advantage there is in having money.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`The validity of a science is its ability to predict.'| - The Swartzberg Test
`The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.'| - Sixth Law of Computer Programming
`The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them. Whether you find satisfaction in life depends not on your tale of years, but of your will.'| - Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
`The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults.'| - Peter De Vries
`The Vice Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does.'| - Bill Vaughan
`The vice-presidency ain't worth a pitcher of warm spit.'| - Vice President John Nance Garner (1868-1967)
`The victor will never be asked if he told the truth.'| - Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
`The village hall was one of those mid-Victorian jobs in glazed red brick which always seem to bob up in these olde-world hamlets and do so much to encourage the drift to towns.'| - P. G. Wodehouse
`The vulgar man is always the most distinguished, for the very desire to be distinguished is vulgar.'| - G. K. Chesterton
`The wages of sin are usually unreported.'| - Revenue Canada
`The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones.'| - Nathaniel Howe
`The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.'| - Fanny Fern
`The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.'| - Unknown
`The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.'| - Unknown
`The ways of the Almighty are marvelously predictable.'| - Unknown
`The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.'| - Unknown
`The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.'| - Josh Billings
`The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.'| - Wavy Gravy
`The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.'| - Bertrand Russell
`The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it.'| - Reggie Jackson
`The wisdom of man never yet contrived a system of taxation that operates with perfect equality.'| - Andrew Jackson
`The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.'| - Unknown
`The woods are lovely, dark and deep.|But I have promises to keep,|And miles to go before I sleep.'| - Robert Frost
`The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls, tenement halls...'| - Paul Simon | |`The words of the profits are written on the studio walls, concert halls...'| - Neal Pert (Rush)
`The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all.'| - Mark Twain|The New York Times|November 26, 1905
`The world began without man, and it will complete itself without him.'| - Claude Levi-Strauss
`The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.'| - Unknown
`The world is an enormous injustice.'| - Jules Romains
`The world is coming to an end. Please log off.'| - Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
`The world is divided into people who do things - and people who get the credit.'| - Dwight Morrow
`The world is full of fools and villains. Worse yet, the fools and villains are in charge.'| - Unknown
`The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealized past.'| - Robertson Davies
`The world is full of willing people. Some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.'| - Robert Frost
`The world is made for people who are not cursed with self-awareness.'| - Unknown
`The world is no nursery.'| - Sigmund Freud
`The world is quickly bored by the recital of misfortune and willingly avoids the sight of distress.'| - W. Somerset Maugham
`The world isn't worse. It's just that the news coverage is so much better.'| - Unknown
`The world looks as if it has been left in the custody of trolls.'| - Father Robert F. Capon
`The world stands aside to let anyone pass who knows where he is going.'| - David Starr Jordan
`The worst form of failure is the failure to try.'| - Fortune Cookie
`The worst of madmen is a saint run mad.'| - Alexander Pope
`The worst thing about censorship is the suppression of free expression.[DELETED FOR SECURITY REASONS].'| - Unknown
`The writer is the engineer of the human soul.'| - Joseph Stalin
`The years teach us much the days never knew.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson
`The young man who has not wept is a savage, and the old man who will not laugh is a fool.'| - Unknown
`The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.'| - Unknown
`Theater, art, literature, cinema... must be cleansed of all manifestations of our rotting world...'| - Adolf Hitler
`Them what has - gets.'| - Iron Law of Distribution
`Then what is it worth, this mining industry? And why should it be kept alive, if it is only our poverty that keeps it alive? Is it we that must be kept poor so that others may stay rich?'| - Alan Paton
`There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.'| - Unknown
`There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.'| - Mark Twain
`There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.'| - L. M. Boyd
`There are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back.'| - Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister
`There are a lot of lies a going around. And half of them are true.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`There are bugs and then there are Bugs. And then there are BUGS!'| - Karl Lehenbauer
`There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.'| - Robert Orben
`There are few people more often in the wrong than those who cannot endure to be thought so.'| - Unknown
`There are few ways in which a man can be more innocently employed than in getting money.'| - Samuel Johnson
`There are girls, few perhaps but to be found if one searches carefully, who when their advice is ignored and disaster ensues, do not say 'I told you so'. Mavis was not of their number.'| - P. G. Wodehouse
`There are lots of things more important than money - but you need money to buy them.'| - Unknown
`There are men whom one hates until that moment when one sees, through a chink in their armor, the sight of something nailed down and in torment.'| - Unknown
`There are moments when art attains almost to the dignity of manual labor.'| - Unknown
`There are more dead people than living, and their numbers are increasing.'| - Eugene Ionesco
`There are more fools among buyers than among sellers.'| - French proverb
`There are more horses' asses in this world than there are horses.'| - Soderquist's Paradox
`There are more of them than us.'| - Herb Caen
`There are more old drunkards than old doctors.'| - Unknown
`There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.'| - Mohammad Ali on the occasion of one of his retirements.
`There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio than are dreamt of in your philosophy.'| - William Shakespeare: Hamlet
`There are more ways into the woods than out.'| - Unknown
`There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream.'| - Unknown
`There are no answers, only cross references.'| - Weiner's Law of Libraries
`There are no atheists in the foxholes.'| - William Thomas Cummings
`There are no friends at cards or world politics.'| - F. P. Dunne
`There are no saints, only unrecognized villains.'| - Unknown
`There are no second acts in American lives.'| - F. Scott Fitzgerald, American Author (1896-1940)
`There are no secrets better kept than those secrets that everybody guesses.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy, and the tired.'| - F. Scott Fitzgerald
`There are only two emotions in Wall Street: fear and greed.'| - William M. LeFevre, Jr. (1927- )
`There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age.'| - Benjamin Spock
`There are only two ways of telling the complete truth: Anonymously and posthumously.'| - Thomas Sowell
`There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country really needs is a good five-cent nickel.'| - Franklin P. Adams (1881-1960)
`There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.'| - Gloria Steinem
`There are some men who get more satisfaction out of their ignorance than most learned men get out of their knowledge.'| - Peter McArthur
`There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.'| - Heisenberg
`There are thousands hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`There are three arts which are concerned with all things; one which uses, another which makes, and a third which imitates them.'| - Plato
`There are three faithful friends-an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.'| - Benjamin Franklin
`There are three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies, and statistics.'| - Mark Twain
`There are three kinds of people in this world, those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those that wonder what happened.'| - Unknown
`There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.'| - W. Somerset Maugham
`There are three things I have always loved and never understood... art, music, and women.'| - Unknown
`There are three ways to get something done:|1) Do it yourself.|2) Hire someone to do it for you.|3) Forbid your kids to do it.'| - Unknown
`There are times when it is undoubtedly better to incur loss than to make gain.'| - Plautus (254-184 B.C.)
`There are two cardinal sins from which all the others spring: impatience and laziness.'| - Franz Kafka
`There are two instruments worse than a clarinet. Two clarinets.'| - Unknown
`There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.'| - Benchley's Law of Distinction
`There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.'| - Rex Stout (1886-1975)
`There are two sides to every question that we're not particularly interested in.'| - Unknown
`There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.'| - Mark Twain
`There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.'| - George Bernard Shaw
`There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.'| - Charles Anthony Richard Hoare
`There are two ways of spreading the light; to be the candle, or, the mirror that reflects the light.'| - Edith Wharton
`There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.'| - Alfred Korzybski
`There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
`There are very few personal problems which cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.'| - Unknown
`There are very honest people who do not think that they have had a bargain unless they have cheated a merchant.'| - Anatole France (1844-1924)
`There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?'| - Woody Allen
`There are "bugs" and then there are "Bugs". And then there are "BUGS".'| - Karl Lehenbauer
`There can be no public or private virtue unless the foundation of action is the practice of truth.'| - George Jacob Holyoake
`There has never been an intelligent person of the age of sixty who would consent to live his life over again. His or anyone else's.'| - Mark Twain
`There is a capacity of virtue in us, and there is a capacity of vice to make your blood creep.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`There is a correlation between the creative and the screwball. So we must suffer the screwball gladly.'| - Kingman Brewster
`There is a daily cost, and all of it lost.'| - Henry George Bohn (1796-1884)
`There is a great deal of wisdom in the Universe. Unfortunately, it is divided up among individuals.'| - Unknown
`There is a moral sense and there is an immoral sense. History shows that the moral sense enables us to see morality and how to avoid it, and that the immortal sense enables us to perceive immortality and how to enjoy it.'| - Mark Twain
`There is a new awareness of style in the Soviet Union. The premier's wife recently appeared on the cover of House and Tractor.'| - Johnny Carson
`There is always free cheese in a mousetrap.'| - Unknown
`There is always more brass than brains in an aristocracy.'| - Oscar Wilde
`There is always one more bug.'| - Eleventh Law of Computer Programming
`There is always room for everybody, as long as you divide by a number greater than one.'| - Unknown
`There is always something to upset the most careful of human calculations.'| - Ihara Saikaku
`There is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem.'| - Booker T. Washington
`There is growing evidence that smoking has pharmacological... effects that are of real value to smokers.'| - Joseph F. Cullman III (President of Phillip Morris)
`There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.'| - W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
`There is hardly anything in the world that some man can't make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price only are this man's lawful prey.'| - John Ruskin (1819-1900)
`There is harmony in discord.'| - Horace
`There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.'| - Arthur C. Clarke
`There is humour in all things.'| - Sir William S. Gilbert
`There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.'| - Bertrand Russell
`There is more to life than increasing its speed.'| - Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
`There is much to be said in favor of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated it keeps us in touch with ignorance of the community.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`There is never enough time, unless you're serving it.'| - Malcolm Forbes
`There is no better ballast for keeping the mind steady on its keel, and saving it from all risk of crankiness, than business.'| - James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
`There is no country and no people who can look forward to the age of leisure and abundance without dread.'| - John Maynard Keynes, English economist (1883-1946)
`There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.'| - George Santayana (1863-1952)
`There is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.'| - Mark Twain
`There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.'| - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`There is no field of science opened to the exploration of man in search of knowledge than astronomical observation.'| - John Quincy Adams
`There is no force of gravity as such. Rather, a celestial body merely pays attention to what it finds in its neighborhood.'| - Einstein
`There is no god, and Murphy is his prophet.'| - Unknown
`There is no gravity. The earth sucks.'| - Graffiti
`There is no great genius without some touch of madness.'| - Seneca
`There is no grief which time does not lessen and soften.'| - Unknown
`There is no heavier burden than a great potential.'| - Unknown
`There is no hope of joy except in human relations'| - Saint-Exupery
`There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise.'| - Gore Vidal
`There is no key to the universe. Fortunately, it has been left unlocked.'| - Unknown
`There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.'| - Quentin Crisp
`There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.'| - John W. Raper
`There is no point in getting angry, but there is a stupid malignity to all this that does try one's patience.'| - Unknown
`There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far from midtown and how late is it open?'| - Woody Allen
`There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home.'| - Kenneth H. Olson
`There is no remedy for sex but more sex.'| - Unknown
`There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity.'| - General Douglas MacArthur
`There is no should. There is only is.'| - Aquare
`There is no sin except stupidity.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`There is no statute of limitations on stupidity.'| - Randomly produced by a computer program called Markov3.
`There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.'| - Unknown
`There is no substitute for hard work.'| - Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
`There is no such thing as `soft sell' and `hard sell.' There is only `smart sell' and `stupid sell.' - Charles Brower (1901- )
`There is no such thing as a functional illiterate.'| - Unknown
`There is no such thing as a little garlic.'| - Unknown
`There is no such thing as a nonracial society in a multiracial country.'| - F. W. de Klerk, President of South Africa
`There is no such thing as a weird human being. It's just that some people require more understanding than others.'| - Unknown
`There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court.'| - Clarence Darrow
`There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.'| - Unknown
`There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.'| - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
`There is no time like the pleasant.'| - Unknown
`There is no time like the present to postpone what you ought to be doing.'| - Unknown
`There is no truth on earth that I fear to be known.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.'| - Mark Twain
`There is no way of keeping profits up but by keeping wages down.'| - David Ricardo (1772-1823)
`There is no wealth but life.'| - John Ruskin (1819-1900)
`There is nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`There is nothing as universal in this world as human thirst... Our market is as big as the world and the people in it.'| - Lee Talley (1901-1976)
`There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus.'| - Mark Twain
`There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy.'| - Johnathon Swift
`There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result.'| - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
`There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.'| - Murphy's Military Law #14
`There is nothing more silly than a silly laugh.'| - Unknown
`There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things we don't know yet.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`There is nothing permanent except change.'| - Heraclitus
`There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.'| - Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
`There is nothing so deadly as not to hold up to people the opportunity to do great and wonderful things, if we wish to stimulate them in an active way.'| - Dr. Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate in chemistry
`There is nothing so easy that it becomes difficult when done with reluctance.'| - Unknown
`There is nothing that a good defense cannot beat a better offense. In other words, a good offense wins.'| - J. Danforth Quayle
`There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.'| - Red Smith
`There is nothing worth inventing which is not inherently dangerous.'| - Oolorie Eckikeck P'wheet
`There is nothing wrong in having nothing to say unless you insist on saying it.'| - Unknown
`There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that is an idea whose time has come.'| - Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
`There is one thing to be said for country clubs; they drain off a lot of people you wouldn't want to associate with anyway.'| - Joseph Prescott
`There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.'| - Salvador Dali
`There is only one good, that is knowledge; there is only one evil, that is ignorance.'| - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
`There is only one place inflation is made in Canada, and that's Ottawa.'| - Milton Friedman
`There is only one success, to be able to spend your life in your own way.'| - Christopher Morley
`There is only one thing about which I am certain, and that is that there is very little which one can be certain.'| - W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
`There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`There is only one way to kill capitalism-by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.'| - Unknown
`There is only one way under high Heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. Remember, there is no other way.'| - Dale Carnegie
`There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp; but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it.'| - Mark Twain
`There is serenity in chaos. Seek ye the eye of the hurricane.'| - Unknown
`There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.'| - Unknown
`There is wisdom in madness and strong probability of truth in all accusations, for people are complete, and everyone is capable of everything.'| - Unknown
`There is, in fact, no reason to believe that any given natural phenomenon, however marvelous it may seem today, will remain forever inexplicable. Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be discovered in the laboratory, and man may set up business as a creator on his own account. The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is even highly probable.'| - H. L. Mencken, 1930
`There isn't room enough in this dress for both of us.'| - Unknown
`There should be three days a week when no one is allowed to say 'What's your sign?' Violators would have their copies of Kahlil Gibran confiscated.'| - Dick Cavett
`There was a call for Divine Intervention. What seems to be the problem?'| - Unknown
`There was a time when we expected nothing of children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience.'| - Anatole Broyard
`There was never a good war or a bad peace.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`There was no difference between the behavior of a god and the operations of pure chance...'| - Thomas Pynchon, _Gravity's Rainbow_
`There will always be survivors.'| - Robert Heinlen
`There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt.'| - Police
`There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker.'| - Charles M. Schulz
`There's a difference between beauty and charm. A beautiful woman is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me.'| - John Erskine
`There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore for hours looking like an idiot.'| - Unknown
`There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.'| - Oscar Levant (1906-1972)
`There's a great woman behind every idiot.'| - John Lennon (1941-1980) on Yoko Ono
`There's a lot to be said for being nouveau riche, and the Reagans mean to say it all.'| - Gore Vidal
`There's always a hole in theories somewhere, if you look close enough.'| - Mark Twain
`There's always an easy solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`There's at least one fool in every married couple.'| - Unknown
`There's no fool like an old fool, 'cause he's experienced.'| - Unknown
`There's no future in time travel.'| - Grafitti
`There's no need to fear, UNDERDOG is here!'| - Underdog
`There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.'| - Dr. Who
`There's no substitute for incomprehensible good luck.'| - Unknown
`There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`There's nobody perfect not even the perfect fool.| - Huey Lewis
`There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.'| - Jim Hightower
`There's nothing so passionate as a vested interest disguised as an intellectual conviction.'| - Sean O`Casey
`There's nothing wrong with being a self-made man if you don't consider the job finished too soon.'| - John Mooney
`There's nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.'| - Ross MacDonald
`There's nothing you can do that can't be done.'| - John Lennon
`There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.'| - Clint Eastwood
`There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.'| - Robert Orben
`There's someone in my head and it's not me.'| - Pink Floyd: "Darkside of the Moon"
`They are able because they think they are able.'| - Virgil
`They are only ten. [Said to have been posted in The Times' offices to remind the staff of their public's mental age.] - Lord Northcliffe (1865-1922)
`They are using a doublespeak these days, much as was spoken to the Indians before us. They would have us call an air polluting, noise and water polluting building that manufactures synthetic products a `plant'. That's not a plant! That's a sewage system made by man.'| - Gatewood Galbraith
`They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.'| - Andy Warhol (1928-1987)
`They copied all they could copy,|But they couldn't copy my mind;||And I left them sweatin' and stealin',|A year-and-a-half behind.'| - Rudyard Kipling
`They couldn't hit an elephant from this dist...'| - Last words of General John Sedgwick, Battle of Spotsylvania, 1864
`They have rights who dare defend them.'| - Roger Baldwin
`They hired the money, didn't they?'| - Response to question about France and England's war debts, 1925
`They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.'| - Garrison Keillor
`They say you can't do it, but sometimes it doesn't always work.'| - Casey Stengel
`They struggle to gain in order that they may spend, and then to regain what they have spent.'| - Ovid, Fasti
`They talk most who have the least to say.'| - Matthew Prior
`They that govern the most make the least noise.'| - John Seldon
`They thought to use and shame me but I win out by nature, because a true freak cannot be made. A true freak must be born.'| - K. Dunn
`They [preachers] dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight and scowl on the fatal harbinger announcing the subversions of the duperies on which they live.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`They were really tough - they used to tie their tomatoes on the end of a yo-yo, so they could hit you twice.'| - Bob Hope
`Things are always at their best in the beginning.'| - Pascal
`Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.'| - Dwight D. Eisenhower
`Things are not always what they seem.'| - Unknown
`Things are not as simple as they seems at first.'| - Edward Thorp
`Things are only worth what one makes them worth.'| - Moliere (1622-1673)
`Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.'| - First Postulate of Isomorphism
`Things get worse under pressure.'| - Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
`Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.'| - Dwight David Eisenhower (1890-1969)
`Things will get worse before they will get better? Who said things would get better?'| - Ehrman's Commentary
`Things work better if you plug them in.'| - Unknown
`Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn't make up yourself- a wise move at any age, but most especially at seventeen, when you are in the greatest danger of coming to annoying conclusions.'| - Fran Lebowitz
`Think of death as a pie in the face from God.'| - Unknown
`Thinking is wise, planning is better, doing is best.'| - Unknown
`Thirty days hath November,|April, June, and September,|February hath twenty-eight alone,|And all the rest have thirty-one.'| - Richard Grafton
`Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London's society is full of women who have of their free choice remained thirty-five for years.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`This ain't no party! This ain't no disco! This ain't no foolin' around!'| - Talking Heads
`This book is a mirror. When a monkey looks in, no apostle looks out.'| - Lichtenberg
`This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is now in the American experience... We must not fail to comprehend its grave implications... We must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence...by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.'| - Dwight D. Eisenhower
`This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel.|(If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?) - found on a door in the MSU Music building
`This is either a forgery or a damn clever original!'| - Frank Sullivan
`This is no game for old men! Send in the boys!'| - W. Hayes (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
`This is the goal: To make available for life every place where life is possible; to make inhabitable all worlds as yet uninhabitable and all life purposeful.'| - Dr. Herman Oberth
`This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper.'| - T. S. Eliot
`This isn't brain surgery; it's just television.'| - David Letterman
`This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.'| - Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted by a physicist colleague
`This knowledge I pursure is the finest pleasure I have ever known. I could no sooner give it up that I could the very air that I breath.'| - Paolo Uccello, Renaissance artist, discoverer of the laws of perspective
`This life is a test. Had it been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go. You may or may not be issued an actual life later.'| - Unknown
`This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.'| - Arthur Dent: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
`This quote intentionally left blank.'| - QOTD
`This quote is inoperative. Please try another.'| - QOTD
`This quote is owned and operated by Froboz Magic Co., Ltd.'| - The Wizard Froboz
`This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered French toast in the Renaissance.'| - Steven Wright, comedian
`This was the ultimate form of ostentation among technology freaks - to have a system so complete and sophisticated that nothing showed; no machines, no wires, no controls.'| - Michael Swanwick, "Vacuum Flowers"
`This world is comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel.'| - Horace Walpole
`Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.'| - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
`Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.'| - Unknown
`Those who are not shocked when they first come across quantum theory, cannot possibly have understood it.'| - Neils Bohr
`Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.'| - Plato (427?-347 B.C.)
`Those who believe in astrology are living in houses with foundations of Silly Putty.'| - Dennis Rawlins, astronomer
`Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself.'| - Miguel de Unamuno, Spanish philosopher and writer
`Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'| - George Santayana
`Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.'| - Henry Spencer, University of Toronto Unix hack
`Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.'| - Edgar Allan Poe
`Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.'| - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
`Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.'| - Lane Olinghouse
`Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.'| - John F. Kennedy
`Those who set out to serve both God and Mammon soon discover that there is no God.'| - Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946)
`Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.'| - Alex Hamilton
`Those who war with others are not at peace with themselves.'| - William Hazlitt
`Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.'| - Wilson Mizner
`Those who worked the hardest are the last to surrender.'| - Gary Ward
`Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night, I can see paradise by the dashboard light.'| - Meatloaf
`Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it within us or we will find it not.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`Three addresses always inspire confidence, even in tradesmen.'| - Oscar Wilde
`Three helping one another will do as much as six men singly.'| - Spanish Proverb
`Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor.'| - Graffiti
`Throw a lucky man in the sea, and he will come up with a fish in his mouth.'| - Arab proverb
`Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Time and tide wait for no man.'| - Unknown
`Time as he grows old teaches all things.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.'| - Hector Berlioz
`Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.'| - Graffiti
`Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.'| - Unknown
`Time is flying never to return.'| - Vergil (70-19 B.C.)
`Time is money, and many people pay their debts with it.'| - Josh Billings
`Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.'| - Unknown
`Time is the great equalizer, even in the field of morals.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`Time is the image of eternity.'| - Diogenes
`Time is the only critic without ambition.'| - John Steinbeck
`Time is three eyes and eight elbows.'| - Dogen Zenji
`Time is what we want most, but alas, what we use worst.'| - William Penn
`Time wounds all heels.'| - Jane Ace
`Tip the world over on it's side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.'| - Frank Lloyd Wright
`To be an elf is to think like one.'| - J. R. R. Tolkien
`To be at ease is better than to be at business.'| - Baltasar Gracian (1601-1658)
`To be awake is to be alive.'| - Henry David Thoreau: "Walden"
`To be great is to be misunderstood.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`To be loved, be lovable.'| - Ovid,
`To be seen is the ambition of ghosts, and to be remembered is the ambition of the dead.'| - Norman O. Brown
`To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`To be wise, the only thing you need to know is when to say "I don't know."'| - Unknown
`To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.'| - Simone de Beauvoir
`To climb the ladder of success you must get through the crowd at the bottom.'| - Unknown
`To conquer without risk is to triumph without glory.'| - Pierre Corneille
`To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent.'| - Unknown
`To define a thing is to substitute the definition for the thing itself.'| - Georges Braque, French artist (1882-1963)
`To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`To do nothing is also a good remedy.'| - Hippocrates
`To do nothing is in every man's power.'| - Unknown
`To do nothing is to be nothing.'| - Unknown
`To do two things at once is to do neither.'| - Unknown
`To downgrade the human mind is bad theology.'| - C. K. Chesterton
`To err is human, and stupid.'| - Robert Byrne
`To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.'| - Paul Ehrlich
`To err is human, to blame it on a computer is even more so.'| - Unknown
`To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human.'| - Unknown
`To err is human, to compute divine. Trust your computer but not its programmer.'| - Morris Kingston
`To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.'| - Unknown
`To establish ourselves in the world, we have to do all we can to appear established. To succeed in the world, we do everything we can to appear successful.'| - Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
`To every exception there is a rule.'| - Unknown
`To fall into a habit is to begin to cease to be.'| - Miguel de Unamuno
`To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends.'| - Unknown
`To follow foolish precedents, and wink|With both our eyes, is easier than to think.'| - William Cowper
`To get back on your feet, miss two car payments.'| - Unknown
`To get the attention of a large animal, be it an elephant or a bureaucracy, it helps to know what part of it feels pain. Be very sure, though, that you want its full attention.'| - Unknown
`To give happiness is to deserve happiness.'| - Unknown
`To give up the task of reforming society is to give up one's responsibility as a free man.'| - Alan Paton
`To have a horror of the bourgeois is bourgeois.'| - Jules Renard
`To hell with criticism. Praise is good enough for me.'| - T. Bankhead
`To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.'| - Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
`To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.'| - Unknown
`To know the world one must construct it.'| - Cesare Pavese
`To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.'| - Unknown
`To light a candle is to cast a shadow.'| - Ursula K. Le Guin
`To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.'| - Oscar Wilde
`To program anything that is programmable is obsession.'| - Unknown
`To pursue the unattainable is insanity, yet the thoughtless can never refrain from doing so.'| - Marcus Aurelius
`To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.'| - Unknown
`To regret deeply is to live afresh - Henry David Thoreau
`To regret nothing is the beginning of wisdom.'| - Unknown
`To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.'| - Fortune Cookie
`To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.'| - Unknown
`To see the gods dispelled in air is one of the greatest human experiences.'| - Unknown
`To seek permission is to seek denial.'| - Steve Jobs
`To some people it is fatal to be noticed by greatness.'| - Mark Twain
`To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.'| - Warren's Rule
`To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.'| - Felson's Law
`To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.'| - Unknown
`To take a significant step forward, you must make a series of finite improvements.'| - Donald J. Atwood, General Motors
`To teach is to learn.'| - Japanese Proverb
`To the landlord belong the doorknobs.'| - Unknown
`To the Workers of the world, I am sorry.'| - Karl Marx - Seen on the side of an East German factory
`To think contrary to one's era is heroism. But to speak against it is madness.'| - Eugene Ionesco
`To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.'| - Eva Young
`To undertake a project, as the word's derivation indicates, means to cast an idea out ahead of oneself so that it gains autonomy and is fulfilled not only by the efforts of its originator but, indeed, independently of him as well.'| - Czeslaw Milosz
`To use violence is to already be defeated.'| - Unknown
`Today is a good day for you to jump in a lake.'| - Unknown
`Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking official.'| - Unknown
`Today is the first day of the rest of your life.'| - Unknown
`Today is the first day of the rest of your sentence.'| - Unknown
`Today is the last day of your life so far.'| - Unknown
`Today the future occupation of all moppets is to be skilled consumers.'| - David Riesman (1909- )
`Today's robots are very primitive, capable of understanding only a few simple instructions such as 'go left', 'go right', and 'build car'.'| - John Sladek
`Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?'| - Dave Barry: What is Electricity?
`Tolerance means excusing the mistakes others make. Tact means not noticing them.'| - Arthur Schnitzler
`Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.'| - Klipstein's Law
`Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.'| - George Burns
`Too busy to laugh? then you are too busy.'| - Unknown
`Too caustic? To hell with the cost; we'll make the picture anyway.'| - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
`Too clever is dumb.'| - Ogden Nash
`Too great haste in paying off an obligation is a kind of ingratitude.'| - Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
`Too much money is the worst of tribulations.'| - Moroccan proverb
`Too much of a good thing is wonderful.'| - Mae West
`Topologists are just plane folks.'| - Grafitti
`Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!'| - Dorthy Gale: "The Wizard Of Oz"
`Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right.'| - Kurt Herbert Adler
`Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.'| - David Letterman
`Trade is a social act.'| - John Stuart Mill (1806-1873)
`Training a child is more or less a matter of pot luck.'| - Rod Maclean, Reader's Digest, 1949
`Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.'| - Mark Twain
`Trapped, like a trap in a trap.'| - Dorothy Parker
`Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.'| - Han Solo: "Star Wars"
`Treat a work of art like a prince: let it speak to you first.'| - Arthur Schopenhauer (Attrib.)
`Treat each new situation as though it's a crisis.'| - Unknown
`Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.'| - Unknown
`Trespassers will be converted.'| - Sign on church camp gate
`Trifles make perfection and perfection is no trifle.'| - Michelangelo
`Troubles are only mental; it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can forget them, banish them, abolish them.'| - Mark Twain
`Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.'| - Henrik Tikkanen
`Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.'| - Arabian proverb
`Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you when things go wrong.'| - Bralek's Rule for Success
`Trust me, I know what I'm doing.'| - Sledge Hammer
`Truth has always been found to promote the best interests of mankind...'| - Percy Bysshe Shelley
`Truth is a river that is always splitting up into arms that reunite. Islanded between the arms the inhabitants argue for a lifetime as to which is the main river.'| - Cyril Connolly
`Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`Truth is hard to find and harder to obscure.'| - Unknown
`Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn't.'| - Mark Twain
`Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let's economize it.'| - Mark Twain
`Truth has always been found to promote the best interests of mankind...'| - Percy Bysshe Shelley
`Truthful, adj.: Dumb and illiterate.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Try not to become a man of success, but rather, try to become a man of value.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good.'| - Ashleigh Brilliant
`Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.'| - Alan Watts
`Trying to establish voice contact-please yell into keyboard.'| - QOTD
`Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to un-ring a bell.'| - Shana Alexander
`TV is chewing gum for the eyes.'| - Frank Lloyd Wright
`Two and two continue to make four, in spite of the whine of the amateur for three, or the cry of the critic for five.'| - Jame McNeil Whistler
`Two is company, three is an orgy.'| - Grafitti
`Two kangaroos are talking to each other, and one says "Gee, I hope it doesn't rain today, I just hate it when the children play inside."'| - Henny Youngman
`Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.'| - Unknown
`Two rights don't make a wrong, they make an airplane.'| - Unknown
`Ugliness, n.: A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Ultimatum, n.: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Uncertain fortune is thoroughly mastered by the equity of the calculation.'| - Blaise Pascal
`Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked.'| - Robert D. Sprecht (Rand Corp)
`Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.'| - Polish proverb
`Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Under every stone lurks a politician.'| - Unknown
`Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity and other variables, an organism of a precisely determined genetic strain will do as it damn well pleases.'| - Harvard Law
`Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.'| - Oscar Levant (1906-1972)
`Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.'| - Ninth Law of Computer Programming
`Universal suffrage is the government of a house by its nursery.'| - Otto von Bismarck
`Universities are designed for the convenience of the faculty, not for the convenience of the students.'| - Adam Smith
`University: When a subject becomes totally obsolete, they make it a required course.'| - Peter Drucker
`Unless a man feels he has a good memory, he should never venture to lie.'| - Montaigne
`Unlimited campaign spending eats at the heart of the democratic process.'| - Barry Goldwater
`Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`Unrecognized faults lead to wasted efforts'| - Joanot Martorell
`Unwritten laws can not be erased.'| - Unknown
`Up is, by definition, the direction which broadens horizons.'| - A. Cygni
`Upon a good foundation a good building may be raised, and the best foundation in the world is money.'| - Miguel de Cervantes Don Quixote
`Use the Force, Luke.'| - Obiwan Kanobi: "Star Wars"
`Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die; and do not outlive yourself.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.'| - Tom Robbins
`Valor, n.: A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's hope.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Veni, Vedi, Vici. (I came, I saw, I conquered.)'| - Julius Caesar
`Verily man was created avid of gain; when evil befalls him, apt to grieve; when good befalls him, grudging.'| - Koran 70:19
`Very few things happen at the right time and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.'| - Herodotus (484-425 B.C.)
`Vicious government is frequently successful and effective. Can virtuous government do as well?'| - Unknown
`Victory is will.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
`Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.'| - Salvador Hardin
`Virtually all computer knowledge is oral tradition.'| - Unknown
`Virtue is its own revenge.'| - Unknown
`Virtue is its own reward, but no sale at the box office.'| - Mae West (1892-1980)
`Virtue is like a rich stone, best plain set.'| - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`Vitally needed objects will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.'| - The Lost Wrench Theorem
`Volcano - a mountain with hiccups.'| - Grafitti
`Voodoo Programming: Things programmers do that they know shouldn't work but they try anyway, and which sometimes actually work, such as recompiling everything.'| - Karl Lehenbauer
`Vote early and vote often.'| - Al Capone (1899-1947)
`Vote, n.: The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Voters do not decide issues. They decide *who* will decide issues.'| - George F. Will
`Voters quickly forget what a man says.'| - Richard M. Nixon
`Vùjá Dé: The strange feeling you get that nothing has happened before.'| - Unknown
`Wagner's music is better than it sounds.'| - Mark Twain
`Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Waiter, there's no fly in my soup!'| - Kermit the frog
`Walk softly and carry a big stick.'| - Teddy Roosevelt
`Walk softly and carry a +6 two-handed long sword.'| - RPG rule of survival
`War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory.'| - Clemenceau
`War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.'| - Desiderius Erasmus
`War is just when it is necessary; arms are permissible when there is no hope except in arms.'| - Machiavelli
`War is like love; it always finds a way.'| - Bertold Brecht
`War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.'| - Georges Clemenceau
`War is the greatest of all crimes; and yet there is no aggressor who does not colour his crime with the pretext of justice.'| - Voltaire (1694-1778)
`War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.'| - Unknown
`War will cease when men refuse to fight.'| - Fridtjof Hansen
`War, n.: A by-product of the arts of peace.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`War, traffic and piracy are an indivisible trinity.'| - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
`Warning to all Personnel: Firings will continue until moral improves.'| - Unknown
`Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.'| - Unknown
`Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.'| - The Unapplicable Law
`Washington is a city of southern efficiency and northern charm.'| - John F. Kennedy
`Waste not, get your budget cut next year.'| - Managers Delema
`Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Wasting time is an important part of living.'| - Unknown
`Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.'| - George S. Patton
`Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`We aim to please, but we shoot to kill.'| - Unknown
`We all like praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways.'| - Unknown
`We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.'| - Unknown
`We all say so, so it must be true.'| - the Bandar-log (monkey tribe), in Rudyard Kipling's "Jungle Book"
`We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.'| - Arthur Hoppe
`We always love those who admire us, but we do not always love those whom we admire.'| - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld
`We are all born charming, fresh, and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.'| - Miss Manners
`We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems.'| - John W. Gardner
`We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.'| - Dwight D. Eisenhower
`We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`We are all special cases.'| - Albert Camus
`We are not abandoning our convictions, our philosophy or traditions, nor do we urge anyone to abandon theirs.'| - Mikhail Gorbachev
`We are on a threshold of a change in the universe comparable to the transition of nonlife to life.'| - Hans Moravec (on artificial intelligence)
`We are still speaking the same language, but neither of us is hearing the other.'| - Hafez Assad, on Syrian relations with Egypt
`We are truly free only in our dreams. The rest of the time we need wages.'| - Terry Prachett: "Wyrd Sisters"
`We are voyagers on the Earth through space, as passengers on a ship, and many of us have never thought of any part of the vessel; but the cabin where we are quartered.'| - S. P. Langley
`We are what we pretend to be.'| - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
`We are young...| Wandering the face of this earth,| Wondering what our dreams might be worth,| Learning that we're only immortal,|...For a limited time.'| - Neil Peart (Rush)
`We believe that to err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.'| - Hubert H. Humphrey
`We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`We can't all be sound: we've got to be the way we're made.'| - Mark Twain
`We can't leave the haphazard to chance.'| - N. F. Simpson
`We can't schedule an orgy, it might be construed as fighting'| - Stanley Sutton
`We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.'| - Unknown
`We compound our suffering by victimizing each other.'| - Athol Fugard
`We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.'| - Mark Twain
`We desire to open the planetary worlds to mankind.'| - Wernher von Braun
`We didn't inherit the land from our fathers. We are borrowing it from our children.'| - Amish belief
`We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything.'| - Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
`We fight for men and women whose poetry is not yet written.'| - Robert Gould Shaw, abolitionist
`We find that the sexual instinct, when disappointed and unappeased, frequently seeks and finds a substitute in religion.'| - Baron Richard Von Krafft-Ebing
`We forgive once we give up attachment to our wounds.'| - Lewis Hyde
`We get our morals from books. I didn't get mine from books, but I know that morals do come from books - theoretically, at least.'| - Mark Twain,| remarks at the opening of the Mark Twain Library
`We had the sky, up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made, or only just happened.'| - Mark Twain: Huckleberry Finn
`We have a crisis of leadership in this country. Where are the Washingtons, the Jeffersons, and the Jacksons? I'll tell you where they are. They are playing professional football and basketball.'| - Unknown
`We have all passed a lot of water since then.'| - Samuel Goldwyn
`We have always known that heedless self-interest was bad morals; we know now that it is bad economics.'| - Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945)
`We have been given two ears and but a single mouth, in order that we may hear more and talk less.'| - Zeno of Citium
`We have finished the job, what shall we do with the tools?'| - Emperor Haile Selassie (1891-1975) to Churchill
`We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse.'| - Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
`We have met the enemy and not only is he ours, he is us.'| - Walt Kelly in "POGO"
`We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it that to consume wealth without producing it.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`We have not journeyed all this way across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy.'| - Winston Churchill
`We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`We have seen too much success to have become obsessed with failure.'| - Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973)
`We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world - or to make it the last.'| - John F. Kennedy
`We have to believe in our free will; we have no choice in the matter.'| - Unknown
`We have to live today by what truth we can get today, and be ready tomorrow to call it falsehood.'| - William James
`We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them.'| - Abigail Adams
`We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.'| - Epictetus
`We hold these truths to be self-evident: all men could be cremated equal.'| - Vern Parlow
`We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.'| - Bill Vaughan
`We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.'| - Longfellow
`We know the sound of two hands clapping, but what of the sound of one?'| - Zen saying
`We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.'| - George Bernard Shaw
`We live as we dream - alone.'| - Joseph Conrad
`We love your adherence to democratic principles.'| - George Bush speaking to Ferdinand Marcos
`We make war that we may live in peace.'| - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
`We may be lost, but we're way ahead of schedule.'| - Unknown
`We may eventually come to realize that chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition.'| - Alex Comfort
`We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately.'| - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
`We must believe in free will. We have no choice.'| - Isaac Bashevis Singer
`We must never forget that if the war in Vietnam is lost... the right of free speech will be extinguished throughout the world.'| - Richard Milhouse Nixon
`We must scrunch or be scrunched.'| - Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
`We need a new cosmology. New Gods. New Sacraments. Another drink.'| - Patti Smith
`We need excellence in public education and if the teachers can't do it, we'll send in a couple of policemen.'| - Frank Rizzo
`We need to talk.'| - The scariest words known to man
`We never know whether we are victors or whether we are defeated.'| - Jorge Luis Borges
`We prefer to speak evil of ourselves than not speak of ourselves at all.'| - Unknown
`We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.'| - Unknown
`We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.'| - Unknown
`We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.'| - Unknown
`We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming.'| - Dom DeLillo
`We shall reach greater and greater platitudes of achievement.'| - Richard J. Daley
`We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.'| - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
`We should learn from the snail: it has devised a home that is both exquisite and functional.'| - Frank Lloyd Wright (Attrib.)
`We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.'| - Phyllis Diller
`We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.'| - Woody Allen
`We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful and we have been doing so much for so long with so little that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.'| - The Motto of Programmers everywhere
`We think in generalities, but we live in detail.'| - Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)
`We tolerate shapes in human beings that would horrify us if we saw them in a horse.'| - W. R. Inge (1860-1954)
`We try and hide the fact that we got lost between chaos and confusion.'| - Pat Benatar
`We used to have actresses trying to become stars; now we have stars trying to become actresses.'| - Sir Laurence Olivier (Attrib.)
`We want to create puppets that pull their own strings.'| - Ann Marion
`We will be better and braver if we engage and inquire than if we indulge in the idle fancy that we already know - or that it is of no use seeking to know what we do not know.'| - Plato
`We will bury you.'| - Nikita Kruschev
`We will either find a way... or make one.'| - Hannibal
`We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.'| - Aesop
`Weather, n.: The climate of the hour.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Wedding, n.: A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Weed, n.: A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`Weekends were made for programming.'| - Karl Lehenbauer
`Were life to mirror our intentions, it would be nowhere near as interesting as it is.'| - Unknown
`Were there fewer fools, knaves would starve.'| - Unknown
`We'll pivot at warp 2 and bring all tubes to bear, Mr. Sulu.'| - Capt. Kirk: "Star Trek"
`We're all in this alone.'| - Lily Tomlin
`We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is more than she ever did.'| - Rufus T. Firefly, in "Duck Soup"
`We're here to give you a computer, not a religion.'| - Bob Pariseau, at the introduction of the Amiga
`We're tired of third-rate incompetents in public office - we want first-rate incompetents!'| - Unknown
`We've already established what you are, ma'am. Now we're just haggling over the price.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it.'| - Andy Rooney
`Wealth is the product of man's capacity to think.'| - Ayn Rand (1905-1982)
`Well, Darkness has a hunger that's insatiable, And Lightness has a call that's hard to hear.'| - Indigo Girls
`Well, that's the news from Lake Woebegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades could not improve; where all the women are tall, the men are good-looking, and the children are above average.'| - Garrison Keillor
`Well done is well said.'| - Ben Franklin
`Were there fewer fools, knaves would starve.'| - Unknown
`What a beautiful fix we are in now; peace has been declared.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) after the Treaty of Amiens, 1802
`What a hell of a heaven it will be, when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!'| - Mark Twain
`What a piece of bread looks like depends on whether you are hungry or not.'| - Jallaludin Rumi
`What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.'| - Unknown
`What a time! What a civilization!'| - Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
`What a waste it is to lose one's mind or not to have a mind. How true it is.'| - J. Danforth Quayle
`What an incredible achievement of fantasy is the scientific mind!'| - E. L. Doctorow
`What broke in a man when he could bring himself to kill another?'| - Alan Paton
`What costs little is valued less.'| - Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
`What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog.'| - Dwight D. Eisenhower
`What do you call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, magnanimity, forgiveness? Different results of the one master impulse: the necessity of securing one's self-approval.'| - Mark Twain
`What does not destroy me, makes me strong.'| - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
`What Einstein was to physics, what Babe Ruth was to home runs, what Emily Post was to table manners... that's what Edward G. Robinson was to dying like a dirty rat.'| - Russell Baker
`What experience and history teach us is this - that people and governments never have learned anything from history, or acted on principles deduced from it.'| - Hegel
`What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?'| - Unknown
`What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object? An inconceivable disturbance.'| - Unknown
`What I want is Facts. Teach these boys and girls nothing but Facts. Facts alone are wanted in life. Plant nothing else, and root out everything else.'| - Charles Dickens
`What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.'| - Aristotle (384-322 B.C)
`What is an adult? A child blown up by age.'| - Simone de Beauvoir
`What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.'| - Steve Martin
`What is inconceivable about the universe is that it is at all conceivable.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`What is it all but a trouble of ants in the gleam of a million million suns?'| - Alfred, Lord Tennyson
`What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a story. And the greatest good is little enough: for all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams.'| - Pedro Calderon de la Barca
`What is now proved was only once imagined.'| - William Blake
`What is the sound of one tentacle writhing?'| - Unknown
`What is the use of lighting the lamp if there is no wick?'| - Malaysian Proverb
`What is the use of running when we are not on the right road.'| - German proverb
`What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly, that is the first law of nature.'| - Voltaire
`What is vice today may be virtue tomorrow.'| - Unknown
`What is "rational" depends on logic - but also on the premises from which your logic proceeds.'| - Unknown
`What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`What luck for rulers that men do not think.'| - Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
`What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are.'| - Unknown
`What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.'| - The Wizard Froboz
`What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he's staring out the window.'| - Unknown
`What orators lack in depth they make up in length.'| - Unknown
`What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`What passes for optimism is most often the effect of intellectual error.'| - Raymond Aron
`What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency.'| - Unknown
`What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts, not the facts themselves.'| - Cohen's Law
`What recommends commerce to me is its enterprise and bravery. It does not clasp its hands and pray to Jupiter.'| - Henry David Thoreau
`What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?'| - Unknown
`What sight is sadder than the sight of a lady we admire admiring a nauseating picture.'| - Logan Pearsall Smith
`What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?'| - Unknown
`What the scientists have in their briefcases is terrifying.'| - Nikita Khrushchev
`What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.'| - Unknown
`What this country needs is more unemployed politicians.'| - Edward Langley
`What time hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit.'| - William Shakespeare
`What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?'| - Peter S. Beagle: The Last Unicorn
`What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens.'| - Bengamin Disraeli
`What we are selling are hopes and dreams, not frozen peas.'| - Michel C. Bergerac (1932- )
`What we call "morals" is simply blind obedience to words of command.'| - Havelock Ellis
`What we do not understand we do not possess.'| - Göethe
`What we love we shall grow to resemble.'| - Bernard of Clairvaux
`What we want is a story that starts with an earthquake and works its way up to a climax.'| - Samuel Goldwyn
`What you are, not what you have, is what makes you rich.'| - Unknown
`What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.'| - Confucius
`What you get is a living; what you give is a life.'| - Lilian Gish
`What you have when everyone wears the same play clothes for all occasions, is addressed by nickname, expected to participate in Show and Tell, and bullied out of any desire for privacy is not democracy; it is kindergarten.'| - Miss Manners
`What you see can depend on what you look for.'| - Unknown
`Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really".'| - Dave Parnas
`Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein.'| - Unknown
`Whatever you're doing, it's not as important as petting the cat.'| - Unknown
`What's a thousand dollars? Mere chicken feed. A "poultry" matter.'| - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
`What's up, Doc?'| - Bugs Bunny
`What's worth doing is worth doing for money.'| - J. Donohue
`When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him, that's where the money is.'| - Robespierre
`When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.'| - Clarke's First Law
`What's integrity to an opportunity?'| - William Congreve (1670-1729)
`What's the definition of a good flame? One you agree with...'| - Karl Lehenbauer
`What's the use you learning to do right, when it's troublesome to do right and ain't no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?'| - Mark Twain
`What's worth doing is worth doing for money.'| - Joseph Donohue|In Dickson
`Whatever he is, the businessman is the product and pilot of the system under which most of us earn our livings.'| - Crawford H. Greenewalt (1902- )
`Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well - Philip Dormer
`Whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland.
`Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.'| - Goethe
`Whatever you can lose, you should reckon of no account.'| - Publilius Syrus (First century B.C.)
`When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.'| - Kin Hubbard
`When a man bets on 4 aces, it's called gambling. When he bets on a horse to show, it's called entertainment. When he bets on IBM to go up 2 points, it's called investing.'| - Blackie Sherrod
`When a man says money can do anything, that settles it: he hasn't any.'| - Edgar Watson Howe (1853-1937)
`When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute, but let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: "Whose?"'| - Don Marquis
`When a man's business does not fit him, 'tis as oft times with a shoe-if too big for the foot it will trip him, if too small, will chafe.'| - Horace
`When a man's willing and eager, the gods join in.'| - Aeschylus
`When a New Yorker looks as if he's suntan, it's probably rust.'| - Laurence J. Peter
`When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.'| - Robert Pirsig: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
`When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign; that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.'| - Jonathan Swift
`When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.'| - Oscar Wilde
`When all else fails, read the instructions (RTFM!).'| - Cann's Axiom
`When all other means of communication fail, try words.'| - Unknown
`When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place.'| - Scott's Second Law
`When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`When anyone says "theoretically", they really mean "not really".'| - David Parnas
`When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.'| - Edmund Burke
`When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.'| - Mae West
`When compelled to cook, I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag.'| - Russell Baker
`When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.'| - Abram's Advice
`When elephants fight it is the grass that suffers.'| - Kikuyu proverb
`When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.'| - Unknown
`When fits of creativity run strong, more than one programmer or writer has been known to abandon the desktop for the more spacious floor.'| - Fred Brooks, Jr.
`When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them.'| - Unknown
`When I first knew Elvis he had a million dollars worth of talent. Now he has a million dollars.'| - Col. Tom Parker
`When I grow up I want to be a little boy.'| - Joseph Heller
`When I hear artists or authors making fun of businessmen I think of a regiment in which the band makes fun of the cooks.'| - Unknown
`When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at me. That's the price she has to pay.'| - Groucho Marx
`When I left you, I was but the pupil. Now, I am the master.'| - Darth Vader
`When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.'| - Mark Twain
`When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles", I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."'| - Franklyn Ajaye
`When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality.'| - Al Capone (1899-1947)
`When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.'| - Clarence Darrow (1857-1938)
`When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`When I was a kid, my parents told me what to do. When I went to school, my teachers told me what to do. Now I'm married, and my husband tells me what to do. I'm not going to use a computer and let it tell me what to do.'| - Unknown
`When I was young there was no respect for the young, and now that I am old there is no respect for the old. I missed out coming and going.'| - J. B. Priestley (1894-1984)
`When I was young we didn't have MTV; we had to take drugs and go to concerts.'| - Steven Pearl
`When ideas fail, words come in very handy.'| - Göethe (1749-1832)
`When in doubt, duck.'| - Malcolm Forbes
`When in doubt, follow your heart.'| - Unknown
`When in doubt, lead trump.'| - Bridge Players Moto
`When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.'| - Merkin's Maxim
`When in doubt, take all the defaults.'| - Hackers Handbook
`When in doubt, tell the truth'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`When in doubt, use brute force.'| - Ken Thompson, Bell Labs
`When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.'| - Unknown
`When it comes to foreign food, the less authentic the better.'| - Gerald Nachman
`When it is dark enough you can see the stars.'| - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
`When it is incorrect, it is, at least *authoritatively* incorrect.'| - Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy
`When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.'| - Lord Falkland's Rule
`When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad I'm better.'| - Mae West
`When large numbers of men are unable to find work, unemployment results.'| - Calvin Coolidge
`When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.'| - Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
`When money is not a servant it is a master.'| - Italian proverb
`When money speaks the truth is silent.'| - Russian proverb
`When money talks there are few interruptions.'| - Unknown
`When morals triumph, many very evil things happen.'| - Unknown
`When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.'| - Calvin Coolidge
`When one doesn't know how to dance, he says the ground is wet.'| - Malaysian Proverb
`When one has good health it is not serious to be ill.'| - Francis Blanche
`When people are least sure, they are often most dogmatic.'| - John Kenneth Galbraith
`When people share their fears with you, share your courage back.'| - Unknown
`When skinning your customers, you should leave some skin on to grow so that you can skin them again.'| - Nikita Sergeyevich Krushchev (1894-1971)
`When smashing monuments, save the pedestals, they always come in handy.'| - Stanislaw Lec
`When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion.'| - Ethiopian proverb
`When talking nonsense try not to be serious.'| - Fortune Cookie
`When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.'| - Fortune Cookie
`When the candles are all out, all women are fair.'| - Plutarch
`When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.'| - Fortune Cookie
`When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.'| - Lynch's Law
`When the going gets tough, upgrade.'| - Unknown
`When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.'| - Hunter S. Thompson
`When the government bureau's remedies do not match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.'| - Unknown
`When the heat in life's kitchen gives you a bad deal, remember that what melts lead also tempers steel.'| - Ruth Boorstin
`When the man who knows all about the fruit fly chromosomes finds himself sitting next to an authority on Beowulf, there may be an uneasy silence.'| - Brand Blanshard
`When the military man approaches, the world locks up its spoons and packs off its womankind.'| - George Bernard Shaw
`When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.'| - The Airplane Law
`When the president does it, that means it is not illegal.'| - Richard Nixon
`When the proper man does nothing (wu-wei), his thought is felt ten thousand miles.'| - Lao Tse
`When the rich make war it's the poor that die.'| - Jean-Paul Sartre
`When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.'| - Chinese proverb
`When there are two conflicting versions of a story, the wise course is to believe the one in which people appear at their worst.'| - H. Allen Smith (1906-1976)
`When things go wrong, don't go with them.'| - Unknown
`When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.'| - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
`When walking through a melon patch, don't adjust your sandals.'| - Chinese proverb
`When we all remember we are mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`When we got into office, the thing that surprised me the most was that things were as bad as we'd been saying they were.'| - John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
`When we jumped into Sicily, the units became separated, and I couldn't find anyone. Eventually I stumbled across two colonels, a major, three captains, two lieutenants, and one rifleman, and we secured the bridge. Never in the history of war have so few been led by so many.'| - General James Gavin
`When we make a mistake - it's evil. When God makes a mistake - it's nature.'| - Darrel van Horn
`When we see persons of worth, we should think of equaling them; when we see persons of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves.'| - Confucius
`When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.'| - Lily Tomlin
`When we want money, we want all.'| - Thomas Draxe (?-1618)
`When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.'| - Rule of Accuracy
`When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.'| - Unknown
`When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.'| - Lenny Bruce (1923-1966)
`When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut'| - Unknown
`When you become used to never being alone, you may consider yourself Americanized.'| - Unknown
`When you die, the first thing you lose is your life. The second thing is your illusions.'| - Terry Pratchett: "Pyramids"
`When you dig another out of trouble, you've got a place to bury your own.'| - Unknown
`When you don't have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When you have both, it's health. If everything is simply jake, then you're frightened of death.'| - J. P. Donleavy
`When you finally discover all of Life's answers, they'll change the questions.'| - Unknown
`When you frame a sentence don't do it as if you were loading a shotgun but as if you were loading a rifle. Don't fire in such a way and with such a load that you will hit a lot of things in the neighborhood besides, but shoot with a single bullet and hit that one thing alone.'| - Joseph Ruggles Wilson (1867-1903)
`When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.'| - Norm Crosby
`When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.'| - William Shakespeare
`When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.'| - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: "The Sign of Four"
`When you have nothing to say, say nothing.'| - Charles Caleb Colton
`When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.'| - Winston Churchill
`When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.'| - The Wall Street Journal
`When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad things you did do - that's Memoirs.'| - Will Rogers
`When you read a classic you do not see in the book more than you did before. You see more in you than there was before.'| - Clifton Fadiman
`When you send a fool to market, the merchants rejoice.'| - Unknown
`When you stay on the tracks, ignoring the facts, you can't blame the wreck on the train.'| - From the song, "You Can't Blame.. "
`When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research.'| - Wilson Mizner
`When you're at the end of your rope tie a knot and hold on.'| - Unknown
`When you're in command, command.'| - Fortune Cookie
`When you're through changing, you're through.'| - Bruce Barton
`When you've got an elephant by the hind legs and he's trying to run away, it is best to let him run.'| - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`When you're up to your hips in alligators, you forget the original project was to drain the swamp.'| - Unknown
`When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.'| - Rule of Feline Frustration
`When your IQ rises to 28, sell.'| - Professor Irwin Corey
`When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.'| - Fortune Cookie
`Whenever a rock falls, it is good to go forward and meet it. That's the adventure.'| - Henry Miller
`Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.'| - Brooke's Law
`Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.'| - Garfield
`Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.'| - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`Whenever I hear the word 'culture'. I reach for my revolver.'| - Hermann Goring
`Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.'| - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
`Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an hour later.'| - Witten's Law
`Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship.'| - Harry S. Truman
`Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sure sign he expects to be paid for it.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`Whenever you're holding all the cards, why does everybody else turn out to be playing chess?'| - Unknown
`Whenever "A" attempts by law to impose his moral standards upon "B", "A" is most likely a scoundrel.'| - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
`When waking a tiger, use a long stick.'| - Unknown
`When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.'| - Unknown
`When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.'| - Rule of Feline Frustration
`Where a new invention promises to be useful, it ought to be tried.'| - Thomas Jefferson
`Where all men think alike, no one thinks very much.'| - Walter Lippmann
`Where does the bread come in? [What profit is there in this for me?] - Aristophanes (c. 450-385 B.C.)
`Where ever you go, there you are.'| - Unknown
`Where in the world does the guy who has everything put it?'| - Unknown
`Where no man has gone before...'| - Graffiti in the ladies room of the USS Enterprise
`Where profit is, loss is hidden nearby.'| - Japanese proverb
`Where technology becomes emotion.'| - Campagnolo
`Where the drink goes in, there the wit goes out.'| - George Herbert
`Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?"'| - Unknown
`Where there is sugar, there are ants.'| - Malaysian Proverb
`Where there's a whip there's a way.'| - Unknown
`Which is it, is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's?'| - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
`while (!cat) play (mice);'| - "C" humour
`While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.'| - Unknown
`While most peoples' opinions change, the conviction of their correctness never does.'| - Unknown
`White hair is not a sign of wisdom, only age.'| - Greek proverb
`While there is currently an increasing trend towards strict adherence to principles of public morality, the board's special counsel informed the stockholders, it cannot yet be said that it must always override all other considerations.'| - Fruehauf
`Who am I to deny that maybe God is me?'| - Unknown
`Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.'| - George Orwell (1903-1950)
`Who knows for what we live, and struggle, and die? Wise men write many books, in words too hard to understand. But this, the purpose of our lives, the end of all our struggle, is beyond all human wisdom.'| - Alan Paton
`Who needs dignity when you can be in the show business?'| - Garrison Keillor
`Who needs information, when you're livin' underground?'| - Roger Waters: "Radio KAOS"
`Who to himself is law no law doth need, offends no law, and is a king indeed.'| - Unknown
`Who will protect the public when the police violate the law?'| - Ramsey Clark
`Who would cross the Bridge of Death Must answer me these questions three! Ere the other side he see!: What is your name? What is your quest? What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?'| - Monty Python
`Who? Me, Officer?'| - J. Dillinger (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
`Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.'| - Groucho Marx
`Whoever rows the boat doesn't have time to rock it.'| - Unknown
`Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.'| - Unknown
`Whoever said, "It's not whether you win or lose that counts," probably lost.'| - Martina Navratilova
`Whoever tells the truth is chased out of nine villages.'| - Turkish proverb
`Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.'| - Albert Einstein
`Whom computers would destroy, they must first make mad.'| - Hacker's Handbook
`Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein.'| - Paraphrasing the Book of Proverbs
`Why are the words "This is none of my business" always followed by the word "but"?'| - Sydney J. Harris
`Why are today's rough times always tomorrow's good old days?'| - Unknown
`Why can't life's big problems come when we are twenty and know everything?'| - Unknown
`Why can't we ever attempt to solve a problem in this country without having a "War" on it.'| - Rich Thomson
`Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to avoid responsibility?'| - Unknown
`Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What's the Latin for office automation?'| - Unknown
`Why doesn't the fellow who says, "I'm no speech maker", let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?'| - Kin Hubbard
`Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`Why is there so much month left at the end of the money.'| - Unknown
`Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?'| - Artemus Ward
`Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?'| - Frank Scully
`Why should I tolerate a perfect stranger at the bedside of my mind?'| - Vladimir Nabokov (1899-1977) on psychoanalysis
`Why should people go out and pay money to see bad films when they can stay at home and see bad television for nothing?'| - Samuel Goldwyn (1882-1974)
`Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?'| - Ronald Reagan
`Why waste negative entropy on comments, when you could use the same entropy to create bugs instead?'| - Steve Elias
`Why, that's the most unheard-of thing I've ever heard of.'| - Joseph Mc Carthy
`Wickedness is always easier than virtue; for it takes the short cut to everything.'| - Samuel Johnson
`Will the last person leaving the Twilight Zone please tell that guitarist to knock it off?'| - Unknown
`Winning is not everything. It's the only thing.'| - Vince Lombardi
`Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.'| - Unknown
`Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.'| - Unknown
`Wisdom is knowing what to do next.'| - Unknown
`Wise men change their minds, fools never.'| - Unknown
`Wise men will never do battle over mere symbols, but they may fight to the death for what the symbols stand for.'| - James L. Christian
`Wish and hope succeed in discerning signs of paranormality where reason and careful scientific procedure fail.'| - James E. Alcock
`Wish not to seem, but to be, the best.'| - Aeschylus
`Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.'| - Unknown
`Wit has truth in it. Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.'| - Unknown
`Wit is cultured insolence.'| - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
`Wit sometimes enables us to act rudely with impunity.'| - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld
`Wit, n.: The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intelectual cookery by leaving it out.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Witch, n.: (1)An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2)A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`With all the violence and murder and killings we've had in the United States, I think you will agree that we must keep firearms from people who have no business with guns.'| - Robert F. Kennedy, May 1968, five days before his assassination
`With an evening coat and a white tie, anybody, even a stockbroker, can gain a reputation for being civilized.'| - Oscar Wilde
`With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.'| - Unknown
`With molasses you catch flies, with vinegar you catch nobody.'| - Baltimore City Councilman Dominic DiPietro
`With money one may command devils; without it, one cannot even summon a man.'| - Chinese proverb
`With the exception of man, no being wonders at his own existence.'| - Arthur Schopenhauer
`Without coffee he could not work, or at least he could not have worked in the way he did. In addition to paper and pens, he took with him everywhere as an indispensable article of equipment the coffee machine, which was no less important to him than his table or his white robe.'| - Stefan Zweigs
`Without feeling there's no reason to live.'| - André Kertész
`Without fools there would be no wisdom.'| - Unknown
`Without heroes, we are all plain people and don't know how far we can go.'| - Bernard Malamud
`Without tools there would be no wisdom.'| - Unknown
`Witticism, n.: A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted, and seldom noted.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Woman is like a teabag; you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.'| - Nancy Reagan
`Women and elephants never forget an injury.'| - H. H. Munro, "Saki" (1870-1916)
`Women are just like drugs, the more you get, the more you need.'| - Unknown
`Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them but I wouldn't want to own one.'| - W. C. Fields (1880-1946)
`Women are nothing but machines for producing children.'| - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
`Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size.'| - Virginia Woolf
`Women like silent men. They think they're listening.'| - Marcel Archard
`Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal.'| - Steve Rubenstein
`Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.'| - Timothy Leary
`Wonder is the feeling of a philosopher, and philosophy begins in wonder.'| - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
`Wonder rather than doubt is the root of knowledge.'| - Abraham Joshua Heschel
`Words are loaded pistols.'| - Jean-Paul Sartre
`Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself.'| - Mark Twain
`Words are the voice of the heart.'| - Unknown
`Words are women, deeds are men.'| - George Herbert
`Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.'| - Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
`Words divide us, action unites us.'| - Slogan of the Tupamaros
`Words have a longer life than deeds.'| - Unknown
`Words must be weighed, not counted.'| - Unknown
`Words that do not match deeds are not important.'| - Dr. Ernesto Che Guevara
`Words wound. But as a veteran of twelve years in the united states senate, I happily attest that they do not kill.'| - Lyndon Johnson.
`Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do... Play consists of whatever is not obliged to do.'| - Mark Twain
`Work expands to exceed the time allotted it.'| - Karl's version of Parkinson's Law
`Work is more fun than fun.'| - Noel Coward (1899-1973)
`Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.'| - Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
`Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.'| - Finley Peter Dunne
`Work to become, not to acquire.'| - Confucius
`Work was impossible. The geeks had broken my spirit. They had done too many things wrong... It was all a dehumanized nightmare...and these raddled cretins have the gall to complain about my deadlines.'| - Hunter Thompson
`Working as a journalist is exactly like being a wallflower at an orgy.'| - Nora Ephron
`Worst Month of the Year: February.|February has only 28 days in it, which means that if you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don't get. Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.'| - Unknown
`Would you do it for a Scooby snack?'| - Shaggy
`Wouldn't it be nice if desperation made us attractive.'| - Albert Brooks in "Broadcast News"
`Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.'| - Mark Twain
`Writers aren't exactly people... they're a whole lot of people trying to be one person.'| - F. Scott Fitzgerald
`Writing comes easy. All you have to do is stare at a blank piece of paper until your forehead bleeds.'| - Douglas Adams
`Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.'| - Robert Frost
`Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.'| - J. P. Donleavy
`Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.'| - Sylvester Stallone in the movie Rocky IV, 1985
`Yankee, n.: In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown. (See DAMYANK.)'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you frantic.'| - Unknown
`Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of ignorance, I shall fear no slicker, for I am not as dumb as I look.'| - Rev. Billy Sol Hargus
`Year, n.: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.'| - Francis P. Church
`Yes, many primitive people still believe this myth...But in today's technical vastness of the future, we can guess that surely things were much different.'| - The Firesign Theater
`Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.'| - Snoopy
`Yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have, so spend it wisely.'| - Kay Lyons
`Yesterday is a memory. Tomorrow is a vision. Today is a bitch.'| - Unknown
`Yes, a Porsche does do 0 to 60 in 8 seconds, but not at rush hour.'| - Unknown
`Yes, we have no Nirvanas, we have no Nirvanas today.'| - Unknown
`Yet [white] men [of South Africa] were afraid, with a fear that was deep, deep in the heart, a fear so deep that they hid their kindness. They were afraid because they were so few. And fear could not be cast out, but by love.'| - Alan Paton
`You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.'| - Unknown
`You always find something in the last place you look, unless it's not there.'| - Unknown
`You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all different.'| - Zork I
`You are no bigger than the things that annoy you.'| - Jerry Bundsen
`You are not thinking. You are merely being logical.'| - Neils Bohr to Einstein during a debate on Quantum Mechanics
`You are rotten to the core, Snidely Whiplash, rotten, rotten, rotten! Oh, how did I ever get started typing ladies to railroad tracks? If only I could stop... but I can't stop... I've got this thing!'| - Snidley Whiplash
`You are sunlight and I, moon|Joined by the gods of fortune|Midnight and high noon|Sharing the sky|We have been blessed, you and I| - MISS SAIGON
`You can always find what you are not looking for.'| - Unknown
`You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.'| - Unknown
`You can always tell when it's autumn in Hollywood. They put away the green plastic plants and bring out the brown plastic plants.'| - Johnny Carson
`You can build a throne out of bayonets, but you can't sit on it for very long.'| - Boris Yeltsin
`You can choose your friends, but you only have one mother.'| - Max Shulman
`You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.'| - Eric Hoffer
`You can find in a text whatever you bring, if you will stand between it and the mirror of your imagination. You may not see your ears, but they are there.'| - Mark Twain
`You can find your way across the country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.'| - Charles Kuralt
`You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.'| - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
`You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.'| - James Thurber
`You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.'| - Al Capone (1899-1947)
`You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting.'| - Unknown
`You can have peace or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.'| - Unknown
`You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing viability of FORTRAN.'| - Alan Perlis
`You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.'| - The Heineken Uncertainty Principle
`You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it.'| - Unknown
`You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.'| - Unknown
`You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.'| - Jeannette Rankin (1880-1973)
`You can observe a lot by just watching.'| - Berra's Law
`You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.'| - Unknown
`You can outdistance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you.'| - Rwandan proverb
`You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.'| - Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)
`You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.'| - Norman Douglas (1868-1952)|South Wind, 1917
`You can tell the size of a man by the size of the thing that makes him mad.'| - Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
`You can't achieve the impossible until you attempt the absurd.'| - Unknown
`You can't antagonize and influence at the same time.'| - Unknown
`You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.'| - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
`You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.'| - Flip Wilson
`You can't get very far in this world without your dossier being there first.'| - Arthur Miller
`You can't have money like that and not swell out.'| - H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
`You can't fight the law of conservation of energy but you sure can bargain with it.'| - Unknown
`You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.'| - Arlo Guthrie
`You can't have everything. Where would you put it?'| - Steven Wright
`You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly-only sooner than she thought you would.'| - Unknown
`You can't make a life over - society wouldn't let you if you would.'| - Mark Twain|The Gilded Age
`You can't pray a lie.'| - Mark Twain
`You can't say civilizations don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.'| - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
`You can't teach seven foot.'| - Frank Layton, Utah Jazz basketball coach, when asked why he had recruited a seven-foot tall auto mechanic
`You can't underestimate the power of fear.'| - Tricia Nixon
`You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.'| - Unknown
`You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.'| - Unknown
`You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.'| - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
`You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.'| - Shaw's Principle on the Perversity of Nature
`You couldn't get me on Mars if it were the last place on earth.'| - Erma Cohen
`You do not believe your first Pygmy when you see him.'| - Negley Farson
`You do not destroy an idea by killing people; you replace it with a better one.'| - Edward Keating
`You don't have to explain something you never said.'| - Calvin Coolidge
`You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.'| - Unknown
`You don't tell deliberate lies, but sometimes you have to be evasive.'| - Margaret Thatcher
`You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.'| - John Morley
`You have played enough; you have eaten and drunk enough. Now it is time for you to depart.'| - Horace
`You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You will learn a lot today.'| - Fortune Cookie
`You have to learn to live with what you can't rise above.'| - Bruce Springstein
`You have to run between the raindrops if you want to see the sun...'| - Pat Benatar
`You knew this job was dangerous when you took it!'| - Super Chicken
`You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, MINE are even WORSE!'| - Calvin
`You know how to win a victory, Hannibal, but not how to use it.'| - Unknown
`You know it's not a good wax museum when there are wicks coming out of people's heads.'| - Rick Reynolds
`You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip over? Well, that's how I feel all the time.'| - Steven Wright
`You know you're old when you notice how young the derelicts are getting.'| - Jeanne Phillips
`You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct.'| - M. Somerset Maugham
`You live and learn, or you don't live long.'| - Lazarus Long: "Time Enough For Love" (Robert A. Heinline)
`You live in a deranged age, more deranged than usual, because in spite of great scientific and technological advances, man has not the faintest idea of who he is or what he is doing.'| - Walker Percy
`You may already be a loser.'| - Form letter received by Rodney Dangerfield
`You may now log in to life. Password:_'| - QOTD
`You must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.'| - Feynman's First Principle
`You must find the ideas that have some promise in them... It is not enough to just have ideas.'| - George E. Woodberry
`You must sell, as Markets go.'| - Thomas Fuller (1654-1734)|Gnomologia, 1732
`You must spend money, if you wish to make money.'| - Plautus(254-184 B.C.)
`You never "find" time, but you can always "make" it.'| - Unknown
`You never find a lost article until you replace it.'| - Unknown
`You never get a second chance to give a first impression.'| - Unknown
`You never lost money by taking a profit.'| - American saying
`You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.'| - John Barrymore
`You ought to take the bull between the teeth.'| - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
`You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.'| - Unknown
`You pays your money, you takes your choice.'| - Aldous Huxley
`You see but you do not observe.'| - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: "The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes"
`You see me as an Atheist. God sees me as the loyal opposition.'| - Woody Allen
`You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends.'| - Joseph Conrad
`You should use contraceptives at every conceivable occasion.'| - Unknown
`You simply cannot understand psychedelic drugs, which activate the brain, unless you understand something about computers.'| - Timothy Leary
`You smash it, and I'll build around it.'| - John Lennon
`You will find that the State is the kind of organization which, though it does big things badly, does small things badly, too.'| - John Kenneth Galbraith
`You're peddling your fish in the wrong market.'| - Dashiell Hammett (1894-1961)
`You're traveling through another dimension... a dimension of sound, and of mind. Next stop - the Twilight Zone.'| - Rod Serling
`Young men are apt to think themselves wise enough, as drunken men are to think themselves sober enough.'| - Earl of Chesterfield
`Young men are fitter to invent than to judge, fitter for execution than for counsel, fitter for new projects than settled business.'| - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
`Your best buy for a quarter is a telephone call to the right man.'| - Unknown
`Your chances of getting hit by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and shout, "Storms suck!"'| - Johnny Carson
`Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.'| - Fran Lebowitz
`Your motivation is your pay packet on Friday. Now get on with it.'| - Noel Coward, to an actor (Attrib.)
`Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age a regret.'| - Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
`Youth is a period of missed opportunities.'| - Cyril Connolly
`You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.'| - Dolly Parton
`You'll never get to the top by sitting on your bottom.'| - Unknown
`You'll pay to know what you really think.'| - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
`You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.'| - Jim Samuels
`You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech.'| - Franklin P. Jones
`You're awfully picky for someone living in the Twilight Zone.'| - Unknown
`You're either part of the solution or part of the problem.'| - Eldridge Cleaver
`You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.'| - Dean Martin's Definition of Drunkenness
`You've always made the mistake of being yourself.'| - Eugene Ionesco
`You've got to be careful quoting Ronald Reagan, because when you quote him accurately it's called mudslinging.'| - Walter Mondale
`You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it.'| - W. S. Gilbert
`Zeal, n.: A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.'| - Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
`Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.'| - Henny Youngman
`(We're)... | So slow to grow up,| So soon we grow old.'| - Tom Cockren
`"Automatic" simply means that you can't repair it yourself.'| - Mary H. Waldrip
`"Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic."'| - Lewis Carroll
`"I must do something" will always solve more problems than "Something must be done."'| - Unknown
`"It can't happen here," is number one on the list of famous last words.'| - David Crosby, rock singer and musician
`"Let me tell you, kid," Franny said to me, squeezing my hand. "Everything's safer than love."'| - Unknown
`"Literature" are books taught after the author is dead.'| - Unknown
`"Magic" is a ritual performed to produce a specific, desired end result, the exact reason for whose occurrence is unknown. By this definition, most of the civilized world operates by magic.'| - Unknown
`"Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool!" he said to himself, and it became a favourite saying of his later, and passed into a proverb. "You aren't nearly through this adventure yet," he added, and that was pretty true as well.'| - Bilbo Baggins, "The Hobbit" by J.R.R. Tolkien
`"Okay," Bobby said, getting the hang of it, "then what's the matrix? If she's a deck, and Danbala's a program, what's cyberspace?"||"The world," Lucas said.'| - William Gibson, "Count Zero"
`"Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?" he asked. "Begin at the beginning," the King said, gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop."'| - Lewis Carroll: "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
