Amiga Plus 2000 #1

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Text File | 1999-12-03 | 44.5 KB | 624 lines

HELLO AND WELCOME TO 'CONQUEST', THE NEW PD-GAME CREATED BY CLUSTER ! PLEASE NOTE THAT YOU CAN FIND OVER 50KBYTE OF NONSENSE TEXT AFTER THIS NORMAL PART OF THE SCROLL.SO KEEP ON READING. THE CREDITS FOR THIS GAME: CONCEPT: "CONQUEST FOR THE CROWN" (C64) GAME DESIGN AND IMPROVEMENTS: ANDRE WICHMANN CODING: ANDRE WICHMANN GRAPHICS: MARTIN ROSENKRANZ SOUND: PHILIPP WITKOP THIS GAME IS FREEWARE AND MAY BE COPIED AS LONG AS NO CHANGES ARE MADE, ALL FILES ARE COPIED AND NO PROFIT IS MADE WITH DISTRIBUTION.FEEL FREE TO SEND US A LETTER WITH BUG-REPORTS, SUPPORTING IDEAS, MONEY OR JUST FOR A CONTACT.WRITE TO: ANDRE WICHMANN - POSENER WEG 4 - 5300 BONN 1 - (WEST) GERMANY. THE MEMBERS OF CLUSTER ARE: ANDRE WICHMANN (ASSEMBLER CODING AND DESIGN), MARTIN ROSENKRANZ (GRAPHICS), PHILIPP WITKOP (SOUND), GUIDO WEGENER (C CODING) AND MARTIN MOHR (FLOPPY-ROUTINE AND CUSTOM-CHIPS CODER). NEW MEMBERS ARE WELCOME. USE YOUR JOYSTICK TO SPEED UP OR SLOW DOWN THE SCROLL - I THINK YOU'LL NEED IT (BECAUSE THE TEXT IS VERY LONG AND SENSELESS...). GOOD BYE... WELCOME TO THE CLUSTER NONSENSE-SCROLL... THIS IS ARAGORN (ANDRE WICHMANN) OF CLUSTER TYPING. LET ME EXPLAIN HOW THESE WEIRD SHIELDS HAVE BEEN SMASHED TOGETHER... THE PARENTS OF RAT (MARTIN ROSENKRANZ) OWN A HOUSE IN WALPORZHEIM (WEST GERMANY) AND THE ELITE OF CLUSTER (ARAGORN, WONKO (GUIDO WEGENER), RAT AND MADISON (PHILIPP WITKOP)) IS LIVING HERE FOR A WEEK (IN THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS), USING TWO AMIGAS (WHAT A PITY, NO C64 AS LAST YEAR !).WE STARTED A KICK-OFF COMPETITION (I'M LEADING AT THE MOMENT, YEAH !) AND THE NOT-PLAYING PLAYERS STARTED TO PLAY BUGGY-BOY (NEW GAMES, ARE THEY ?). BUT THEN OUR GFX-ARTIST (RAT) WANTED TO PAINT SOMETHING - BUT WHAT ??? WELL, AFTER RAT SAID THAT HE IS TOO LAZY TO PAINT LOGOS (8 COLORS ? HE WANTS TO HAVE MORE !), I REMEMBERED AN OLD PROJECT (THIS GAME !), AND I STARTED A THIRD TIME TO PROGRAM IT.WELL, AT 1.00 IN (NOT PM OR AM, IN - IN THE NIGHT...) WE STARTED TO PAINT THE SHIELDS WHILE THE OTHERS PLAYED THEIR KICK-OFF MATCHES. AFTER THE NORMAL SHIELDS (CONVERTED FROM THE C64 - ABOUT 8 SHIELDS) RAT STARTED TO DRAW UMBRELLAS IN THE SHIELDS (STUPID IDEA !) (I THINK WE FORGOT TO INCLUDE IT). THEN THE OTHERS (EXCEPT MYSELF) MADE A NEW COMPETITION - WHO CREATES THE SILLIEST (SILLYFULNESSESES ? MOST SILLYFULS ? DOUBLEPLUSUNTHINKFULFUL ?) SHIELDS ? I THINK RAT WON THIS COMPETITION ! AFTER SEVERAL UMBRELLAS, MANY DIFFERENT STYLES OF HATS, FLYING DOGS ABOVE CROWDED STREETS ETC. ONLY MADISON DEFEATED HIM BY DRAWING A SENSELESS '18'... I THINK WE REPLACED IT BY A CUP OF COFFEE (WITH SUGAR BUT WITHOUT MILK !). NOW WE HAVE ABOUT 100 SHIELDS, SO DO NOT MOAN ABOUT NOT ENOUGH SHIELDS !!! BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU SEEN MY (REALLY NICE) ZOMBIE-SHIELD ? I LIKE IT VERY MUCH, ALSO PLAY WITH THE 'A', THE BOMB, THE ARROWS ... NOW WE HAVE 2.49 IM (IN THE MORNING) AND WE WILL DRAW SOME NEW SHIELDS IN A FEW HOURS (AFTER WE'VE FINISHED THIS SCROLLTEXT), AT 4.00 BB (BEFORE BREAKFAST). IF THERE ARE STILL 100 SHIELDS, WE'VE PLAYED ANOTHER MATCH OF KICK-OFF...(THANKS ANCO !!! THANKS DINO !!! WAITING FOR KICK-OFF 2 !!!) HEY, I DO NOT WRITE ONLY GAMES (GET 'PIPELINE', 'PUSH!' AND 'BRAIN') BUT ALSO OTHER VERY, VERY USEFUL PROGRAMS LIKE DCAT V2.1 (RELEASED SOON) OR WA-TOR OR FILEREQUEST OR ILBM-CONVERT OR RESET-TOOL...I THINK YOU CAN GET THEM REALLY EVERYWHERE (ESPECIALLY ON THE FF PD-SERIES I THINK). BUT NOW I LEAVE THE KEYBOARD TO ANOTHER MEMBER OF THE MEGA-MIGHTY, WELL-KNOWN (I HOPE !!!), SUPERB, LONG-LASTING, LEGAL, LEGENDARY, LOONY, LOVELY, WEIRD, COOL, MARVELLOUS, FANTASTIC, FABULOUS, EXCELLENT, OUTRAGIOUS, IRRESISTABLE, INCREDIBLE, INVINCIBLE, INVISIBLE (?), PUKING, INDEPENDENT, INVULNERABLE, NON-LAME, FAST, UNBELIEVEABLE, GLORIOUS, TITANIOUS, GOLDEN, SHINING, GLIMMERING, GOD-LIKE, POWERFUL, WINNING, NEVER LOSING, INDEFEATABLE, STUNNING, BLINDING, CHARMING, RPG-PLAYING, IMMUNE, COMPETITION-PRO-5000-USING, QUICKSHOT- KILLING, BLASTING, DECATHLON-PLAYING, GODLY, PROGRAMMING, PAINTING, SAMPLING, GOOD-LOOKING, GLASSES-WEARING, BOOZING, FARTING, CHILLING, COUGHING, HOT, HONEST, HEATING, BOOSTING, CONJURING, AMAZING, CHEWING, FLOPPY-FUCKING, RAMMING, STRIKING, BASHING, SLAYING, THREATENING, KILLING, SLASHING, BEATING, EXPLODING, THRUSTING, CASTING, SCORING, AMBROSIA-EATING, IMMORTAL, PERFECT, TICKLING, NERVOUS, ATTACKING, TOOTH-CLEANING, MUCH EATING, MUCH DRINKING (BEER, MILK, WATER, MARTINI, PERNOD, TEA, SHEEP-DIP THE ORIGINAL OLDBURY, LAGAVULIN, HIGHLAND PARK, LAMBRUSCO, HEALING POTIONS, WINE, ALE, LAGER, BIT, EXPORT, TARTAN SPECIAL, SPRITE, COKE, FANTA, FINSBURY, VALENSINA, SPARKLING WINE, SUNKIST, BLUE CURRACAO, GUINNESS, BACARDI, RED ORANGE, MISTER MELONE, KIWI WONDER, SPLIT, BOURBON WHISKY, OLD PASCAS, GREEN WIDOW), ETERNAL, ORIGINAL, BLENDING, WOKING, TYPING, DANCING, JEANS-WEARING, RAPPING, HAPPY, JOY-BRINGING, WISH FULFILLING, CONQUERING, NEVER STOPPING, WELL-KNOWN ----->>>>> C L U S T E R <<<<<----- (GUESSED IT ?) (DO YOU REMEMBER THE BEGINNING OF THE LAST SENTENCE ? THEN PLEASE WRITE ME A LETTER - I FAILED TO UNDERSTAND IT.) BY THE WAY, THE MEMBER NOW TYPING IS NAMED WONKO ! MAHLZEIT ! THE FOUR OF US ARE NOW SITTING AT THE COMPUTERS, ARAGORN IS PROGRAMMING, RAT IS DESIGNING A FANTASY ROLE PLAYING GAME (WITHOUT COMPUTER), MADISON IS TALKING TO ME ABOUT WHAT I SHOULD WRITE AND I AM TYPING THIS WITH GENAM2. ARAGORN IS ANGRY ABOUT MADISONS OLD AMIGA, WHICH JUST CRASHED (OR WAS IT ARAGORN'S FAULT ?). BOY AM I GLAD THAT MY COMPUTER IS AT HOME, SAVE. MY TEA IS READY NOW AND ARAGORN MANAGED TO BUILD AN INTRO WITH THIS TEXT, JUST FOR TESTING, SO I WILL STOP WRITING FOR A WHILE NOW. . . . . I'M BACK AGAIN (AFTER READING THE TEXT AND DEBUGGING IT). BUT I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE. WE JUST FINNISHED ANOTHER SHIELD PAINTING SESSION, NOW THERE ARE 170 SHILEDS, BUT I THINK THAT WE WILL REACH THE 200TH SOON. WE ALL HOPE THAT YOU WILL HAVE FUN WITH THE SHIELDS AND THE REST OF THE GAME. OH YES, LET'S TALK ABOUT THE GAME ! HERE IS THE HISTORY : ON THE C-64 (IN THE OLD GOLDEN DAYS) THERE WAS A PROGGY CALLED CONQUEST FOR THE CROWN, WHICH WAS JUST LIKE THIS ONE, BUT WITH A SMALLER FIELD AND FEWER SHIELDS. WHEN ARAGORN GOT HIS AMIGA HE STARTED TO CONVERT IT, USING K-SEKA... CHAOS... THEN STARTED AGAIN ON DEVPAC, BUT AFTER THE TITLE AND THE SCROLLER HE STOPPED AND PROGRAMMED DCAT 2.0 INSTEAD OF IT. AND NOW, YEARS AND CENTURIES LATER, HE STARTED AGAIN. (WELL, TO BE EXACT, HE HASN'T WRITTEN MORE THAN THE INTRO-PART UP TO NOW, BUT WE ALL HOPE, THAT HE WILL FINISH THE GAME THIS TIME... BUT SINCE YOU ARE READING THIS, HE MUST HAVE DONE IT ! HAHAHA, WHILE THE OTHERS ARE CLEANING THE DISHES, I SIT HERE AND WRITE A SCROLL-TEXT. ARAGORN IS WATCHING ME TYPING WITH A TOWEL AND A PLATE IN HIS HANDS. NOW WE WILL EAT SOMETHING AND THEN PLAY A ROLE PLAYING GAME, WHICH RAT DESIGNED. SO WILL ALL WILL DIE VERY SOON. RAT IS JUST TALKING ABOUT ALL THE TRAPS AND MEGA MONSTERS IN HIS ADVENTURE... OH BOY, AM I SCARED, MY SWEET LITTLE KOBOLD-MAGE... WHY MUST HE DIE SO SOON. (ARAGORN: I AM PLAYING A STRONG AND POWERFUL DWARFEN BARBARIAN WHICH IS THE RIGHT CHARACTER FOR SUCH A STRONG AND POWERFUL PROGRAMMER. YEAH.) WONKO: BARBARIANS ARE AS STUPID AS ASSEMBLER PROGRAMMERS, AREN'T THEY ? (MADISON: I AM PLAYING A FAMOUS BEAUTIFUL BARD WHO WILL DIE VERY FAST BECAUSE THE CRUEL MONSTER WILL DEFEAT HIM. I DON'T HOPE SO. I HOPE FOR A GOOD DAY!!!) (ARAGORN AGAIN: MY BARBARIAN HAS A DIFFICULT TASK: HE MUST PROTECT ALL THESE WEAK MAGES AND BARDS...AND ALL HE EARMS ARE MUTATIONS...) (MADISON: LOOK WHAT A BLOODY, STUPID BARBARIAN!!!!!!!!) STOP TALKING, THIS IS >MY< PART OF THE TEXT ! <TIME PASSES> ... WE JUST PLAYED RAT'S ROLEPLAYING GAME... MY MAGE FELL UNCONSIOUS FOR 3 TIMES, WAS MUTATED (LEFT LEG SHORTER THAN RIGHT LEG) AND THEN KILLED BECAUSE OF AN ERROR WHILE CASTING A FIREBALL ... (THE SORPION'S POISON DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO KILL ME, BUT IT WOULD HAVE KILLED ME) NOW I AM SITTING HERE WHILE THE OTHERS ARE STILL PLAYING. (BUT I BET THEY WILL STOP SOON, COZ THEY WILL BE DEAD, TOO) MY NEW CHARACTER WILL HAS MINIMUM HIT POINTS, TODAY IT SEEMS TO BE MY LUCKY DAY. <MORE TIME PASSES> ... YES, IT MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY, MY NEW CHARACTER WAS JUST KILLED BY A TRAP, AFTER FALLING UNCONSIOUS FOR TWO TIMES. FOR ALL OF YOU, WHO DON'T KNOW ROLE PLAYING GAMES, IT WAS NOT NECESSARY TO GET KILLED EVEN ONCE, BUT RAT IS CRUEL .... THE OTHERS ARE NOW FIGHTING AGAINST 45 SKELETONS. MADISON'S BARD'S ARMOR WILL BREAK SOON AND ARAGORN'S BARBARIAN HAS ONLY GOT HALF OF HIS NORMAL HIT POINTS. IF RAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE ADVENTURE TO SAVE THEM (AND HE WILL NEVER DO THIS), THEY WILL SURELY DIE. NORMALLY I AM A NICE GUY, BUT THIS TIME I HOPE THAT THEY WILL DIE. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE HIGH-LEVEL CHARACTERS IN THE SAME GROUP AS MY LEVEL 1 CHARACTERS, BECAUSE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO SURVIVE IN HIGH-LEVEL ADVENTURES. HAHAHA, MADISON'S ARMOR WAS JUST DESTROYED !!! I HEAR THAT HE IS RUNNING AWAY AND TRIES TO OPEN SOMETHING, BUT HE IS SOOOO WEAK, AND THE SKELETONS ARE GETTING CLOSER. HE SHUT THE DOOR AND HOPES THAT THE SKELETONS ARE TO STUPID TO OPEN IT. ATTANTION, YOUR ATTANTION PLEASE ! A NEWSFLASH WAS JUST RECEIVED FROM THE ROLE-PLAYERS, THEIR FORCES IN THE DUNGEON WITH THE SKELETONS SEEM TO WIN ! ARAGORN HAS KILLED 9 SKELETONS AND HAS ONLY TAKEN 1 POINT OF DAMAGE. FOR ALL OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW 'SOEHNE DES LICHTS' OR OTHER GOOD ROLE-PLAYING SYSTEMS, HERE IS A SMALL DESCRIPTION OF WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT : THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO PLAY THE ROLE OF THE CHARACTERS (ELVES, MAGICIANS, GIANTS, WARRIORS ..) BY DESCRIBING WHAT THEY WANT TO DO AND ONE GUY (THE (DUNGEON)MASTER) INFORMES THEM ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS. THE DUNGEONMASTER HAS TO DESIGN AN ADVENTURE LIKE LORD OF THE RINGS, AND THE PLAYERS TRY TO DO TWO THINGS : SOLVE THE RIDDLES AND PROBLEMS, AND TO PLAY THEIR CHARACTERS AS REALISTIC AS THEY CAN. THE SECOND POINT SHOULD BE THE IMPORTANT POINT, BUT RAT LOVES RIDDLES AND BATTLES, AND THAT IS WHY MOST OF THE CHARACTERS DIE VERY SOON. ARAGORN JUST INFORMED ME THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE REASON FOR HIS SURVIVAL UP TO NOW : THE DICE ROLLED GOOD VALUES. BUT SOONER OR LATER THEY WILL ROLL THE WRONG NUMBERS AND THEN HE WILL DIE. HAHAHA, MADISON IS MOANING ABOUT THE DICE ! <VERY MUCH TIME PASSES> OH, EVIL WORLD ! THEY HAVE SURVIVED THE BATTLE ! MADISON: NOW I FEEL BETTER THE FIGHT BETWEEN 45 SKLETTS AND US ENDED WE WON!!!!!!!! (MY BARD CRUSHES SKLETTS IN HUGE MASSES!!!) BECAUSE HE IS A BARD!!!! NOW WONKO CAN CONTINUE WRITING : FROM NOW ON I WILL TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, WITH SMALL INTERRUPTIONS WITH REPORTS FROM THE BATTLE FIELD. SHALL I DESCRIBE WHAT I SEE AND WHERE I AM ? NO ? HA, I AM SEEKING REVENGE FOR THE 45 SKELETONS, THAT IS WHY I WILL DO IT, EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO DO IT ! IN FRONT OF ME THERE ARE TWO AMIGA 500 WITH 1MB EACH AND MANY JOYSTICKS. IN THE NEIGHBOUR ROOM ARE RAT, MADISON AND ARAGORN WITH A GHETTO-BLASTER AND THEIR ROLE-PLAYING EQUIPMENT. THAT'S THE WAY I WANT TO LIVE ! RAT IS ANGRY ABOUT THE FACT THAT ARAGORN AND MADISON SMASHED THE FINAL ENCOUNTER TOOOO EASILY. AH, YES, I WANT TO MENTION THAT WE LOVE TO RECEIVE LETTERS, SO WRITE TO US, BUT PLEASE USE THE FULL NAME OF CLUSTER (MEGA-MIGHTY, LOVELY, FANTASTIC, ....). WATCH OUT FOR OUR FIRST PD-DISK, WE SEND IT TO FRED FISH, BUT UNTIL NOW WE DIDN'T HEAR FROM HIM. BY THE WAY : EVEN THOUGH HE DID NOT ANSWER US UP TO NOW, WE WANT TO THANK FRED FISH FOR HIS WORK ON THE AMIGA, WITHOUT HIM THE PD-SCENE WOULD BE BORING. HEY SWAPPERS, WHY DON'T YOU SPREAD PD-DISKS, THEY BRING SO MUCH FUN TO THE USERS. ALL THESE SENSELESS PROGGIES, ALL THESE USEFUL TOOLS AND THE GAMES ... THIS IS THE REAL THING. WHERE ELSE CAN YOU FIND GAMES WITH MORE THAN 170 DIFFERENT SHIELDS ? OH, THESE SHIELDS, THEY ARE SO USELESS, BUT THIS IS WHAT I LIKE ABOUT PD, YOU DON'T GET MONEY FOR YOUR WORK, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO FULLFILL ANY ORDERS. YOU CAN WORK ON WHAT EVER YOU LIKE AND WITH YOUR OWN STYLE. GOOD MORNING ! IT IS 1PM AND WE JUST WOKE UP, AS EVERY DAY HAVING SLEPT TOO SHORT. I AM SITTING HERE TYPING AND EATING BREAKFAST, WHILE THE OTHERS RUN AROUND, EAT, WASH AND WATCH ME TYPING. ARAGORN JUST LEFT ME AND MADISON JUST SHOWED UP, BUT ONLY TO GO AWAY AGAIN. BUT CAN A BEE BE SAID TO BE OR NOT TO BE AN ENTIRE BEE ? RAT JUST CAME TO WATCH ME TYPING, HE IS SITTING NEXT TO ME ON THE COUCH. HE MUST BE VERY BRAVE, HE KILLED TWO CHARACTERS OF MINE AND THE SITS DOWN AT MY SIDE AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED. WHEN HE READ THE LAST SENTENCE, HE GOT UP AND WENT AWAY TO UPDATE HIS LIST OF CHARACTERS KILLED BY THE DUNGEONMASTER ! HE ISN'T BRAVE HE IS JUST STUPID. THIS IS OUR FIRST AMIGA-SCROLL, SO WE WANT TO MAKE IT VERY VERY VERY LONG. THIS CAN BE DONE IN THREE WAYS : 1) THINK ABOUT INTERESTING THINGS AND TALK ABOUT THEM. 2) TALK ABOUT SOMETHING, IN A CHAOTIC WAY, FORGETTING THE ENDS OF SENTENCE AND SAYING THINGS LIKE I12BAB4A2. OR PANGALACTIC GARGLE BLASTER IS IT ! 3) PUTTING A HEAVY THING ON A KEY OF YOUR CHOICE, FOR EXAMPLE : WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SORRY, WE WILL CONTINUE WRITING LIKE DESCRIBED IN POINT 1 AND 2. HEY MADISON, DON'T WATCH ME TYPING, TYPE FOR YOURSELF. MADISON: THAT THE IQ OF WONKO!!!!! WONKO: I AM VERY SORRY, IF YOU DIDN'T GET THE MEANING OF MADISON'S COMMENT. TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER : I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT, TOO. WELL, NOW IS ARAGORN WRITING.AFTER WASHING MY HAIR AND SEARCHING FOR MY GLASSES (WHERE HAVE I PUT THEM ?) I READ THE CRAP WONKO WROTE SO I DECIDED TO WRITE BETTER TEXT.(YOU ARE READING IT NOW, IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED IT YET!) I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS GAME BECAUSE THIS IS MY THIRD TRY TO WRITE IT, AND I PLAYED THIS GAME VERY OFTEN ON THE C64.IT IS VERY SIMPLE BUT... HEY, IS OUT THERE ANYONE WHO CAN CREATE SUPER MUSIC OR SUPER GFX OR SUPER CODE AND WHO WANTS TO JOIN A MEGA-FORCE OF PD-PROGRAMMERS ??? WONKO SAYS THAT WE ALSO NEED SPREADER, BUT I DO NOT AGREE WITH HIM (PD-PROGRAMMERS DO NOT NEED ANY SPREADERS - WE HAVE FRED FISH, KICKSTART, ... SO IF YOU WANT TO CONTACT US (MONEY IS ALSO WELCOME - WE NEED IT !) (AND OF COURSE FAN-POST) THEN WRITE TO (HA ! THE ADDRESS !): ANDRE WICHMANN - POSENER WEG 4 - 5300 BONN 1 - (WEST) GERMANY. BY THE ROAD, THIS TEXT WAS STARTED ON THE 10TH OF JULY, AND TODAY IT IS THE 11TH OF JULY. WE WILL CYCLE TO MADISON'S RELATIVES (THEY LIVE ON A VERY HIGH HILL - IT IS >VERY< DIFFICULT TO CYCLE UP THE HILL (? - BAD ENGLISH) MADISON: THE HILL IS NOT VERY HIGH BUT THE OTHERS ARE VERY LAZY!!!!!!! WONKO: MADISON, BE HONEST, LET'S CALL IT A MOUNTAIN ! ARAGORN AGAIN: [...] AND I THINK I WILL DIE ON THE WAY UP... (AFTER SEVERAL HOURS OF RPG-PLAYING AND TOO FEW HOURS OF SLEEPING !) MADISON: CYCELING IS GOOD FOR THE CONSTITUTION!!!! AND THE MOUNTAIN IS NOT HIGH!!! RAT: MAYBE IT'S NOT HIGH BUT IT LOOKS LIKE A WALL... ARAGORN AGAIN: I HATE THESE COMMENTS FROM THE OTHER MEMBERS ! BUT NOW ANOTHER SUBJECT... ASSEMBLER AND C ! I THINK EVERYBODY AGREES THAT ASSEMBLER IS FASTER, SMALLER, BETTER ETC. THAN THIS STUPID LANGUAGE C...AND THOSE C-PROGRAMMERS ARE ALL STUPID, MAD AND THE PROGRAMS ARE SLOW, LARGE, SENSELESS AND EVEN A SMALL TOOL LIKE 'SETCOL' IS SIZED OVER 15KB (ASSEMBLER: IN THE LARGEST VERSION 768 BYTES !). THE ANSWER TO THIS WAR IS AS CLEAR AS THE ANSWER TO THE WAR BETWEEN THE AMIGA AND THE ATARI ST: THE AMIGA REPRESENTS THE FAST AND MIGHTY ASSEMBLER LANGUAGE AND THE ATARI ST LOOKS LIKE THE LARGE AND SLOW C-PROGRAMS...AND I THINK >EVERYBODY< AGREES THAT THE AMIGA IS BETTER THAN THE ATARI ST !!! WONKO WILL CONTINUE NOW AND SAVE THE IMAGE OF C: (A) THERE ARE THINGS WHERE THE ST IS BETTER THAN THE AMIGA (LIKE DTP, MIDI, ...). (B) ASSEMBLER IS THE RIGHT LANGUAGE FOR ALL THESE MUTATED IDIOTS, WHO FORCE THEIR BRAINS TO THINK LIKE A COMPUTER (DOWN WITH MUTATANTS !). (C) C IS STRUCTURED, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THE SOURCE EVEN AFTER SOME MONTHS. (D) AND YOU CAN THINK LIKE A NORMAL MAN WHEN PROGRAMMING C. (E) C IS NEARLY AS FAST AND AS SHORT AS ASSEMBLER, THERE ARE TWO REASONS FOR LONG AND SLOW PROGGIES : 1) I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SWITCH OFF ALL THE THINGS MY COMPILER LINKS TO MY CODE. 2) IN C YOU MUST PROGRAMM LEGAL (IN THE SENSE OF CLEAN) AND MUST USE EXEC AND INTUITION... (ARAGORN: IF A ASSEMBLER-CODER WANTS TO BE FASTER AND SHORTER, HE WILL BE FASTER AND SHORTER THAN C !!! EVEN IF HE USES 'EXEC' AND 'INTUITION' (WHICH IS OFCOURSE ALSO POSSIBLE !!!)) WONKO: BUT WHAT IS THE PRICE FOR THAT ?? WHAT IS THE SENSE OF LEARNING ASSEMBLER ? AFTER SOME YEARS A NEW CPU COMES AND YOU HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN, WHILE C-PROGRAMMERS WILL ALWAYS HAVE WORK. IT IS A DIFFERENT WAY OF THINKING, C MAKES YOU THINK BIG, YOU OVERSEE THE WHOLE THING AND DON'T GET COUGHT IN ASSEMBLY OPTIONS. I REMEMBER THE OLD DAYS OF THE C64, WHEN I PROGRAMMED ASSEMBLER. HOW CAN A MAN DEBUG A PROGRAM WHEN HE CAN'T SIMPLY PRINT OUT THE CURRENT VALUES OF VARIABLES ? INSTEAD OF WRITING LONG FUNCTIONS FOR DEBUGGING YOU JUST STOP THE PROJECT AND GET LOST. ASSEMBLER IS THE LANGUAGE FOR DEMOS AND ACTION GAMES, C IS THE LANGUAGE FOR LARGE PROJECTS AND THE SMALL THINGS YOU WANT TO DO, LIKE TESTING SOME ALGORITHMS YOU FOUND IN SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN. IT IS LIKE THE RELATION BETWEEN ST AND AMIGA : AMIGA (ASSEMBLER) FOR GAMES AND ST (C) FOR USEFULL STUFF. YOU CAN'T COMPARE THE TWO OF THEM, THEY ARE TOO DIFFERENT. ALL THIS TALKING LEADS TO THE FINAL TRUTH : C IS THE FUTURE, ASSEMBLER THE PAST. YOU ASSEMBLER PROGRAMMERS OUT THERE ARE THE LAST SURVIVALS OF A TIME WHICH CAME TO AN END CENTURIES AGO. GROW UP AND LEARN TO PROGRAM HIGH LEVEL LANGUAGES, THIS IS WHERE YOU CAN GET THE MONEY. IN A AGE WHERE OPERATION SYSTEMS (LIKE INTUITION AND EXEC) ARE WRITTEN IN C, ASSEMBLER IS A DINOSAUR LYING ON THE GROUND AND BEING EATEN BY THE RATS. HI THERE HERE IS >MADISON< SPEAKING !!! ENOUGH WITH THIS FIGHT BETWEEN ASSEMBLER AND C... BECAUSE THE BEST IS AMIGA AND SO ASSEMBLER IS BETTER!! HI, I AM THE SOUNDER OF CLUSTER SO I MADE THE MUSAX AND THE DIGI-SOUNDS !!(THANKS TO SOUND- AND NOISETRACKER!!!) DO YOU KNOW WHEN ARAGORN RESETED MY OLD AMIGA THAT WAS ARAGORNS MISTAKE AND NOT THE MISTAKE OF MY 'OLD'AMIGA. NOW WE START CYCLING ON THE MOUNTAIN LIKE WONKO SAID! SO I ENDED FOR THE FIRST TIME!. WONKO : YEAH, WE ARE BACK AGAIN ! WHILE ROLLING DOWN THE HILL, WE PROVED THAT EINSTEIN IS WRONG, BECAUSE WE DROVE FASTER THAN LIGHT ! MADISON AND ARAGORN WENT SHOPPING AND RAT IS CREATING A NEW ADVENTURE. CAN YOU GUESS WHAT I AM DOING ? NO ? HEY, GUY, YOU MUST BE A LOONY. YOU THINK THAT I AM SITTING IN FRONT OF AN AMIGA AND TYPE A BLOODY SCROLL- TEXT ? DON'T YOU HAVE EVEN THE SMALLEST BIT OF REASON IN YOUR PUTRIFIED BRAIN ? THINK AGAIN ! YES, I AM DOING WHAT EVERY NORMAL FREAK DOES : I AM DRINKING BEER UNDER THE SHOWER AND TRANSMIT MY THOUGHTS VIA AN ALIEN LIFEFORM TO MY SLAVE, WHO TYPES THEM INTO THE COMPUTER. MADISON AND ARAGORN ARE BACK AGAIN AND WHAT HAVE THEY BUYED ? GUESS ! ... FOOD FOR THE ALIEN ? NO, JUST SOME SWEETS AND SOMETHING TO DRINK. YOU FAILED THE TEST AND ARE CURSED BY CLUSTER : ALL YOUR DISKS WILL HAVE READ/WRITE-ERRORS ! AND NOW TO SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ! THE GREETINGS ! OH, I AM SOOO SORRY, BUT I DON'T HAVE A LIST AND THE OTHERS ARE BUSY, SO FORGET IT ! IF YOU CAN READ THIS TEXT, THEN YOU ARE ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE CHOSEN BY US TO KEEP THE HUMAN RACE ALIVE ! WE ARE A LIFEFORM FROM THE CENTRE OF THE MILKY WAY. WE KNOW THAT THE EARTH WILL EXPLODE SOON. THIS IS CAUSED BY YOUR OVERPRODUCTION OF BAD MUSIC, WHICH CAUSES THE EARTH TO VIBRATE. THESE VIBRATIONS WILL SOON BE STRONG ENOUGH TO DESTROY THE WHOLE PLANET ! TO SAVE A FEW OF YOUR KIND, WE BUILT A BASE ON MARS. PLEASE GO THERE AND SHOW THIS DISK. WE KNOW THAT YOUR PRIMITIVE TECHNIQUE IS NOT WELL ENOUGH DEVELOPED TO ALLOW EVERYONE TO FLY TO MARS, BUT WE WILL SEND YOU A GALACTIC PASSPORT IN FORM OF A LETTER WITHOUT STAMP. THIS PASSPORT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO COMMAND EVERYONE WITHOUT AN EQUAL PASSPORT. WHEN YOU RECEIVE THE LETTER, GO TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND SHOOT EVERYBODY UNTIL THEY FLY YOU TO MARS, THE PASSPORT GIVES YOU THE AUTHORITY TO DO THIS. IF YOU GET IN TROUBLE THEN SIMPLY TOUCH THE MAGNETIC SURFACE OF THIS DISK. THE DISK WILL THEN SEND OUT A WAVEFORM THAT CAUSES HAPPIENESS, HOPE, LOVE AND SATISFACTION BY THE USER. SO PLEASE WAIT FOR THE UNSTAMPED LETTER AND DON'T HEAR ANY MUSIC FROM STOCK, AITKEN AND WATERMAN BECAUSE THIS WOULD SPEED UP THE PROCESS OF DESTRUCTION AND WE MAY NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO SAVE YOU. END OF THE MESSAGE ... QAURTL XLOP COMMANDER OF THE STROP TIME 18436543 ARAGORN IS NOW SITTING NEXT TO ME AND READS THE WHOLE SCROLL TEXT ON THE OTHER AMIGA. AND MADISON WANTS TO TYPE SOMETHING. DO YOU WANT TO READ HIS TEXT ? WELL, I GUESS THAT YOU MUST DO IT, SO BE BRAVE AND WAIT FOR OTHER PARTS WRITTEN BY WONKO ! YEAH ! HERE I AM !!!MADISON IS WRITING. I HOPE YOU ARE SITTING IN FRONT OF YOUR AMIGA AFTER THIS STUPID TEXT WRITTEN BY WONKO!. NOW WE ARE BACK FROM OUR CYCLE-TOUR AND IT WAS NOT VERY DIFFICULT TO CYCLE UP THE MOUNTAINS. NOW ARAGORN, RAT, WONKO ARE SITTING IN FRONT OF MY 'OLD'AMIGA AND WATCH THE FINAL SCROLL TEXT. ARAGORN AND I BUYED SOME AMBROSIA AND MADE OUR NIGHT MEAL. IN THE MOMENT THE MUSIC STOPPED SO I ASK WONKO TO START SOME NEW SOUNDS. NOW WE HEAR 'GURU JOSH' A GREAT SOUND BUT WONKO WOULDN'T LIKE IT VERY MUCH!! (STUPID) ARAGORN, RAT, AND I MEAN THATS ONE OF THE BEST SOUNDS IN THE TOP 100 SINGLE CHARTS.! 'INFINITY'AND'WHOSE LAW IS IT ANYWAY'ARE REALLY GREAT!.(OR ?) I THINK SO. AFTER WE HAD KILLED A TROLL-SPIDER THIS NIGHT WE DIDN'T GIVE UP BUT ALSO WE SOLVE THE ADVENTURE (IT WAS A HARD BUT GOOD ONE) NOW WONKO IS ANGRY BECAUSE TWO OF HIS CHARACTERS WERE ELIMINATED BY THE (MASTER) RAT (BAD ROLE PLAYING GAME!) NOW RAT IS HELPING ME TO THINK ABOUT NEW THINGS TO WRITE. IN A FEW HOURS WE CONTINUE OUR KICK-OFF GAME AGAIN AND THAN WE EAT OUR DINNER (FRITTEN MIT POMMES UND HAEHNCHEN) THIS NIGHT WE WOULDN'T PLAY ROLE-PLAYING GAME, BUT WE WANT TO GAMBLE SKAT OR SHEEPHEAD (SCHAFSKOPF). WONKO: OH, MADISON'S ENGLISH IS SOO BAD, I HOPE, THAT ARAGORN WILL CORRECT IT. A TIP FOR MADISON, TRY TO LEARN ENGLISH, FOR EXAMPLE : I SCREAM FOR YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM FOR I SCREAM. END OF COMMENT MADISON BACK AGAIN: WONKO IS WEARING HIS NOSE VERY HIGH BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T KNOW THE WORD (SCHAFSKOPF) TOO. FURTHER MORE HE LIKES >>>>>HEINO<<<<< (THE ONE WITH THE SUNGLASSES VERY MUCH!. NOW TO ANOTHER PART, THIS NIGHT WE WANT TO PAINT SOME NEW SHIELDS!! (DO YOU KNOW MY DRAGON OR MY 18, THE OTHERS DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT BUT ITS THE NUMBER OF MAGIC JOHNSON OF BULLS!!) WE WANT TO FINISH 200 SHIELDS THIS NIGHT. IF WE HAVEN'T ANYTHING TO DO, MANY SHIELDS WILL FOLLOW! IF YOU HAVE GOOD IDEAS FOR NEW SHIELDS OR YOU LIKE MY SOUNDS THEN WRITE FOR THE UPDATE VERSIONS TO: PHILIPP WITKOP BRUESSELER STR. 74 5300 BONN 1 (FAN POST IS VERY WELCOME!) NOW I THINK THAT RAT WILL WRITE ANY SENTENCE BECAUSE HE IS SITTING ON THE SOFA, STARING ON THE MONITOR. SO I LEFT FOR THE SECOND TIME! BYE! RAT: HELLO, HERE AM I, THE GFX-MAN OF CLUSTER AND THE SLAYER OF MANY ROLE-PLAYING CHARACTERS (ESPECIALLY THOSE OF WONKO). AT THE MOMENT I AM THE MASTER WITH THE HIGHEST RATE OF KILLED CHARACTERS... IN THE ADVENTURE BEFORE THE LAST ONE, THERE WERE 6(SIX) CHARACTERS WHICH FAILED TO SURVIVE!!! IN THE LAST ONE WE HAD ONLY 3(THREE) CORPSES BECAUSE WONKO "PLAYED HIS ROLE ""PERFECTLY"" ". I THINK THAT I WILL HAVE TO PAINT TOO MANY THINGS FOR OUR COMING MEGA-DEMO. IF YOU LIKE ANY OF MY GFX SEND ME A LETTER BECAUSE I NEED SOME MENTAL SUPPORT... ADDRESS: MARTIN ROSENKRANZ CHEMNITZER WEG 9 5300 B0NN 1 GERMANY MADISON: I AM VERY HAPPY, BECAUSE IN THE SUPERMARKET IN 'WALPORZHEIM' I FOUND THREE NEW COKETINS (I COLLECT COKETINS, ITS A GREAT HOBBY). IN THIS MINUTE WONKO IS PLAYING WITH HIS MEGTEXT (ITS VERY SLOW, BUT ITS A GREAT SCROLL AND VERY GOOD! (IT ISN'T SOO SLOW, THE TEXT IS TOO LONG.)) HERE'S ARAGORN AGAIN HACKING AND I WANT TO SAY SORRY FOR MADISON'S ENGLISH (I WILL CORRECT IT BEFORE I INCLUDE IT, BUT I CAN'T CORRECT THE SENSE - ONLY THE SPELL ERRORS. WELL, WE'LL CONTINUE PLAYING KICK-OFF SOON AND I WILL CONTINUE MY LEAD BY PLAYING THEM INTO THE GROUND - 16:1 AGAINST WONKO, 23:2 AGAINST MADISON AND 15:4 AGAINST RAT (I HOPE !!!).MADISON: HE WON'T WIN 23:2 (I HOPE TOO!) ARAGORN: WELL, AFTER LOOKING AFTER MY AMBROSIA AND THE FOOD (CHICKEN WITH FRITTEN) WE DISCUSSED ABOUT THE HITPOINTS-BONUS BARBARIANS AND PRIESTS SHOULD RECEIVE WHEN THEY ADVANCE TO A NEW LEVEL - I'M VOTING FOR MANY HITPOINTS FOR BARBARIANS (CAUSE MY BARBARIAN IS MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER WITH THE HIGHEST LEVEL AND WITH THE BEST WEAPONS - I FOUND A TITANIUM-SWORD).WHICH PRIESTS SHOULD GET MORE HITPOINTS - GRENAVA AND ARGIR ?!? WELL, BUT I THINK YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN OUR RPG-DISCUSSION SO I WILL TALK SOME OTHER CRAP... WELL, I HAVE THREE PROJECTS WHICH I PROGRAM AT THE MOMENT: THIS GAME (CONQUEST), DCAT 2.1 (AN INTUITION- BASED UTILITY) AND THE ARAGORN/CLUSTER MEGADEMO (THREE PARTS NEARLY FINISHED BUT WITHOUT ANY GFX). I THINK I WILL TRY TO CODE A COMMERCIAL GAME (I AM ABLE TO DO THIS, I THINK, BUT I'M AFRAID THAT I WILL BE TOO LAZY TO FINISH SUCH A PROJECT AND I HAVE NO IDEA YET WHAT TYPE OF GAME IT WILL BE.HUM.) BUT FOR THAT I NEED MORE GFX-ARTISTS AND SOME MUSIC-MAKERS (I THINK THE CODE WOUDN'T BE THE PROBLEM !). NOW MADISON AND I ARE SITTING HERE (HALF AN HOUR LATER) EATING A PINT OF AMBROSIA AFTER EATING THE CHICKENS. THIS AMIGA IS CHOSEN TO BE THE SCROLLTEXTWRITINGAMIGA AND THE TEXTEDITOR (GENAM2) IS SHOWN THE WHOLE DAY ON THE MONITOR-SCREEN.WHEN WE WANT TO TYPE SOMETHING (LIKE NOW) WE DO IT - AND THE RESULT IS NONSENSE (HEHE) AND A NEW RECORD OF SCROLLTEXT !!! HM, I HOPE THAT RAT WILL DRAW THIS CHARSET SOON BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE THIS SCROLL WITH THIS CHARSET AND NOT ONLY WITH A TEST-CHARSET.IF THIS CHARSET LOOKS LIKE A PROGRAMMER'S DESIGN (8-PIXEL BLOCKS WITH 1 COLOR BUT A 32-COLOR SCROLL ROUTINE) RAT WAS TOO LAZY TO PAINT IT (I DO NOT HOPE SO !!!). BY THE WAY, IF YOU WANT TO HAVE MY PROGRAMS WITH THE TEST-GFX (BEFORE I COULD INCLUDE THE REAL GFX) THEN WRITE ME A LETTER - THEY LOOK FUNNY (MOVING 1-2-3 ANIMATIONS INSTEAD OF SOME MONSTERS IN A GAME OF MINE). BUT NOW RAT IS TALKING ABOUT ELEMENTALS (RPG AGAIN !) SO I THINK I WILL STOP WRITING - OR SHOULD I GO ON ? YES ? DO YOU LIKE MY CRAP ? YES ? GREAT ? OKAY... HAHA, WONKO HAS A BUG IN HIS RANDOM-SCROLLTEXT-CREATOR AND HE SAYS THAT I SHOULD SEARCH IN THIS TEXT FOR SOME STRINGS LIKE 'IONS' OR '00'... (BECAUSE THIS TEXT IS THE SEED FOR THE SCROLLTEXT GENERATOR) BUT I DO NOT KNOW WHY TO DO THIS. HOHO, WONKO IS STILL THINKING (STUPID C PROGRAMMERS) AND HE HAS SLIGHT PROBLEMS WITH READING HIS SOURCE AND THE RESULTS OF HIS PROGRAM BECAUSE HIS AMIGA IS CONNECTED WITH MADISONS TV (AND NOT LIKE THIS AMIGA WHICH IS CONNECTED WITH MY MONITOR... HUHU, WONKO STILL DOES NOT KNOW WHERE HIS MISTAKE IS... SHIT !!! HE FOUND THE FAULT !!! (BUT I (ASSEMBLER PROGRAMMER) WOULD HAVE FOUND IT THRICE IN THIS TIME !!!) NOW WE HAVE STARTED TO PLAY KICK-OFF AGAIN AND WONKO IS PLAYING AGAINST FRANCE...HE BECAME TWO PENALTIES (I HOPE THE FRENCH PLAY BETTER AND SCORE 4 GOALS - THEY HAVE 12 MINUTES LEFT). I THINK I MUST PLAY VERY GOOD THE NEXT MATCH BECAUSE IF I LOSE AND NETHERLAND WINS I WOULD LOSE MY FIRST PLACE IN THE LEAGUE !!! WONKO PLAYS WITH GERMANY (THEY ARE FOULING AS HELL !!!) - I AM PLAYING WITH ARGENTINA. MADISON IS PLAYING WITH ENGLAND AND RAT SPEEDS AROUND WITH THE RUSSIANS. ... YEAH !!! RED CARD AGAINST GERMANY !!! WONKO IS PLAYING WITH 10 MEN !!! HAR, HAR, HAR !!! ... JO !!! 2:1 !!! THE FRENCH SCORED A GOAL !!! ... CORNER FOR FRANCE, BUT - SHIT ! ... GREAT PLAYING FROM THE FRENCH !!! UNFAIR PLAYING FROM WONKO !!! AND NO WHISTLE !!! ... UH OH, 4 MINUTES LEFT AND STILL 2:1 ... SHIT !!! 3:1 ! WONKO LEADS ! BUT FOR HOW LONG ?!? ... CORNER FOR WONKO - AND - THE KEEPER GOT IT !!! ... NO !!! NO !!! THE THIRD PENALTY FOR WONKO !!! (UNFAIR !!!) RESULT: 4:1 ... UMPF !!! 5:1 ... GRMPFL - GAME FINISHED - 5:1.LET'S SEE WHO MUST PLAY NOW ... OH, MYSELF AGAINST RAT, SO BYE... MADISON IS REPORTING THE NEXT MATCH!!... REFEREE C.WINCHESTER!.... THE FIRST CORNER FROM RAT FAILED....(UHHHH) !!! YEAH !!!!!!! 1:0 FOR ARGENTINIA (ARAGORN) GREAT... 70 PER CENT BALL CONTACT BY UDSSR (RAT, BECAUSE HE RUNS WITH 1 MACH) BUUUU 1:1 THATS NOT SO FINE BUT. BUT.. BUT... GREAT!!!! 2:1 FOR ARAGORN ARAGORNS KEEPER MADE A MISTAKE BUT !!! HUUUU RAT MISSES!!.. SUPERLATIV A 20 METRES KICK FROM ARAGORN AND 3:1 !!!! NOW HALF-TIME (TIME FOR A SHORT PAUSE) >PAUSED< NOW THEY START THE SECOND HALF!!! RHE REFEREE IS BAD BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WHISTLE ANYTHING!!!!!... SHHHIT!!!!... 3:2 UNFAIR... NOW ITS VERY THRILLING WHO WIN!! 5.25 PLAYTIME! .. YEAHHH NOW 4:2 FOR THE ARGENTINAS. NOW 60 PERCENT BALL CONTACT BY ARAGORN AND 1:3 CORNERS FOR ARAGORN!.. CORNER FOR UDDIES AND THERE CONTER AND 5:2 FOR ARAGORN JUHU.. NOW ... 30 SECONDS TO PLAY, AND...... END OF GAME ARAGORN WON!!!!..... HERE IS ARAGORN AGAIN AFTER ANOTHER FAMOUS WIN AGAINST RAT (HAR! HAR! HAR!) AND NOW I WANT TO COMMENTATE THE WIN OF BRASIL AGAINST MADISON - BUT WHAT'S THAT ?!? MADISON SCORED A RANDOM GOAL !!! BUT A FEW SECONDS AFTER THAT BRASIL EQUALIZES !!!!! BUT AFTER THAT GREAT EQUALIZER MADISON SCORED ANOTHER STRANGE GOAL ... BUT HE HAS NO CHANCE AGAINST BRASIL !!! 2:2 !!! AND ONLY A FEW MOMENTS LATER MADISON SCORED THE 3:2 - SHIT !!! UFF, THE FIRST PAUSE... ... 4:2 - NO COMMENT ... 5:2 (CRUEL WORLD) ... STILL FIRST HALF - DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO WANTS MADISON TO WIN THIS MATCH ?!? I DO NOT KNOW ANYONE ! ... WONKO SAYS THAT THERE'S NOBODY WHO IS INTERESTED IN OUR FOOTBALL MATCH (BY THE WAY - SECOND HALF) BUT I DO NOT AGREE WITH HIM.EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW HOW MADISON I LOSING.(BUT WHY DOES HE LEAD 5:2 - AEH - 5:3 (HEHE) ?) ... ARAGORN JUST LEFT, SO I (WONKO) WILL CONTINUE REPORTING. BRASILIA-MADISON, 6 MINUTES TO PLAY, 3:5 FOR MADISON, BUT IT WOULD SERVE HIM RIGHT TO LOSE. BRASILIA PLAYS LIKE A WORLDCHAMPION, WHILE MADISON WINS. OHHHH, SHIT !!! A GOAL (6:3) FOR MADISON. AND NOW A WONDERFUL GOAL FOR BRASILIA : 6:4 AND GETTING BETTER AND BETTER (EVERY DAY IN EVERY WAY I'M GETTING BETTER AND BETTER.). I AM THIRSTY, ARAGORN, PLEASE CONTINUE WRITING FOR ME. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, THIS IS THE MASTER-COMMENTATOR ARAGORN BACK JUST TO REPORT THAT MADISON WON 6:4 (OH SHIT !!!) AND THAT HE MUST NOW PLAY AGAINST ITALIA (MY GUESS: 9:3 FOR ITALIA). WONKO - THE COMMENTS PLEASE (ARAGORN OVER AND OUT) ! ... URP!, I AM STAMDING HERE IN THE GLORIOUS KICK-OFF STADIUM IN WALPORTSHEIM WHERE MADISON AND ITALIA FIGHT A CRUEL BATTLE. AND THE CROWD IS GOING WILD. 1:0 FOR ITALY, ITALIA'S MEN RAN THROUGH MADISON'S FOULING DEFENSE AND SCORED IN A PERFECT WAY ! HITTING AND KICKING LIKE THE MADISON SCORE THE 1:1 ! PERFECT, PERFECT !!! ITALIA ITALIA ! THE CROWD SHOUTS ! THIS WAS THE 2:1 FOR ITALY. OH, NO, 15 SECONDS TO PLAY AND MADISON KICKED THE 2:2. HALF TIME..... ITALY SCORED ... 3:2 ITALY'S KEEPER IS REALLY GREAT TODAY ! BUT THAT COULD NOT PREVENT MADISON FROM SCORING ANOTHER GOAL, 3:3. BUT NOW THE KICK-OFF COMMENTS ARE FINISHED AND WE CAN CHANGE THE SUBJECT TO SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT: THE KEYBOARD.DO YOU HAVE NOTICED THAT THE THIRD ROW OF THE KEYBOARD INCLUDES THE LETTERS QWERTZUIOP WHILE THE NEXT ROW HAS OTHER LETTERS: ASDFGHJKL !!! BUT THIS COMMUNITY HAS A LEADER: YOU CAN RECOGNIZE IT BECAUSE IT IS VERY LONG AND OWNS THE LOWEST POSITION ON THIS KEYBOARD: THE SPACE BAR !!! IT IS GUARDED BY TWO AMIGA-KEYS AND TWO ALT-KEYS WHICH TORMENT THE OTHER KEYS (TRY TO PRESS THEM IN COMBINATION WITH SOME OTHER KEYS : THEY ARE TRANSFORMED INTO GARBAGE - CRUELTIES EVEN IN THE AMIGA-WORLD (I DO NOT WANT TO SEE HOW THE ATARI KEYBOARD IS TORMENTED) ... FREEDOM FOR THE RETURN-KEY !!! FUNCTION-KEYS, JOIN TOGETHER !!! WELL, MADISON PROPOSES THAT I SHOULD WRITE WHAT WE HAVE BOUGHT IN THE SUPERMARKET AND THE NAMES OF THE PEOPLE LIVING IN MY HOUSE BUT I THINK THAT SUCH SUBJECTS WOULD BE STUPID... BUT MADISON WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING... ITS MUCH BETTER TO WRITE ABOUT OTHER THINGS THAN TO WRITE 'FREEDOM FOR THE RETURN KEY!!!' ARAGORN AGAIN: DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MY NEW POEM ? IT STARTED LIKE THIS: DRUMDARUM DARUM DARUM, WHILE HARUM MEANS BARUM, INSTEAD OF SHILIN GRUM KARUM. NICE, EH ??? (CHEERS FROM BEHIND) WELL, NOW THE SECOND STANZA: KRU... (HITS FROM BEHIND) ... I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THIS REALLY NICE PIECE OF ART (WRITTEN ON THE TOILET YESTERDAY). OKAY, OKAY, I KNOW THAT THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU ARE STILL READING THIS TEXT IS EITHER THAT YOU ARE RETURNING FROM EATING/TOILET OR THAT YOU ARE WAITING FOR THE GREETINGS... BUT YOU HAVE TO WAIT SOME MORE KBYTES (HUA, HUA, HUA)... WE WILL TORMENT YOU EVEN IN YOUR DARKEST NIGHTMARES WITH A VOICE BEYOUND YOUR IMAGINATION... (IN ENGLISH: JUST EAT SOMETHING AND THEN READ AGAIN !) WELL, IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR THE WORLD IF ANOTHER MEMBER OF CLUSTER WOULD TYPE NOW... (ANOTHER BYE FROM ARAGORN THE ETERNAL) ----- WONKO : LET'S TALK ABOUT ME, MY UNIVERSE, MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING ... I LIVE IN A HARD, COLD WORLD WITH LOTS OF MADISONS AND ARAGORNS. YOU SEE THAT I AM THE ONLY GOOOD GUY IN THIS PLACE OF RATS. MY NAME IS 'WONKO DER VERSTAENDIGE', IF YOU KNOW THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY, YOU SHOULD ALSO KNOW WONKO. HE IS THE ONLY NORMAL MAN IN A WORLD OF LOONIES. HE BUILT A HOUSE, WHICH LOOKED LIKE TURNED INSIDE OUT, IN A WAY THAT HE HAD THE RIGHT TO CLAIM THAT HE BUILT A LOONY BIN FOR THE WHOLE WORLD, WITH HIM BEING THE ONLY ONE LIVING OUTSIDE. HE NOTICED THE MADNESS OF THE WORLD WHEN READING THE INSTRUCTIONS OF A TOOTH CLEANER. IN THE CHIMNEY THERE IS SMOKE. IF YOU WONDER WHAT THIS SENTENCE MEANS, THEN LET ME EXPLAIN IT. I AM WRITING THIS TEXT WITH A SMALL EDITOR, AND THERE WERE THREE THES AND HIMS IN A VERTICAL ROW. ARAGORN NOTICED THIS FACT AND SO I WANTED TO PLEASE THE BLOODY IDIOT BY WRITING ANOTHER 'HIM' IN THAT ROW OF THE TEXT. THE NEW 'HIM' IS INCLUDED IN THE WORD 'CHIMNEY'. NOW THERE ARE 05 HIMS AND THES UNDERNEATH EACH OTHER ON THE SCREEN. YOU CAN GET THIS FANTASTIC TEXT BY PHONING DUMB ARAGORN OR JUST SEND HIM A LETTER. I KNOW THAT YOU DID NOT UNDERSTAND ME, BUT IT IS HARD TO EXPLAIN, WHEN BEING BOUND TO SUCH STRICT RULES, SO THE SON OF A BITCH ARAGORN WILL DESTROY THIS PIECE OF ART BY TYPING SOMETHING.ARAGORN: SORRY FOR THE CRAZY TEXT WONKO WROTE ... MAYBE YOU WONDERED WHY HE WROTE '05' OR WHY HE MADE TWO SPACES AFTER A WORD - WELL, YOU MUST REALLY SEE THIS TEXT (GREAT, 7 HIMS AND THES) TO UNDERSTAND IT, BUT THE SCROLLTEXT IS REALLY CONFUSING AND MAD, SO LET'S RETURN TO OUR NORMAL TEXT... (I PROMISE NO MORE MASSES OF HIMS AND THES !) YEP, THAT WAS THAT, I (WONKO) WILL CONTINUE WITH INFORMATIONS ABOUT MYSELF. AFTER EXPLAINING MY NAME, I WILL NOW TALK ABOUT MY HOBBIES. I LIKE COMPUTERS. THAT WAS THE PART ABOUT HOBBIES, NOW TO SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT : MY ADDRESS : GUIDO WEGENER EISENACHER STR.2 D-5300 BONN 1 (WEST) GERMANY WHILE ALL OF US ARE HAPPY AND POWERFUL, THE OLDEST GUY IN OUR TEAM (MADISON) WANTS TO GO TO BED EARLY. SHAME ON HIM ! RAT, MADISON AND ARAGORN ARE MOANING ABOUT KICK-OFF : THE REFEREE IS BLIND, THE COMPUTER PLAYS IMPOSSIBLE TRICKS, THE KEEPER IS A CRIPPLE, THE OWN PLAYERS ARE HINDERING YOU, ... THE STUPID PEOPLE AROUND ME WANT TO HEAR GURU JOSH ! I LIKED HIS SONGS WHEN I HEARD THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME. BUT NOW, AFTER HEARING THEM FOR EXACTLY 341 TIMES, I HHHHAAAATTTTEEEE THEM, AND EVERYBODY WHO WANTS TO PLAY THEM MUST BE INSANE, YES MADISON, I MEAN YOU !!! MADISON: INFINITY AND WHOSE LAW (IS IT ANYWAY) CAN'T YOU HEAR ENOUGH!!!!!! THEY ARE THE BEST SOUNDS I HEARD THIS YEAR!!!!!! YOU THINK TOO?. HEY YOU OUT THERE, DO YOU MEAN THAT TOO? I HOPE SO. IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE SOUNDS THAN RUN ON THE FASTEST WAY TO THE NEXT CD-SHOP AND BUY THE CD'S. THEY ARE GREAT!!! (LIKE HEINZ TOMATENKETCHUP!!) I DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANY ADVERTISING BUT ITS REALLY THE ULTIMASUPERGREATCOOLSTUFFPERFECTBASS SOUND!!!!!!!!! ARAGORN: I LOVE THIS SOUND AND I LIKE THE SAXOPHONE PLAYING IN PERFECT HARMONIES - REALLY GREAT !!! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WONKO WHY HE DOES NOT LIKE IT - ONLY NEHNE CHERRY IS BETTER !!! (NOW SOUNDING IN THE GHETTOBLASTER !!!) THE BEAT !!! THE HIHAT !!! THE BASS !!! THE SYNTHI !!! THE ... ALL THE BEST YOU CAN GET !!! BUT, LET ME ENJOY THE MUSIC SO BYE FOR NOW FROM ARAGORN... MADISON: YES THE SOUND RAPS THE AMIGAS TO HIGH PREFORMANCE!!!!BECAUSE OF ITS POWERHIHAT AND THE BIGBOOT BASS-ROUTINE; SO THATS ALL FOR NOW BYE.... ARAGORN AGAIN: HEY MAN, WONKO IS THE SILLIEST GUY I EVER MET !!! WE WANTED TO EAT POTATOE-ROLES AND PUT THEM INTO THE STOVE. WE TOLD HIM TO FETCH THEM 10 MINUTES LATER. AND WHAT HAPPENED ??? AFTER 2 HOURS HE ASKED: 'WHAT IS SMELLING SO STRANGE HERE ???' WE RAN TO THE STOVE, OPENED IT AND BECAME NEARLY MAD: ALL WE FOUND ARE SHIT-LOOKING, BLACK AND UNEATABLE BURNED POTATOE-ROLES...WELL, AT THE MOMENT WONKO TRIES TO CLEAN THE STOVE (HEHE - DIFFICULT TASK BUT JUSTIFIED PENALTY FOR OUR EMPTY STOMACHS !!!). WONKO: YEAH, MADISON, WISE MOVE TO TELL A KICK-OFF PLAYING GUY WITHOUT WATCH TO GUARD A MEAL IN THE STOVE, WITHOUT EVEN ASKING IF HE HEARD IT ! MADISON: WONKO LIES!!!!!! BECAUSE HE FORGOT THE POTATOE-ROLES WHILE HIS REPORT ABOUT THE KICK-OFF MATCH. I HAVE WITNESSES 'ARAGORN AND RAT' SO WONKO CANNOT DENY THAT HE HAS DISMISSED HIS DUTIES.!!!!!!! ARAGORN: NOW IT'S TIME FOR A COUPLE OF SCHAFKOPF-SERIES, SO PLEASE STAND BY...(WE PREVENTED MADISON FROM CREATING ANOTHER NEW GRAMMATICAL RULE...BYE WONKO: HI, I SAW THE AMIGA STANDING HERE AND THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE NICE TO TELL YOU THAT I AM HERE. I DON'T KNOW, WHAT THE OTHERS ARE DOING, BUT I AM GOING TO FIND THEM, SO GOOD BUY FOR NOW. I REALLY HOPE THAT I DON'T FIND THEM ! OK. SO LET'S SAVE THE TEXT AGAIN, BUY ! HI, IT'S ME, WONKO ! WE JUST WOKE UP AND THIS IS THE 'BEFORE -BREAKFAST-TYPING' -SESSION. NEXT TO ME MADISON IS DOING HIS 'READING -WONKO'S-TEXT-IN-THE-MORNING-AND-BREATHING-LOUD' -SESSION. ANOTHER SEAT FURTHER TO THE RIGHT SITS RAT, HAVING HIS 'PAINTING-SOMETHING-WHAT-I- BELIEVE-TO-BE-THE-CHARSET-FOR-THIS-SCROLL-TEXT-AFTER-GETTING-UP-IN-THE -MORNING' -SESSION. HI ALL THERE MADISON SPEAKING: AFTER WE WOKE UP ARAGORN AND I MADE SOME NEW 'GREEN AMBROSIA'(GREEN RANGER?). THIS EVENING WE GO TO A PUB, BECAUSE ARAGORN MUST PAY A ROUND BEER. I LEAVE FOR BREAKFAST....... WE JUST FINNISHED THE 200TH SHIELD AND DECIDED TO STOP DRAWING. WONKO IS AT THE KEYS. RAT AND MADISON TRY TO COOK SPAGHETTI. RAT FAILED TO DO IT, THE PASTA IS NOW LYING ON THE KITCHEN-FLOOR... BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT. MY SUBJECT WILL BE 'MEGA TEXTER', MADISON TALKED ABOUT IT YESTERDAY WITHOUT EXPLAINING WHAT IT DOES. MEGA TEXTER IS A SMALL PROGRAM WRITTEN BY ME, WHICH WAS INSPIRATED BY AN ARTICLE IN SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN. IT USES A VERY SIMPLE ALGORITHM TO CREATE A TEXT OF GIGANTIC LENGTH OUT OF A NORMAL TEXT. THE OUTPUT IS VERY REDICULOUS, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THE ORIGINAL TEXT. WE USED THIS TEXT AS INPUT, THOUGH THE OUTPUT WAS FUNNY, MY PROGRAM WAS A BIT CONFUSED BY THE LENGTH OF THE TEXT AND SLOWED DOWN TO ATARI-SPEED. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT, NOW WE KNOW INTERESTING THINGS : "ARAGORN'S BARBARIANS ARE CLEANING THE TEXT" (THIS WOULD EXPLAIN THE BAD ENGLISH), "ARAGORN: I AM ? NO !" (I DON'T THINK, SO I AM NOT?), "THE BARD IS CYCLING ON THE SOFA." (I DIDN'T NOTICE IT AT ALL). I JUST STARTED MEGA TEXT AND WILL REPORT ABOUT FUNNY SENTENCES. MEGA TEXT IS STILL INITIALISING... ARAGORN IS SITTING TO MY LEFT PLAYING SUPER WONDERBOY IN MONSTERLAND, HE LOVES TO PLAY IT ON MADISON'S AMIGA, BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO TRY TO KILL THE FLOPPY (THE NOISE IS LOUDER THAN OUR MUSIC..). MEGA TEXT JUST WROTE THE FIRST LINE, BUT IT ISN'T VERY GOOD... "G HERE FOR A WHILE C-PROGRAMMER) WOULD BE BETTER ETC. THAN THE AMIGAS" (THAT IS THE NORMAL OUTPUT, BUT I WILL CONTINUE TELLING YOU ONLY ABOUT GOOD PASSAGES. FOR EACH CHAR OF THE TEXT, MY PROGGY MUST SEARCH THROUGH 40KBYTE OF TEXT, THAT IS WHY IT IS SO SLOW... RAT JUST BURNED HIS HAND WHILE COOKING PAST ! "WE STARTED A THIRD TRY TO PRESS THEM INTO THE STOVE (HEHE)" (WHO IS "THEM" ? MAYBE THE COMPUTERS ?), "HI, I AM THE ONLY NEHNE CHERRY" (FAMOUS GUESTS) WE JUST FINNISHED OUR PASTA-EATING-CONTEST, IN WHICH WE TRIED TO EAT PASTA WITHOUT GETTING TOMATOE ON OUR T-SHIRTS. MADISON AND ARAGORN WON IT ! RAT LOSED ! AND I ATE AN EXTRA PORTION, BUT HAVE SOME DIRTY DOTS ON MY SHIRT, SO I LOST, BUT GOT 10000 BONUS POINTS FOR EXTRA RISK. (MT) WE DO "NOT NEED ANY SPREADERS - WE HAVEN'T ANYTHING!!!" (LIES !) WHENEVER I WILL WRITE (MT) IT MEANS THAT THE FOLLOWING SENTECE IS A QUOTATION FROM MY MEGA TEXTER ! ARAGORN IS WONDERING ABOUT WONDERBOY... (MT) "THE OLD DAYS OF THE TEXT AND SLOW C-PROGRAMS" (THAT CANNOT BE TRUE!) ARAGORN JUST SAID "EMMMBLEMMMM" ! WHAT DOES HE MEAN ? (MT) "MADISON KICKED THE 200TH SHIELD" (WHY DID HE DO IT ?) (MT) "I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE SKELETONS" ARAGORN FOUND THE SECRET DOOR TO THE EEL ! NOW HE CAN TRY TO KILL THE DRAGON, BUT HE IS RUNNING OUT OF ENERGY. (MT) "THE SOFA, STARING ON THE SOURCE" (THE SOFA IS ALIVE ! I THINK IT DIDN'T LIKE THE BARD CYCLING OVER IT...) (MT) "AND THE CRUEL MONSTERS IN THE SUPERMARKET IN 'WALPORZHEIM' I FOUND ARE SHIT-LOOKING" (THE ONLY MONSTER IN OUR SUPERMARKET IS THE AMBROSIA, BUT IT REALLY LOOKS LIKE SHIT !) (MT) "I WANT TO HAVE MORE KBYTES" (SHUT UP, AMIGA, YOU'VE ALREADY GOT 1 MBYTE, THAT IS ENOUGH !) (MT) "WE WILL EAT SOMETHING. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE " WE CAN EAT ? ALL THESE QUOTATIONS WERE PRINTED EXACTLY LIKE I TYPED THEM. NO CHEAT OR FALSIFICATION ! I AM SOOO PROUD OF MY PROGGY. CEBIT DEMO 90 IS RUNNING ON THE OTHER AMIGA, REALLY COOL ... I KNOW THAT IT IS OLD, BUT IT IS DONE WITH LOVE. HOW CAN THE LAMEST KID I KNOW HAVE A GOOD DEMO, OF WHICH I NEVER HEARD A WORD ? ALL MY (LEGAL !) CONTACTS MUST HAVE GONE COMPLETELY BANANA ! (MT) "SPREADERS - WE HAVE A LIST AND AS SHORT AS ASSEMBLY OPTIONS" (WOW, THAT IS A LONG LIST ...) RED SECTOR DEMOS ARE REALLY COOL ! (REMEMBER THE WORM-PART IN ONE OF THEM ? CUTE !) BUT THERE IS SOMETHING MISSING IN THEIR DEMOS. AND IT IS MISSING IN EVERY DEMO. THERE ARE NO LOOONG SCROLLERS... WHY DO THEY PROGRAM SCROLLERS WITH LESS THAN 40KB ? (MT) "THANKS TO MY SLAVE" (WHAAAT ?) THIS IS OUR LAST DAY IN WALPORZHEIM AND I THINK, THAT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO TYPED ENOUGH TEXT. WE WANTED 10KB TEXT FOR EVERY BODY IN THIS HOUSE. THE OTHERS JUST PLAY KICK-OFF, WATCH CEBIT DEMO OR EAT AMBROSIA... TOMORROW WE WILL HAVE TO CLEAN UP AND PACK OUR BAGS. WE ALL HOPE, THAT WE WILL BE ABLE TO COME HERE AGAIN ! (MT) "I THINK LIKE A WALL..." (IS THAT AI ?) MADISON IS PLAYING WITH THE VULCANO/POPCORN THROWER OF THE CEBIT DEMO. IT MUST BE REALLLLY INTERESTING. (MT) "MY SUBJECT WILL DIE." (IS IT THAT BORING ?) MADISON IS SHAKING TO AND FRO ON THE SOFA, I BET HE WILL STAND UP AND DANCE SOON. ROMEO KNIGHT SEEMS TO MAKE HOT MUSIC. MADISON: ITS ONE OF THE BEST COMPUTERSOUNDS I'VE EVER HEARD!!!! (MT) "A MOUNTAIN IS NOW LYING ON THE SUNGLASSES" (...) (MT) "IT IS >VERY< DIFFICULT TO CYCLE UP THE HUMAN RACE ALIVE !" TO SWAP SOME NEW DEMOS, I BOOTED FROM AN OLD COPY-DISK. THE OTHERS FOUND SOME OOOOLD DEMOS ON IT AND ARE NOW LOOKING AT THEM. MADISON: HI! ALL ! AFTER YOU HAVE READ WONKOS (MEGTEX) SENTENCES, (THE SENTENCE ARE VERY STUPID!); NOW I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME. FIRST MY HOBBIES : COMPUTER, MUSIC, MOUNTAIN-BIKING AND TINT-COLLECTING. THATS ALL!!! NOW ITS THE LAST NIGHT IN RATS HOUSE !!( ITS A PITY !!) RAT IS PAINTING A RASTER, BUT WHAT HE WANT TO DO WITH IT?? AH... ITS FOR THE SCROLLTEXT(IT LOOKS GOOD!) AFTER ARAGORN AND I MADE NEW AMBROSIA, WE PLAYED FEW ROUNDS SHEEPHAED. NOW WE ARE SITTING ON THE SOFA THINKING ABOUT THIS TEXT AND HEARING >>>>GURU JOSH<<<< ARAGORN HACKING AGAIN, WITH THE ONLY INTENTION TO BRING MADNESS IN YOUR THOUGHTS... RAT IS PAINTING A WONDERFUL CHARSET (ACTUALLY IT'S THIS ONE HERE) AND WE JUST DECIDED THAT WE (THAT MEANS 'I' BECAUSE I AM THE PROGRAMMER AND I MUST DO THIS) WILL CREATE OUR OWN LOGOS INSTEAD OF OUR NORMAL NAMES, SO THE ARAGORN, RAT, MADISON OR WONKO WILL JUST LOOK LIKE IT LOOKS NOW - DIFFERENT FROM THE CHARSET RAT IS DRAWING AT THE MOMENT.IF THE NAMES LOOK JUST THE CHARSET, WE WERE EITHER TOO LAZY (OR WE WERE NOT ABLE TO DRAW) OR I (ARAGORN) HAVE PROBLEMS WITH INCLUDING THE LOGOS (TOO FEW MEMORY OR TOO LAZY). ANYWAY, THE LOGOS AGAIN (IF INCLUDED) : ARAGORN - ARAGORN - RAT - ARAGORN - ARAGORN - MADISON - ARAGORN - ARAGORN - WONKO - ARAGORN AND ARAGORN. NICE, EH ? HM, MADISON ARGUES THAT I SAID TOO MUCH 'ARAGORNS' IN THE LAST SENTENCE, BUT WHO CARES ?!?