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  1. Article 44080 of comp.sys.amiga.advocacy:
  2. Path: dime!barrett
  3. From: barrett@scooby.cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett)
  4. Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
  5. Subject: Graphs, Statistics, Damn Lies, and Dismembered Weasles
  6. Summary: offensive to mathematicians and perhaps humans
  7. Keywords: math, not
  8. Message-ID: <59953@dime.cs.umass.edu>
  9. Date: 17 Feb 93 01:22:17 GMT
  10. Sender: news@dime.cs.umass.edu
  11. Reply-To: barrett@scooby.cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett)
  12. Organization: BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED
  13. Lines: 120
  14.  
  15.  
  16.     Some people in .advocacy this week are having a lot of FUN with
  17. statistics and graphs!  Some of them are using their marvelous, incredible
  18. mathematical intuition to make sweeping generalizations about Commodore,
  19. the Amiga, goat romance, and other VITALLY important topics!
  20.  
  21.     Anyway, using our AMAZING mathematical skill and a new program called
  22. LIEWITHSTATISTICSMONGER, we have some UNBELIEVABLE data to share with you!!!!
  23.  
  24.     To start off, let's talk about what's happening here in
  25. c.s.a.advocacy.  Marc Barrett has been posted an awful lot of articles
  26. over the years, as this graph clearly shows:
  27.  
  28.         800 |
  29.             |
  30.         700 |
  31.             |                         *
  32.         600 |                     *
  33.     Stupid        |                 *
  34.     Posts    500 |     *   *
  35.      (millions)        |             *
  36.         400 |
  37.             |
  38.         300 |
  39.             |
  40.         200 |
  41.             |
  42.         100 |                             *
  43.             |     
  44.           0 | *   
  45.             +------------------------------
  46.               1   1   1   1   1   1   1   1
  47.               9   9   9   9   9   9   9   9
  48.               8   8   8   8   9   9   9   9
  49.               6   7   8   9   0   1   2   3
  50.  
  51.                   Year
  52.  
  53.  
  54.     What can we tell from this graph?  Well, clearly, since we are
  55. already 1.5 months into 1993 and Marc has posted only a measly 100,000,000
  56. ridiculous articles, he is slipping behind.  In fact, we'll bet that the
  57. average dweeb in comp.sys.mac.advocacy is much more productive.  We conclude
  58. that Marc Barrett is DOOMED and will go out of business by 1994.  Or at least
  59. he'll be out of business in North America.  But his popularity in Europe is
  60. not so hot either.  Frankly, we doubt he could sell his body to science.
  61.  
  62.     Next, here is a graph of SAT test scores in mathematics by students
  63. at Iowa State University, arranged by last name:
  64.  
  65.         800 |  
  66.             |            #
  67.         700 |  # #  #    #   #   ##  #
  68.             |# ### ## #  #  ###  ## ###
  69.         600 |# ###### #### ######## ###
  70.             |# #################### ###
  71.         500 |# ########################
  72.     Average        |# ########################
  73.     score    400 |# ########################
  74.             |# ########################
  75.         300 |# ########################
  76.             |# ########################
  77.         200 |# ########################
  78.             |# ########################
  79.         100 |# ########################
  80.             |##########################
  81.           0 |##########################
  82.             +--------------------------
  83.              ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
  84.  
  85.             Initial of student's
  86.                  last name
  87.  
  88. We leave the interpretation of this graph up to the reader.
  89.  
  90.     Finally, Amiga sales are a really hot topic in this group (and other
  91. groups, since SOMEBODY still insists on ranting in c.s.a.misc and
  92. c.s.a.hardware).  Surprisingly, however, nobody yet has discussed the
  93. relationship between Commodore's net profits and the size of my dick:
  94.  
  95.         80  |
  96.             |
  97.         70  |         ***
  98.             |        *   *
  99.         60  |       *     *
  100.             |       *     *
  101.     Centi-    50  |       *     *
  102.     meters        |       *     *
  103.         40  |       *     *
  104.             |       *     *
  105.         30  |       *     *
  106.             |       *     *
  107.         20  |       *     *
  108.             |       *     *
  109.         10  |      *       *
  110.             |******         ******
  111.          0  |
  112.             +------------------------
  113.                                  1
  114.                1122334455667788990
  115.               50505050505050505050
  116.              000000000000000000000
  117.              
  118.                 Amiga sales in
  119.               millions of dollars
  120.  
  121.     This completes our statistics lesson for today.  Anybody wishing
  122. further information on this topic should closely consult his/her armpit for
  123. a lengthy period of time.
  124.  
  125.                                                         Dan
  126.  
  127.  //////////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
  128. | Dan Barrett -- Dept of Computer Science, Lederle Graduate Research Center |
  129. | University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA  01003  --  barrett@cs.umass.edu |
  130.  \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\/////////////////////////////////////
  131. ---
  132. There is no way I'm going to copyright this article.  I disavow all
  133. knowledge of it, including all extraneous comments made by my pet
  134. orangutan, Fluffykins.
  135.  
  136.  
  137.