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- ~
- Any sufficient technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-
- Arthur C. Clarke
- ~
- A computer's attention span is only as long as it's power cord.
-
- Anonymous
- ~
- Anthony's law of force:
-
- Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
- ~
- Atwood's Fourteenth Corollary:
-
- No books are lost in lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.
- ~
- Avery's law of lubrication:
-
- Everything needs a little oil now and then.
- ~
- Blaauw's Law:
-
- Established technology tends to persist in the face of new technology.
- ~
- Bombeck's rule of medicine:
-
- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- ~
- Boob's Law:
-
- You always find something the last place you look.
- ~
- Boozer's Revision:
-
- A bird in the hand is dead.
- ~
- Boren's Law of the Bureaucracy:
-
- 1) When in doubt, mumble.
- 2) When in trouble, delegate.
- 3) When in charge, ponder.
- ~
- Borkowski's Law:
-
- You can't gaurd against the arbitrary.
- ~
- Bowie's Theorem:
-
- If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
- ~
- Brooks's Law:
-
- Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
- ~
- Canada Bill Jones's Supplement:
-
- A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
- ~
- A pipe gives a wise man time to think, and a fool something to stick in
- his mouth.
- ~
- A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
- ~
- A cup of coffee does not a breakfast make.
-
- But a cup of coffee and a cigarette -- now you're talking!
- ~
- No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
- ~
- Modern technology requires millions of dollars to make things smaller and
- smaller, but laundries have been doing the same thing for years,
- free of charge.
-
- Seattle PI Chuckle 10/27/83
- ~
- Wolf's Axiom:
-
- Love stinks.
- ~
- Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
-
- Excerpt from the notebook of Lazarus Long.
- ~
- It pays to be obvious.
-
- Especially when you have a reputation for subtlety.
- ~
- Never try to outstubborn a cat.
-
- Excerpt from the notebook of Lazarus Long.
- ~
- Never play cards with a man named "Doc",
- never eat at a diner named "Mom's",
- and never get involved with a woman who's problems are worse than yours.
- ~
- Woman's great strength lies in being late or absent.
-
- Alain
- ~
- There are more dusty Bibles than dusty books of pornography.
-
- Russian Proverb
- ~
- He who wishes to be benevolent will not be rich.
-
- Mencius
- ~
- What most people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidities.
-
- Arthur Schopenhauer
- ~
- A man who causes fear cannot be free from fear.
-
- Epicurus
- ~
- I have lived fifty years to know the mistakes of the forty-nine.
-
- Chinese Saying
- ~
- A thing that nobody looks for is seldom found.
-
- Pestalozzi
- ~
- A banker is a fellow who lends his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back
- the minute it begins to rain.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- Things looked at patiently from one side after another generally end up
- showing a side that is beautiful.
-
- R. L. Stevenson
- ~
- Fleas are, like the remainder of the universe, a divine mystery.
-
- Anatole France
- ~
- All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things
- against him, but we never hear his side.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- A fly is as untamable as a hyena.
-
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
- ~
- Believe the doubter, and doubt when you are told to believe.
-
- Ludwig Borne
- ~
- There are more fools than sages, and even in a sage
- there is more folly than wisdom.
-
- Nicolas Chamfort
- ~
- A man who knows he is a fool is not a great fool.
-
- Chuang Tse
- ~
- Take things always by their smooth handle.
-
- Thomas Jefferson
- ~
- I believe in getting into hot water. I think it keeps you clean.
-
- G. K. Chesterton
- ~
- Dirt is almost as omnipresent as God.
-
- Friedrich Hebbel
- ~
- The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
- It is never of any use to oneself.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- Nothing happens to you that hasn't happened to someone else.
-
- William Feather
- ~
- Is Paris burning?
-
- Adolph Hitler
- ~
- There is nothing more horrible than imagination without taste.
-
- Goethe
- ~
- There's another advantage to being poor -- a doctor will cure you faster.
-
- Kin Hubbard
- ~
- How many joys are crushed under foot because people look up at the sky and
- disregard what is at their feet.
-
- Goethes Mother
- ~
- Be frank and explicit. That is the line to take, when you wish to conceal
- your own mind and to confuse the mind of others.
-
- Disraeli
- ~
- It is in human nature to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion.
-
- Anatole France
- ~
- There is as much difference between us and ourselves as between us and others.
-
- Montaigne
- ~
- Words differently arranged have a different meaning, and meanings differently
- arranged have different effects.
-
- Pascal
- ~
- There is no medicine, there are only medicine men.
- There are no diseases, there are only patients.
-
- Salvador de Madriaga
- ~
- Some men's memory is like a box where a man should mingle his jewels with
- his old shoes.
-
- Lord Halifax
- ~
- Muddle-headedness is a condition precedent to independent thought.
-
- Alfred North Whitehead
- ~
- It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the
- heart, the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- Nature is visible thought.
-
- Heinrich Heine
- ~
- "It's over, and can't be helped, and that's one consolation, as they always
- say in Turkey, ven they cuts the wrong man's head off."
-
- Charles Dickens
- ~
- I can stand any kind of society. All I care to know is that a man is a
- human being -- that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
-
- G. B. Shaw
- ~
- There are painters who transform the sun into a yellow spot, but there are
- others who, thanks to their art and intelligence, transform a yellow spot
- into the sun.
-
- Pablo Picasso
- ~
- If the government were as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of
- disturbing business, this would be some democracy.
-
- Kin Hubbard
- ~
- Only the paradox comes anywhere near to comprehending the fullness of life.
-
- C.G. Jung
- ~
- He calls it loyalty to his party: but it's only laziness; he doesn't want to
- get out of his bed.
-
- Frederick Nietzsche
- ~
- It is said that passion makes one think in a circle.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across
- somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.
-
- Will Cuppy
- ~
- Accident: An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable
- natural laws.
-
- Ambrose Bierce
- ~
- There is hardly anything in the world that some man cannot make a little
- worse and sell a little cheaper.
-
- John Ruskin
- ~
- An ambitious man can never know peace.
-
- J. Krishnamurti
- ~
- Fun is like life insurance: the older you get, the more it costs.
-
- Kin Hubbard
- ~
- How much depends on the way things are
- presented in this world can be seen from
- the very fact that coffee drunk out of
- wine-glasses is really miserable stuff,
- as is meat cut at the table with a pair
- of scissors. Worst of all, as I once
- actually saw, is butter spread on a
- piece of bread with an old though very
- clean razor.
-
- G. C. Lichtenberg
- ~
- All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a
- philosopher.
-
- Ambrose Bierce
- ~
- Pessimism is essentially a religious disease.
-
- William James
- ~
- Nobody can become perfect by merely ceasing to act.
-
- Bhagavad-Gita
- ~
- Music is a higher revelation than philosophy.
-
- Ludwig van Beethoven
- ~
- A person who is going to commit an inhuman act invariably excuses himself
- by saying, "I'm only human, after all".
-
- Sydney Harris
- ~
- It isn't so astonishing, the number of things that I can remember, as the
- number of things I can remember that aren't so.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- Repartee: Any reply that is so clever that it makes the listener wish he had
- said it himself.
-
- Elbert Hubbard
- ~
- Why shouldn't things be largely absurd, futile, and transitory? They are so,
- and we are so, and they and we go very well together.
-
- George Santayana
- ~
- Genealogy: An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not
- particularly care to trace his own.
-
- Ambrose Bierce
- ~
- This man must be very ignorant, for he answers every question he is asked.
-
- Voltaire
- ~
- We are wicked because we are frightfully self conscious.
-
- Okahura Kakuzo
- ~
- As bees extract honey for thyme, the strongest and driest of herbs, so
- sensible men often get advantage and profit from the most awkward
- circumstances. We should learn how to do that and practise it, like the
- man who flung a stone at his dog but missed it and hit his stepmother,
- whereupon he exclaimed, "Well, not so bad after all."
-
- Plutarch
- ~
- When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.
-
- Samuel Johnson
- ~
- The fool wonders, the wise man asks.
-
- Benjamin Disraeli
- ~
- Hire a servant and do it yourself.
-
- Yiddish Proverb
- ~
- The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
-
- William Blake
- ~
- The hen is an egg's way of producing another egg.
-
- Samual Butler
- ~
- Silence is not always tact and it is tact that is golden, not silence.
-
- Samuel Butler
- ~
- A simple life is it's own reward.
-
- George Santayana
- ~
- He who sins against Heaven has nowhere left for prayer.
-
- Confucious
- ~
- He that sleeps feels not the toothache.
-
- Shakespeare
- ~
- It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no
- distinctively native American criminal class except Congress.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- Well enough for old folks to rise early, because they have done so many
- mean things all their lives they can't sleep anyhow.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- Men heap together the mistakes of their lives and create a monster they call
- destiny.
-
- John Oliver Hobbes
- ~
- One can acquire anything in solitude, except character.
-
- Stendahl
- ~
- When you are ashamed to speak, speak up at once.
-
- Robert Louis Stevenson
- ~
- Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
-
- Charles F. Kettering
- ~
- What a good thing Adam had -- when he said a good thing, he knew nobody had
- said it before.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his
- party didn't miss the boat.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- Everywhere there are spectators -- people who are interested in something
- they are not interested in at all.
-
- Peter Altenberg
- ~
- If someone gives you so-called good advice, do the opposite; you can be sure
- it will be the right thing nine out of ten times.
-
- Anselm Feuerbach
- ~
- Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
-
- Kin Hubbard
- ~
- The epithet "beautiful" is used by
- surgeons to describe operations which
- their patients describe as ghastly, by
- physicists to describe methods of
- measurement which leave sentimentalists
- cold, by lawyers to describe cases which
- ruin all the parties to them, and by
- lovers to describe the objects of their
- infatuation, however unattractive they
- may appear to the unaffected spectators.
-
- G. B. Shaw
- ~
- There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he
- can't afford it, and when he can.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- A fanatical belief in democracy makes democratic institutions impossible.
-
- Bertrand Russell
- ~
- Games lubricate the body and the mind.
-
- Benjamin Franklin
- ~
- Humility is not renunciation of pride but the substitution of one pride for
- another.
-
- Eric Hoffer
- ~
- Almost any man knows how to earn money, but not one in a million knows how to
- spend it.
-
- Henry David Thoreau
- ~
- The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing.
-
- Jean Cocteau
- ~
- You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice,
- bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.
-
- Aristophanes
- ~
- Gossip is charming!
- History is merely gossip.
- But scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
-
- G. B. Shaw
- ~
- I have lived in this world just long
- enough to look carefully the second time
- into things that I am the most certain
- of the first time.
-
- Josh Billings
- ~
- The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of the most singular
- things in all literature.
-
- Alfred North Whitehead
- ~
- Turtles can tell more about the roads than hares.
-
- Kahlil Gibran
- ~
- A man that steps aside from the world and has leisure to observe it without
- interest and design, thinks all mankind as mad as they think him.
-
- Lord Halifax
- ~
- The sun will set without thy assistance.
-
- Talmud
- ~
- To have a true idea of man, or of life, one must have stood himself on the
- brink of suicide, or on the door-sill of insanity, at least once.
-
- Hippolyte Taine
- ~
- A gentleman is a man, more often a
- woman, who owes nothing and leaves the
- world in debt to him. It is better to
- die a gentleman than a martyr.
-
- G. B. Shaw
- ~
- The Master would not discuss prodigies, prowess, lawlessness, or the
- supernatural.
-
- Sayings of Confuscious
- ~
- Deep-seated preferences cannot be argued about -- you cannot argue a man into
- liking a glass of beer.
-
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
- ~
- If all the people in the world should
- agree to sympathize with a certain man
- at a certain hour, they could not cure
- his headache.
-
- E.W. Howe
- ~
- He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
-
- George Bernard Shaw
- ~
- Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are
- right more than half of the time.
-
- E. B. White
- ~
- We can hardly realize now the blissful quietude of the pre-telephone epoch.
-
- Norman Douglas
- ~
- It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link in the chain of destiny
- can be handled at a time.
-
- Winston Churchill
- ~
- Of all sexual aberrations, perhaps the most peculiar is chastity.
-
- Remy de Gourmont
- ~
- Our ideas are for the most part like bad sixpences, and we spend our lives in
- trying to pass them on one another.
-
- Samuel Butler
- ~
- The aim of the theatre is to penetrate the soul of the audience.
-
- Constantin Stanislavski
- ~
- Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet.
-
- Chinese proverb
- ~
- I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- Exile: One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an
- ambassador.
-
- Ambrose Bierce
- ~
- Wise living consists perhaps less in acquiring bad habits than in aquiring
- as few habits as possible.
-
- Eric Hoffer
- ~
- There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The
- other is to gain it.
-
- G. B. Shaw
- ~
- Life is short; live it up.
-
- Nikita Khrushchev
- ~
- A work of art that contains theories is like an object on which the price tag
- has been left.
-
- Marcel Proust
- ~
- He who advertises his name, loses it;
- he who does not increase [knowledge]
- diminishes it; he who refuses to learn,
- merits extinction; and he who puts his
- talent to selfish use, commits spiritual
- suicide.
-
- Talmud
- ~
- Happiness is a Swedish sunset -- it is
- there for all, but most of us look the
- other way and lose it.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- Kleptomaniac: A rich thief.
-
- Ambrose Bierce
- ~
- Great men, by teaching weak minds to think, have put them on the road to error.
-
- Vauvenargues
- ~
- God is a thing that thinks.
-
- Spinoza
- ~
- It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth
- have both failed.
-
- Kin Hubbard
- ~
- Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.
-
- Confucius
- ~
- There are many things that we would
- throw away, if we were not afraid that
- others might pick them up.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- It does not matter much what a man hates provided he hates something.
-
- Samuel Butler
- ~
- I have only a small flickering light to guide me in the darkness of a thick
- forest. Up comes a theologian and blows it out.
-
- Diderot
- ~
- Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward; they may be beaten, but they
- may start a winning game.
-
- Goethe
- ~
- Where there is the necessary technical skill to move mountains, there is no
- need for the faith that moves mountains.
-
- Eric Hoffer
- ~
- It is better to have never been born. But who among us has such luck? One in
- a million, perhaps.
-
- Alfred Polgar
- ~
- You see things and say "Why?" But I dream things that never were, and I say
- "Why not?"
-
- G. B. Shaw
- ~
- The ways of tradition inevitably lead to mediocrity, and a mind caught in
- tradition cannot perceive what is true.
-
- J. Krishnamurti
- ~
- If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
-
- Albert Einstein
- ~
- A man seldom thinks of taking Turkish baths until it is too late.
-
- Robert Benchley
- ~
- The only rational way of educating is to be an example -- if one can't help
- it, a warning example.
-
- Albert Einstein
- ~
- If you get gloomy, just take an hour off
- and sit and think how much better this
- world is than hell. Of course, it won't
- cheer you up much if you expect to go
- there.
-
- Don Marquis
- ~
- One should absorb the color of life, but
- one should never remember details.
- Details are always vulgar.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- Were the works of God readily
- understandable by human reason, they
- would be neither wonderful nor
- unspeakable.
-
- Thomas A Kempis
- ~
- I claim not to have controlled events, but confess plainly that events have
- controlled me.
-
- Abraham Lincoln
- ~
- Next to knowing when to seize an opportunity, the most important thing
- in life is to know when to forgo an advantage.
-
- Benjamin Disraeli
- ~
- Work teaches work.
-
- Indian Proverb
- ~
- People always get what they ask for;
- the only trouble is that hey never know,
- until they get it, what it actually is
- that they have asked for.
-
- Aldous Huxley
- ~
- It is only the shallow people who do not judge by appearance.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- If you are not very clever, you should be conciliatory.
-
- Disraeli
- ~
- I have indeed now and then a little
- compunction in reflecting that I spend
- time so idly; but another reflection
- comes to relieve me, whispering, "You
- know that the soul is immortal; why
- then should you be such a niggard of
- a little time, when you have a whole
- eternity before you?" So, being easily
- convinced, and, like other reasonable
- creatures, satisfied with a small
- reason, when it is in favor of doing
- what I have in mind to, I shuffle the
- cards again and begin another game.
-
- Benjamin Franklin
- ~
- Everyman's nose will not make a shoe-horn. Let us leave the world as it is.
-
- Cervantes
- ~
- A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around
- three times before lying down.
-
- Robert Benchley
- ~
- The world gets better everyday-then worse again in the evening.
-
- Kin Hubbard
- ~
- It is often harder to boil down than to write.
-
- Sir William Osler
- ~
- A man must love a thing very much if
- he not only practises it without any
- hope of fame and money, but even
- practises it without any hope of doing
- it well.
-
- G. K. Chesterton
- ~
- There is sort of magic in the written
- word. The idea acquires substance by
- taking on a visible nature, and then
- stands in the way of its own
- clarification.
-
- W. Somerset Maugham
- ~
- Q. If you find so much that is unworthy of reverence in the United
- States, then why do you live here?
- A. Why do men go to zoos?
-
- H.L. Mencken
- ~
- He that won't be counseled can't be helped.
-
- Benjamin Franklin
- ~
- Never give advice in a crowd.
-
- Arab proverb
- ~
- It is always a silly thing to give
- advice, but to give good advice is
- absolutely fatal.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- Someone asked me how it felt to be
- so old and still active. I answered
- it felt good. One of the reasons is
- that I have no more enemies because
- they are all dead.
-
- Herman Smith-Johnson (on the eve of his 100th birthday)
- ~
- Become old early if you wish to stay old long.
-
- Cato the Censor
- ~
- When in doubt, tell the truth.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- It is only an auctioneer who can equally
- and impartially admire all schools of art.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, one-hundred.
-
- Thomas Jefferson
- ~
- Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun.
-
- Noel Coward
- ~
- We must learn to live together as brothers or perish togather as fools.
-
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
- ~
- The business of America is business.
-
- Calvin Coolidge
- ~
- Things do not change; we change.
-
- Henry David Thoreau
- ~
- Universal suffrage is a hoax...
- Popular government, like monarchy, rests
- on fiction and lives by expedient.
-
- Anatole France
- ~
- If one person tell thee thou hast ass's
- ears, take no notice; should two tell
- thee so, procure a saddle for yourself.
-
- Hebrew proverb
- ~
- There is no man so good who, were he to
- submit all his thoughts and actions to
- the laws, would not deserve hanging ten
- times in his life.
-
- Mantaigne
- ~
- In each human heart are a tiger, a pig,
- an ass, and a nightingale. Diversity of
- character is due to their unequal
- activity.
-
- Ambrose Bierce
- ~
- Character is much easier kept than
- recovered.
-
- Thomas Paine
- ~
- You never know what is enough until you
- know what is more than enough.
-
- William Blake
- ~
- The bird of paradise alights only upon
- the hand that does not grasp.
-
- John Berry
- ~
- Don't look back. Something may be gaining on you.
-
- Satchel Paige
- ~
- Acquaintance: A degree of friendship
- called slight when its object is poor
- and obscure, and intimate when he is
- rich and famous.
-
- Ambrose Bierce
- ~
- An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- The true test of civilization is not
- the census nor the size of cities nor
- the crops -- no, but the kind of man the
- country turns out.
-
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
- ~
- He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
-
- James Thurber
- ~
- The more advanced the civilization, the less powerful the individual.
-
- Sir Arthur helps
- ~
- Only a fairy tale calls a constant condition happiness.
- ~
- When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
-
- Josh Billings
- ~
- There are in Nature neither rewards nor
- punishments -- there are consequences.
-
- Robbert G. Ingersoll
- ~
- A fanatic is a man that does what he
- thinks the Lord would do if He knew the
- facts of the case.
-
- Finley Peter Dunne
- ~
- Life would be tolerable but for its
- amusements.
-
- G. B. Shaw
- ~
- Conversation should touch everything
- but should concentrate itself on
- nothing.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- Everything is funny as long as it
- happened to somebody else.
-
- Will Rogers
- ~
- Advertisements contain the only truths
- to be relied on in a newspaper.
-
- Thomas Jefferson
- ~
- Thou hast the keys of Paradise, O just,
- subtle, and mighty opium.
-
- Thomas De Quincey
- ~
- Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- Never learn to do anything. If you
- don't learn you'll always find someone
- else to do it for you.
-
- Mark Twain's mother
- ~
- A man who knows he is a fool is not a
- great fool.
-
- Chuang-Tse
- ~
- When a learned man errs he makes a
- learned error.
-
- Arab proverb
- ~
- Zoroaster said, "When in doubt,
- abstain," but this does not always
- apply. At cards, when in doubt take
- the trick.
-
- Josh Billings
- ~
- Sooner murder an infant in his cradle
- than nurse unacted desires.
-
- William Blake
- ~
- Bore: a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
-
- Ambrose Bierce
- ~
- Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
-
- Will Rogers
- ~
- Impiety: Your irreverence toward my deity.
-
- Ambrose Bierce
- ~
- There is the greatest practical benefit
- in making a few failures early in life.
-
- Thomas Huxley
- ~
- It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start.
-
- E. W. Howe
- ~
- The Created world is but a small parenthesis in eternity.
-
- Sir Thomas Browne
- ~
- Facts are stuborn things.
-
- Tobias Smollett
- ~
- Whenever one has anything unpleasent to say one should always be quite candid.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- The thing generally raised on city land is taxes.
-
- Charles Dudley Warner
- ~
- Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.
-
- Alfred E. Smith
- ~
- To a lady who asked whether he believed
- in ghosts: No, ma'am, I've seen too
- many.
-
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
- ~
- It does not matter much what a man
- hates provided he hates something.
-
- Samuel Butler
- ~
- By trying we can easily learn to endure
- adversity. Another mans, I mean.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- With history piling up so fast, almost
- every day is the anniversary of
- something awful.
-
- Joe Brainard
- ~
- It is the greatest of all advantages
- to enjoy no advantage at all.
-
- Henry David Thoreau
- ~
- If a thing is worth doing, it is worth
- doing badly.
-
- G. K. Chesterton
- ~
- Many a man that can't direct you to a
- corner drugstore will get a respectful
- hearing when age has further impaired
- his mind.
-
- Finley Peter Dunne
- ~
- A highbrow is a person educated beyond
- his intelligence.
-
- Brander Matthews
- ~
- We always like those who admire us.
-
- La Rochefoucauld
- ~
- I believe the best definition of man is
- the ungrateful biped.
-
- Feodor Dostoevski
- ~
- There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the
- truth without lying.
-
- Josh Billings
- ~
- On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.
-
- W. C. Fields' epitaph
- ~
- It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
-
- Kin Hubbard
- ~
- Few things are harder to put up with
- than the annoyance of a good example.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- Fish and visitors smell in three days.
-
- Benjamin Franklin
- ~
- Duty is what one expects from others,
- it is not what one does oneself.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- Every custom was once an eccentricity;
- every idea was once an absurdity.
-
- Holbrook Jackson
- ~
- I dislike arguments of any kind. They
- are always vulgar, and often convincing.
-
- Oscar Wilde
- ~
- The highest condition of art is artlessness.
-
- Henry David Thoreau
- ~
- Departures should be sudden.
-
- Disraeli
- ~
- The law, in it's majestic equality,
- forbids the rich as well as the poor
- to sleep under bridges, to beg in the
- streets, and to steal bread.
-
- Anatole France
- ~
- It is my certain conviction that no man
- loses his freedom except through his own
- weakness.
-
- Ghandi
- ~
- Historian: An unsuccessful novelist.
-
- H. L. Mencken
- ~
- Hope is generally a wrong guide, though
- it is very good company by the way.
-
- Lord Halifax
- ~
- When you say that you agree to a thing
- in principle you mean that you have not
- the slightest intention of carrying it
- out in practice.
-
- Bismark
- ~
- Never chew your pills.
-
- C. H. Spurgeon
- ~
- Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- There are more dusty Bibles than dusty books of pornography.
-
- Russian proverb
- ~
- Thy friend has a friend, and thy
- friend's friend has a friend; be
- discreet.
-
- Talmud
- ~
- A man should live forever, or die trying.
-
- Spider Robinson
- ~
- Books are always the better for not
- being read. Look at our classics.
-
- George B. Shaw
- ~
- The happiest time in any man's life
- is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a
- dollar with a reasonable prospect of
- overtaking it.
-
- Josh Billings
- ~
- In language clarity is everything.
-
- Confucius
- ~
- A friend who cannot at a pinch remember
- a thing or two that never happened is
- as bad as one who does not know how to
- forget.
-
- Samuel Butler
- ~
- "Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."
-
- Dorothy (from The Wizard of Oz)
- ~
- Micro rule of escapism: When in doubt, power down.
-
- Anonymous
- ~
- Franklin's law: Blessed is he who
- expects nothing, for he shall not be
- disappointed.
-
- Gene Franklin
- ~
- Froud's law: A transistor protected by
- a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse
- by blowing first.
- ~
- Geanangel's law: If you want to make an
- enemy, do someone a favor.
- ~
- Gilb's First Law of Unreliability:
-
- Computers are unreliable, but humans
- are even more unreliable.
- ~
- Corollary to Gilb's First Law of Unreliability:
-
- At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find
- at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
- ~
- Gilb's Second Law of Unreliability:
-
- Any system which depends on human
- reliability is unreliable.
- ~
- Gilb's Fourth Law of Unreliability:
-
- A system tends to grow in terms of
- complexity rather than of
- simplification, until the resulting
- unreliability is intolerable.
- ~
- Gilb's Fifth Law of Unreliability:
-
- Self checking systems have a complexity in proportion to the inherent
- unreliability of the system in which they are used.
- ~
- Gilb's Sixth Law of Unreliability:
-
- The error-detection and correction
- capabilites of any system will serve
- as the key to understanding the type
- of errors which they cannot handle.
- ~
- Gilb's Seventh Law of Unreliability:
-
- Undetectable errors are infinite in
- variety, in contrast to detectable
- errors, which by definition are limited.
- ~
- Gilb's Eigth Law of Unreliability:
-
- All programs contain errors until
- proved otherwise -- which is impossible.
- ~
- Gilb's Ninth Law of Unreliablity:
-
- Investment in reliablity will increase
- until it exceeds the probable cost of
- errors, or until somebody insists on
- getting some useful work done.
- ~
- Hartley's law:
-
- You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
- on his back you've got something.
- ~
- Herblock's law: If it's good they'll stop making it.
- ~
- Hoare's law of Large Programs:
-
- Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
- ~
- The Law of Inertia: Given enough time, what you put off doing today will
- eventually get done by itself.
- ~
- Jones's law:
-
- The man who can smile when things go wrong as thought of someone he can
- blame it on.
- ~
- Kaplan's law of The Instrument:
-
- Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters
- needs pounding.
-
- Abraham Kaplan
- ~
- Kerr's three rules for trying new foods:
-
- 1) Never try anything with tomatoes in it.
- 2) Never try anything bigger than your head.
- 3) Never, NEVER try anything that looks like vomit.
-
- Then as he says, he broke all three rules by discovering pizza.
- ~
- There's a sucker born every minute.
-
- P. T. Barnum
- ~
- Reports of my death have been greatly exagerated.
-
- Mark Twain
- ~
- Never have I lied in my own interest; but often I have lied through shame in
- order to draw myself from indifferent matters.
-
- Jean-Jacques Rousseau
- ~
- The urge to destroy is a creative urge.
-
- Mikhail Bakunin
- ~
- Logic is a club kept in the corner for use on the occasional non-initiate
- happening by with hard questions.
-
- W. Light
- ~
- Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
-
- Albert Einstien
- ~
- When something defies description, let it.
-
- Arnold H. Glasow
- ~
- In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
-
- Tony Pettito
- ~
- Hors d'oeuvres: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
-
- Jack Benny
- ~
- Learning is like rowing upstream: Not to advance is to drop back.
-
- Chinese proverb
- ~
- If there is no coffee in Heaven then I'm going to Hell; where I can roast the
- beans and boil the water myself.
-
- David Bryant
-
- ~
- If at first you don't suceed, try again. Then quit -- there is no use in
- making a damm fool out of yourself.