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- "Adult Children of Alcoholics Inside Al-Anon:
-
- "The Open Fold"
-
- By Al-Anon
-
- Al-Anon is a fellowship of men and women meeting together to overcome
- the effects of living with, or having lived with, an alcoholic. Its
- steadfast program provides a safe harbor for families and friends of
- alcoholics ravaged by the turbulent effects of the disease of alcoholism.
- This consistency stems from Al-Anon's Twelve Traditions, a framework by
- which the fellowship maintains its unity. The success of the Al-Anon
- program lies equally in following a program set forth in the Twelve Steps of
- Recovery. Its non-professional status encourages members to avoid
- therapeutic techniques, best left to the professional community, and
- provides a secure place where members are accepted and can recover at their
- own pace. Taking its program from Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon has become
- a primary community resource for relatives and friends of alcoholics.
-
- The Al-Anon Family Groups were formed in 1951 by the approximately
- 50 groups meeting in the U.S. and Canada. Since then, the Al-Anon
- fellowship has grown to over 24,000 Al-Anon and Alateen groups worldwide.
- It all began with two people who needed to share their experience, strength,
- and hope with one another.
-
- "Alcoholism is a family disease. The well-being of anyone living
- with an alcoholic is affected emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Al-
- Anon Family Groups offer help to anyone who is, or has been, affected by the
- problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. Membership in Al-Anon is
- made up of wives and husbands, mothers and fathers, daughters and sons,
- lovers and friends of alcoholics. Al-Anon is for people -- people who have
- a problem they want to solve by sharing their experience, strength and hope
- with other people; the more varied the membership, the broader the
- opportunity to share recovery. Whatever our relationship to the alcoholic,
- we find in Al-Anon a place to share, a place to care, and a place to grow."*
-
- Al-Anon's clearinghouse, the Al-Anon World Service Office (WSO),
- located in New York City, is a reflective, not a directive organization. It
- is a central point for all of its groups, and services the needs of its
- members. "In recent years, there has been a sizeable increase in the number
- of adult children of alcoholics who are seeking Al-Anon's help to recover
- from the effects of a parent's alcoholism. Many have made the transition
- from Alateen to Al-Anon. Some still live at home. Many no longer live with
- an alcoholic parent, but find their adult lives unmanageable because of the
- heavy emotional involvement they continue to have with the family. Others
- have only just been made aware through current experiences that the scars of
- alcoholism have left them with lingering pain, a pain that continues to
- affect their relationships, their self-esteem and their sense of family
- life.
-
- "In Al-Anon, adult children of alcoholics have shared similar
- feelings of anger, guilt, and denial. Having grown up in alcoholic
- households, they believed it was easier not to talk, trust or feel, and they
- learned ways of coping that later proved inappropriate. This caused many to
- feel confused, a false sense of self, and often a great sense of despair.
- They felt victimized by alcoholic and non-alcoholic alike. Some 'grew up'
- feeling abandoned and alone. Many tried only to please others rather than
- take self-action, while their brothers and sisters sought to forget their
- past through heavy work loads. Still others felt they hadn't grown up at
- all, that they had only maintained their childhood attitudes.
-
- "In Al-Anon, children of alcoholics find the tools that enable
- them to put the past to rest, to forgive and go on to meaningful adult
- lives. Al-Anon helps resolve feelings of anger, guilt and denial. Through
- working the Al-Anon program, children of alcoholics begin to change
- attitudes and behaviors that no longer work into rewarding and productive
- ways of living. The new understanding they find through sharing their
- experiences and hope with others improve their current relationships. Every
- area of their lives is affected by the desire to better themselves."*
-
- At first glance, it seems as if adult children of alcoholics are a
- new phenomenon within the fellowship; a closer look reveals that adult
- children were there from the very beginning. They didn't call themselves
- "adult children" then, but nevertheless they were there.
-
- Growth in the registration of adult children Al-Anon Family Groups
- at Al-Anon's WSO has rapidly increased. With this growth, confusion has
- arisen concerning Al-Anon's policy on registering these groups. Like other
- groups with a category of membership in its title (parents, men, women,
- etc.), the Al-Anon WSO registers them with the attitude and recognition that
- if these groups are forming in such large numbers, they must be filling a
- specific need.
-
- Al-Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics groups are started and set up
- in the same manner as any Al-Anon group, by two or more individuals who
- desire to share their experience, strength, and hope with one another. There
- are many groups springing up for Children of Alcoholics. Some of them are
- Al-Anon, some are not. Al-Anon Groups usually use the name Al-Anon
- somewhere in the title, and are required to abide by the Twelve Traditions
- which include: keeping their doors open to anyone whose life is or has been
- deeply affected by alcoholism in a relative or friend; maintaining self-
- support, and non-affiliation with other organizations.
-
- With the recent upsurge of adult children's groups within the Al-
- Anon fellowship, the majority of the members may be newcomers. It is for
- this reason that all are encouraged to attend other Al-Anon groups. It is
- there that they may learn from experienced members to stop blaming others
- and place the focus upon themselves.
-
- With the increased numbers of adult children joining the Al-Anon
- Family, and almost 600 groups now registered, or seeking registration, many
- questions arise. The only meaningful question that remains, however, is
- "How can we help the scores of adult children joining Al-Anon?" The answer
- lies in assuring that the same approach to recovery that has served Al-Anon
- members for over three decades, and made Al-Anon so successful as a self-
- help fellowship, remains intact. By continuing to be a safe place where
- members can share anonymously, and through the process of identification
- begin to accept themselves and others, the Al-Anon group becomes a calm
- space in stormy seas.
-
- "The statement for adult children approved by the 1984 Al-Anon
- World Service Conference, Al-Anon's largest expression of group conscience,
- expresses how the unity of our fellowship can benefit all."*
-
- * Reprinted from "Al-Anon Sharings from Adult Children" with the
- permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.
-
- -----------------------------
-
- Statement on Adult Children of Alcoholics Groups
-
- Approved: 1984 World Service Conference of Al-Anon Family Groups
-
- Our membership offers a wide variety of experience, most of it
- indicating that the disease of alcoholism isolated each of us in one way or
- another. In the recovery process, we come to realize that joining together
- in a spirit of unity ensures that Al-Anon will be preserved and passed on to
- others. As we see the results of our commitment to the Al-Anon program, our
- common bond is enriched, and we realize that our progress toward recovery is
- more important than how we came into Al-Anon, or whose alcoholism may have
- affected us. It is therefore our hope that adult children will also attend
- other Al-Anon meetings where the background of its members is more widely
- varied. Regardless of our backgrounds, members have found that we feel the
- acceptance of the group, barriers fall and the doors of communication open.
- In that spirit, Al-Anon welcomes the broadest participation of adult
- children in our Fellowship, believing that the sharing of all our members is
- vital if we are to complete the Al-Anon circle of hope that extends around
- the world.
-
- Reprinted from "Focus on Family and Chemical Dependency", vol. 8, no. 1
- (Jan/Feb 1985)
-