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- Mean Mr. Mustard
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- Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
- Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
- Sleeps in a hole in the road
- Saving up to buy some clothes
- Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
- Such a mean old man
- Such a mean old man
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- His sister Pam works in a shop
- She never stops, she's a go-getter
- Takes him out to look at the queen
- Only place that he's ever been
- Always shouts out something obscene
- Such a dirty old man
- Dirty old man