Funny bytes

1. Did you know that the average PC user can't spell the word skilful?
2. DOS: No keyboard detected: press F1 to enter setup program.
3. To stop Windows 95, click on Start.
4. Steve Jobs, founder of NeXT Computer Inc., once maintained a diet consisting principally of certain varieties of nuts, in the belief that, by doing so, he would not need to wash.

   
   The average PC user can't spell 'skilful'...

5. Extracts from The Clan Newsletter, entitled 'A7000+':
   1. Code-named Galileo, the new operating system will be a versatile and robust solution designed to implemented on a wide range of products...
   2. Galileo is designed to add to the numbert of devices which include Acorn technology and so will not replace RISC OS in the short to medium term.
   3. RISC OS proven itself to be a very capable operating system...
   4. Some people have asked why reinvent the wheel as there are several excellent opetating systems out there.
   5. With the Clan newletter undergone a face-lift we would like to know what you think.
   

   The Acorn Clan Newsletter

6. There is an add-on available for id's Quake which converts it into a racing game.
7. Extract from PC GAMER:

   DirectX Warning
   Some of the playable demos on this month's CD require the installation of DirectX drivers onto your Windows 95 system. These drivers have been designed by Microsoft to increase the speed of games and multimedia applications running under the Windows 95 environment by allowing direct access to the relevant hardware devices inside your PC. However, early versions of DirectX were not compatible with certain graphics cards and caused the default driver for Windows to be overwritten and, in some case, severe corruption to the display itself, only allowing access to the poor 16 colour screen mode.

   Please note: In very severe cases of a DirectX conflict, these suggestions may not solve the problem and, regrettably, the only solution may be a complete reinstallation of the Windows 95 operating system. Please bear this in mind before attempting to install a DirectX game or the DirectX drivers.

   The Cidervillage's comment:

   Where do you want to go today?^TM

8. Pentium Jokes

   • Acronym for the Pentium:

     Practically
     Everyone
     Now
     Thinks
     It's
     Useless for
     Maths

   • Pentium Commercials
     • Modelled on the existing Pentium commercial where the viewer flies through the floppy disk slot, this time, there is a line of text at the bottom saying "Rendered on a Pentium", and the viewer simply crashes into the floppy disk slot.
     • As you zoom by the Pentium processor, instead of "1"s and "0"s coming out of it, we see "0.99966", "sort of 1", "close enough", and "23" pouring out...
   • The Pentium doesn't have bugs or produce errors, it's just Precision-Impaired.
   • Q. What's the latest motto for Intel Corp.'s competitors?
     A. "Divide and Conquer".
   • Q. What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums?
     A. Warning label.
   • Q. What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
     A. "Life is like a box of chocolates."
   • Q. Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
     A. Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.
     A. Because when they added 100 to 486, the Pentium came up with 692.5.
   • Q. According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754 and 854 for floating point arithmetic. If you fly in aircraft designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of "IEEE"?
     A. Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!
   • Q. Into what does the element Pentium decay?
     A. Inert silicon with the emission of a press release.
   • Q. What is the difference between a used car salesman and computer salesman?
     A. The used car salesman knows when he is lying.
   • Q. What's the difference between Intel's executives and Richard Nixon?
     A. Even Nixon had ethics once in a while.
   • Pentium slogans:
     • Pentium, the computer your kids can relate to:-
       It can't do fractions either!
     • Pentium: when you need answers fast, and you don't care if they're right!
   • Don't you just hate it when this happens...?

     2 + 2 = 100           (base 2)
           =  11           (base 3)
           =  10           (base 4)
           =   4           (base 5 and higher)
           =   3.9988736   (base unit containing a Pentium)
     

   • Pentium (PEN-tee-um) n. 1. A substance once found in high-performance personal computers. Now considered a contaminant. Symbol Pm.
     Atomic mass: 1.000001
   • PENTIUM UPGRADE INSTRUCTIONS
     1. Remove old CPU from socket.
     2. Insert Pentium.
     3. Replace cover of computer and set it on the floor.
     4. Sit on computer and do maths with abacus.