Hillhouse Investigations
Bigfoot / Sasquatch / Yeti
A powerfully foul odor in the otherwise pristine wilderness; A length of unidentifiable hair caught in the bark of a tree; A huge footprint on the bank of an Oregon river. All are pieces in a one-thousand year old puzzle that still lies uncompleted in the popular imagination. Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Yeti, The Old Man of the Woods, L'Homme d'Fur; is it possible that an evolutionary "missing-link" still wanders the sparse remaining forests of Earth? We at Hillhouse say "Yes... Yes... Oh, God, Yes!"
In 1883, a lumberjack in British Columbia, Canada, captured what he claimed was a baby Sasquatch; an evil-smelling biped covered in coarse hair that screamed throughout the night as he carried it back to his camp in a sack. The other lumberjacks, though, quickly set upon the creature and devoured it on sight. Unfortunately, no instance of capture has been reported since, though a few have claimed to have been captured themselves by hairy, man-like creatures that reportedly "belched a lot and watched television all day." However, a wide range of evidence from plaster casts of footprints, bones and hair-samples has been collected by enthusiasts all over the country. Moreover, people living in remote areas of the Pacific Northwest have reported acts of vandalism by the Sasquatch, namely:
-Large puddles of urine on the decks of swimming pools.
-Teeth marks on bedposts, fence rails, porch swings, children's legs, etc.
-Beer cans in living rooms.
-Names scrawled in wet cement.
-Graffiti on highway overpasses.
All of these are sure signs of the presence of Sasquatch. In the Himalayan regions of the Far East, where the creature is known as Yeti of Abominable Snowmen, look also for obscene ice sculptures and yellow snow.
Although the Sasquatch are large and frightening, we believe they act only in self-defense, using ancient Shao-lin Yeti Kung Fu techniques unknown to modern man. If you feel you are being threatened by Sasquatch, either cower on the ground and beg for mercy or call Hillhouse! Our Certified Psychic Technicians (CPT) are capable of flattening a Sasquatch with a single, well-placed kick, so don't try to be a hero! Call Hillhouse today!