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From: David Laine Gehrich <dgehrich@nfinity.com>
To: "'Arroyo, carlos'" <carlosarroyo@etsc.net>,
"'Brown, Crissy'"
<christin@slip.net>,
"'McDonald, Con'"
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To: "'Gehrich, Scott'" <gehrich.1@osu.edu>,
"'Dickinson, Colleen'"
<jjdicki@ibm.net>,
"'Preston, kate'" <kapreston@max1.au.af.mil>,
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"'Steinmetz, Melanie'" <smelani@bgnet.bgsu.edu>
To: "'Cole, T'" <tcole@msjan.ang.af.mil>,
"'Melody, Vince'"
<vmelody@carbon.helios.nd.edu>
Subject: FW: I.R.S.
Date: Mon, 14 Apr 1997 17:44:12 -0500
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Well, it's that time of the year again, so I figured that this
may be of some help to all of you....
During my short employment tour with the IRS in the mail room, I've found
serveral harmless ways to screw with them and receive no recourse.
Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put a bunch
down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the
envelopes have to take out any staples in the right side.
Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even facing the right way.
Put a few upside down and backwards. That way they have to remove all
your staples, rearrange your paperwork, and restaple it (on the left side).
Line the bottom of your envelope with elmer's glue and let it dry before
you put in your forms, so that the automated opener doesn't open it and the
extractor has to open it by hand.
If you're very unfortunate and have to pay taxes, use a two or three
party check.
On top of paying with a three party check pay one of the dollars you owe in
cash. When an extractor recieves cash, no matter how small an amount, he has
to take it to a special desk and fill out a few nasty forms.
Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received has to be read
and stamped regardless of what it is or what it is written on.
Write your letter on something unshapely and unconventional. Like on the
back of a Kroger sack.
When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if its just a single EZ
form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differntly than regular
business size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they take
priority over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with your
mess.
If you send two checks they'll have to staple your unsightly envelope to
your half destroyed form.
Always put extra paperclips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners or the
like have to be removed and put away.
Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to verified and
then date stamped.
These are just a few of the fun and exciting things you can do with the man.
* These methods are only recommended when you owe money.
