ARM Club 1/ARM_CLUB_CD.iso/contents/sillies/silly8/E/EngDefs

Text File | 1994-02-18 | 13KB | 217 lines

WELCOME TO EVEN MORE ADVICE, GUIDANCE AND GENERAL BRILLIANCE FROM
YOUR RESIDENT EXPERTS ON MOST SUBJECTS YOU CARE TO MENTION.
IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO OUR ATTENTION THAT PACKET USERS ARE SOMEWHAT
LACKING IN A COMMAND OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. FOR THIS REASON WE HAVE
DECIDED TO EDUCATE YOU EVEN FURTHER;

                DEFINITIONS OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ABERCRAVE       Strong desire to scream in a libraries reference
                section.
ABINGER         One who washes up everything except the frying pan,
                cheese grater and the scrambled egg saucepan.
ACLE            The rogue pin which shirt designers hide in the shirt,
                the one that always stabs you in the neck.
AFFCOT          The sort of wind-passing you hope people will talk after.
AFFPUDDLE       The puddle that hides under the loose paving slab, the
                one that always shoots up your leg.
AGGLETHORPE     Argument between two poofs in a boutique.
AHENNY          The way that people stand when examining other peoples
                bookshelves.
AINDERBY-       One who always moans abt the loss of the word `gay' in
QUERNOW         the English language, but never used it anyhow.
AITH            The single bristle that sticks out sideways on a cheap
                paintbrush
AIRD OF SLEAT   Ancient Scottish curse placed on a stretch of land now
                occupied by Heathrow Airport.
ALBURQUERQUE    A shapeless squiggle which is utterly unlike your own
                signature, but one that you'll produce when asked to
                identify yourself.
ALDCLUNE        One who collects 10 year old phone directories.
ALLTAMI         The ancient art of balancing the hot and cold taps
                during a shower.
AMERSHAM        The sneeze that tickles but never comes.
AMBLESIDE       A talk given to son by father whilst walking in the park.
AMLWYCH         A British Rail sandwich which has been kept soft by
                regular washing a resealing in cling film.
ARDCRONEY       A remote acquaintance passed off as a `very good friend'
                in order to impress someone.
ARDCALPSIE      Excuse made by a remote Welsh hairdresser for completely
                massacring your hair.
ARDSLIGNISH     The behavioural patterns of a roll of sellotape.
BABWORTH        Justification for a good cry.
BALLYCUMBER     One of the six half read books lying somewhere in bed.
BALUMBER        A tight, fitted elasticated sheet which, when fitted
                turns your mattress banana shaped.
BANFF           The facial expression you always get but never want when
                posing for passport photographs.
BARSTIBLEY      A humorous device such as a china boy, which jocular
                hosts use to urinate into your scotch with.
BAUGHURST       A large, fierce, ugly woman who owns a small, fierce dog.
BEAULIEU HILL   The optimum point from which to view the people opposite
                undressing from.
BECCLES         The small bone buttons placed in bacon sandwiches by
                unemployed guerilla dentists.
BELPER          The knob of someone elses chewing gum which you find your
                hand on underneath the desk.
BENBURB         The sort of man who becomes a tax collector.
BEREPPER        A sturdy flatulence that you pass in Royalty. Sounds
                quite like a small motorbike passing (but not enough to
                be confused with one.)
BILBSTER        A large, juicy, hideous pimple that you cover with a
                sticking plaster and pretend you did it shaving.
BOLSOVER        A brown plastic tray placed upside down in your box of
                chocolates to give you the impression there are two
                layers.
BONKLE          The plumbing in old Hotels, only operational at 5.00am.
BOSCASTLE       The huge pyramid of tin cans placed at the shop door.
BOSEMAN         One who is paid to spend all day at zebra crossings
                looking as if he's about to cross.
BOTCHERBY       The principal by which British roads are signposted.
BRECON          The part of the toe nail which is designed to snag on
                nylon sheets.
BROSYBUN        The last remaining bun in the bakers shop after 4.00pm.
BUDE            A polite joke reserved for the presence of vicars.
BURES           Scabs on the knees caused by making whoopee on the
                cheap Habitat matting.
BURLESTON       The tuneless humming or whistling adopted by people who
                are angry or wound up.
BURLINJOBB      Something monkeys throw at you in the zoo.
BURLESDON       The buzzing fly that you are too tired to get up and
                squat, but not too tired to sleep through.
CAMER          A miss tossed caber.
CLUN           A gone-to-sleep leg that you have to haul around after
               yourself.
CLUNE          People who just wont go.
CHENIES        The Christmas drawing pins that you notice in the ceiling in
               August.
CHICAGO        Foul smelling wind that always precedes a tube train.
CLACKAVOID     Technical BBC term for a page of Blake Seven script.
CLOVIS         One who looks forward to putting up office Christmas
               decorations.
CONDOVER       One who is employed to look through newsagents magazine racks.
COTTERSTOCK    A piece of wood used once to stir paint, then is kept in the
               garage for an eternity.
CROMARTY       The stuff that clings like grim death around tomato sauce
               bottles in cafes.
DEAL           The gummy substance found between damp toes.
DES MOINES     Those two little lines that come down from the nose.
DEWLISH        Prune-like after a long bath.
DIDLING        The art of trying to work out who dunnit.
DILLYTOP       A special type of bath plug that sits on the hole instead of
               in the hole.
DIPPLE         The art of passing something sticky from one hand to another.
DOBWALLS       The hard boiled bits that you scrape off plates after they've
               been through the dish washer.
DOGDYKE        Dog owners behaviour, whilst dog is on the lead 'performing'.
DOLGELLAU      The group of men standing outside the boutique changing rooms
               waiting for their wives.
DUDDO          The most deformed spud in any group of spuds.
DULUTH         The smell of a taxi after the drunk has just left.
DUNGENESS      That sinking feeling you get when you realise the plastic
               handles of the supermarket bag are getting longer and longer.
DUNTISH        Mentally incapacitated by a severe hangover.
ELY            The first inkling you get when you realise that something,
               somewhere has gone terribly wrong.
EPPING         Those futile movements of eyebrows and forefingers whilst
               trying to attract the waiters attention.
ERIBOLL        The brown bubble of cheese containing gaseous matter that is
               known to grow on Welsh Rarebit.
EVERCREECH     That polite look given by an angry queue of people to a queue
               jumper.
FARNHAM        The feeling you get around 4.00pm when you realise you haven't
               got enough done.
FEAKLE         Facial expressions similar to those old gentlemen make to
               young girls in the play ground.
FIUNARY        The safe place you put something only to realise that you've
               forgotten where it was.
FOINDLE        The art of queue jumping by gently meandering along the line.
FRATING GREEN  That shade of green that is designed to make you feel
               comfortable in hospitals, industrious in schools and uneasy in
               police stations.
FRING          The noise made by a newly broken light bulb.
FROLLESWORTH   The expression on your face whilst staring at an art gallery
               painting, trying to give everyone the impression you are not a
               complete moron.
FULKING        The art of pretending to be out when carol singers come round.
GALLIPOLI      The behaviour of the bottom lip whilst trying to spit
               mouthwash at the dentist.
GLEMANUILT     The kind of guilt you'd forgotten about until opening the
               drawer and finding an old letter.
GLENWHILLY     The small tartan pouch worn under the kilt during thistle
               harvesting.
GLINSK         A hat which politicians buy to go to Russia in.
GLUT LODGE     A place food hides after tooth extraction.
GOADBY MARWOOD Someone who stops John Cleese in the middle of town and
               demands he does a silly walk.
GWEEK          A coat hanger recycled to be a car aerial.
HADZOR     A sharp instrument strategically placed in the washing up bowl.
HAGNAY     Someone who looked a darned sight more attractive in the disco
           than in your bed the following morning.
HATHERSAGE Those tiny bits of beard which coat the inside of the sink after a
           shave.
HENSTRIDGE The dried on yellow substance found between forks in a restaurant.
HEVER      The panic caused by only half hearing the tannoy at the airport.
HODDLESDON The injured footballers limp back into the game which draws
           applause but doesn't fool anyone.
HOFF       To deny indignantly something which is palpably true.
HOYLAKE    The pool of edible gravy which surrounds an inedible lump of meat.
HULL       The smell of a weekend cottage.
HUNA       The result of coming to a wrong decision.
HUMBER     To move like the cheeks of a very fat person when their car goes
           over a cattle grid.
HUTTOFT    The fibrous algae which grows in the dark, moist environment of
           the trouser turn up.
INKLE      The sound of liquid hitting an empty potty.
IPPLING    The art of removing tomato pips from beneath dentures, with the
           tip of the tongue, without being noticed.
JAWCRAIG   A massive facial spasm brought on by being told an astounding
           piece of news.
KALAMI     Ancient art of re-folding maps correctly.
KEELE      Vile smell brought on by washing ashtrays.
KETTERING  Marks left on the bottom after sunbathing on a wicker chair.
KIRBY      Small but repulsive piece of food prominently attached to a beard,
           nose or chin.
KIRBY-
MISPERTON  One who tries to remove a KIRBY only to find that it is a wart.
KNAPTOFT   The fluff placed in pockets by dry cleaners.
LINDISFARNE The smell of an empty biscuit tin.
LONGNIDDRY  The droplet that insists on running out of your nose in company.
LOWESTOFT   Navel fluff.
LUBCROY     The lump in your bathing trunks that tells you that you have half
            an hour with a safety pin to find the drawstring.
LUSBY       The piece of compressed flesh that pushes over the top of a bra.
MAENTWROG   Computer spelling mistake.
MARLOW      Mothers bottom drawer.
MINCHINHAMPTON Expression on a mans face after doing up the zip too quickly.
NYBSTER     Person going only one floor in a lift.
OCKLE       Switch which appears to be on in both positions.
OZARK       One who offers help after all the work is done.
PAPPLE      What babies do to soup with their spoon.
PEORIA      Fear of peeling too few potatoes.
PLEELEY     Drunken persons attempt to be endearing.
PLOSTURE    Something solid that was thought to be gaseous.
PODE HOLE   Hole drilled and strategically placed in a chipboard loo wall.
POGES       Lumps found in powdered packet soup.
RENDULLS    Songs, usually heard in public houses (vamping).
RUNDERSLEY  Useful swear word, one that granny doesn't know.
SATTERWAITE The art of spraying the person you are talking to with soggy
            breadcrumbs.
SCROPER     One who scratches a particular anotomical area.
SCOPWICK    The flap of skin torn off your lip when smoking roll-ups.
SCORRIER    A small hunting dog trained to sniff round those private places
            of yours.
SCREGGAN    People who put the wrong year on cheques all through January.
SKIBBERING  Distractins someones attention whilst picking up lost money.
SKRONKEY    Something that flies through the air as a result of a violent
            sneeze.
SHRIVENHAM  A well worn, cast out lover.
SKENFRITH   Flakes of athletes foot found inside socks.
SPOPFORTH   The art of cleaning before the char lady arrives.

                    MORE SENT BY POPULAR REQUEST ONLY.......
      BROUGHT TO YOU COURTESY OF JUSTIN EIDLEBURGER AND SPINEY
      MIKE AND MIKE HUMOUR INDUSTRIES * BEWARE OF IMPOSTERS! *
                     ALIAS G1ERT AND G8AMG @ GB7AAA
*** EOF