Carousel Volume 2 #1/carousel.iso/mactosh/hc/fortunec.sit/Q&A

Text File | 1987-09-04 | 4KB | 97 lines

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Q: Why don╒t sharks eat lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
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Q: How was Thomas J. Watson buried?
A: Face down, 9-edge in.
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Q:  Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A:  Because it was on the other side.
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Q: What╒s the difference between a rooster and a lawyer ?
A: A rooster clucks defiance, a lawyer .............
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Q: What╒s purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape!
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Q:  How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?
A:  Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.

Q:  How long does it take?
A:  It╒s indeterminate.  It will depend upon how many flats they╒ve
     brought with them.

Q:  What happens if you╒ve got TWO flats?
A:  They replace your generator.
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Q:  How many IBM CPU╒s does it take to execute a job?
A:  Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
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Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It╒s a hardware problem.
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Q:  How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six.  One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate
    to the experience.

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five.  One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the
    Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.
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Q:  How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number
     GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System
     Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only ╥This page
     intentionally left blank╙, and 20% of the definitions are of the
     form ╥A ...... consists of sequences of non-blank characters
     separated by blanks╙.
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Q:  How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:  Two.  One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb
     itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
     reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward
     a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to
    get it done.
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Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two.  (Hint:  They are small enough to fit inside).
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Q: How many yuppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Silly, yuppies don't screw in a lightbulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None: the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Q: How many supply-side economists does it take
    to screw in a light bulb?
A: None.  If the government would just leave it alone,
    it would screw itself in.
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Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three:

     One to write the light bulb removal program;

     One to write the light bulb insertion program;

    One to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else
    tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with
    brightly colored machine tools.
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Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three.  One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to
    dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.
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Q:  How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  How many can you afford?
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